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Said his Highness to Ned,' with that grim face of

his, “ Why refuse us the Veto, dear Catholic Neddy?” “Because, Sir," said Ned, looking full in his phiz, “ You’re forbidding enough, in all conscience,


Next, our C-st-r-gh to crown, Bring me from the County Down, Wither'd Shamrocks, which have been Gilded o'er, to hide the green(Such as H-df-t brought away From Pall-Mall last Patrick's day) – Stitch the garland through and through With shabby threads of every hue ;And as, Goddess –entre nousHis lordship loves (though best of men) A little torture, now and then, Crimp the leaves, thou first of Syrens, Crimp them with thy curling-irona

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· Nor tremble, my lad, at the state of our granaries :

Should there come famine,

Still plenty to cram in You always shall have, my dear Lord of the Stan


While Otto of Roses

Refreshing all noses Shall sweetly exhale from our whiskers and wigs

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• What youth of the Household will cool our Noyau

In that streamlet delicious,
That down 'midst the dishes,
All full of gold fishes,

Romantic doth flow?
10 Or who will repair

Unto M-ch - Sq-e,
And see if the gentle Marchesa be there?

Go-bid her haste hither, 11 And let her bring with her The newest No-Popery Sermon that's going13 Oh ! let her come, with her dark tresses flowing,

All gentle and juvenile, curly and gay,
In the manner of-Ackermann's Dresses for


• Thy whiskers, too, Y-rm-th!-alas, even they,

Though so rosy they burn,

Too quickly must turn (What a heart-breaking change for thy whiskers !)

to Grey

Then why, my Lord Warden, oh! why should

you fidget Your mind about matters you don't understand ? Or why should you write yourself down for an

idiot, Because you,” forsooth, “ have the pen in



your hand!

13 The man who keeps a conscience pure,

(If not his own, at least his Prince's,) Through toil and danger walks secure,

Looks big and black, and never winces.

Think, think how much better
Than scribbling a letter,
(Which both you and I

Should avoid, by the by,)
How much pleasanter 'tis to sit under the bust
Of old Charley,' my friend here, and drink like

a new one; While Charley looks sulky and frowns at me, just As the Ghost in the Pantomime frowns at Don

Juan. • To crown us,

Lord Warden, In C-mb-el-nd's garden Grows plenty of monk's hood in venomous sprigs :

14 No want has he of sword or dagger,

Cock'd hat or ringlets of Geramb; Though Peers may laugh, and Papists swagger,

He doesn't care one single d-mn.

15 Whether midst Irish chairmen going,

Or through St. Giles's alleys dim, 'Mid drunken Sheelahs, blasting, blowing,

No matter, 'tis all one to him.




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Nec trepides in usum
Poscentis ævi pauca.

Fugit retro
Levis juventas et decor.
Pellente lascivos amores

Neque uno Luna rubens nitet

Quid æternis minorem Consiliis animum fatigas ? 6 Cur con sub alta vel platano, vel hac

l'inu jacentes sic temere. * Charles Fox.

Caros odorati capillos,

Dum licet, Assyriaque nardo
Potamus uncti.

Quis puer ocius

Restinguet ardentis Falerni

Pocula prætereunte lympha ?

eliciet domo

Eburna, dic age, cum lyra (qu. liar-a)

Incomtam Lacænæ
More comam religata nodo.

Integer vitæ scelerisque purus.
14 Non eget Mauri jaculis, neque arcu,
Nec venenatis gravida sagittis,

Fusce, pharetra.
Sive per Syrtes iter æstuosas,
Sive facturus per inhospitalem
Caucasum, vel quæ loca fabulosas

Lambit Hydaspes. The Noble Translator had, at first, laid the scene of these imagined dangers of his Man of Conscience among the Pa



. For instance, I, one evening late,

Upon a gay vacation sally,
Singing the praise of Church and State,

Got (God knows how) to Cranbourne Alley.



Nova monstra creavit. When lo! an Irish Papist darted

Ovip. Metamorph. 1. i. v. 437. Across my path, gaunt, grim, and bigI did but frown, and off he started,

HAVING sent off the troops of brave Major Camac, Scared at me, even without my wig.

With a swinging horse-tail at each valorous back,

And such helmets, God bless us! as never deck'd · Yet a more fierce and raw-boned dog

any Goes not to mass in Dublin City,

Male creature before, except Signor GiovanniNor shakes his brogue o'er Allen's Bog,

“ Let's see,” said the R-g-t, (like Titus, perplex'd Nor spouts in Catholic Committee.

