SEVENTH LETTER FROM MR. DASHAWAY. 185 selves of the Kickup family, full-blooded. Bob Boldface betted 500 with Sir Stephen, who wore the least clothing at Lady Fandango's masquerade: Bob was an old scholar of Mendoza's, and made sure of winning by wearing his boxing drapery, that is, just a girdle of two ells of nankeen; but Stark went tied up to the chin in a meal-sack, calling himself the ghost of a monopolizer; and although he was bumped and hustled through the rooms, the Club adjudged him to have won, as he wore no clothing at all! He still retains the name of Shakebag: a prime genius! I don't stop at a maggot myself; but for all my great qualifications, I have a brace of uncles and a leash of parsonic cousins, who continually tell me that in one more year I shall be-Dicky! But they know nothing of life; can't calculate the odds, or who shall win a single plate at all the races-never set a house and park upon the last trump, or the thirteenth trickso what they say must be all-fudge! Besides, whenever I am forced to take up and live soberly (as they call it), I have five maiden aunts, who will all club a few thousands for poor Dick, he being the favoure, from plaguing them the most;-my creditors will at any time take what I offer, fearing that I should otherwise dish them by an arsenic ragout, or pistol forced meat with nitre sauce.-Friend Periwigominos (Counsellor Pumpsnuffle) makes up my affairs.-I trick out little Sal Tiffany in a new set of bodyclothes, and then we flash again !-Here goes for the Spring Meetings-six to two you don't name the winner-Done-and done, till we are all done up once more!—Keep it up! keep it up!-And so my noble At-'em-again-may Le Papillon be still the favourite against the field-says Roary Hall, Turf Common, DICKY DASHAWAY. TO THE EDITOR OF LE PAPILLON. MR. EDITOR, THE E contradictory maxims for preserving health, given by the faculty, is equal matter of surprise and curiosity; I mean this of general rules, and not particular directions in particular complaints.-Live low, says one, to keep the blood cool.-Live high, says another, to keep off malignant and putrid disor ders, and to recruit the juices.-Employ stimulatives, says a third, to counteract the languor and debility of which you complain.-Drink water, says a fourth, and renounce all fermented liquors.-Drink of old port, says another, to keep up the tone of the system and stomach.-Put ou frequent change of linen, says another, for it to act as a detergent. Now, Mr. Editor, to adopt all these prescriptions would be equally unwise and impossible; and, in truth, for my own part, there are but tuo of all the above prescriptions with which I am able to comply, viz. that of living low, and that of drinking water! I am, Sir, living, or rather starving, upon the income of a half-pay ensign I shall say nothing of port wine-that would be ridiculous; nor is it less so to talk of a change of linen to a man who has but one shirt!-and such as it is, Sir, I do assure you, it has a kind of hydrophobia, and would fly like a mad dog from the sight of water. To tell you a secret, the last time I tried to blanch it, (and as an Irishman, I am free to declare that I am my own washerwoman!) I was obliged to wash it in a net; lest any of its component parts should fly off and be lost! This happened three months ago, and since that I have not cared to renew the operation. One word more: I do believe, by J-s, that were I once to take off my shirt (if I may so call it), the d- himself, with all his ingenuity, would be puzzled to get it on again! Some persons, Mr. Editor, ride to get an ap petite, and use every possible device: now if you can - MUTABILITY OF HUMAN LIFE. 187 direct me how to lose one, I would much thank you; for all physicians are but Job's comforters to your constant reader, SIMON SLENDER-RIES. MUTABILITY OF HUMAN LIFE. MR. EDITOR, BEING EING lately unexpectedly detained at an inn, in a small town, some days, I asked for a book to pass the time away. Mine host, who has been a nobleman's butler, assured me that he possessed a very handsome library up stairs; but conceive my surprise when introduced to the literary shelf of his wife's china-closet, to see nothing but one immense row of morocco gilt Court Calendars, and not a single volume besides ! As I think with the Spectator, that "every book carries instruction," I resolved to extract some from these, by comparing the Calendar of 1778 with that of 1798, to observe the lapse