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PUNCH.

A STRANGE STORY.

CURIOUS PARALLEL.

and gold, are continually laid by these The liquor called punch has become so

orators, that they will prove such and truly English, that it is often supposed such charges contained in the libel; and to be indigenous in this country, though in all cases the forfeit becomes the perits name at least is Oriental. The Per- quisite of the presiding judge. They sian punj, or Sanscrit pancha (i.e.) five, also bind themselves in a similar way is the etymon of its title, and denotes

not to speak until their antagonist shall the number of ingredients of which it

have finished his address; but, as often is composed. Addison's for-hunter, who happens, the falsehoods related by the testified so much surprise when he found

one incense the other to such a degree, that, of the materials of which this “ truly that, although he holds his mouth with English” beverage was made, only the

his hand, he forgets himself, and exwater belonged to England, would have claims, “ A lie!” He is instantly adbeen more a stonished had his informant dressed by the governor's servant, whose also told him, that it derived even its office it is to watch for such slips, and is name from the east.

obliged either to give bond for the payment of his bet, or to submit to personal

restraint.-Edinburgh Cabinet Library. “ ONE thing,” says Bishop Hall in his travels, " I may not omit, without sinful The history of the world, says a writer oversight; a short, but memorable story, in the Foreign Quarterly Review, is ever which the Greffier of that town, though exhibiting the same phenomena : 3,000 of a different religion, reported to more years ago, a colony came from a distant ears than ours. When the last inquisition commercial country, and obtained pertyrannised in those parts, and helped to mission to establish a factory on the spend the fagots of Ardenna, one of the north coast of Africa, and ended by rerest, a faithful confessor, being led far to ducing the people of the country to subhis stake, sung psalms along the way, jection. In modern times the very same with a heavenly courage, and in vic- thing has been done on the coasts of Intorious triumph. The cruel officer, en- dia. It may be doubted, however, whevying his last mirth, and vexed to see ther the British will equal the Carthahim merrier than his tormentors, com- ginian dominion in permanence; it is manded him to keep silence: he sings certain that a chief cause of the fall of still, as desirous to improve his last breath Carthage was her alienating the affecto the best. The view of his approaching tions of her African subjects by excess glory created his joy ; his joy breaks out of taxation, in consequence of the exinto a cheerful confession. The enraged pensive wars in which the ambition and officer causes his tongue to be drawn out lust of dominion of some of her leading to its full length, and to be cut off near men engaged her. We should take the roots. Bloody wretch! To thee it warning: if once our government is felt was music to hear his shrieks, but tor- to be oppressive in India, our dominion ment to hear the music of his pious joy. there is gone. The poor martyr dies in silence, and rests in peace. Not many months after, M. de Brancas was very deeply in love this butcherly officer had a son born with his tongue hanging down upon his his wedding-day he went to take a bath,

with the lady whom he married. On chin, like a deer after a long chase; and was afterwards going to bed at the which never could be gathered up within

bath-house. the bounds of his lips.

Why are you going to 0, the divine bed here, Sir?” said his valet-de-chambre; hand, full of justice and retribution !”

“ do you not mean to go to your wife?" “I had quite forgotten," he replied.

He was the Queen-mother's chevalier In courts of law, whether held by the d'honneur. One day, while she was at governor of a province or by a subor- church, Brancas forgot that the Queen dinate magistrate, the plaintiff and the was kneeling before him, for, as her defendant stand up with their dress tied back was very round, her head could round their middle, leaving the upper hardly be seen when she hung it down. part of the body naked; a custom which He took her for a prie-dieu, and knelt is observed even in the severest weather. down upon her, putting his elbows upon The tuvverkas, or lawyers, stand on either her shoulders. The Queen was, of course, side of them, pleading in a loud tone of not a little surprised to find her chevavoice their several causes; during which lier d'honneur upon her back, and all the process wagers of mules, cows, sheep, by-standers ready to die with laughing.

AN ABSENT MAN

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ABYSSINIAN BARRISTERS.