With the duties of empire,) “whom shall I dress

next ?” 'Oh! place me midst O'Rourkes, O'Tooles, The ragged royal-blood of Tara;

He looks in the glass—but perfection is the:ą, Or place me where Dick M—rt-n rules Wig, whiskers, and chin-tufts all right to a hair ;o The houseless wilds of Connemara;

Not a single ex-curl on his forehead he . aces—

For curls are like Ministers, strange as the case is, Of Church and State I'll warble still

The falser they are, the more firm in their places. Though ev'n Dick M-t-n's self should His coat he next views—but the coat who could grumble ;

doubt ? Sweet Church and State, like Jack and Jill, For his Y-rm-th's own Frenchified hand cut it out; So lovingly upon a hill

Every pucker and seam were made matters of state, Ah! ne'er like Jack and Jill to tumble ! And a Grand Household Council was held on each


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Then whom shall he dress ? shall he new-rig his

brother, Great C-mb--1-d's Duke, with sonio kickshaw

or other?


pists of Spain, and had translated the words "quæ loca fabu

Pone me pigris ubi nulla campis iesus lambit Hydas pes" thus—“The fabling Spaniard licks

Arbor æstiva recreatur aura : the French ;" but, recollecting that it is our interest just now

Quod latus mundi, nebulæ, malusque to be respectful to Spanish Catholics, (though there is cer

Jupiter urget.
tainly no earthly reason for onr being even commonly civil to I must here remark, that the said Dick M-rt-n being a
Iruk ones, he altered the passage as it stands at present. very good fellow, it was not at all fair to make a “malus
Namque me silva Jupus in Sabina,

Jupiter" of him.
Dum meam canto Lalagen, et ultra

Dulce ridentem Lalagen amabo,
Terminam curis vagor expeditis,

Dulce loquentem.
Fugit inermem.

6 There cannot be imagined a more happy illustration of

the inseparability of Church and State, and their (what is I cannot help calling the reader's attention to the peculiar called) "standing and falling together,” than this ancient ingenuity with which these lines are paraphrased. Not to mention the happy conversion of the Wolf into a Papist, state in this ingenious little Allegory.

apologue of Jack and Jill. Jack, of course, represents the seeing that Romulus was suckled by a wolf, that Rome was feruanded by Romalus, and that the Pope has always reigned

Jack fell down, #1 Kome.) there is something particularly neat in supposing

And broke his Crown, "ultra terminam" to mean vacation-time: and then the

And Jill came tumbling after. modest consciousness with which the Noble and Learned * That model of Princes, the Emperor, was Translator has avoided touching upon the words “curis er particularly luxurious in the dressing and ornamenting of peditis,” (or, as it has been otherwise read, “ causis expedi- his hair. His conscience, however, would not suffer him to tre.") and the felicitous idea of his being " inermis" when trust himself with a barber, and he used, accordingly, to *w.thout his wig," are altogether the most delectable speci- burn off his beard—“ timore tonsoris,” says Lampridius. mens of paraphrase in our language.

(Hist. August. Scriptor.) The dissolute Ælius Verus, too,

was equally attentive to the decoration of his wig. (See Quale portentum neque militaris

Jul. Capitolin.)- Indeed, this was not the only princely trait Daunias latis alit asculetis,

in the character of Verus, as he had likewise a most hearty Nec Jubæ tellus generat leonum

and dignified contempt for his Wife.-See his insulting Arida nutrix.

answer to her in Spartianus.


And kindly invent him more Christian-like shapes 'Tis a thing, that in every King's reign has been For his feather-bed neckcloths and pillory capes.

done, too; Ah! no-here his ardor would meet with delays, Then why should it now be decried ? For the Duke had been lately pack'd up in new Stays, If the ather has done it, why shouldn't the Son, too? So completo for the winter, he saw very plain For so argues Law on our side 'Twould be devilish hard work to unpack him again.

And, ov'n should our sweet violation of duty So, what's to be done ?—there's the Ministers, bless By cold-blooded jurors be tried, 'em

They can but bring it in " a misfortune," my beauty, As he made the puppets, why shouldn't he dress 'em ? As long as we've Law on our side. “ An excellent thought !-call the tailors—be nim

ble“Let Cum bring his spy-glass, and H-rtf—d her

The Lady's Answer. thimble; • While Y-rm-th shall give us, in spite of all Hold, hold, my good sir, go a little more slowly ; quizzers,

For, grant me so faithless a bride, • The last Paris cut with his true Gallic scissors." Such sinners as we, are a little too lowly,

To hope to have Law on our side. So saying, he calls C-st1-s-gh, and the rest Of his heaven-born statesmen, to come and be dress’d. Had you been a great Prince, to whose star shining While Y-rm-th, with snip-like and brisk expedi o°er 'em tion,

The people should look for their guide, Cuts up, all at once, a large Cath’lic Petition Then your Highness (and welcome !) might kick In long tailors' measures, (the P-o crying “Well down decorum done !")

You'd always have Law on your side. And first puts in hand my Lord Chancellor Eld—n.

