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very shortly. This is absolute-co. Here is a boot-maker, last week, has ming in from Axbridge, I met the married a ward in Chancery! some place a full mile west of where I left ex-tailor's only joy, with fifty thou. it-a mile on the road between Ty- sand pounds-has been in prison burn turnpike and Bayswater.
consented to make settlements". Works that, but yesterday, were and now backs boxers-drives tandem the business of years to think of, are --and is a “ character" "upon town." projected now, and completed, almost Another fellow, that I used to buy between to-day and to-morrow. Here canes of in Oxford Street, across a is a bridge built that has cost half a counter-I saw at the Opera, dressed million ! Paying about as much, I un- like a Pandour ! he is a blackleg forderstand, as may keep it in repair. sooth, and will be hanged, I dare And yet nobody seems to suffer ; and say—to the emulation of every other another, a wilder speculation than the stick-boy about St James's ! first, at the east end of the town, is Make allowance for the fact, that undertaking.
we all, at some time, come to say as Luxury makes laudable progress much; and, even then,-things did not too-not among the people of rank go thus in my day. There has been perhaps it could not well get much an advance in the imposture, as well farther than it has got with them as in the importance, of the country: and present circumstances seem likely an accession to its impudence as well rather to abate it but the second as to its strength ; an increase of busiclass in the metropolis, the de facto ness scarcely more at the Bank than traders, are pressing harder than ever at the Old Bailey, effected within the upon the rich, and driving them fast last twenty years. The people are into projects of exclusion and barrie fonder of show than they used to be; cide. Clerks now keep actresses; less jealous, a great deal, of the work linen-drapers speak Italian ; and house; and a spirit of thinking-acttailors keep hunting-horses, and go to ing—only with reference to the prethe French play. This it is that pulls sent, runs more than it did through down the coffee-houses, into which all all the arrangements of the commumay walk, and sets up the clubs, into nity. which even he who would eat a twen We build—to a degree perfectly luty-shilling supper cannot enter. And, dicrous-only for the hour-neighfor the lower ranks, as regards exter bourhoods rise up like fairy cities, nal appearance, literally, now, you and fall down, within the time that can't even guess at the condition of they formerly took in being set about. any female in London by her dress,– Your new houses are showy; the there is not a woman-servant in this fancy of the day calls them tasteful; house where I am living, who does and there is not much chance of their not go abroad, on her holiday, in vel- standing long enough to allow them vet and feathers; and in such attire to go out of fashion. You get everyaltogether as the wife of a man of mo where a whitewashed front-platederate income, very often, could hard glass windows-folding doors, and ly hope to compass.
gilded cornices aspiral staircase, that So, indeed, for the gentleman; in you risk your life every time you go style and dress, no man ever looks up-and a drawing-room, that stands like what he is ; until at last, venture in your lease, with a clause, that you to seem anything but a chimney- shan't attempt to dance in it—but, sweeper, and in a strange neighboure for a single circumstance of convehood) you run good chance to be set nience or accommodation-a closet, down for an impostor. As for “ Cap a recess a foot deep-there is not tains," the island is peopled with them. such a thing from the top of the I can find no dignitaries (except now building to the bottom ! Your and then a “ Major") else. "Public house--that is the object--must exhibitors are getting into importance stand upon no ground; your garden too; I saw a person that keeps a show- -stabling-offices--there is not a box somewhere in the Strand, so ex stall in which a horse can turn round treme the other day, in boots and are all cut, and carved, and economustachoes, that I learned his quali- mical to an inch ; your bed-chambers ty, by asking (in admiration) to what will be low and inconvenient ; your corps of Hungarians he belonged ! cellars full of water, (for they have
found out that it is very sad nonsense take advantage of our wants or of our indeed, now, the laying a “ founda vices ; minister, with a large capital, tion”); and your back windows—at a to our very meanest necessities; but, rent that is perfectly facetious to talk some way or other, see you get coun. about-will look upon a churchyard, try-houses, and carriages--be a sheriff a court filled with old-clothesmen, or or a baronet, or don't dare to show a disreputable alley.