CHAPTER III.- THE PLAY.

fears

THE AUTHOR.

beneath the painter's care: skies would (Concluded from page 279.)

be manufactured to give light to my heroes, and cities would sprout up, in which

they could act their adventures. My "Fierce champion, Fortitude, that knows no

play would present a great field for tri

umph, and young, blushing Merit, and Or hisses, blows, or want, or loss of ears; neglected Worth,' must be seen, and conCalm Temperance, whose blessings those par sequently admired. Now would the em

take, Who hunger and who thirst for scribbling's bodied visions of my fancy go to the sake."

hearts of the public through their ears,

as well as their eyes, and genius would My eccentric companion proceeded in his wing its sparkling way amid the thunstory, gathering new animation as he dering acclamations of thousands of adrecapitulated the battles which he had miring spectators. Now,' said I to myfought, and the victories which he might self, I have the eel of glory by the tail, have won.

and it shall not escape me, slippery as For a long time, sir, after the melan- it is.' choly catastrophe of my novel, I was “ With a perseverance which elicited completely discouraged. I felt an in- praise from myself, if from nobody else, difference towards the world. I had I mounted my Pegasus, and jogged along soared so high upon the wings of hope this newly discovered road to immorthat the fall almost broke my heart; but tality. The external and common world soon the disappointment began to lose its melted from my mind when I sat down bitterness, and I received a consolation to my task, and, although it was evanes(which, wicked as it was, I could not cent as poets' pleasures generally are, repress) in discovering that hundreds of few men enjoyed more happiness than I unsuccessful authors were exactly in my

-as the tattered trappings of my poor condition: then I remembered that as garret seemed dipped in the enchanting great fame, once acquired, would be magnificence of my dreams, and I rioted everlasting, I could not expect to acquire in visions of white paper snow-storms, it without immense trouble and assiduous and dramatic thunder and lightning. I application. Gradually I shook off the sought every opportunity for stage effect hateful fetters of gloomy despair, and, to have trap.doors and dungeons, unlike some deluded slave to a false wo- expected assassinations, and resurrections man's charms, I allowed cheating hope more unexpected still. to lead me captive again. My brain be- “My undertaking seemed very easy at gan to effervesce with exuberance of im- first, but I soon found myself bewildered agination, and gave promise of something amid difficulties seriously alarming. At more exquisite still. Novel-writing was one time I brought a whole army of solout of the question: I had manufactured diers on the stage, and made them fight one, and if the public did not like it, a prodigious battle, without discovering, they might let it alone; and so they did till half the poor fellows were slain, that -the more shame for them.

the whole affair had taken place in a “I felt as proud as Lucifer in ʼmy de- lady's chamber! This was easily remefeat, and was resolved never to compli- died, but I experienced infinitely more ment with another, the world who had trouble with the next. I had formed a used last so villanously. No, thought hero, in whom were concentrated all the I, I'll write a play, and give Shakspeare virtues, beauties, and accomplishments and Otway a little rest. If I cannot get of human kind : a real Sir William in the great temple one way, I'll try an- Wallace--gigantic in person and mindother; and, with increasing avidity, I who never opened his lips but to speak went at it again. It was not long before blank verse—who did not know that I began to entertain the idea that my there was such a person as Fear on the mind was peculiarly adapted for dramatic face of the globe, and could put a whole writing I was not formed to wade army to fight by just offering to draw through the dull drudgery of novel de- his sword. It was my design artfully to scriptions—to expatiate upon little rivu- lead him into the greatest extremes of lets, tinkling among big rocks-and amo- danger, and then artfully to lead him out rous breezes making love to sentimental again; but, in the paroxysm of my engreen trees.

In my present avocation, thusiasm, I at length got him into a the azure heavens, the frowning moun- scrape, from which no human power could tain, the broad ocean, the shadowy forest, possibly extricate him. and all that sort of thing,' would fall “ His enemies, determined not to give