Were you ev'n an old Marquis, in mischief growu

hoary, Whose heart, though it long ago died To the pleasures of vice, is alive to its glory

You still would have Law on your side.


But for you, Sir, Crim. Con. is a path full of troubles ;

By my advice therefore abide,
And leave the pursuit to those Princes and Nobles

Who have such a Law their side



LAW' ON ONE'S side."

The Gentleman's Proposal.
“Legge aurea,

S'ei piace, ei lice."


Come, fly to these arms, nor let beauties so bloomy
To one frigid owner be tied;

INTENDED TO HAVE BEEN SPOKEN BY THE PROPRIETOR Your prudes may revile, and your old ones look


1812. But, dearest, we've Law on our side.

This day a New House, for your edification, Oh! think the delight of two lovers congenial, We open, most thinking and right-headed nation ! Whom no dull decorums divide ;

Excuse the materials—though rotten and bad, Their error how sweet, and their raptures how venial, They're the best that for money just now could be When once they've got Law on their side.


And, if echo the charm of such houses should be 1 In allusion to Lord Ell-nb-gh.

You will find it shall echo my speech to a T.

As for actors, we've got the old Company yet, The same motley, odd, tragi-comical set ;

THE SALE OF THE TOOLS. And consid'ring they all were but clerks t'other day,

Instrumenta regni.- Tacitus. It is truly surprising how well they can play. Our Manager,' (he, who in Ulster was nursed, Here's a choice set of Tools for you, Go'mmon And sung Erin go Brah for the galleries first,

and Ladies, But, on finding Pitt-interest a much better thing, They'll fit you quite handy, whatever your trade is; Changed his note of a sudden, to God save the King) | (Except it be Cabinet-making ;—no doubt, Still wise as he's blooming, and fat as he's clever, In that delicate service they're rather worn out ; Himself and his speeches as lengthy as ever, Though their owner, bright youth ! if he'd had his Here offers you still the full use of his breath,

own will, Your devoted and long-winded proser till death. Would have bungled away with them joyously

still.) You remember last season, when things went | You can see they've been pretty well hack'd—and perverse on,

alack! We had to engage (as a block to rehearse on) What tool is there job after job will not hack ? One Mr. V-ns-tt-t, a good sort of person, Their edge is but dullish, it must be confess’d, Who's also employ'd for this season to play, And their temper, like E -nb'r— h's, none of In “ Raising the Wind,” and the “ Devil's to Pay."

the best ; We expect too—at least we've been plotting and But you'll find them good hard-working Tools, planning

upon trying, To get that great actor from Liverpool, C—nn-g; Wer't but for their brass, they are well worth the And, as at the Circus there's nothing attracts

buying ; Like a good single combat brought in 'twixt the acts, They're famous for making blinds, sliders, and If the Manager should, with the help of Sir

screens, P-ph-m,

And are, some of them, excellent turning machines. Get up new diversions, and C-n-g should stop 'em,

The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a ChanWho knows but we'll have to announce in the cellor) papers,

Heavy concern to both purchaser and seller. “Grand fight-second time—with additional ca- Though made of pig iron, yet worthy of note 'tis,

'Tis ready to melt at a half minute's notice.

Who bids ? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou Be your taste for the ludicrous, humdrum, or sad, shapest ; There is plenty of each in this House to be had. 'Twill make a good thumb-screw to torture a Papist ; Where our Manager ruleth, there weeping will be, Or else a cramp-iron, to stick in the wall For a dead hand at tragedy always was he ; Of some church that old women are fearful will And there never was dealer in dagger and cup, Who so smilingly got all his tragedies up.

Or better, perhaps, (for I'm guessing at random,) His powers poor Ireland will never forget,

A heavy drag-chain for some Lawyer's old TanAnd the widows of Walcheren weep o'er them yet.


Will nobody bid ? It is cheap, I am sure, SirSo much for the actors ;for secret machinery, Once, twice,-going, going,—thrice, gone it is Traps, and deceptions, and shifting of scenery, Y-rmth and Cum are the best we can find, To pay ready money you shan't be distress'd, To transact all that trickery business behind. As a bill at long date suits the Chancellor best. The former's employ'd to teach us French jigs, Keep the whiskers in curl, and look after the wigs. Come, whero's tho next Tool ?-Oh! 'tis here

in a triceIn taking my leave now, I'vo only to say, This implement, Ge’mmen, at first was a Vice; A few Seats in the House, not as yet sold away,

(A tenacious and close sort of tool, that will let May be had of the Manager, Pat C-541—1—gh. Nothing out of its grasp it once happens to get ;)



yours, Sir.

: An allusion to Lord Eld-n's lachrymose tendencies.

1 Lord Csti-r-gh.

: lle had recently been appointed Chancellor of the Es. cbequer.

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