Chap. 12 overwhelmed with a Sense of its Sins. 111 My Case is quite singular. Surely there never was ❝ so great a Sinner as I I have received so many Mer "cies, have enjoyed so many Advantages, I have heard ❝ so many Invitations of Gospel Grace; and yet my Heart has been so hard, and my Nature is so exceed❝ing sinful, and the Number and aggravating Circumstances of my Provocation's have been such, that I dare "not hope. It is enough, that God hath supported me thus long; it is enough, that after so many Years of "Wickedness, I am yet out of Hell. Every Day's Re"prieve is a Mercy; at which I am astonished. I lie "down and wonder that Death and Damnation have "not seized me in my Walks the Day past. I arise, and wonder; that my Bed hath not been my Grave; won"der; that my Soul is not separated from Flesh, and surrounded with Devils and damned Spirits. §. 3: I have indeed heard the Message of Salvation; but alas, it seems no Message of Salvation to me. There are happy Souls that have Hope; and their "Hope is indeed in Christ, and the Grace of Gon ma"nifested in Him. But then they feel in their Hearts "an Encouragement to apply to Him, whereas I dare "not do it. Christ and Grace are Things, in which, I "fear, I have no Part, and must expect none. There are exceeding rich and precious Promises in the Word "of God; but they are to me as a sealed Book, and (4 are hid from me as to any personal Use: I know, "Christ is able to save I know He is willing to save some. But that He should be willing to save me, such "a polluted, such a provoking Creature, as God knows, and as Conscience knows, I have been, and to this Day am; this I know not how to believe: And the "utmost that I can do towards believing it, is to ac"knowledge that it is not absolutely impossible, and "that I do not yet lie down in complete Despair; "though alas, I seem upon the very Borders of it; and "expect every Day and Hour to fall into it." §. 4. I should not perhaps have entered so fully into this Case, if I had not seen many in it; and I will add, Reader, for your Encouragement, if it be your Case, several who now are in the Number of the most established, cheerful, and useful Christians. And I 12 hope, 1-12 However bad the Case of such may be, Chap. 12. hope, Divine Grace will add you to the Rest, if out of these Depths, you be enabled to cry unto GOD (b); and though, like Jonah, you may seem to be cast out from His Presence, yet still, with Jonah, you look towards His holy Temple (c). §. 5. Let it not be imagined, that it is from any Neglect of that Blessed SPIRIT, whose Office it is to be the great Comforter, that I now attempt to reason you out of this disconsolate Frame; for it is as the great Source of Reason, that He deals with rational Creatures; and it is in the Use of rational Means and Considerations, that He may most justly be expected to operate. Give me Leave, therefore, to address myself calmly to you, and to ask you, What Reason you have for all these passionate Complaints and Accusations against yourself? What Reason have you to suggest, that your Case is singular, when so many have told you, they that felt the same? What Reason have you to conclude so hardly against yourself, when the Gospel speaks in such favourable Terms? Or what Reason to imagine, that the gra cious Things it says are not intended for you? You know indeed more of the Corruptions of your own Heart, than you know of the Hearts of others; and you make a Thousand charitable Excuses for their visible Failings and Infirmities, which you make not for your own. And it may be, some of those, whom you admire as eminent Saints when compared with you, are on their Part humbling themselves in the Dust, as unworthy to be numbered amongst the least of God's People, and wishing themselves like you, in whom they think they see much more Good, and much less of Evil, than in themselves. §. 6. But to suppose the worst, What if you were really the vilest Sinner that ever lived upon the Face of the Earth? What if your Iniquities had gone up unto the Heavens every Day, and your Transgressions had reached unto the Clouds (d); reached thither with such horrid Aggravations, that Earth and Heaven should have had Reason to detest you, as a Monster of Impiety? Admitting all this, Is any Thing too hard for the Lord (e)? Are (b) Psal, cxxx. 1. (c) Jonah ii. 4. any (d) Rev. xviii. 5. Chap. 12. yet Christ encourages to come to Him. 113 any Sins, of which a Sinner can repent, of so deep a Dye, that the Blood of Christ cannot wash them away? Nay, though it would be daring Wickedness and monstrous Folly, for any to Sin that Grace may abound (f), yet had you indeed raised your Account beyond all that Divine Grace has ever yet pardoned, who should limit the Holy One of Israel (g)? or who shall pretend to say, that it was impossible that. Gen might for your very Wretchedness chuse you out from others, to make you a Monument of Mercy, and a Trophy of hitherto unparalleled Grace? The Apostle Paul strongly intimates this to have been the Case, with regard to himself: And why might not you likewise, if indeed, the Chief of Sinners, obtain Mercy, that in you, as the Chief, Jesus Christ might shew forth all Long-Suffering, for a Pattern to them who shall hereafter believe (h) ? §. 