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the river, or Aitting about in every di- strange vessel that had been navigated rection_“may I be buttered, if here from the new world by a man and a dog, is n't a city all afloat. This beats all made a great noise, and thousands flocked nater !”
to see them. The gentleman who offiAnd sure enough, here was a scene ciated as American consul, without, that might have made one of our In- however, having a regular appointment, dians wonder. The whole world seemed behaved in the most kind and friendly on the water. Junks, with two eyes manner to Jonathan, and introduced him staring at the bows-canal-boats, flower, to a hong, or as our hero called him, a boats, pleasure-boats, and boats of all hung-merchant, who undertook to do his sizes and descriptions, filled with all sorts business for him, that is, if he had any of people, lay moored in regular streets, to do, which seemed rather doubtful. or were moving about to and fro in “I chin-chin you," said Fat-qua, the every direction, painted in all the colours hongman. of the rainbow, and ornamented with " You do ’nt now, do you ?” quoth gold-leaf, and grinning monsters having Jonathan. “ Well then, I chin-chin no prototypes in nature, or any where you, and so we are even, I guess." else but in the grotesque imagination of Fat-qua was very anxious to know all the artists of the celestial empire. about Jonathan's business ; but the Chi
The busy activity of some of these nese were such plaguy slippery fellows, boats was singularly contrasted with the he was afraid to trust them with his luxurious ease of others, in which might secret. He therefore, very gravely, and be seen a couple of Chinese dandies re- with infinite simplicity, commended to clining on mats and resting their heads him his cargo of live stock, begged he on bamboo pillows, with pipes in their would dispose of them to the best advanmouths, either listlessly contemplating tage, and invest the proceeds in a cargo the scene before them, or gazing with of notions. Fat-qua did not know whelack-lustre eye on the picture of some ther to laugh or be angry-however, he favourite beauty with penciled eyebrows, concluded by laughing, and promising to nails like a tiger, and feet almost invisi- do his best. ble. Others were performing the cere- The trifle which Jonathan brought mony of chin-chin-jos, which consists in with him had been all expended in throwing bits of burning paper into the maintaining himself and dog, and Fatwater, while the din of innumerable qua did not feel inclined to advance any gongs contributed a species of music to on the security of his live stock. This the scene, that made honest Jonathan being the case, Jonathan one day brought stop his ears in reverential dismay. a pound or two of his gin-seng, and asked
When our adventurer moored his him carelessly what it might be likely sloop at Whampoa, in the midst of a worth in these parts ? fleet of vast ships, of almost all the na- “ Hi yah !” exclaimed the hong-mertions of Europe, they did not know what chant in astonishment. No, have got to make of her. All he could say failed some more of he-hi yah ?” in convincing them that he had come 6. Some small matter not much," from such a long distance, in such a said Jonathan, who was of opinion if he vessel, navigated by such a crew. Be- displayed the whole parcel at once, it sides, what could have brought him to might lower the price and injure his Canton ? He had neither money to speculation. purchase, nor cargo to exchange for Fat-qua disposed of the two pounds Chinese commodities, except it might be of gin-seng for a thumping sum, which his river-horse, his ourang-outang, and Jonathan pocketed in less than no time, his monkeys.
and chuckled in his sleeve, as he thought Jonathan kept his own secret. He of the means to get rid of the whole at had heard that the Chinese were as sharp the same rate. A day or two after, he as the “leetle end of nothing whittled delivered the hong-merchant a few down,” and determined to be as sharp pounds more, which he said he had as the best of them. Accordingly no- accidentally found in a place where he thing could be got out of him, except, had stowed away and forgot it. that he had come on his own bottom, “ Hi yah! Missee Joe Notting, I and meant to turn a penny some how or chin-chin you.” And he began to have other. He said nothing about his gin- a great respect for Missee Joe Notting. seng, which he had, as I before stated, In this way, by slow degrees, did stowed away in a secret locker.
friend Jonathan bring forth his hoard of The story of the strange man, and the hidden treasures, till it was all disposed
of, and he found himself in possession of significant of cutting off the head, as almost half a million of dollars; for, it much as to say that would be his end at is to be recollected, this happened long last. The reader must know that bebefore the value of gin-seng was brought heading is considered the most disgracedown to almost nothing by the large ful of all punishments in the celestial quantities carried to China in conse- empire, where they do every thing quence of the successful speculation of differently from the rest of the world. Jonathan.