your face. Then away all start, one The same quality of spirit-care- against the other; everybody promulless of the future-anxious only to be gates the devil's right (prescriptive) to great (or seem so) in the present-in the hindmost; the marvel to any creaan increased degree actuates the tra- ture, who has lived where men are der. A botcher, without common stock contented with a little, is how so of thread and needles-six yards of much is made, and out of such seemsky-blue drugget only in his shop, and ingly small game, and by so many! sixteen starving children squalling in And it is a curious picture of the his “ back parlour"-will still be Gros condition and habits of the countryMarchand;-take a house in the a record which, kept five hundred “Quadrant," or the " Arcade ;" write years ago, would be more valuable
Army Clothier” for a now than all the histories together month, and go into the Gazette, as that we have in print—the common Special Tailor to the King's Mon newspaper
which comes into the world key And such places as these every morning at six o'clock, and lies « Quadrant” houses are! So very upon our breakfast-table—and always foppishly gay and pretending in their full too, that's the strangest problem, exterior ; within dark, narrow, mean, regularly by nine. The whole world, and thrust (behind) upon every com take away alone America, possesses fortless, and vile propinquity. Chan nothing like an approach to the same ging tenants one half of them, (not to document. A foreigner finds it diffispeak of those who run away,) regu cult to comprehend the daily amount larly four times a-year. Empty three of the actual domestic occurrencemonths in every twelve ; but produ the rapes, murders, forgeries, cing a most disproportionable price du all other interesting intelligence," ring the other nine ; for the failure which the metropolis affords—as I of eleven speculators nowadays-Cou saw a Sunday placard specifying the rage, mes amis !-- never deters him
contents of a paper the other day. who should make up the dozen.-- But the real curiosity is in the page of Then all these people deal in the advertisements--the master-key which vice of “ Furnished Lodgings” too ; this furnishes to the state of Engmaking themselves, where
they should land—of Europe-almost of the world. (if vain and impudent) be free and The uncountable variety of callings independent too-wilfully servants to and speculations that appear-some so every coxcomb who is casting away great; some so apparently contemptithe little subsistence he has, so that ble; and yet all opening mines of his tawdry foppery may but contribute riches to so many! One column anto the maintenance of their own. An nounces the preparation of a hunauctioneer, or attorney in small prac dred ships, all ready to sail intice, who could afford to call a reason- stantly, almost for as many differable dwelling his own, will let a train ent ports in different quarters of the of insolent lacqueys into his house, a globe. The next offers" Steamriotous lad their master, and perhaps packets to Richmond,” “ a limited seraglio ; for no bribe but day morning at nine"-" Refreshthat the creature may put his " name” ments on board,”-and “ Two and upon a door in “ George Street, Ha- sixpence each passenger.” A third nover Square," and give “parties” in sets out with the word “ Accommogilded rooms to brother“ “ beaten dation !”—“ Any sum!" from two things," when the rightful occupant hundred pounds to ten thousand !"
ready to advance for the convenience Unde habeas quærit nemo ! but have of noblemen and gentlemen at a mo(in London) now you must-that's ment's notice.” And at the top of the absolute! No matter that you ask no- fourth, under the same title="ACthing ; that's not sufficient; you must commodation”-you find that “ Ladies not be poor.
Dedicate your whole whose situations require a temporary life to the study of our pleasures ; retirement” may hear' of “ An airy
situation,” and “the strictest secre- ing !"-" Tooth pulled out by Mr sy," by applying at “ No. 34, next Tugwell, without feeling"-" Portadoor to the grocer's, in James Street, ble gas”—“Wild ass” « Poison rats" Gray's Inn Lane. “ Education” _" Re-beavered hats”—. Clergytempts you in every shape ; from man's widow in great distress' “ Yorkshire," at “ Sixteen guineas an “ New crapes and poplins, for sumyear," where there are no extras or mer dress.” There is no spot on earth, vacations," and “Fare by the waggon," I believe, certainly none that ever í only L.1, 12s., to~"Rus in Urbe !!" have visited, where a man can get all
Dr Dolittle's establishment” he wants, and with so little loss of “ Grosvenor Place"--and “ Graduate time or asking for, in London. of Cambridge," at two hundred.” For the very thirst of gain, in fact, And, if you turn to the next page, which makes us merciless and rapaand have only the happiness to be in cious, completely ensures every one's sane, you will see that the “ Tendere getting his “ money's worth,” and in est attention” is paid to “ Valetudina- his own way, too, for his money. If rians,"at“Straight Waistcoat Lodge," you only want a ride that costs a shilbetween Somerstown and the Dusta ling, you have a whole “ stand” of grounds at Battle Bridge ; " Refer- hackney coachmen, threatening each ences of the first respectability” to other's lives which shall sell it to you. persons who have been raving; and If you have ten miles to go into the ** Private families” accommodated with country, the vehicle that carries you “ keepers" upon reasonable terms, for half-a-crown, is, in truth, drawn
by the day, week, month, or year. and driven in a style ten times beyond
And all these fierce competitors for the state of an Italian marquis. Would preference, in their thousand and one you dine ?-from fifteen pence, to two peculiar occupations and capacities- guineas-in any quarter-in five mithe projector upon India government, nutes you have it on the table. If you and the improver upon India soy want a coat, the fashion changes five the companies in Bridge Street, who times before you can determine which think of nothing but assuring life, and of the five hundred professors, who the undertakers in Fleet Market, who ".unite elegance with economy" for thrive only upon its extinction-the “prompt payment," best deserves your draper, who founds himself entirely attention. If you have a complaint, upon
« Ten thousand pair of warm a thousand remedies--every one inWitney blankets,” and the perfumer, fallible are published in all the shop whose hope on this side the grave is windows-nay, on men's backs about only to ensure “ Universal ease and the streets-for your particular salvacomfort in shaving”—the patent pen- tion. And, after they have killed you, maker, and the patent pin-maker-the which every one of them can do ten mangle-maker, and the spangle-maker times over, so it is a matter of perfect --the dealers in spring-guns, and in indifference which you pitch upon, pop-guns-perigord pies, and artificial there is a fight between the Woodeneyes--sell you a mango, dance you a coffin Company and the Iron, in which fandango-large Twelfth cakes, no material you shall be buried. body but Farrance makes-Paris stays Then come the modes in which -raise the high-ways. These millions these speculators conduct their purare but the few who court popularity, suits, and which are little less miraat a peculiar expense, and through culous, if there could be any wonder in one particular medium !