7. Gloomy as your Apprehensions are, I would ask you plainly, do you in your Conscience think, that Christ is not able to save you? What, is He not able to save even to the uttermost, them that come unto GOD by Him (i)? Yes, you will say, abundantly able to do it but I dare not imagine that He will do it. And how do you know that He will not? He has helped the very greatest Sinners of all that have yet applied themselves to Him And He has made the Offers of Grace and Sal vation in the most engaging and encouraging Terms. If any Man thirst, let him come unto Me and drink (k): Let him that is athirst, come; and whosoever will, let him take of the Water of Life freely (1): Come unto Me all ye that labour, and are heavy laden, and I will give you Rest (m): And once more, Him that cometh unto Me, I will in no wise cast out (n). True, you will say, None that are given Him by the Father: Could I know I were of that Number, I could then apply cheerfully to Him. But, dear Reader, let me entreat you to look into the Text itself, and see whether that Limitation be ex pressly added there. Do you there read, None of them, whom the Father hath given Me, shall be cast out? The Words are in a much more encouraging Form: And why (f) Rom. vi. 1.. (k) John vii. 37. (1) Rev. xxii. 17. (h) 1 Tim. i. 15, 16. 114 The Soul is urged to apply to Christ. Chap. 12. why should you frustrate His Wisdom and Goodness, by such an Addition of your own? Add not to His Words, lest lle reprove thee (o): Take them as they stand, and drink in the Consolation of them. Our Lord knew into what Perplexity some serious Minds might possibly be thrown by what He had before been saying, All that the Father hath given Me, shall come unto Me; and therefore, as it were on Purpose to balance it, He adds those gracious Words, Him that cometh unto Me, I will in no wise, by no Means, on no Consideration whatsoever, cast out. §. 8. If therefore you are already discouraged and terrified at the Greatness of your Sins, do not add to their Weight and Number that one greater and worse than all the Rest, a Distrust of the Faithfulness and Grace of the blessed Redeemer. Do not, so far as in you lics, oppose all the Purposes of His Love to you. O distressed Soul, whom dost thou dread? To whom dost thou tremble to approach? Is there any Thing so terrible in a crucified Redeemer, in the Lamb that was slain? If thou carriest thy Soul, almost sinking under the Burden of its Guilt, to lay it down at His Feet, what dost thou offer Him, but the Spoil which He bled and died to recover and possess? And did He purchase it so dearly, that He might reject it with Disdain? Go to Him directly, and fall down in His Presence, and plead that Misery of thine, which thou hast now been plead ing in a contrary View, as an Engagement to your own Soul to make the Application, and as an Argument with the compassionate Saviour to receive you. Go, and be assured, that where Sin hath abounded, there Grace shall much more abound (p). Be assured, that if one Sinner cap promise himself a more certain Welcome than another, it is not he that is least guilty and miserable, but he that is most deeply humbled before Gon under a Sense of that Misery and Guilt, and lies the lowest in the Appre bension of it. (9) Prov. xxx. 6. (p) Rom. v. 20. REFLECTIONS Chap. 12. Reflections on these Encouragements. 115 REFLECTIONS on these Encouragements, ending in an humble and earnest Application to Christ for Mercy. My Soul, what sayest thou to these Things? Is there not at least a Possibility of Help from Christ? And is there a Possibility of Help any other "Way? Is any other Name given under Heaven, whereby we can be saved? I know, there is none (q). I must then say, like the Lepers of Israel (r), If I sit here, I perish; and if I make my Application in vain, I can but die. But peradventure, He may save my Soul alive. "I will therefore arise, and go unto Him? or rather, << believing Him here, by His Spiritual Presence, sinful and miserable as I am, I will this Moment fall down Face before Him, and pour out my Soul unto 44 on my "Blessed Jesus, I present myself unto Thee, as a wretched Creature, driven indeed by Necessity, to do "it. For surely were not that Necessity urgent and absolute, I should not dare for very Shame to appear in Thine Holy and Majestic Presence. I am fully "convinced that my Sins and my Follies have been inexcusably great; more than I can express, more than I can conceive. I feel a Source of Sin, in my corrupt and degenerate Nature, which pours out Ini"quity, as a Fountain sends out its Water, and makes me a Burthen and a Terror to myself. Such Aggravations, have attended my Transgressions, that it looks like Presumption, so much as to ask Pardon for them. And yet, would it not be greater Presump tion to say, that they exceed Thy Mercy, and the Ef"ficacy of Thy Blood; to say, that Thou hast Power and Grace enough to pardon and save only Sinners of a lower Order, while such as I lie out of Thy Reach? Preserve me from that blasphemous Imagination! Preserve me from that unreasonable Suspicion! Lord, Thou canst do all Things, neither is there any Thought of mine Heurt with-holden from Thee (s). Thou art indeed, as Thy Word declares, able to save unto the !! utter (1) Acts iv. 12. (r) 2 Kings vii. 4, (s) Job xlii. 2. |