A formal complaint was laid before Every time he produced a new lot, he the Gan-chatsze, a minister of justice at declared it was all he had left, and con- Canton, against the Fan-kwei, who had sequently, to the last moment the price feloniously bambooed the mob of Howas kept up. Fat-qua began to believe Nam. Fat-qua, one of our hero's secuthat Joe Notting had discovered some rities, was taken into custody till his hidden place where it grew, in the forthcoming, and an express sent off to neighbourhood, of Canton, or that he Pekin to announce the intelligence to dealt with the prince of Darkness. He the brother of the sun and moon, that a accordingly caused him to be watched, Fan-que had beaten at least two hunbut our hero was too wide awake for the dred of his valiant and invincible subjects, hong-merchant.
who could not bring themselves to soil “ Hi yah! Missee Joe Notting-some their fingers by touching even the clothes yet more—when you shall tink shall you of a foreign barbarian. no more have—hey? Every day here Jonathan was soon arrested, and being come you—say the last is he-hi yah! carried before the illustrious Gan-chatI tink no last come for ever!”
sze, was astonished at seeing the infinite “ I han't another stick to save my mischief he had done. There was one gizzard,” said Jonathan, and this time poor man who had his eye put out ; he spoke like a man of honour. He had another his head fractured; a third his at last sold out his hoard, with the ex- arm broken; and what was worse than ception of a small parcel for presents, all this, three children were so disabled and to use on an emergency:
that they could not stand, all by JonaJonathan was now thinking whether than's bamboo, which was about as thick he would gather himself together, and as your finger. point his bowsprit strut towards home. This was a serious business for a FanBut first he determined to see about kwei. But his friend Fat-qua whispered him, for he expected to be asked a heap in his earof questions when he got amongst his “ Hi yah-Missee Joe Notting-you old neighbours; and not to be able to tell some more have got of that grand-Hi them all about the celestial empire, would yah! You stand under me-hey?” be to shew he had little or no gumption. Jonathan tipped him a knowing wink,
He accordingly visited the famous and Fan-qua then crept close to the ear flower garden of Fa-Tee, where he saw a of the incorruptible Gan-chat-sze, and vast collection of the most beautiful whispered him in like manner; but what flowers, and roses of all colours. Re- he said being only intended for the ear turning, he passed through the suburb of justice, must not be disclosed. The of Ho-Nam, where he was called Fan- effect, however, was miraculous, the Gankwei, which means “foreign devil,” and chat-sze forthwith started up in a mighty pelted handsomely with stones, accord- passion, and, seizing his bamboo, ating to the hospitable custom of the inha- tacked the complainants in the suit with bitants.
such wonderful vigour, that he actually Jonathan was now so rich, that he performed a miracle, and restored every felt himself a different man from what one of them to the use of their limbs. he was when the boys pelted him at the After this, he discharged the offender village of Ho-tun. He had moreover with a caution, which Fat-qua translated seen the bamboo so liberally employed into excellent English, and the next day on the backs of the Chinese by their Jonathan sent him by the hands of the own officers and magistrates, that he same discreet friend a pound of gin-seng. thought he might make use himself of “ Hi yah! Missee Joe—more some this universal panacea for all offences in yet, hey! Believe him make him as the celestial empire. Accordingly, he him go along–Hi yah! Chin-chin you, sallied forth among the inhospitable Missee Joe Notting.” rogues, and plied his stick so vigorously Fat-qua was determined to signalize that the rabble fled before him, crying this triumph of Chinese justice over out “ Fan-kwei !” and making motions prejudice against foreigners, by a great
feast of bears-claws, birds-nests, and all ger!” Jonathan did not know that the the delicacies of the east. He, there. feet of the poor young damsel were not fore, invited a number of the Fan-kweis more than two inches and a half long, about the factory, to meet Jonathan at and that she could no more run than fly. his country-seat, near the gardens of Fa. They were what the Chinese poets call a Te, and they had a jolly time of it. Our couple of “golden lilies.” hero was complimented with a pair of Encouraged by this notion, that her chop-sticks of the most elegant construc- pretending to be frightened was all sheer tion and materials, which he managed affectation, he approached her still nearer, with such skill, that, by the time the took up the guitar, and begged her to dinner was over, he was well nigh starved play him a tune, such as " Yankee to death.
