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lady? If I may approach lips which have uttered suppressed, and is called puvning. I have sethings so sacred.'-He salutes ber. His friends veral arguments ready to prove, tbat he cannut followed bis example. The devoted within be a man of honour, who is guilty of this abuse stood in amazement where this would end, to of human society. But the way to expose it see Madonella receive their address and their is, like the expedient of curing drunkenness, company. But Rake goes on-'We would not showing a man in that condition; therefore i transgress rules; but if we may take the liberty must give my reader warning, to expect a col. to see the place you have thought fit to choose lection of these offences; without which pre for ever, we would go into such parts of the paration, I thought it too adventurous to in. gardens; as is consistent with the severities troduce the very mention of it in good company; you have imposed on yourselves.'
and I hope, I shall be understood to do it, as To be short, Madonella permitted Rake to a divine mentions oaths and curses only for lead her into the assembly of nuns, followed their condemnation. I shall dedicate this disby his friends, and each took his fair-one by course to a gentleman, my very good friend, the hand, after due explanation, to walk round who is the Janus of our times, and wbom, the gardens. The conversation turned upon by his years and wit, you would take to be of the lilies, the flowers, the arbours, and the the last age; but by his dress and morals, of growing vegetables; and Rake had the solemn this. impudence, when the whole company stood round him, to say,' that'he sincerely wished
St. James's Coffee-house, June 22. men might rise out of the earth like plants ; Last night arrived two mails from Holland, and that our minds were not of necessity to
which bring letters from the Hague of the be sullied with carnivorous appetites for the twenty-eighth instant, N. S. with advice, that generation, as well as support, of our species.' | the enemy lay encamped bebind a strong reThis was spoken with so easy and fixed an as-trenchment, with the marsh of Romiers on surance, that Madonella answered, “Sir, under their right and left, extending itself as far as the notion of a pious thought, you deceive Bethune: La Basse is in their front, Lens in yourself in wishing an institution foreign to their rear, and their camp is strengthened that of Providence. These desires were in- by another line from Lens to Douay. The planted in us for reverend purposes, in pre- duke of Marlborough caused an exact observaserving the race of men, and giving opportu- tion to be made of their ground, and the works nities for making our chastity more heroic.' by which they were covered, which appeared The conference was continued in this celestial so strong, that it was not thought proper to strain, and carried on so well by the managers attack them in their present posture. Howon both sides, that it created a second and a ever the duke thought fit to make a feint as third interview; and, without entering into if be designed it : bis grace accordingly marched further particulars, there was hardly one of from the abbey at Looze, as did prince Eugene them but was a mother or father that day from Lampret, and advanced with all possible twelvemonth.t
diligence towards the enemy. To favour the Any unnatural part is long taking up and as appearance of an intended assault, the ways long laying aside; therefore Mr. Sturdy may were made, and orders distributed in such manassure bimself, Platonica will fly for ever from ner, that none in either camp could bave a forward behaviour; but if he approaches her thoughts of any thing but charging the enemy according to this model, she will fall in with by break of day next morning ; but soon after the necessities of mortal life, and condescend the fall of the night of the twenty-sixth, the to look with pity upon an unhappy man, im- whole army faced towards Tournay, which prisoned in so much body, and urged by such place they invested early in the morning of violent desires.
the twenty-seventh. The marshal Villars was
so confident that we designed to attack him, From my own Apartment, June 22. that he had drawn great part of the garrison The evils of this town increase upon me to of the place, which is now invested, into the so great a degree, that I am half afraid I shall field; for which reason, it is presumed, it not leave the world much better than I found must submit within a small time, which the it. Several worthy gentlemen and critics have enemy cannot prevent, but by coming out of applied to me, to give my censure of an enor
their present camp, and bazarding general mity which has been revived, after being long engagement.
These advices add, that the garrison of Mons had marched out under the
command of marshal d'Aco; which, with the • An allusion to, or rather a quotation from, sir T. Browu's • Religi Meilici.'
+ This is mere fiction, and unpardonable, as it seems to # Under the fancifnl name of Janns Steele clearly alludes imply an oblique censure on Mrs. Astell, of a nature totally to Swift, the real author of the preceding part of this paper, repugnant to her eminently virtuous and respectable cha- and pays him some compliments in return for his coinmir
Bavarians, Walloons, and the troops of Cologn, offender in this behaviour against of pers. But have joined the grand army of the enemy.
this breach of commerce between the sexes proceeds from an unaccountable prevalence of
custom, by which a won an is to the last degree No. 33.] Saturday, June 25, 1709.
reproachable for being deceived, and a man
suffers no loss of credit for being a deceiver. Quicquid agunt homiues
- nostri est farrago libell. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. Since this tyrant humour has gained place, Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream,
why are we represented in the writings of mer Our motley paper seizes for its theme.
