PUNCH. THE liquor called punch has become so truly English, that it is often supposed to be indigenous in this country, though its name at least is Oriental. The Persian punj, or Sanscrit pancha (i.e.) five, is the etymon of its title, and denotes the number of ingredients of which it is composed. Addison's fox-hunter, who testified so much surprise when he found that, of the materials of which this "truly English" beverage was made, only the water belonged to England, would have been more a stonished had his informant also told him, that it derived even its name from the east. A STRANGE STORY. "ONE thing," says Bishop Hall in his travels, "I may not omit, without sinful oversight; a short, but memorable story, which the Greffier of that town, though of a different religion, reported to more ears than ours. When the last inquisition tyrannised in those parts, and helped to spend the fagots of Ardenna, one of the rest, a faithful confessor, being led far to his stake, sung psalms along the way, with a heavenly courage, and in victorious triumph. The cruel officer, envying his last mirth, and vexed to see him merrier than his tormentors, commanded him to keep silence: he sings still, as desirous to improve his last breath to the best. The view of his approaching glory created his joy; his joy breaks out into a cheerful confession. The enraged officer causes his tongue to be drawn out to its full length, and to be cut off near the roots. Bloody wretch! To thee it was music to hear his shrieks, but torment to hear the music of his pious joy. The poor martyr dies in silence, and rests in peace. Not many months after, this butcherly officer had a son born with his tongue hanging down upon his chin, like a deer after a long chase; which never could be gathered up within the bounds of his lips. O, the divine hand, full of justice and retribution!" ABYSSINIAN BARRISTERS. IN courts of law, whether held by the governor of a province or by a subordinate magistrate, the plaintiff and the defendant stand up with their dress tied round their middle, leaving the upper part of the body naked; a custom which is observed even in the severest weather. The tuvverkas, or lawyers, stand on either side of them, pleading in a loud tone of voice their several causes; during which process wagers of mules, cows, sheep, and gold, are continually laid by these orators, that they will prove such and in all cases the forfeit becomes the persuch charges contained in the libel; and quisite of the presiding judge. They also bind themselves in a similar way not to speak until their antagonist shall have finished his address; but, as often happens, the falsehoods related by the one incense the other to such a degree, that, although he holds his mouth with his hand, he forgets himself, and exclaims, "A lie!" He is instantly addressed by the governor's servant, whose office it is to watch for such slips, and is obliged either to give bond for the payment of his bet, or to submit to personal restraint.-Edinburgh Cabinet Library. CURIOUS PARALLEL. THE history of the world, says a writer in the Foreign Quarterly Review, is ever exhibiting the same phenomena: 3,000 years ago, a colony came from a distant commercial country, and obtained permission to establish a factory on the north coast of Africa, and ended by reducing the people of the country to subjection. In modern times the very same thing has been done on the coasts of India. It may be doubted, however, whether the British will equal the Carthaginian dominion in permanence; it is certain that a chief cause of the fall of Carthage was her alienating the affections of her African subjects by excess of taxation, in consequence of the expensive wars in which the ambition and lust of dominion of some of her leading men engaged her. We should take warning: if once our government is felt to be oppressive in India, our dominion there is gone. AN ABSENT MAN. bath-house. 66 On M. de Brancas was very deeply in love with the lady whom he married. his wedding-day he went to take a bath, and was afterwards going to bed at the bed here, Sir ?" said his valet-de-chambre; Why are you going to "do you not mean to go to your wife?" "I had quite forgotten," he replied. He was the Queen-mother's chevalier d'honneur. One day, while she was at church, Brancas forgot that the Queen was kneeling before him, for, as her back was very round, her head could hardly be seen when she hung it down. He took her for a prie-dieu, and knelt down upon her, putting his elbows upon her shoulders. The Queen was, of course, not a little surprised to find her chevalier d'honneur upon her back, and all the by-standers ready to die with laughing. My eccentric companion proceeded in his story, gathering new animation as he recapitulated the battles which he had fought, and the victories which he might have won. "For a long time, sir, after the melancholy catastrophe of my novel, I was completely discouraged. I felt an indifference towards the world. I had soared so high upon the wings of hope that the fall almost broke my heart; but soon the disappointment began to lose its bitterness, and I received a consolation (which, wicked as it was, I could not repress) in discovering that hundreds of unsuccessful authors were exactly in my condition: then I remembered that as great fame, once acquired, would be everlasting, I could not expect to acquire it without immense trouble and assiduous application. Gradually I shook off the hateful fetters of gloomy despair, and, like some deluded slave to a false woman's charms, I allowed cheating hope to lead me captive again. My brain began to effervesce with exuberance of imagination, and gave promise of something more