my

seen

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so terrible a fellow the slightest chance side; instantaneously a convulsion ensues; of escape, had confined him in a tremen- the stage becomes the scene of general dous dungeon, deep, and walled around conflagration; a number of small imps on all sides by lofty rocks, and moun- and little devils, fiery-breathed dragons tains totally impenetrable. To this and red-nosed salamanders, are dreadful abode there was only one little sporting about in the confusion, till the entrance, which was strictly guarded by whole explodes, and out walks my inan, a band of soldiers, who were ordered through a prodigious crack in the mounnever to take their eyes off the door, and tain, which heals up after him as he goes always to keep their guns cocked. Now along. The consternation of the guards here was a predicament, and I knew not may be imagined, but unless I had the what to do. The whole of the preceding MŠ. here, I could not attempt to dewas so beautifully arranged, that to cut scribe it. it out would be impossible. Yet there “ At length it was written, rehearsed, he was, poor youth, without the slender- and advertised, and its name, in great est hope of freedom, cooped up among capitals, stared from every brick wall and everlasting mountains, beneath which wooden fence in the city. Atlas himself might have groaned in vain. Delightful anticipations of immorWhat was I to do? He must be released. tality began to throng upon my mind, The audience would expect it, as a com- and I could almost hear the various themon civility, that I would not murder atre cries of 'bravo,' encore,' and `auhim before their eyes. It would have thor.' With some trouble, I had prepared been ungenteel to a degree. At length a very handsome speech, to be spoken I hit it, after having conceived almost when I should be called out, and pracinconceivable plans, and vainly attempted tised bowing before a looking-glass with to manage ponderous ideas, which were great success. Indeed, by the time the too heavy for my use. I proposed to in- evening of representation arrived, I was troduce a ghost--a spirit, which would prepared for every triumph which fate at once please the pit, and be a powerful could have in store for me; and I had friend to the imprisoned soldier. vowed an unalterable determination not

“ At the dead of the night, when he to lose my firmness of mind in the heavisat ruminating on the vicissitudes of life, est flood of prosperity that could possibly and spouting extemporaneous blank..verse pour in upon me. soliloquies (at which I had spent many “ The evening arrived—a fine, cool, midnight hours), the genius of the moun- moonlight night. The stars twinkled tain comes down in a thunder cloud, and upon me as I hastened to the theatre, as thus addresses the pensive hero.—You if congratulating me from their lofty stawill be pleased to observe the rude and tions in the sky; and the most refreshing natural dignity of language, which it was breezés played around my head, mea great point with me to preserve.- thought, whispering soft nonsense in my

I walked with a proud step to the Genius. Hero of earth, thine eyes look red with weeping.

door, entered majestically, and took my Heros laying his hand upon his sword). Who seat modestly. says he e'er saw Bamaloosa weep?

“ The house was already thronged with Gen. Nay, hold thy tongue, and shut thy ladies and gentlemen, with their various

wide-oped jaw: I come to save thee, if thou wilt be saved. appendages of quizzing-glasses and bam

Hero. I will not perish, if I help it can; boo canes; and frequent murmurs of imBut who will cleave these cursed rocks apart, And give me leave to leave this cursed place,

patience buzzed around, by which I felt Where lizards crawl athwart my sinking flesh,

extremely flattered.

The end of my And bulfrogs jump, and toads do leap about? troubles seemed already at hand, and I Gen. 1- I can do whate'er I have a mind:

thought Fame, on her adamantine tablet, I am the genius of this lonesome place, And I do think you might more manners have, had already written • William Lackwit, Than thus to speak to him that is your host.

Esquire, Author in general,' in letters Hero. If thou art really what thou seem'st too indelible for time itself to erase. to be,

Fear faded away in the dazzling brilliancy Just let me out of this infernal hole. On! my dear fellow, take me hence away

of that smiling multitude, and my soul My soul's in arms, impatient for the fray!' floated about in its delicious element of Take me from seeds I've often thought upon,

triumphant hope, with a sensation such Down deep in dreadful dungeons darkly done!

as arises after a good dose of exhilarating “ The alliteration in the last line melts gas. the tender heart of the genius: he waves

" Alas! "'t was but a dream! I soon his hand in the air ; his cloudy throne perceived that Fortune frowned on my streams thunder and lightning from every efforts, and had taken the most undis

ear.