P. in ill figures for artifice in our carriage, when
we have to do with a professed impostor? BY MRS. JENNY DISTAFF, HALF-SISTER TO
When oaths, imprecations, vows, and adoraNR. BICKERSTAFF.
tions are made use of as words of course, what From my own Apartment, June 23.
arts are not necessary to defend us froin such as
glory in the breach of them ? As for my part, My brother has made an excursion into the I am resolved to bear all, and believe none of country, and the work against Saturday lies them; and therefore solemnly declare no vow upon me. I am very glad I have got pen and shall deceive me, but that of marriage : for I ink in my hand; for I have for some time am turned of twenty, and being of a small forlonged for his absence, to give a right idea of tune, some wit, and (if I can believe my lovers things, which I thought he put in a very odd and my glass) handsome, I have heard all that ligbt, and some of them to the disadvantage of can be said towards my undoing; and shall my own sex. It is much to be lamented, that therefore, for warning-sake, give an account it is necessary to make discourses, and publish of the offers that have been made me, my treatises, to keep the horrid creatures, the manner of rejecting them, and my assistances men, within the rules of common decency. to keep my resolution.
I gladly embrace this opportunity to express In the sixteenth year of my life, I fell into myself with the resentment I ought, on people the acquaintance of a lady extremely well wbu take liberties of speech before that sex, known in this town for the quick advancement of whom the bonoured names of Mother, of her husband, and the honours and distincDaughter, and Sister are a part: I had like to tions which her industry has procured him and bave named Wife in the number; but the all wbo belongs to her. This excellent body seuseless world are so mistaken in their senti. sat next to me for some months at church, ments of pleasure, that the most amiable term and ‘ took the liberty, which,' she said, 'her in buman life is become the derision of fools years and the zeal she had for my welfare gave and scorners. My brother and I have at least her claim to, to assure me, that she observed fifty times quarrelled upon this topic. I ever some parts of my behaviour which would lead argue, that the frailties of women are to be me into errors, and give encouragement to imputed to the false ornaments which men some to entertain hopes I did not think of. of wit put upon our folly and coquetry. He What made you,' said she, 'look through your lays all the vices of men upon women's secret fan at that lord, when your eyes sbould have approbation of libertine characters in them. been turned upwards, or closed in attention I did not care to give up a point; but, now upon better objects?' I blushed, and pretended he is out of the way, I cannot but own I believe fifty odd excuses ;-but confounded myself the tbere is very much in what he asserted: but more. She wanted nothing but to see that if you will believe your eyes, and own, that the confusion, and goes on ; 'Nay, child, do not wickedest and wittiest of them all marry one be troubled that I take notice of it; my value day or other, it is impossible to believe, that for you made me speak it; for though he is if a man thought he should be for ever inca my kinsman, I have a nearer regard to virtue pable of being received by a woman of merit than any other consideration. She had hardly and bonour, he would persist in an abandoned done speaking, when this noble lord came up way; and deny bimself the possibility of en- to us and led her to her coach. joying the happiness of well-governed desires, My head ran all that day and night on the orderly satisfactions, and honourable methods exemplary carriage of this woman, who could of life. If our sex were wise, a lover should be su virtuously impertinent, as to admonish have a certificate from the last women he one she was hardly acquainted with. Howserved, bow he was turned away, before be ever, it struck upon the vanity of a girl, that was received into the service of another : but it may possibly be, his thoughts might have at present any vagabond is welcome, provided been as favourable of me, as mine were amorous be promises to enter into our livery. It is won- of bim; and as unlikely things as that have derful, that we will not take a footman with happened, if he should make me his wife. She out credentials from his last master; and in vever mentioned this more to me; but I still the greatest concern of life, we make no scruple in all public places stole looks at this man, who of falling into a treaty with the most notorious casily observed my passion for him. It is so
hard a thing to check the return of agreeable , raptures, and a thousand other phrases drawn thoughts, that he became my dream, my vision, from the images we have of heaven, which ill iny food, my wish, my torment.