exquisite still. Novel-writing was out of the question: I had manufactured one, and if the public did not like it, they might let it alone; and so they did -the more shame for them. "I felt as proud as Lucifer in 'my defeat, and was resolved never to compliment with another, the world who had used my last so villanously. No, thought I, I'll write a play, and give Shakspeare and Otway a little rest. If I cannot get in the great temple one way, I'll try another; and, with increasing avidity, I went at it again. It was not long before I began to entertain the idea that my mind was peculiarly adapted for dramatic writing. I was not formed to wade through the dull drudgery of novel descriptions-to expatiate upon little rivulets, tinkling among big rocks-and amorous breezes making love to sentimental green trees. In my present avocation, the azure heavens, the frowning mountain, the broad ocean, the shadowy forest, and all that sort of thing,' would fall beneath the painter's care: skies would be manufactured to give light to my heroes, and cities would sprout up, in which they could act their adventures. My play would present a great field for triumph, and young, blushing Merit, and neglected Worth,' must be seen, and consequently admired. Now would the emhearts of the public through their ears, bodied visions of my fancy go to the as well as their eyes, and genius would wing its sparkling way amid the thundering acclamations of thousands of admiring spectators. Now,' said I to myself, I have the eel of glory by the tail, and it shall not escape me, slippery as it is.' "With a perseverance which elicited praise from myself, if from nobody else, I mounted my Pegasus, and jogged along this newly discovered road to immortality. The external and common world melted from my mind when I sat down to my task, and, although it was evanescent as poets' pleasures generally are, few men enjoyed more happiness than I -as the tattered trappings of my poor garret seemed dipped in the enchanting magnificence of my dreams, and I rioted in visions of white paper snow-storms, and dramatic thunder and lightning. I sought every opportunity for stage effect to have trap-doors and dungeons, unexpected assassinations, and resurrections more unexpected still. 66 My undertaking seemed very easy at first, but I soon found myself bewildered amid difficulties seriously alarming. At one time I brought a whole army of soldiers on the stage, and made them fight a prodigious battle, without discovering, till half the poor fellows were slain, that the whole affair had taken place in a lady's chamber ! This was easily remedied, but I experienced infinitely more trouble with the next. I had formed a hero, in whom were concentrated all the virtues, beauties, and accomplishments of human kind : a real Sir William Wallace-gigantic in person and mindwho never opened his lips but to speak blank verse-who did not know that there was such a person as Fear on the face of the globe, and could put a whole army to flight by just offering to draw his sword. It was my design artfully to lead him into the greatest extremes of danger, and then artfully to lead him out again; but, in the paroxysm of my enthusiasm, I at length got him into a scrape, from which no human power could possibly extricate him. "His enemies, determined not to give so terrible a fellow the slightest chance of escape, had confined him in a tremendous dungeon, deep, and walled around on all sides by lofty rocks, and mountains totally impenetrable. To this dreadful abode there was only one little entrance, which was strictly guarded by a band of soldiers, who were ordered never to take their eyes off the door, and always to keep their guns cocked. Now here was a predicament, and I knew not what to do. The whole of the preceding was so beautifully arranged, that to cut it out would be impossible. Yet there he was, poor youth, without the slenderest hope of freedom, cooped up among everlasting mountains, beneath which Atlas himself might have groaned in vain. What was I to do? He must be released. The audience would expect it, as a common civility, that I would not murder him before their eyes. It would have been ungenteel to a degree. At length I hit it, after having conceived almost inconceivable plans, and vainly attempted to manage ponderous ideas, which were too heavy for my use. I proposed to introduce a ghost-a spirit, which would at once please the pit, and be a powerful friend to the imprisoned soldier. "At the dead of the night, when he sat ruminating on the vicissitudes of life, and spouting extemporaneous blank-verse soliloquies (at which I had spent many midnight hours), the genius of the mountain comes down in a thunder cloud, and thus addresses the pensive hero.- You will be pleased to observe the rude and natural dignity of language, which was a great point with me to preserve.