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Swith to the Laigh Kirk, ane an'a',

An' there tak up your stations;
Then aff to B-gb~'s in a raw,
An' pour divine libations

For joy this day.


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Curst Common-sense, that imp o' h-ll,

Cam in wi' Maggie Lauder ;* But 0******* aft made her yell,

An' R***** sair misca'd her;
This day M******** takes the flail,

And he's the boy will blaud her!
He'll clap a shangan on her tail,
An' set the bairns to daub her

Wi' dirt this day.


Mak haste an' turn king David owre,

An' lilt wi' holy clangor;
O'double verse come gie us four,

An' skirl up the Bangor :
This day the kirk kicks up a stoure,

Nae mair the knaves shall wrang her,
For Heresy is in her pow'r,
An' gloriously shall whang her

Wi' pith this day.


Come, let a proper text be read,

An' touch it aff wi' vigour,

• Alluding to a scoffing ballad which was made on the admission of the late Rererend and worthy Mr. L, to the Laigu Kirk.

How graceless Ham* leugh at his Dad,

Which made Canaan a niger; Or Phineast drove the murdering blade,

Wi' wh-re-abhorring rigour; Or Zipporah, the scauldin jade, Was like a bluidy tiger

l'th' inn that day.

There, try his mettle on the creed,

And bind him down wi' caution,
That Stipend is a carnal weed

He takes but for the fashion ;
And gie him o'er the flock, to feed,

And punish each transgression;
Especial, rams that cross the breed,
Gie them sufficient threshin,

Spare them nae day.

Now auld Kilmarnock cock thy tail,

And toss thy horns fu’ canty ;
Nae mair thou’lt rowte out owre the dale,

Because thy pasture's scanty; For lapfu's large o' gospel kail

Shall fill thy crib in plenty, An'runts o'grace the pick and wale, No gi'en by way o’dainty,

But ilka day.

* Genesis, cb. ix. ver. 22. + Numbers, ch. xxv. ver. 8. | Exodus, ch. iv. ver. 25.

Nae mair by Babel's streams we'll weep,

To think upon our Zion ;
And hing our fiddles up to sleep,

Like baby-clouts a-dryin:
Come, screw the pegs wi'tunefu'cheep,

And o’er the thairms be tryin;
Oh, rare ! to see our elbucks wheep,
An'a' like lamb-tails flyin

Fu’fast this day!

Lang Patronage, wi' rod o’airn,

Has shor'd the Kirk's undoin,
As lately F-nw-ck, sair forfairn,

Has proven to its ruin :
Our Patron, honest man ! Glencairn,

He saw mischief was brewin;
And like a godly elect bairn,
He's wal'd us out a true ane,

And sound this day.

Now R******* harangue nae mair,

But steek your gab for ever:
Or try the wicked town of A**,
For there they'll think you clever;

nae reflection on your lear,
Ye may commence a Shayer;
Or to the N-th-rt-n repair,
And turn a Carpet-weaver

Aff-hand this day.


M***** and you were just a match,

We never had sic twa drones :
Auld Hornie did the Laigh Kirk watch,

Just like a winkin baudrons :
And ay' he catch'd the tither wretch,

To fry them in his caudrons :
But now his honour maun detach,
Wi' a' his brimstone squadrons,

Fast, fast this day.



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See, see auld Orthodoxy's faes

She's swingein throʻthe city : Hark, how the nine-tail'd cat she plays!

I vow its unco pretty : There, Learning, with his Greekish face,

Grunts out some Latin ditty ; And Common Sense is



says, To mak to Jamie Beattie

Her plaint this day.


But there's Morality himsel,

Embracing all opinions;
Hear, how he gies the tither yell,

Between his twa companions ;
See, how she peels the skin an' fell,

As ane were peelin onions !
Now there—they're packed aff to hell,
And banish'd our dominions,

Henceforth this day.

O happy day! rejoice! rejoice!

Come bouse about the porter!
Morality's demure decoys

Shai here nae mair find quarter: M**** ****, R*****, are the boys,

That Heresy can torture; They'll gie her on a rape a hoyse, And cow her measure shorter

By th’head some day.

Come, bring the tither mutchkin in,

And here's, for a conclusion,
To every New Light* mother's son,

From this time forth, Confusion :
If mair they deave us with their din,

Or Patronage intrusion,
We'll light a spunk, and, ev'ry skin,
We'll rin them aff in fusion

Like oil, some day.

New Light is a cant phrase, in the West of Scotland, for those religious opinions which Dr. Taylor of Norwich has defended so strenuously.

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