men use for the service of hell, when run over That ministress of darkness, the lady Sem- with uncommon vehemence. After wbicb, he propia, perceived too well the temper I was in, seized me in bis arms: his design was too eviarid would one day after evening service, needs dent. Jo my utmost distress, I fell upon my take me to the park. When we were there, kneesmm' My lord, pity me, ou my knees--op my lord passes by; I fushed into a fiame. “Mrs. my knees in the cause of virtue, as you were Distaff,' says she, you may very well remember lately in that of wickedness. Can you think the concern I was in upon the first notice I took of destroying the labour of a whole life, the of your regard to that lord ; and forgive me, purpose of a long education, for the base service who bad a tender friendship for your mother of a sudden appetite; to throw one that loves (now in her grave) that I am vigilant of your you, that doats on you, out of the company conduct.' She went on with much severity, and the road of all that is virtuous and praiseand after great solicitation, prevailed on me to worthy? Have I taken in all the instructions of go with her into the country, and there spend piety, religion, and reason, for no other end, but the ensuing summer out of the way of a man to be the sacrifice of lust, and abandoned to she saw I loved, and one whom she perceived scorn Assume yourself, my lord; and do not meditated my ruin, by frequently desiring her attempt to vitiate a temple sacred to innoto introduce him to me: wbich she absolutely cence, honour, and religion. If I have injured refused, except he would give bis honour that you, stab this bosom, and let me die, but not be he had no other design but to marry me. To ruined by the hand I love." The ardency of my her country-house, a week or two after, we passion made me incapable of uttering more; went: there was at the further end of her and I saw my lover astonished, and reformed by garden, a kind of wilderness, in the middle of my behaviour:when rushed in Sempronia, 'Ha! which ran a soft rivulet by an arbour of jes- faithless base man, could you then steal out of samine. In this place I usually passed my re- town, and lurk like a robber about my house tired hours, and read some romantic or poetical for such brutish purposes ?' tale until the close of evening. It was near that My lord was by this time recovered, and fell time in the heat of summer, when gentle winds, into a violent laughter at the turn which Semsoft murmurs of water, and notes of nightin-pronia designed to give her villany. He bowed gales, had given my mind an indolence, which to me with the utmost respect : “Mrs. Distaff,' added to that repose of soul twilight and the said he,' be careful hereafter of your company;' end of a warm day naturally throws upon the and so retired, The fiend Sempronia congraspirits. It was at such an hour, and in such a culated my deliverance with a flood of tears, state of tranquillity I sat, when, to my inex- This nobleman has since very frequently pressible amazement, I saw my lord walking to made his addresses to me with honour; but I wards me, whom I knew not until that moment have as often refused them; as well knowing to have been in the country. I could observe in that familiarity and marriage will make him, his approach the perplexity which attends a man on some ill-natured occasion, call all I said in big with design; and I had, while he was coming the arbour a theatrical action. Besides that, forward, time to reflect that I was betrayedI glory in coutemning a man, who had thoughta the sense of which gave me a resentment suit- to my dishonour. If this method were the able to such a baseness; but, when he entered imitation of the whole sex, innocence would be into the bower where I was, my heart few to the only dress of beauty; and all affectation by wards him, and, I confess, a certain joy came any other arts to please the eyes of men would into my mind, with a hope that he might then be bauished to the stews for ever. The conmake a declaration of honour and passion. This quest of passion gives ten times more happiness threw my eye upon him with such tenderness than we can reap from the gratification of it; as gave bim power, with a broken accent, to and she that has got over such a one as mine, begin. 'Madam—you will wonder--for it is will stand among Beaux and Pretty Fellows, certain, you must have observed—though I with as much safety as in a summer's day fear you will misinterpret the motives—but by among grass-hoppers and butterflies. heaven, and all that is sacred ! if you could'~ P. . I have ten millions of things more Here he made a fullstand, and I recovered power against men, if I ever get the pen again, to say, 'The consternation I am in, you will not, I hope, believe-a helpless innocent maid- St. James's Coffee-house, June 24. besides that, che place' He saw me in as great Our last advices from the Hague ,dated the confusion as bimself; which attributing to the twenty-eighth instant, N. S. say, that on the same causes, be had the audaciousness to throw twenty-fiftb, a squadron of Dutch men-of-war nimself at my feet, talk of the stillness of the sailed out of the Texel to join admiral Baker evening, and then ran into deifications of my at Spithead. The twenty-sixth was observed person, pure flames, constant love, eternal | as a day of fasting and bumiliation, to implore
a blessing on tbe arms of the allies this ensu- changes it into downright deformity. If you ing campaign. Letters from Dresden are very consult it only to look with a better counteparticular in the account of the gallantry and nauce upon your friends, it immediately gives magnificence, in wbich that court has appeared an alacrity to the visage, aud new grace to the since the arrival of the king of Denmark. No whole person. There is, indeed, a great deal day has passed in which public shows have not owing to the constitution of the person to been exhibited for his entertainment and ci- whom it is applied : it is in vain to give it when version ; the last of that kind which is men- the patient is in the rage of the distemper; a tioned is a carousal, wherein many of the youth bride in her first month, a lady soon after her of the first quality dressed in the most splendid husband's being knighted, or any person of manger, ran for the prize. His Danish majesty either sex, who has lately obtained any new condescended to the same; but having ob- good fortune or preferment, must be prepared served that there was a design laid to throw it some time before they use it. It has an effect in his way, passed by without attempting to upon others, as well as the patient, when it is gain it. The court of Dresden was preparing taken in due form. Lady Petulant has by the to accompany bis Danish majesty to Potsdam, use of it oured her husband of jealousy, and wbere the expectation of an interview of three lady Gad her whole neighbourhood of detrackings, had drawn together such multitudes of tion. people, that inauy persons of distinction will The fame of these things, added to my being be obliged to lie io tents, as long as those an old fellow, makes me extremely acceptable courts continue in that place.