and vicissitudes in the duration of human life, in the short space of twenty years: and truly here was room for meditation even to madness!" -Take then, Mr. Editor, the following minutes of mortality.In the first place, of European sovereigns I found that only four who were ranked in 1778, were living in 1798. Of peers I could not so readily follow the various changes and defunkings (as a worthy Irish vicar once called death); I was however thankful to perceive no scarcity in the crop of lords, as the number of 203, in 1778, was swollen, in 1798; to 275! Of bishops, only nine had been able to support the weight of lawn-sleeves through twenty years! The House of Commons presented an awful instance of mortal mutability; for, of the 538 sitting members at the first period, only 78 were to be found in my second But their removal was not solely the work of that grim tyrant, some being gone to a political place return. of of rest and long home, the House of Peers! The knights of the four orders are likewise mortal; for only 22 remained of the whole number of 80, thus long "tied in their garters."-His Majesty had but two physicians who had been able to doctor themselves twenty years! Only one fourth of his chaplains remained thus long in earthly prayer, though I believe many had been removed to a better state, and also several translated without dying! But what shall we say of the navy only one admiral remained to tell the glories of twenty years! Of the army, Alexander himself would again weep, to see that there remained not a single field-marshal, general, lieutenant-general, major-general, or colonel, who stood thus ranked in the Jist in 1778-and but seven lieutenant-colonels and eleven majors :-but death is the very life of a soldier, as a certain chaplain used to preach. Of the judges, there remained four, whom death had not yet tried for their lives! Placemen-dreadful thought!-placemen must die like other men.-Only two commissioners of customs had withstood the Stygian exports twenty years! And of excise, but two remained to be gauged. -The clergy must not be regretted, as they, we know, all set their minds upon a better world; six deans only I found (no doubt) reluctantly lingering here; and twenty-five out of the eighty London clergy were still unwillingly inhaling the impure terrene air of the metropolis.Neither stock, scrip, nor bonus can avert the omnium of death, for I found but four Bank Directors and two India ones on their directorial legs! Of London aldermen, just five had been able to eat their way through twenty years.-But it is honourable to the London markets and wine-merchants, that out of 234 common-councilmen, 28 had survived the hard feasting of twenty years!-My concluding instance I shall give with gravity if possible. All the trustees of life insurance were dead!!-Why then, Mr. Editor, ADVERTISEMENT. 189. so much anxiety for the good things of this earth, since in a little twenty years we shall nearly all of us be" food for worms!" ** Yours with a sigh, REGISTRARIUS. N. B. The above enumerations are not sportive, bu are actually collated and ascertained. ADVERTISEMENT. SYLVESTER Horticol, gardener, florist, and seedsman, informs the public, that he is provided with a large assortment of native and exotic plants, shrubs, and Howers: he particularly recommends the following to public notice-A new species of laurel, from Spain, particularly marked with crimson spots! The laurus Moorianus is the noblest sort of this species.-Portugal laurels have proved so descriptive in their flourishing, that but little reliance is to be placed on what we hear told of them -The Vimiera was looked upon as a valuable plant, until it appeared that it had taken the Cintra blight, which destroyed it in the eyes of all good judges. N. B. The common British laurel,, it is nearly ascertained, requires always the sea-air to give it strength and beauty. He has also to offer the true poetic bay, a shrub very difficult to rear at this season. Among his flowers and flowering shrubs are the maiden-blush rose-the rose without a thorn-both very scarce:-the sensitive plant. N. B. A plant that has always excited curiosity-Heart's ease-London pride-Touch me notThe cuckoo flower from Doctors' Commons and a great variety of cockscombs and painted ladies of the Bath garden, which will be sold cheap, the market being always overstocked. S. Horticol is an adept and an old operative gardener in the sexual system of Lin næus, |