body. This makes all things easy, whereas the absence of it makes all things hard. Love seasons and sweetens every state; love composes all controversies. In whomsoever love prevails, to them only marriage is what it should be, a pleasing combination of two persons into one home, one purse, one heart, and one flesh. And this love must have two especial properties: First, it must be spiritual; secondly, matrimonial. It must be spiritual in its ground, and in its working. Its chief ground must be the commandment of God. A Christian must love his wife, not only because she is beautiful or loving, but chiefly because God enjoins it. The wife must love her husband, not only because he is handsome, kind, or well-behaved, but because God, the Sovereign of all souls, has commanded women to be "lovers of their own husbands." Not the face, portion, or good qualities of the married must be the chief cause of their loving each other; but the Will of God; and that affection which stands on this foundation will be lasting, while that which stands on any other consideration will be subject to change every hour. For how can the building stand fast if the foundation sink away? Either some storm of conten tion will overthrow that love, or it will fall down of itself through age or else it will degenerate into jealousy, the devouring canker-worm, that eats up the hearts of married persons, and consumes or spoils the sweet fruit they might reap. But he that loves his wife, because she is his wife, and God commands him to love her as such, will love her, so long as she is his wife, whatever she prove beside. Thou lovest thy wife, because she is fair, good-humoured, courteous: but what if all these should fail? Thou lovest thy husband, because he is handsome, sensible, kind: but where will thy love be, if these things should alter? You see, there is no firmness in that love which is procured only by these motives. But if thou love thy wife or husband, because God enjoins it, then thy love will be constant and perpetual. 3. This property of love, that it is spiritual, built on the rock of God's commandments, answers all the objections, 1 which many would make against it in their own cases. Who, says a man, can love such a wife? And, What wife, says a woman, can love such a husband? I answer, a man whose affection is spiritual, can love even such a wife. And the woman who has attained to spiritual love, finds it possible to love even such a husband. 4. But as the ground of their love must be spiritual, so must also the working thereof. It must seek the spiritual good of the person beloved, by every possible means. For that love which seeks only their temporal welfare, deserves no better name than carnal love. But surely those who love each other because God bids them, will love each other as God bids them. They will be careful of each other's souls, as well as of their bodies and estates. But, alas! how exceedingly does the love of most married people fail therein! Thou art kind to thy wife or husband, and it goes to thy heart, to think any thing should be wanting for their good. It is well: but so may a Turk as well as thou, if by good thou meanest only that which is temporal. But dost thou seek to help thy yoke-fellow to heavenly, as well as to earthly benefits? This is spiritual love: this becomes a Christian husband, and a Christian wife. Be not then carnal in your love, walking as men, but spiritual, as the children of God. 5. But remember farther, that your love must be matrimonial, as well as spiritual. It must be matrimonial with regard, 1, To the degree, and, 2, To the effect. For the first, A man should love his wife, a woman her husband, above all the creatures in the world. Next to the Living God, the wife is to have the highest place in the husband's heart, and he in her's. No neighbour, no friend, no parent, no child, should be so near and dear to either as the other. They are joined in the closest of all unions; therefore their mutual affection should be most abundant. They must do more, and suffer more for each other, than for any other in all the world. They must bear with more faults in each other than any besides, and be ready to take more pains for each other. 6. Secondly. As to the effect of this love, it should so knit them together, that they may receive full satisfaction in each other. Love should cause a man to account his wife the only woman in the world: and so the wife to account her husband the only man in the world. The persons of each should be to the other the most precious of all persons. Do any object, This cannot be, unless every man and every woman could find in their own yoke-fellow as amiable qualities as are to be found in others? I answer, Not the good qualities of either, but the good pleasure of God is the ground of their mutual dearness. Good qualities make this duty more easy: but it is still a duty, though good qualities be away. A man may lawfully think another woman a better woman than his own wife: but he may not love an other woman, though more virtuous, above his own, though less virtuous. This is the effect of matrimonial love, to settle the heart of each upon the other above all in the world besides. It admits of none equal in affection, but places the yoke-fellow next to our own soul. Nor will it bear the desire of change, but so links their hearts together, that in this respect they are only dear to each other. 