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be impracticable for you to have an duct any farce to which his abilities interview with him.” Pleased with were competent. On sending for this unexpected information, the Am- Geordy, for that was the butcher's bassador exclaimed: “ If it had been name, they communicated to him the six hundred leagues, I would go to see tale; and instructing him in the part him; and I am determined to set out he was to act, he readily undertook to in the course of three or four days.” become Professor of Signs; especially
The King, who now perceived that as he was not to speak one word in the he had committed himself, endeavour- | Ambassador's presence, on any preed to divert him from his purpose ; but tence whatever. finding this impossible, he immediately Having made these arrangements, it caused letters to be written to the col- was formally announced to the Ambaslege, stating the case as it really stood, sador, that the Professor would be in and desiring the Professors to get rid town in the course of a few days, of the Ambassador in the best manner when he might expect a silent interthey were able, without exposing their view. Pleased with this information, Sovereign. Disconcerted at this strange the learned foreigner thought that he and unexpected message, the Professors would put his abilities at once to the scarcely knew how to proceed. They, test, by introducing into his dumb lanhowever, at length thought to put off guage, some subject that should be at their august visitant, by saying that once difficult, interesting, and importhe Professor of Signs was not at home, tant. and that his return would be very un- When the day of interview arrived, certain. Having thus fabricated the Geordy was cleaned up, decorated story, they made preparations to re- with a learned wig, and covered over ceive the illustrious stranger; who, with a singular gown, in every respect keeping his word, in due time reached becoming his station. He was then their abode.
seated in a chair of state, in one of On his arrival, being introduced with their large rooms, while the Ambassabecoming solemnity, he began to in- dor, and the trembling Professors, quire, who among them had the honour waited in an adjoining apartment. It of being Professor of Signs ?
was at length announced, that the told, in reply, that neither of them had learned Professor of Signs was ready that exalted honour; but that the to receive His Excellency, who, on learned gentleman, after whom he in- entering the room, was struck with quired, was gone into the Highlands; astonishment at his venerable and digthat they conceived his stay would be nified appearance. As none of the considerable ; but that no one among Professors would presume to enter, to them could even conjecture the period witness the interview, under a preof his return. “I will wait his coming, tence of delicacy, (but, in reality, for replied the Ambassador, “ if it be fear that their presence might have twelve months.”
some effect upon the risible muscles Finding him thus determined, and of Geordy's countenance,) they waited, fearing, from the journey he had al- with inconceivable anxiety, the result ready undertaken, that he might be of this strange adventure, upon which as good as his word, the learned Pro- depended their own credit, that of the fessors had recourse to another stra- King, and in some degree the honour of tagem. To this they found them- the nation. selves driven, by the apprehension As this was an interview of signs, the that they must entertain him so long Ambassador began with Geordy, by as he chose to tarry; and in case he holding up one of his fingers; Geordy should unfortunately weary out their replied, by holding up two. The patience, the whole affair must ter- Ambassador then held up three; minate in a discovery of the fraud. Geordy answered by clenching his
They knew a butcher, who had been fist, and looking sternly. The Ambasin the habit of supplying the colleges sador then took an orange from his occasionally with meat. This man, pocket, and held it up; Geordy rethey thought, with a little instruction, turned the compliment, by taking from might serve their purpose. He was, his pocket a piece of a barley cake, however, blind on one eye; but he had which he exhibited in a similar manmuch drollery and impudence about ner. The Ambassador, satisfied with him, and very well knew how to con- | the vast attainments of the learned
Professor, then bowed before him with say, you have only one eye. I then profound reverence, and retired. held up two, to let him know that my
On rejoining the agitated Professors, one eye was as good as both of his. they fearfully began to inquire what He then held up three, as much as to His Excellency thought of their learned say, we have only three eyes between brother. “He is a perfect miracle," us. This was so provoking, that I replied the Ambassador; “his worth bent my fist at the scoundrel; and, is not to be purchased by the wealth had it not been for your sakes, I should of half the Indies.” “May we pre- certainly have risen from the chair, sume to descend to particulars?" re- pulled off my wig and gown, and turned the Professors, who now began taught him how to insult a man, beto think themselves somewhat out of cause he has had the misfortune to danger. “ Gentlemen,” said the Am- lose an eye. The impudence of the bassador, when I first entered into fellow, however, did not stop here ; for his presence, I held up one finger, to he then pulled out an orange from his denote that there is one God. He pocket, and held it up; as much as to then held up two, signifying that the say, Your poor beggarly country canFather should not be divided from the not produce this. I then pulled out a Son. I then held up three; intimating piece of good cake, and held it up, that I believed in Father, Son, and giving him to understand, that I did Holy Ghost. He then clenched his not care a farthing for his trash. Neifist, and, looking sternly at me, signified ther do I; and I only regret that I did that these Three are One; and that he not thrash the scoundrel's hide, that would defy me, either to separate he might remember how he insulted them, or to make additions. I then me and abused my country.”