Doodle,” or any thing of that sort that The hong-merchant, Fat-qua, was a was pretty easily managed, for he did jolly little fellow, “about knee-high to a not much admire any of your fine fashtoad,” as Jonathan used to say, and ionable gim-cracks. Jonathan was fond of a good glass of wine. He plied plaguy neat kind of a chap-as handhis guests pretty neatly, until they began some a lad as might be seen; tall and to feel a little top-heavy, and sailed away straight, with blue eyes, white forehead, one by one under rather high steam, and red cheeks, a little rusted to be sure leaving Jonathan and his friend alone with the voyage. together, the latter fast asleep. Jona- The pretty creature with the little than was by this time in high feather, feet, whose name was Shangtshee, venand thought this would be a good time tured at last to look at this impudent to take a peep at the establishment of intruder, and, sooth to say, he did not his friend, that he might know some- appear so terrible at the second glance as thing of these matters when he got at the first. She smiled, and put out home.
her small foot for Jonathan to admire. He arose without disturbing the little She then took her guitar and played fat gentleman, and proceeded to pene- him a tune—it was not “ Yankee Dootrate into the interior of the house, until dle" to be sure, but it rather pleased he came to the female apartments, in one Jonathan, for he declared it beat all, of which he saw a young lady smoking, he'd be switched if it did n't. Shangtto whom he paid his ments with shee seemed to understand the complia low bow. Her pipe was formed of ment, for she smiled and put out her slender pieces of bamboo, highly po- other golden lily; I suppose, to shew lished, with a bowl of silver and a mouth- Jonathan she had a pair of them. Jonapiece of amber. Her hair was beautifully than admired the pipe; she handed it to long, and tastefully dressed with flowers, him, he put it to his lips, and giving it and gold and silver bodkins, and the back again, she put it to her lips, which whole atmosphere of the room was per- our hero finally concluded came as near fumed with jasmine and other odori- to kissing as twopence to a groat. ferous plants and shrubs. By her side “ How the kritter blushes !” thought lay a guitar, on which she seemed to Jonathan. He did not know she was have been playing.
painted half an inch thick, after the The entrance of Jonathan threw her fashion of the Chinese ladies. As they sat into great confusion, and she uttered thus exchanging little pleasant civilities, several violent screams, which however which, innocent as they were, endangered brought no one to her assistance. The both their lives, they were alarmed,— illustrious Fat-qua was still sleeping in at least the lady, for Jonathan had never his seat, and the servants making merry particularly studied Chinese customs— as usual with the remains of the feast. by the sound of a guitar, at some Jonathan attempted an apology for his short distance, in the garden. It apintrusion, but the more he apologized proached nearer, and, in a few minutes, the louder the young lady screamed. seemed directly under the window of the Jonathan wondered what could be the apartment. Shangtshee appeared greatly matter with her.