— Genius. Hero of earth, thine eyes look red with weeping. Hero(laying his hand upon his sword). Who says he e'er saw Bamaloosa weep? Gen. Nay, hold thy tongue, and shut thy wide-oped jaw: I come to save thee, if thou wilt be saved. Hero. I will not perish, if I help it can; But who will cleave these cursed rocks apart, And give me leave to leave this cursed place, Where lizards crawl athwart my sinking flesh, And bulfrogs jump, and toads do leap about? Gen. I-I can do whate'er I have a mind: I am the genius of this lonesome place, And I do think you might more manners have, Than thus to speak to him that is your host. Hero. If thou art really what thou seem'st to be, Just let me out of this infernal hole. "The alliteration in the last line melts the tender heart of the genius: he waves his hand in the air; his cloudy throne streams thunder and lightning from every side; instantaneously a convulsion ensues; the stage becomes the scene of general conflagration; a number of small imps and little devils, fiery-breathed dragons and red-nosed salamanders, are seen sporting about in the confusion, till the whole explodes, and out walks my man, through a prodigious crack in the mountain, which heals up after him as he goes along. The consternation of the guards may be imagined, but unless I had the MS. here, I could not attempt to describe it. "At length it was written, rehearsed, and advertised, and its name, in great capitals, stared from every brick wall and wooden fence in the city. 6 "Delightful anticipations of immortality began to throng upon my mind, and I could almost hear the various theatre cries of bravo,' encore,' and' author.' With some trouble, I had prepared a very handsome speech, to be spoken when I should be called out, and practised bowing before a looking-glass with great success. Indeed, by the time the evening of representation arrived, I was prepared for every triumph which fate could have in store for me; and I had vowed an unalterable determination not to lose my firmness of mind in the heaviest flood of prosperity that could possibly pour in upon me. "The evening arrived-a fine, cool, moonlight night. The stars twinkled upon me as I hastened to the theatre, as if congratulating me from their lofty stations in the sky; and the most refreshing breezés played around my head, methought, whispering soft nonsense in my ear. I walked with a proud step to the door, entered majestically, and took my seat modestly. "The house was already thronged with ladies and gentlemen, with their various appendages of quizzing-glasses and bamboo canes; and frequent murmurs of impatience buzzed around, by which I felt The end of my extremely flattered. troubles seemed already at hand, and I thought Fame, on her adamantine tablet, had already written William Lackwit, Esquire, Author in general,' in letters too indelible for time itself to erase. Fear faded away in the dazzling brilliancy of that smiling multitude, and my soul floated about in its delicious element of triumphant hope, with a sensation such as arises after a good dose of exhilarating gas. "Alas! 't was but a dream!' I soon perceived that Fortune frowned on my efforts, and had taken the most undis guised method of blasting my hopes. A most diabolical influenza had for some time raged in the city, which on this very evening seemed at its height. A convulsion of coughing kept the whole audience in incessant confusion; and with the most harrowing apprehensions, I listened to noises of every description, from the faint, sneeze-like effusion of some little girl's throat, to the deep-toned and far-sounding bellow of the portly alderman. Besides this, I had the pleasure to observe some of my most devoted enemies scattered, as if intentionally, through the critical pit, scowling in ten-fold blackness upon the scene, and apparently waiting, in composed hatred, an opportunity to give me the goose.' Meditation raged high, as I observed these significant and threatening appearances, and I could scarcely have been in greater trepidation if I had been attacked with hydrophobia itself. "The curtain rose soon, and my first characters appeared; but, fire and fury! I did not recognize them myself! "The play proceeded, and a scene ensued which gentlest moderation might denominate murder, most foul.' My dear sir, you can have no idea of it. They had cut out my most beautiful sentiments. The very identical remarks which I had intended should bring the house down, were gone, and 'left not a trace behind.' One recited a speech which was intended to have been spoken by another, and he spouted one that should not have been spoken at all. My finest specimens of rhetoric failed, from their clumsy manner of delivery, and all my wit missed fire. Oh! if you could have seen them, like a pack of wild bulls in a garden of flowers, breaking rudely over all those delicate bushes of poetry, and trampling down the sweetest roses in the field of literature. The prettily turned expressions, which should have been carefully breathed upon the audience, with a softened voice and pensive eye, were bawled out in an unvaried, monotonous tone of voice, and a face as passionless as a barber's block. The whole play was destroyed. “There was nip, and snip, and cut, and slish, and slash,' till the first act ended, and then was a slight hiss. Cold drops of sweat stood on my trembling flesh;' but I pulled my hat fiercely over my beating brow, and, angry and desperate, prepared for the brooding storm. On my mountain scene I laid my principal dependence; and if that failed me, 'then welcome despair.' At last it came: there was the dungeon, and a man in it, with a wig, which covered the greatest part of his real hair, and a face sublimely cut and slashed over with a piece of coal. Instead of the beautiful countenance which had gleamed upon me in my poetic vision, there was a thin, hump-backed little fellow, with a tremendous pair of red whiskers, and a pug nose! My facsimile of Sir William Wallace with red whiskers and a pug nose!! Sir, it threw me into one of the most violent fevers I ever had. Besides all these, 'his face was dirty, and his hands unwashed;' and he proceeded to give such a bombastic flourish of his arm, and his voice rose to such a high pitch, that he was hailed with loud laughter, and shouts of Make a bow, Johnny-make a bow,' till my head reeled in delirious despair. "But the language and stage effect might redeem the errors of the actor, and I remained in a delightful agony for the result. Lazy time at length brought it