-We took out an orange from my pocket, may learn from hence, that if there are and held it up; to shew the goodness not two ways of telling a story, there of God, and to signify that he gives to are two ways of understanding signs, his creatures not only the necessaries, and also of interpreting them. but even the luxuries, of life. Then, to my utter astonishment, this wonderful man took from his pocket a piece of bread; thus assuring me, that this was It has sometimes been said, that men the staff of life, and was to be preferred and women are frequently coupled to all the luxuries in the world. Be- together in wedlock, like rabbits when ing thus satisfied with his proficiency they are sold ; namely, that a fat and and great attainments in this science, a lean one go together, by which I silently withdrew, to reflect upon what means both pass on tolerably well I had witnessed.”
through the market of human life. Diverted with the success of their Some years since, a learned Doctor, stratagem, the Professors continued to who was considered as
a pillar in entertain their visitor until he thought Westminster school, was united to a prudent to withdraw. No sooner had he lady, who had been brought up in a retired, than the opportunity was seized, different warren, on which the sun of to learn from Geordy, in what manner science had but sparingly darted its he had proceeded to give the Ambas- beams. A friend dining with them sador such wonderful satisfaction ; one day, was asked by the lady, they being at a loss to conceive how if he would take some Parmacity he could have caught his ideas with cheese. Parmacity !” exclaimed so much promptitude, and have re- the Doctor; you mean Parmasan, plied to them with proportionable rea- my dear.” His dear, however, was diness. But, that one story might not not disposed to take the hint, and borrow any features from the other, a violent contest ensued. After matthey concealed from Geordy all they ters had reached an unpleasant height, had learned from the Ambassador; it was mutually agreed that the affair and desiring him to begin with his re- should be submitted to the judgment lation, he proceeded in the following of the visitor, who found himself in a
situation, for which his dinner made When the rascal came into the but a sorry recompense. The question room, after gazing at me a little, what itself included very little difficulty ; but do you think, gentlemen, that he did ? | the decision involved consequences, He held up one finger, as much as to which were not likely to be pleasing
OBSERVATIONS ON PAUPERISM.
to all parties. Arduous, however, as In the opinion of your committee, the task may appear, of settling a and in the opinion, we believe, of the serious dispute between man and wife, greater number of the best writers, of their mutual friend undertook it, and the wisest economists, and of the most happily succeeded in the following experienced philanthopists, which the
It seems to me that you interesting subject of Pauperism has are both right. If the cheese was recently called into action; the bamade simply in Parma, then generally lance of good and evil is unfavourable speaking I should say it was Par- to the existence of societies for gramasan; but if it was made in the city tuitous relief :—that efforts of this naof Parma, I see no reason why it ture, with whatever zeal they may be should not be called Parma-city.” conducted, never can effect the reThis fortunate expedient cleared the moval of poverty, nor lessen its general matrimonial horizon: the gathering amount; but that indigence and helptempest subsided; and after a little lessness will multiply nearly in the time the sun began to shine.
ratio of those measures which are ostensibly taken to prevent them.
Such are the consequences of every avowal, on the part of the public, of a
determination to support the indigent [Concluded from Col. 46.]
by the administration of alms. And in 9th. The numerous Charitable Institu- no cases are measures of this kind tions of the City.--The committee by more prolific in evil, than where they no means intend to cast an indiscrimi- are accompanied by the display of nate censure upon these institutions, large funds for the purposes of charity; nor to implicate the motives, nor even
or where the poor are conscious of the to deny the usefulness, in a certain existence of such funds, raised by taxdegree, of any one of them. They ation, and of course, as they will allege, have unquestionably had their founda- drawn chiefly from the coffers of the tion in motives of true philanthropy; rich. they have contributed to cultivate the How far these evils are remediable, feelings of Christian charity, and to without an entire dereliction of the keep alive its salutary influence upon great Christian duty of charity, is a the minds of our fellow-citizens; and problem of difficult solution. The they have doubtless relieved thousands principle of taxation is so interwoven from the pressure of the most pinch- with our habits and customs, it would, ing want, from cold, from hunger, and perhaps, in the present state of things, probably, in many cases, from un- be impossible to dispense with it. But timely death.