what one sees every day, than their They are not the same as, but over variety, or their numbers. One man and above, the decorators of the dead makes himself a landed proprietor walls of the town, posts, obelisks, by curing corns; a second “purchaempty houses, and scaffoldings; who ses perpetually," because he grinds a address themselves to the more busy thousand children annually into cotcrowd who have not time to read ton stockings; a third only repeats a newspapers, and who can only pursue lie-the same lie-a given number of their researches, in pursuing their times, and arises a lord mayor. Falsedaily perambulations.-—"Matrimonial hood, persisted in long enough-even joys"_" Suits for little boys”- those who know it is false cannot help “Teach the deaf and dumb”—“Great dealing as if they believed it. They reductions in brandy and rum” know it is a lie, but receive it as a “ Man taken up on suspicion of steals metaphor, a figurc, expressing not that
which it outwardly purports to ex
the animal.” This seemed conclusive press, but something else: as, for a for two days; but, on the third, the familiar instance, the cries of fishwo- opponent was again in the field, with men,
“ Live cod”-“ Fresh salmon," a placard, “ founded on the opinion &c. are understood to imply those of nine doctors of physic,” that bear's commodities, not “ live,” or “ fresh," grease « obtained from the animal in but six weeks old. Thus, “ Gervais a tamned, or domestic state,” would not Chardin-Parfumeur à la cloche d' “ make anybody's hair grow at all." argent-Rue St Martin, a Paris”. In consequence of which he “ has that single individual has supplied formed an establishment in Russia, half England with French pomatum (where all the best bears come from,) for the last forty years--the cover ne for catching them wild, cutting the ver once changed—which all England fat off immediately, and potting it all the while knows to have been ma down for London consumption.” And nufactured in Tooley-street. Ten to the rogue actually ruins his antagoone, nevertheless, if there are not ma nist, without going to the expense of ny who would leave off buying that a bear’s-skin, by writing all over his pomatum, if it were offered for sale as house, “ LICENSED BY THE IMPERIAL English, and with the real maker's GOVERNMENT"-" HERE, AND AT name upon it.
ARCHANGEL.” Two other rogues, in the city, have “ This is the state of man"-at least been making a laughable experiment with us or something very like it; enough upon the force of truth, or but yet I doubt, whether such a scheme puff, between them; and, I believe, of toil and trouble is the best mode of the matter is to end in an application getting through life, after all. The to the Court of Chancery ; but, for million born under such a system the time, the impostor has carried the have no time to live; they labour for day. One of these people, who are twenty-three hours in acquiring a cerboth hair-dressers, and live opposite tain quantity of wealth, which they to each other, near the Exchange, is- dissipate in some folly-which peror was lately-thriving, by selling the haps, at last, they care as little as it fat of bears as a kind of cosmetic. deserves for-in the twenty-fourth. The other (his neighbour), knowing As, to be safe, we must be great, I that it was just as good to sell any admire the country-am proud of it; other material in pots, with “ Bear's but it is too populous—too much a Grease” for a label, as genuine bear's town throughout---there is too much grease, immediately started with the free speaking, and far too little free
pots,” filled with an inexpen- footing in it, for my indolent, vagasive unguent, in opposition. The true bond disposition to be pleased with. dealer, who keeps forty live bears in From the Land's End to John o' his cellar, and has himself taken up Groats, every inch of ground that a once a-week before the sitting alder man walks upon, in England, must man, as a nuisance, by way of adver- belong to himself-or to somebody tisement, killed a bear upon this, else. If you shoot, the poacher has hung him up whole in full sight in ten times more true enjoyment of the his shop, and wrote in the window, chase than the lord can have ; for “ A fresh bear killed this day!” The what can you kill but that which is impostor, who had but one bear in all your own already, or that which your the world, which he privately led out neighbour has reared, and paid for as of his house, after dark, every night, fully as he does his turkeys? It is a and brought him back (to seem like poor apology for field sport, to breed a new supply going in) in the morn- pheasants, fed, and almost marked ing, continued his sale, writing in his like cattle, at a cost of five guineas window, “Our fresh bear will be kill- a-piece; and then get a party, on an ed to-morrow.' The original vender appointed day, to sit in arm-chairs then--determined to cut off his rival's and slaughter them, a hundred upon last shift-kept his actual bears, de an acre! There is no true hunting funct, with theskins only halfoff, hang now in England, but the hunting of ing up always at his door, proclaimed three per cents, and of men. all bear's grease sold in “pots” a “vile There is no spot where you may imposture;" and desired his customers go and wander-(I can understand, if to“ walk in,” and see theirs," with not defend, thc Conqueror's making a their own eyes, cut and weighed from forest in Hampshire !)-wander for