upon the stage; but oh, ye gods! what a fall was there! As the thunder-cloud and genius were floating gracefully down, one of the ropes cracked, and the enchanter of the cavern hurt his nose against the floor, notwithstanding a huge pair of gilt pasteboard wings, which spread themselves at his shoulders. He got up, however, and went on till the explosion was to have taken place: then he waved his wand, with an air which was not intended to have been resisted; but, miserabile dictu! the crack would not open, and Bamaloosa trotted off by one of the sidescenes, amidst hoots of derision from every part of the house. "The green curtain fell. A universal hiss, from the many-headed monster of the pit,' rung heavily in my ears. I had seen my poor play murdered and damned in one night, and it was enough to quench all future hopes of literary eminence. I rushed, desperate, from the spot, not choosing to stay for the farce; and, in the confusion of unsuccessful genius, I kicked two little red-headed fellows into the gutter for asking of me a check. "In the anguish of my disappointment, I dreamed a combination of every thing horrible, to tantalize and terrify my poor tired brain; and I arose with a head-ach and a heart-ach, and no very great opinion of any one in the world, but myself. "You have convinced me that generosity has not taken French leave of every bosom, and I shall always look back upon the moments I have spent with you as bright exceptions to those of my past life. And, now," continued he, IN " King John," we find cannon, with half-faced groats and three-farthing pieces, &c. Cards, too, are introduced, and Basilisco, a character of the time of Shakspeare. The Dauphin, too, is gifted with a fore-sight somewhat above his fellows, seeing that he alludes to a volley of shot before gunpowder was invented. O! bravely came we off, When with a volley of our needless shot After such bloody toil we bid good night. Act. V. Scene 5. The Danish history has placed "Hamlet" in fabulous times long before the introduction of Christianity into the north of Europe. There is, therefore, great impropriety in the frequent allusions to Christian customs. Hamlet swears by St. Patrick, and converses with Guilder stern on the Children of the Chapel of St. Paul's. In several places cannon are introduced, and a good deal of the theatrical manners of Shakspeare's own time. We have a Danish seal royal long before seals were used-A University at Wittemburg, Swiss Guards, Serjeants, or Bailiffs,-bells -ducats-crown-pieces-modern-heraldry -rapiers-modern fencing, &c. Among the Dramatis Persona of many of Shakspeare's Plays, we find a curious medley of ancient and modern names. At not. *How the poet comes to make Hamlet swear by St.Patrick (observes Mr. Warburton) I know However, at this time, all the northern world had their learning from Ireland, to which it had retired, and there flourished, under the auspices of this Saint. But it was probably said only at random, for he makes Hamlet a student at Wittemburg. Mention is also made of the clock striking twelve-of Sunday-a halfpenny-Julius Cæsar-Our Saviour's birthParis-Hercules-ducats-Jepthah, Judge of Israel-Month of May-St. Valentine's Day, &c. Ephesus we have Pinch, a schoolmaster; at Mitelene, Boult, a clown; and at Athens, Snug, Snout, Quince, &c. English names are also given to foreigners. Thus at Vienna we have Froth and Elbow; in Navarre, Dull, Costard, and Moth; and in Illyria, Sir Toby Belch, and Sir Andrew Ague-cheek. But these, strictly speaking, are not anachronisms, but perhaps justifiable licenses; for he could not so well have transmitted the humour of such characters as the above to an English audience under the disguise of foreign names, though it must be admitted that more English characters, as well as names are sometimes introduced. Nor is Shakspeare always responsible for such whimsicalities, for they are occasionally to be traced in the materials whereof his Plays were constructed; and others belong to those authors whom he had only assisted in dramas, the whole composition of which has been erroneously ascribed to him. A talent for discriminating human characters, and delineating their traits with perfect accuracy, is one of the rarest gifts of Heaven; and whoever possesses that talent in an eminent degree, will not fail to produce performances that will obtain a high degree of applause, whatever may otherwise be the defects. Shakspeare, who possessed this happy talent in a degree superior to that of any other of the sons of men, has, notwithstanding the innumerable errors and defects that abound in his works, obtained a degree of celebrity that nothing else could ever have given him; and which, notwithstanding the attacks of snarling critics, will continue to increase as long as the language in which he writes shall be understood. The most whimsical of the French Scriptural Damans or Mysteries,* was the exhibition of Noah as a ship-builder preparatory to the Deluge. He is discovered assisted by a large gang of Angels working as his journeymen, whose great solicitude is to keep their wings out of the way of their hatchets, &c. At length, the whole of them strike for wages, until the arrival of a body of gens-d'armes immediately brings them to order, by whom they are threatened to be sent back to Heaven, if they do not behave themselves. * One of these Mysteries has for its subject the election of an Apostle to supply the place of the traitor Judas. A dignity so awful is conferred in the meanest manner possible to conceive. It is done by drawing two straws, of which he who gets the longest becomes the Apostle. Louis Chocquet was a favourite composer of these religious performances. |