while our poor continue to be thus But, in relation to these societies, a supported, to prevent the misapplicaquestion of no ordinary moment pre- tion and abuse of the public charity, sents itself to the considerate and real demands the utmost vigilance, the philanthropist. Is not the partial and wisest precaution, and the most elatemporary good which they accom- borate system of inspection and overplis how acute soever the miseries sight. they relieve, and whatever number To what extent abuses upon our prethey may rescue from sufferings or sent system of alms are practised, and death, more than counterbalanced by how far the evils which accompany it the evils that flow from the expecta- | are susceptible of remedy, we should tions they necessarily excite ? by the not at present feel warranted in atrelaxation of industry, which such a tempting to state. The pauperism of display of benevolence tends to pro- the city is under the management of duce ? by that reliance upon charitable five Commissioners, who, we doubt aid, in case of unfavourable times, not, are well qualified to fulfil the trust which must unavoidably tend to dimi- reposed in them, and altogether disnish, in the minds of the labouring posed to discharge it with fidelity. classes, that wholesome anxiety to But we cannot withhold the opinion, provide for the wants of a distant day, that without a far more extended, which alone can save them from a minute, and energetic scheme of mastate of absolute dependence, and nagement, than it is possible for any from becoming a burden to the com- five men to keep in constant operamunity?
tion, abuses will be practised, and to a
Observations on Pauperism.
great extent, upon the public bounty ; become established upon a basis as taxes must be increased, and vice and firm as a law of legislative enactsuffering perpetuated.
ment. And in matters of private Lastly. — Your Committee would practice, reformation which positive mention war, during its prevalence, statute could never accomplish, social as one of the most abundant sources and moral influence may thoroughly of poverty and vice, which the list of effect. human corruptions comprehends. But The present tranquil state of the as this evil lies out of the immediate public mind, and the almost total abreach of local regulation, and as we sence of political jealousy, indicate a are now happily blest with a peace period peculiarly favourable to interwhich we hope will be durable, it is nal improvement and reformation. deemed unnecessary further to no- We therefore proceed to point out tice it.
the means which we consider best calSuch are the causes which are con- culated to meliorate the condition of sidered as the more prominent and the poorer classes, and to strike at the operative in producing that amount of root of those evils which go to the inindigence and suffering, which awakens crease of poverty and its attendant the charity of this city, and which has miseries. occasioned the erection of buildings We hold it to be a plain fundamental for eleemosynary purposes, at an ex- truth, that one of the most powerful pense of half a million of dollars, and incitements to an honest and honourwhich calls for the annual distribution able course of conduct, is a regard to of 90,000 dollars more. But if the reputation, or a desire of securing the payment of this sum were the only in-approbation of our friends and assoconvenience to be endured, trifling in- ciates. To encourage this sentiment deed, in comparison, would be the among the poor, to inspire them with evils which claim our attention. Of the feelings of self-respect and a rethe mass of affliction and wretched- gard to character, will be to introduce ness actually sustained, how small a | the very elements of reform. In the portion is thus relieved! Of the quan- constitution which we shall offer for tity of misery and vice which the the government of this society, the causes we have enumerated, with means will be provided for effecting, others we have not named, bring upon or endeavouring to effect, the following the city, how trifling the portion actually regulations, as soon as the society removed by public or private benevo- shall become sufficiently large and lence ! Nor do we conceive it possible weighty to proceed therein. But we to remove this load of distress, by all wish expressly to state, that in whatthe alms-doings of which the city is ever measures the society shall engage, capable, while the causes remain in it will be proper, in our opinion, that full and active operation.
the managers endeavour to obtain the Effectually to relieve the poor, is sanction of the corporation of the city, therefore a task far more comprehen- and, in every case which requires it, sive in its nature than simply to clothe the authority and co-operation of that the naked and to feed the hungry. It body. is, to erect barriers against the en- 1št. To divide the city into very croachments of moral degeneracy, -it small districts, and to appoint, from is, to heal the diseases of the mind,-it the members of the society, two or is, to furnish that aliment to the intel- three visitors for each district, whose lectual system which will tend to pre- duty it shall be to become acquainted serve it in healthful operation.