guised method of blasting my hopes. A there was the dungeon, and a man in it, most diabolical influenza had for some with a wig, which covered the greatest time raged in the city, which on this very part of his real hair, and a face sublimely evening seemed at its height. A con- cut and slashed over with a piece of coal. vulsion of coughing kept the whole au- Instead of the beautiful countenance dience in incessant confusion; and with which had gleamed upon me in my poetic the most harrowing apprehensions, I lis- vision, there was a thin, hump-backed tened to noises of every description, from little fellow, with a tremendous pair of the faint, sneeze-like effusion of some red whiskers, and a pug nose! My faclittle girl's throat, to the deep-toned and simile of Sir William Wallace with red far-sounding bellow of the portly alder- whiskers and a pug nose !! Sir, it threw man. Besides this, I had the pleasure me into one of the most violent fevers I to observe some of my most devoted ene- ever had. Besides all these, ‘his face was mies scattered, as if intentionally, through dirty, and his hands unwashed;' and he the critical pit, scowling in ten-fold proceeded to give such a bombastic floublackness upon the scene, and apparently rish of his arm, and his voice rose to such waiting, in composed hatred, an oppor- a high pitch, that he was hailed with loud tunity to give me the goose.' Medi- laughter, and shouts of · Make a bow, tation raged high, as I observed these Johnny-make a bow,' till my head significant and threatening appearances, reeled in delirious despair. and I could scarcely have been in greater “But the language and stage effect trepidation if I had been attacked with might redeem the errors of the actor, and hydrophobia itself.

I remained in a delightful agony for the “ The curtain rose soon, and my first result. Lazy time at length brought it characters appeared; but, fire and fury! upon the stage; but oh, ye gods! what a I did not recognize them myself!

fall was there! As the thunder-cloud “ The play proceeded, and a scene en- and genius were floating gracefully down, sued which gentlest moderation might one of the ropes cracked, and the endenominate .murder, most foul.' My chanter of the cavern hurt his nose against dear sir, you can have no idea of it. the floor, notwithstanding a huge pair of They had cut out my most beautiful sen- gilt pasteboard wings, which spread themtiments. The very identical remarks selves at his shoulders. He got up, howwhich I had intended should bring the ever, and went on till the explosion was house down, were gone, and left not a to have taken place: then he waved his trace behind.' One recited a speech wand, with an air which was not intended which was intended to have been spoken to have been resisted; but, miserabile by another, and he spouted one that dictu! the crack would not open, and should not have been spoken at all. My Bamaloosa trotted off by one of the sidefinest specimens of rhetoric failed, from scenes, amidst hoots of derision from their clumsy manner of delivery, and all every part of the house. my wit missed fire. Oh! if you could · The green curtain fell. A universal have seen them, like a pack of wild bulls hiss, from the many-headed monster of in a garden of flowers, breaking rudely the pit,' rung heavily in my ears. I had over all those delicate bushes of poetry, seen my poor play murdered and damned and trampling down the sweetest roses in one night, and it was enough to quench in the field of literature. The prettily all future hopes of literary eminence. I turned expressions, which should have rushed, desperate, from the spot, not been carefully breathed upon the audi- choosing to stay for the farce; and, in ence, with a softened voice and pensive the confusion of unsuccessful genius, I eye, were bawled out in an unvaried, kicked two little red-headed fellows into monotonous tone of voice, and a face as the gutter for asking of me a check. passionless as a barber's block. The “ In the anguish of my disappointment, whole play was destroyed.

I dreamed a combination of every thing “There was nip, and snip, and cut, horrible, to tantalize’and terrify my poor and slish, and slash,' till the first act tired brain; and I arose with a head-ach ended, and then was a slight hiss. . Cold and a heart-ach, and no very great opidrops of sweat stood on my trembling nion of any one in the world, but myself. Aesh ;' but I pulled my hat fiercely over 6 You have convinced me that genemy beating brow, and, angry and despe- rosity has not taken French leave of rate, prepared for the brooding storm. every bosom, and I shall always look On my mountain scene I laid my prin- back upon the moments I have spent cipal dependence; and if that failed me, with you as bright exceptions to those of 'then welcome despair.' At last it came: my past life. And, now,” continued he,

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BY A CANTAB.