to the 'fair sex. You would hardly believe me, wlien I tell you there is not a man in town so
much their delight as myself. They make no No. 34.] Tuesday, June 28, 1709.
more of visiting me, than going to madam Quicquid agunt homines --
Depingle's ; 'there were two of them, namely, -nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. Damia and Clidamira, (I assure you women of Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, distinction) who came to see me this morning Dar motley paper seizes for its theme.
in their way to prayers; and being in a very BY ISAAC VICKERSTAFF, TSQ.
diverting humour (as innocence always makes
people cheerful,) they would needs have me, White's Chocolate-house, June 25.
according to the distinction of Pretty and Very Having taken upon ine to cure all the dis- Pretty Fellows, inform them if I thought either tempers which proceed from affections of the
of them had a title to the Very Pretty among mind, I have laboured, since I first kept this those of their own sex; and if I did, which was public stage, to do all the good I could, and the more deserving of the two ? have perfected many cures at any own lodg. To put them to the trial, 'Look ye,' said I, ings; carefully avoiding the common methods 'I must not rashly give my judgment in matters of mountebanks, to do their most eminent of this importance ; pray let me see you dance, operations in sight of the people; but must be I play upon the kit. They inmediately fell so just to my patients as to declare, they bave back to the lower end of the room (you may testified under their hands, their sense of my be sure they courtesied'low enough to me) and poor abilities, and the good I have done them, began. Never were two in the world so equally which I publish for the benefit of the world, matched, and both scholars to my name-sake and not out of any thoughts of private advan-Isaac.* Never was man in so dangerous tage.
condition as myself, when they began to exI have cured fine Mrs. Spy of a great imper-pand their charms. "Oh! ladies, ladies, fection in her eyes, which made her eternally cried I, not half that air, you will fire the rolling them froin'one coxcomb to another in house. Both smiled; for, by the bye, there public places, in so languishing a manner, that is no carrying a metaphor too far, when a lady's it at once lessened her own power, and her charms are spoken of. Somebody, I think, bebolders' vanity. Twenty drops of my ink, has called a fine woman dancing, ‘a brandished placed in certain letters on which she atten- torch of beauty.' These rivals moved with such tively looked for half an hour, have restored
an agreeable freedom, that you would believe her to the true use of her sight; which is, to their gesture was the necessary effect of the guide and not mislead us. Ever since she took music, and not the product of skill and practhe liquor, which I call Bickerstaff's circum-tice. Now Clidamira came on with a crowd spection-water, she louks right forward, and of graces, and demanded my judgin with can bear being looked at for balf a day without
so sweet an air-and she had no sooner carreturning one glance. This water has a peculiar ried it, but Damia made her utterly forgot, virtue in it, which makes it the only true cos- by a gentle sinking, and a rigadoon step. The metic or beauty-wash in the world: the nature of it is such, that if you go to a glass with a
* Mr. Isaac, a famons dancing-master at that time, was a design to admire your face, it immediately Frenchman, and a Roman Catholic
contest held a full half-hour; and, I protest, for such is the name of this eminent barber and I saw no manner of difference in their per- antiquary. Men are usually, but unjustly disfections, until they came up together, and extinguished rather by their fortunes than their pected sentence. Look ye, ladies,' said I, talents, otherwise this personage would make
I see no difference in the least in your per. a great figure in that class of men which I dis. formance ; but you, Clidamira, seem to be so tinguish under the title of Odd Fellows. But well satisfied that I shall determine for you, it is the misfortune of persons of great genius that I must give it to Damia, who stands with to have their faculties dissipated by attention so much diffidence and fear, after showing an to too many things at once. Mr. Salter an equal merit to what she pretends to. There instance of this : if he would wholly give him fure, Clidamira, you are a pretty; but, Damia, self up to the string, * instead of playing twenty you are a very pretty lady: for,' said I,' beauty beginnings to tunes, he might, before he dies, loses its force, if not accompanied with mo- play Roger de Caubly quite out. I heard him desty. She that has an humble opinion of go through his whole round, and indeed I thiuk herself, will have every body's applause, be- he does play the ' Merry Christ Church bells't cause she does not expect it; while the vain pretty justly; but he confessed to me, he did creature loses approbation through too great that rather to show he was orthodox, than that a sense of deserving it.'