with the inhabitants of the district, to But can a task of this nature come visit frequently the families of those within the reach of any public or any who are in indigent circumstances, to social regulation ? We answer, that advise them with respect to their busito a certain, and to a very valuable ness, the education of their children, extent, we believe it can. When any the economy of their houses, to admeasure for the promotion of public minister encouragement or admonigood, or the prevention of public evil, tion, as they may find occasion ; and founded upon equitable principles, is in general, by, preserving an open, supported by a sufficient weight of candid, and friendly intercourse with social authority, it may gradually pass them, to gain their confidence, and, by into full and complete operation, and a suitable and well-timed counsel, to
excite them to such a course of con expedient, in furnishing employment duct as will best promote their physical to those who cannot procure it, either and moral welfare. The visitors to by the establishment of houses of inkeep an accurate register of the names dustry, or by supplying materials for of all those who reside within their domestic labour. respective districts, to notice every Although this mode of relieving the change of residence, whether of single necessitous, may appear to be enor of married persons, and to annex tirely exempt from the evils arising such observations to the names of those from gratuitous aid, it will undoubtwho claim their particular attention, as edly require a judicious course of mawill enable them to give every needful nagement, lest it produce a relaxation information with respect to their cha- of concern on the part of the poor to racter, reputation, habits, &c.
depend on their own foresight and It may fairly be presumed, that if industry, and the same consequent this scheme of inspection can be car- increase of helplessness and poverty. ried into full effect; if visitors can be Yet it must be expected, that numefound who will undertake the charge, rous cases will occur, in which employfrom the pure motive of philanthropy; ment will furnish by far the most eligiand if, on the principles of active con- ble kind of relief. Among the female cert, a reference be always had to the poor, these cases will be most numebooks of the visitors, before charitable rous. Women have fewer resources relief is extended to any individual by than men; they are less able to seek for any of the institutions already esta- employment; they are more exposed to blished, and due notice taken of the a sudden reverse of circumstances. Of information they afford, a change will the wants and sufferings of this class, soon be perceived in the aspect of the their own sex are the best judges. poor. Finding that they have real Hence, we are of opinion, that the friends, that their conduct is an object Society for the Promotion of Indusof solicitude, that their characters will try” deserves the thanks of the combe the subject of remark; a sense of de- munity; and that the disinterested and cency, and a spirit of independence, well-directed efforts of that society, will be gradually awakened, the effects ought to receive an adequate and exof which must eventually be perceived tended support. in the diminution of the poor-rates of
6th. To advise and promote the
opening of places of worship in the 2d. To encourage and assist the la- outer wards of the city, especially in bouring classes to make the most of situations where licentiousness is the their earnings, by promoting the esta- most prevalent. This subject is conblishment of a Savings Bank, or of sidered as one of vital importance. Benefit Societies, Life Insurances, &c. If, as we believe, nine-tenths of the The good effects of such associations wretchedness which the city exhibits, have been abundantly proved in Eu- proceeds directly or indirectly from the rope and in America ; Boston, Phila- want of correct moral principle; and delphia, and Baltimore, have each a if religion is the basis of morality, Savings Bank.
then it will be admitted, that to extend 3d. To prevent, by all legal means, the benefits of religious instruction, the access of paupers who are not en- will be to strike at the root of that titled to a residence in the city. The corrupt tree, which sheds dreariness plan of inspection before described, and penury from all its branches. will furnish the means of entirely pre- That there is a lamentable deficiency venting those disgraceful encroach- of religious observance, is extremely ments upon the charity of the city obvious. It is questionable, whether which it is believed have been prac- one man or woman in fifty, of the intised to no inconsiderable extent. digent, enters a place of worship three
4th. To unite with the corporate au- | times in a year. The means are not thorities in the entire inhibition of provided for them, and they are unstreet begging. There can be no rea- able to provide for themselves. ow, sonable excuse whatever for this prac- it has been remarked, that in the imtice, more especially if the course of mediate vicinity of a church, it is rare inspection, now recommended, be kept to find a house devoted to lewdness or in operation.
depravity. One half of the sum an5th. To aid, if it shall be deemed nually expended in the maintenance of