agitated, and begged Jonathan by signs “ Well, I never saw any thing like to depart the
he came. But Jonathis growing among corn--what's come than had no notion of being scared by a over the gal? May I be chiselled if I tune, and declined to budge an inch. It do n't think she's a feard I'll eat her. was a nice tune, and he didn't much But why the dickens, if she's frightened, mind if he heard another just like it. don't she scamper off, that being the Presently the music ceased, and all at most nat’ral way of getting out of dan- once the young Shangtshee screamed a scream almost as loud as the former ones. saw little Fat-qua standing before him, “ What can have got into the curious breathing fire and looking fury from his varmint now,
I wonder?” quoth Jona- dark sharp-cornered eyes. than. He little suspected she had caught “ Hi yah! - Missee Joe Nottinga glimpse of the face of her lover through spose tink you daughter my one flowerthe blinds. This young man was called woman-hey!” Yu-min-hoo, which signifies feathered, Jonathan endeavoured to convince because he was a great poet, and took Fat-qua that there was not the least such high flights that his meaning was harm in sitting by the side of a young sometimes quite out of sight. He always woman in a civil way—that it was done carried an ink-bottle suspended to his in his country every day in the year, button, a bamboo pen stuck behind his particularly on Sundays—and that the ear, and a book under his arm, in women there were quite as good as the which he wrote down his thoughts, that Chinese, though they did not wear none might escape him. He made wooden shoes, and nails six inches long. verses upon Shangtshee, in which he Fat-qua was wrath at this indecorous compared her to a dish of bear's claws, comparison of the Fan-kwei ladies with since her nails were at least six inches those of the celestial empire; he ordered long, and she was a delicacy which the his servants to seize Jonathan as a violator epicure might admire every day in the of Chinese etiquette, and a calumniator year. It was this sentiment which he of wooden shoes and long nails. He had set to music, and sung on this event- determined in the bitterness of his heart ful evening, under the window of his to have him immediately before the wormistress.
shipful Gan-chat-sze, who would not fail Yu-min-hoo was petrified when he to squeeze some of his dollars out of saw his Shantshee sitting so cosily by him. the side of a Fan-kwei, which, as I said But further reflection induced him to before, means foreign devil. His indig- abandon this course. He recollected, nation was terible, and his jealousy pro- when the fumes of wine were somewhat digious. He had thoughts of sitting dissipated, that both himself and his down by the light of the moon and daughter would be disgraced and diswriting a furious ode, consigning the honored if it were publicly known that Fan-kwei to all the Chinese devils, she had been in company with a Fanwhich are the ugliest in the world. kwei, a stain of the deepest dye according Even their gods are monsters, what to the statutes of the celestial empire, in then must the others be ? On second any but common women. The only thoughts however, Yu-min-hoo restrained way, therefore, was to make the best of his muse, and in a moment or two they a bad business. Accordingly he bribed heard the clatter of his wooden shoes his servants to secresy married his gradually receding. Shantshee again daughter to the poet-and swore never entreated with her eyes, her hands, nay, to invite another Missee Joe Notting to her very feet, that Jonathan would make dine with him so long as there was himself scarce. The tears ran down her a woman in his house. He had never, cheeks; and like torrents of rain, wore he said, met with a fellow of this chop deep channels in them that almost spoiled before. their beauty
Various were the oth adventures of Jonathan tried all he could to comfort our hero, which are forever incorporated her, when what was his surprise and in the annals of the celestial empire, indignation at her base ingratitude, he where he figures as the “Great Fanwas saluted with a scratch of those long kwei, Joe Notting.” My limits will not nails that constitute the most unequi. suffice to particularize them all, else vocal claim of a Chinese lady to rank. would I record how he was fined a It was a scratch so emphatic and well- thousand dollars by his old friend, Gan. directed, that every nail, and most especi- chat-sze, for bambooing a valiant sentinel ally the little finger nail, left its mark who refused to let him enter the gates of on his cheek, and it was preceded and Canton without a bribe; how his riverfollowed by a scream of the highest pre. horse, being tired of confinement, took an tensions.
opportunity to jump overboard, whereby Our hero was astounded at this salu. he upset a boat and came nigh drowning tation. He had heard of love taps, but the passengers. This cost him three never of such as these. But he soon thousand dollars more. His next adunderstood the whole squinting of the venture was picking up the body of a bnsiness as slick as a whistle, when he drowned man in the river one evening,
FROM THE DIARY OF N. P. WILLIS.
in passing between his sloop and the navigated with a Newfoundland dog for shore, whose murder he was found guilty an officer. of before Gan-chat-sze, who kindly let him off for ten thousand dollars; ad- A NIGHT AT THE FRENCH vising him at the same time through the
OPERA. hong-merchant, Fat-qua, to take the earliest opportunity of making himself invisible within the precincts of the celestial empire.