pocketing the remaining bone, putting a Ephesus we have Pinch, a schoolmaster; couple of potatoes in his bosom, and at Mitelene, Boult, a clown; and at taking a long draught of wine—"and Athens, Snug, Snout, Quince, &c. Ennow, I trust, we are square: you have glish names are also given to foreigners. provided me a dinner, and I have treated Thus at Vienna we have Froth and Elbow; you to 6a feast of reason and a flow of in Navarre, Dull, Costard, and Moth ; and soul.' If I see you again, I shall re- in Illyria, Sir Toby Belch, and Sir Andrew member you were bountiful;' if not, God Ague-cheek. But these, strictly speaking, bless you and yours.

are not anachronisms, but perhaps justiHe gave me a hearty shake by the fiable licenses; for he could not so well hand, and darted from the room. I have transmitted the humour of such caught a glimpse of his figure as he characters as the above to an English passed the window, and saw the poor audience under the disguise of foreign author no more.

names, though it must be admitted that

more English characters, as well as names ERRORS AND ANACHRONISMS.

are sometimes introduced. Nor is Shaks

peare always responsible for such whimNo. III.

sicalities, for they are occasionally to be traced in the materials whereof his Plays were constructed; and others belong to

those authors whom he had only assisted In “ King John,” we find cannon, with in dramas, the whole composition of which half-faced groats and three-farthing pieces, has been erroneously ascribed to him. &c. Cards, too, are introduced, and Ba- A talent for discriminating human chasilisco, a character of the time of Shaks- racters, and delineating their traits with peare. The Dauphin, too, is gifted with perfect accuracy, is one of the rarest gifts a fore-sight somewhat above his fellows, of Heaven; and whoever possesses that seeing that he alludes to a volley of shot talent in an eminent degree, will not before gunpowder was invented.

fail to produce performances that will O! bravely came we off,

obtain a high degree of applause, whatWhen with a volley of our needless shot ever may otherwise be the defects. After such bloody toil we bid good night. Shakspeare, who possessed this happy

Act. V. Scene 5. talent in a degree superior to that of any The Danish history has placed “ Ham- other of the sons of men, has, notwithlet” in fabulous times long before the standing the innumerable errors and defects introduction of Christianity into the north that abound in his works, obtained a of Europe. There is, therefore, great degree of celebrity that nothing else could impropriety in the frequent allusions to ever have given him; and which, notChristian customs. Hamlet swears by withstanding the attacks of snarling critics St. Patrick,* and converses with Guilder. will continue to increase as long as the stern on the Children of the Chapel of St. language in which he writes shall be Paul's. In several places cannon are in- understood. troduced, and a good deal of the theatrical The most whimsical of the French manners of Shakspeare's own time. We Scriptural Damans or Mysteries, * was have a Danish seal royal long before seals the exhibition of Noah as a ship-builder were used — A University at Wittemburg, preparatory to the Deluge. He is disSwiss Guards, Serjeants, or Bailiffs,-bells covered assisted by a large gang of Angels -ducatscrown-pieces-modern-heraldry working as his journeymen, whose great -rapiers —modern fencing, &c.

solicitude is to keep their wings out of Among the Dramatis Personæ of many the way of their hatchets, &c. At length, of Shakspeare's Plays, we find a curious the whole of them strike for wages, until medley of ancient and modern names. At the arrival of a body of gens-d'armes im

mediately brings them to order, by whom * How the poet comes to make Hamlet swear they are threatened to be sent back to

However, at this time, all the northern Heaven, if they do not behave themworld had their learning from Ireland, to which selves. it had retired, and there flourished, under the auspices of this Saint.

But it was probably One of these Mysteries has for its subject said only at random, for he makes Hamlet a the election of an Apostle to supply the place of student at Wittemburg. Mention is also made the traitor Judas. A dignity so awful is conof the clock striking twelve-of Sunday-a half ferred in the meanest manner possible to conpenny--Julius Cæsar-Our Saviour's birth- ceive. It is done by drawing two straws, of Paris-Hercules-ducats - Jepthah, Judge of which he who gets the longest becomes the Israel-Month of May-St. Valentine's Day, Apostle. Louis Chocquet was a favourite com

poser of these religious performances.

not.

&c.

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