he valued himself upon the music itself. Or,
if he did proceed in his anatomy, why might From my own Apartment, June 27.
be not hope in time to cut off legs, as well as Being of a very spare and hective constitution, draw teeth? The particularity of this man put I am forced to make frequent 'journeys of a
me into a deep thought, whence it should promile or two for fresh air; and indeed by this ceed, that of all the lower order, barbers should Jast, which was no farther than the village of
go further in hitting the ridiculous than any Chelsea, I am farther convinced of the neces- other set of men. Watermen brawl, cobblers sity of travelling to know the world ; for, as sing: but why must a barber be for ever a it is usual with young voyagers, as soon as they politician, a musician, an analomist, a poet, land upon a shore, to begin their accounts of and a physician? The learned Vossius says, the nature of the people, their soil, their go- bis barber used to comb his head in lambics. vernment, their inclinations, and their pas. Aud indeed, in all ages, one of this useful prosions; so really I fancied I could give you an fession, this order of cosmetic philosophers, has immediate description of this village, from the been celebrated by the most eminent hands. five fields where the robbers lie in wait, to the You see the barber in Don Quixote is one of coffee-house where the Literati sit in council. the principal characters in the history; which A great ancestor of ours by the mother's side, gave me satisfaction in the doubt, why Don Mr. Justice Overdo* (whose history is written Saltero writ his name with a Spanish terminaby Ben Jonson,) met with more enormities tion : for he is descended in a right line, not by walking incognito than he was capable of from John Tradescant, as he himself asserts, correcting; and found great mortifications in but from that memorable companion of the observing also persons of eminence, whom he knight of Mancha. And I hereby certify all before knew nothing of. Thus it fared with the worthy citizens who travel to see his rarime, even in a place so near the town as this. ties, that his double-barrelled pistols, targets, When I came into the coffee-house, I had not coats of mail, bis Sclopeta and sword of Totime to salute the company, before my eye ledo, were left to bis ancestor by the said Don was diverted by ten thousand gimcracks round Quixote, and by the said ancestor to all his the room, and on the cieling. When my first progeny down to Don Saltero. Though I go astonishment was over, comes to me a sage of thus far in favour of Don Saltero's great merit, a thin and meagre countenance; wbich aspect I cannot allow a liberty he takes of imposing made me doubt, whether reading or fretting several names (without my licence) on the bad made it so philosophic: but I very soon collections be has made,ll to the abuse of the perceived him to be of that sect which the ancients call Gingivistæ; in our language, toothdrawers. I immediately had a respect for the
* There was no passing his house, if he was at home, man; for these practical philosophers go upon fiddle, ou which he scraped most execrably.
without having one's ears grated with the sound of his a very rational hypothesis, not to cure, but + A well known and will celebrated catch, composed by take away the part affected. My love of man
Dr. Henry Aldrich, dean of Christ Church.
1 Tradescant was the person who collected the curiosities kind made me very benevolent to Mr. Salter ;t which Elias Ashinole left to the University of Oxford.
| Vice admiral Minden, and some other sea officers, who * Adam Overdo, a naine given to a justice of peace had been much apon the coasts of Spain, and in the Mediwhose character is drawn in. Bartholomew Fair,'a comedy terranean, frequented this house, and gave this Spanish so called, by Ben Jonson.
termination to the name of the landlord, which soon came + Mr. Salter was a noted barber, who began to make a into general use. They likewise gave him the most of his collection of natural curiosities. The kept a coffee-house at curiosities, among which was the relies of a Spanish saint, Chelsea, which still bears his name. His curiosities were that had some how or other fallen into their hands, wh wold a few years ago by auction.
was said to have wrought miracles.