7. The means to get and confirm this love is, to have one house, one table, one bed. But besides this natural means of procuring love; there are two spiritual means. The one is, to take special notice of God's gracious providence in their match. They must often consider, that God joined them together, for their mutual benefit, as being on the whole fitter for each other, than any other besides could be. We know that a mean gift is often respected for the giver's sake. Wherefore remember that God, in great goodness, (for crosses also come to God's children from his goodness,) hath bestowed this yoke-fellow, and thou shalt dearly love thy wife or husband, though perhaps not so well tempered. For the dearness of the Giver will countervail the defects of the gift. And then thy yoke-fellow's distempers will grieve thee indeed, but not alienate thy affection. 8. Another means of uniting your souls is constantly to join in exercises of piety. Pray together; sing together: : confer together concerning your heavenly country, and this will be found an excellent means of confirming your mutual love. These will nourish the spirit of holiness in you; and that enkindles love, wherever it comes. By these you will soon perceive yourselves to have been spiritually profitable to each other and to receive a spiritual benefit, cannot but beget and nourish spiritual affection. Naturally you would grow weary of each other: but if you season your natural communion with this communion in spiritual things, it will prevent all satiety. Jars and contentions are the great hindrances of love: but the joining together in these exercises will cause you to jar far more seldom; nor will any sudden jar fester or rankle, so as to breed hard thoughts of one another, which are the bane of love. Prayer will prevent most contentions, and compose all: for when you shall appear before God in prayer, instead of blaming each other, you will each blame yourself, and then all contention will cease. 9. But some may say, "What shall I do, who have such an husband or wife as neither can nor will join with me in the service of God?" I answer, Pray for that yoke-fellow who will not pray with thee. The less able and willing they are to intreat for themselves, the more frequently and earnestly entreat God for them. It may be, God will give thee thy desire, and turn their hearts to thee. At least, thy own soul will gain an increase of heavenly love to them. And this is sure, that to love your yoke-fellow spiritually and fervently, though you are not loved again, is far better, than to be loved of them, without so loving. 1 CHAP. III. Of the Effects of Love. 1. THE Effects of Nuptial Love are three, Pleasingness, Faithfulness, Helpfulness. The first, which must mix itself with all the rest, is an earnest desire to please each other, so far as it is possible to be done, without sinning against God. Wherefore, the husband must do or leave undone, any thing he can, that he may please his wife: and the wife must in any thing cross her own desires that she may satisfy his. In diet, attire, choice of company, and all things else, each must fulfil the other's desire as absolutely as can be done, without transgressing the law of God. As difficult as this may seem at first, practice will make it easy. Resolutely begin, and the proceeding will be pleasanter than the beginning; especially if both labour together, each seeking to oblige the other. For it cannot be difficult to satisfy one who desires to take as well as to give satisfaction. : 2. But some will say, "This suits not me: nothing will satisfy my froward yoke-fellow." I answer, it may be so: it is not in any one's power to make a froward person take a thing well but it is in your power to do your best, to satisfy such an one; and to strive the more, the more averse to peace your companion is. "But it is hard to be still striving against the stream." It is; but duties must not be omitted because they are hard. The scholar who has an hard lesson must take the more pains to learn it. So the husband or wife that has a perverse companion, must take the more pains to please them. Let the difficulty, therefore, make thee more diligent; and encourage thyself in this tedious labour, by thinking, " If after all I cannot please my yokefellow, I shall not fail to please God. Yea, and the harder the work is, the better he will take it at my hands. Therefore, I will so behave, that they may receive content in all things, if any thing but sin will content them." This caution indeed we must observe, for we may not, to please any one, sin against God. If any thing but sin will satisfy, thou must do it, be it ever so contrary to thy own will. But if thou canst not fulfil the desires of the creature, without breaking the law of God, then thou must not fulfil them. Better offend a mortal man than the immortal God. . 3. In the next place, husband and wife are to be helpful to each other. These two must always be united: therefore we speak of them together. This was the principal thing |