days, and almost weeks, upon ground little to my poor half-tumble-down which is, practically, common to all; Quinta at Condeixa ; with the deliwhich there are not people enough in cious weather, (except therainy season, the country to infest, and which no
certainly)--and the solitude-and my person thinks it worth his while to
fine gardens—and the glorious woods enforce a title to. Which way will and mountains which surrounded me you turn to get out of the haunts, -and, still more, the absence from out of the troublesome presence of observation !--that there was none to civilization and of men; to fancy your look at-none to comment on-or inself, if
had a whim to do so, for terfere with me. I could get on horseone hour, really lord of the creation ; back with my gun, and my single serand not find some
- hardwareman, vant, throw my reins on my horse's from Sheffield, with a steel-trap, or a neck, as freely as though I had been spring-gun, and a board beginning, a real knight-errant, roving in the de* TAKE NOTICE!” and ending with, sert; and it mattered not which way “THE UTMOST RIGOUR OF THE LAW” I went, for there was room enough to -(all the boards stuck up in the island ride without harming any man's proseem to have been written by the same perty; and, if I rambled to a village painter)--your rival, or more than a dozen miles off, where a priest and your rival, in empire ?
a barber probably were the only traWhere will you show your head in ding characters, and neither of these any corner of the kingdom, however perhaps, had ever stirred, the one be.. remote, without finding some one lye yond his native hills, the other beyond ing in wait, open-mouthed, to devour his native province—if I came only you? I happened two days ago, upon where there was a farm-house, I wais business, into the White Horse Inn, sure of a welcome-if where there was in Friday-street, Cheapside; and, even an apothecary, he was a man of science, there, I found a swindler of fashion, and a traveller, especially a foreigner, able appearance, regularly ensconced,
was an important personage to him and living in the house living in the I had a chat-the news of the country atmosphere of Friday-street-should-a supper and a mattress if I would not thrift after this be blessing?-ready and a promise to visit me, cheerfully, to catch clothiers, and other innocents, with all his family-half a dozen woas they arrived by the “ heavy coach” men, riding (as women should ride) in town.
upon asses-in return. And then, at And the lawful dealing is not much home, there was my garden, my stalle, better !-the danger of being made a and, if I made a vile noise with the prey of-tickled, unsuspectingly, by guitar sometimes, no one took the some woman,they have a fine fin- trouble to laugh at me. And there ger at such doings is one of the
was a game at chess, and a walk, and little cares that haunt me now. It a discussion upon faith, or miracles, is not the value of what is taken or witchcraft, on the crops of the seaout of one's pocket, but the rage at son, or the ravages of the war, with being patted on the back while the the Padre. I was a happier man, and pocket is picked. I am taking mea a far more important one, with my sures to have it understood here that I limited income at Condeixa, (though am poor, rather than otherwise ; that I did now and then long for some the Edwards' estate was much dip change,) than I shall ever be again. I ped; that my father's debts are at least quitted my six years' residence with double what, in fact, they are ; and I regret, and, I think, regretted, for I wish-everybody knows you are rich, had the power of doing good very and so you can't be worse off-I wish easily, and I did no great mischief, you would put it about that
have at least never any wantonly. If I were won a large sum from me at play. going back to-morrow, I would go only
I shall keep a small establishment in just as I was; no desire to return tritown—that I am fixed on. The house umphant-splendour and insult, and that I have taken in Park-lane is a all that detestable feeling, with which nutshell. One chariot-and that shall I am going to favour a few of my old serve for travelling, and all; nothing acquaintances in this quarter of the expensive but my horses — and, of world very shortly! those, not one running one, believe me. But this is
your privaAnd, after all, I am not quite sure cy” is but the darling nurse of false that I don't sometimes look back a self-estimate and affectation neither,