I went last night to the French opera, “I partly guess I'll take his advice to see the first dancer of the world. The and pull up stakes,” said Jonathan. “I prodigious enthusiasm about her all over never saw such a tarnal place. It beats Europe had, of course, raised my expecevery thing, I swow. Why squire Fat- tations to the highest pitch. qua, I'll tell you what—if you'll only seen Taglioni ?" is the first question adcome to our parts, you may go jist where dressed to a stranger in Paris; and you you please—do jist as you please—and hear her name constantly over all the talk to the gals as much as you please. hum of the cafes, and in the crowded reI'll be choked if it is n't true, by the sorts of fashion. The house was overliving hokey.”
flowed. The king and his numerous “ Hi yah!
Missee Joe Notting," family were present; and my companion replied Fat-qua, “ she must be some pointed out to me many of the nobility, very fine place, dat Merrykey."
whose names and titles have been made “There you are right, squire. But, familiar to our ears by the innumerable good bye; I finally conclude it's best to private memoirs and autobiographies of cut stick. They're plaguy slippery fel- the day. After a little introductory lows here; if they aint, may I be licked piece, the king arrived; and as soon as by a chap under size.”
the cheering was over, the curtain drew Jonathan received the remainder of up for “ Le Dieu et le Bayadere."* This his money, which he was then earnestly is the piece in which Taglioni is most advised to invest in bills, and at the same famous. She takes the part of a dancing time to sell his vessel, and embark for girl, of whom the Bramah and an Indian home in a safer conveyance.
prince are both enamoured; the former “ D'ye think I'm a fellow of no more in the disguise of a man of low rank at gumption than that ?" said he. “I'll the court of the latter, in search of some be darned if there's a tighter safer thing one whose love for him shall be disintethan
my old sloop ever sailed across the rested. The disguised god succeeds in salt sea: and as for your paper money, winning her affection; and after testing I've had enough of that in my own her devotion by submitting for a while country in my time."
to the resentment of his rival, and by a He declined shipping a crew, for he pretended caprice in favour of a singing said he must trust, in that case, to stran- girl who accompanies her, he marries gers; and he thought to himself that he her, then saves her from the flames as could easily induce his two cousins to go she is about to be burned for marrying home with him now he was so rich. It beneath her caste. Taglioni's part is all happened as he had anticipated ; both pantomime. She does not speak during gladly rejoined him again, each having the play, but her motion is more than failed in his speculation. The Dutch- articulate. Her first appearance was in men at the Cape forbade the one using a a troop of Indian dancing girls, who machine he had invented for saving la- perform before the prince in the public bour, lest it might lower the price of their square. At a signal from the vizier a negroes; and the Portuguese and Chi- side pavilion opened, and thirty or forty nese refused to eat the fish of the other, bayaderes glided out together,
and combecause he neither crossed himself before menced an intricate dance. They were the picture of the Virgin, nor burnt gilt received with a tremendous round of appaper to the image of Neang-ma-ko. plause from the audience; but, with the
A prosperous voyage ended in Jona- exception of a little more elegance in the than's happy return to Salem, where he four who led the dance, they were dressed became a great man, even to the extent nearly alike; and, as I saw no particuof being yclept honorable. He lived larly conspicuous figure, I presumed that long and happily, and his chief boast to Taglioni had not yet appeared. The the end of his life was, that he had been splendour of the spectacle bewildered me the first of his countrymen to visit the celestial empire, and the only man that * The god and the dancing-girl.