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the mutton-fed mouthing of Waith- never induced him to gtve up any man man, the proceedings of Whig dinners, who had compromised himself with the hootings of radical heather-bloot- him. He was honourable in his peers, (thank you, Hogg, for the word,) cuniary concerns--a firm friend-alior the Billingsgate slang of bum-bai- heral paymaster-1 might almost say, liff magistrates at Bow-street and elsei a munificent patron. Then his very where.
consistency, Kit, ought to win him faLet me tell the whole story, Pegin- vour in the eyes of us thick-and-thin ning with the beginning, as the giant people, who hate sneakers, vacillators, said to the ram. Perry, of the Morn- shufflers, conciliators, half-measure ing Chronicle, was gathered to his fa- men, all species and genera of the thers, and another editor lied in bis Pluckless. [ I just stop for a moment, stead. Hang me, if, after all, I can in order to take a caulker, to wash my think angrily of Jamie Pirie. Whig mouth after having given utterance to he was, to be sure, but it was all in the the name of that shabby rout, whose way of trade. True also it is, that claims on humanity seem scarce calcuColeman's line,
lable ; for nine Pluckless make a jour“ Brisk as a flea, and ignorant as dirt,"
neyman tailor.] There he was, year
after year, singing the same song, unpainted him to the life. Gentleman ruffled by disappointed prophecy, or Hazlitt has supplied us in the Edin- undeterred by convicted falsehood. He burgh with a fine sample of his igno- prophesied that England would be rance ; but, Heaven help us ! if we beaten by the Jacobins, by the convenwere to quarrel with all the good peo- tion, by Buonaparte, by everybodyple of our acquaintance who happen to that our navy would be exterminated, be ignoramuses, we should thin our our army annihilated—that we would visiting list most awfully. He affect- be kicked out of Spain—that we would ed learning, to be sure, which was ra- lose India—that our agriculture was ther a bore. It was a great sight to gone-our funds broken-our credit see him with Porson, who was married lost-All, of course, the acts of minito his sister, shewing off want of know- sters, who were regularly called asses, ledge, at the rate of nine knots an hour. goats, geese, ganders, apes, incapables, There sat the great Grecian, Lyco- blockheads,dunder-pates, jobbernowls, phron's Proteus, (see Wakefield to noodlès ; as many nicknames, in short, Fox,) και γελως απηχθετο και δακρυ, unmo- as the fouaciers of Lerne poured on ved at the nonsense, swallowing pota- . the subjects of Gargantua.* These tions pottle deep in silence, meditating, very ministers, nevertheless, did all most probably, some truculent epi- they said they would do, and did not gram, some assassinating iambics, or suffer any of the calamities predicted some string of stringing jingles, at the by the brazen head of whiggery. expense of his erudite entertainer. As They beat everybody who came against Porson bore with him, so well may we. them, right and left; and preserved enThen his briskness; his doing fine gen- tire the honour, character, credit, and tleman; his ball-dancing; his compli- institutions of the country. It did not ments to the ladies ; among whom he matter a fig; still they were destined fancied himself irresistible—were in- to undergo the pitiless storm ; still expressibly amusing. We all have our doomed to be pronounced stupid and follies and vanities, so I shall easily blockheadish. There is something pardon Perry for these foibles. I ho- magnanimous in this intrepid unvarynour his memory, for qualities which I ing assurance. Light lie the stones honour wherever I find them. He was upon his bones! He was, moreover, a a man of strict editorial integrity, pro- jolly batterer, who never looked for a found secrecy, considerable intrepidity, soft word when he could get a hard undeviating steadiness in keeping his one ; for which I respect him, that promises, and fast allegiance to his being a fashion of my own. party. Imprisonment or damages ne- Perry, as I have said already, died, ver shook him into betraying anything and another editor lied in his stead; intrusted to his faith. Even after- but he left not his mantle behind. His quarrels, or defection from Whiggery, trust-worthy qualities had procured
Rabelais, Livre i. cap. xxv.
him the confidence of the Whigs. secret had got into print, and on such Lord Holland, or Latly Holland, would a side. Now, I well know that nonot scruple to tip him a paragraph, or thing could be meaner on the part of intrust him with a political lampoon. the Whig communicators than this Earl Grey occasionally vented his bile pimping way of coming at intelligence, through Perry's columns. Hobhouse and they know it too;
but they did it sometimes obliged the public in the nevertheless, they being, as then said same way; as did manyother ingenious a thousand times, the meanest of all persons of quality of the Whiggish mankind. Look, for example, at the persuasion. I never heard, it is true, connection of Hume with Henry Conthat the Duke of Bedford was ever a stantine Jennings-Abercrombie's mocontributor to any extent; but that, tion about Mr Arbuthnot's letter, in all probability, arose from the in- which had casually fallen into his nate modesty of that enlightened phi- hands-Brougham's speeches about losopher. But even without writing a the late Irish Attorney-General's priline, their patronage conferred a great vate letter, which he (B.) knew to value on the paper in another way. Se have been purloined, and was obviouscrets, even cabinet secrets, ooze out, ly not intended for any one's inspecevery now and then, in certain classes tion but that of the friend to whom it of society. The Opposition leaders, was written, with ten thousand other who are on the qui vive for such such acts of the faction. Do not we all things, pick them up in various ways. know that the Whig Laureate, Tom The upper rank of London society Moore, actually published in the is drawn from a very small class ; as Morning Chronicle the substance of their houses are very large, and they conversations which had occurred at have a rage for filling them, it is alto- the Royal table itself, to which he had gether impossible to make political been incautiously admitted ? and that differences a ground of exclusion of the most pungent and piquant things gens comme il faut. In point of fact, in those decorous poems, the Two it is not thought of. The Duke of De- penny Post Bag, and the Fudge Favonshire, for instance, all through the mily, which are lauded to the stars by winter, entertains, almost every even
the Whig abhorrers of personality, are ing, two or three hundred people, of derived from information picked up in his own class of society of course, at the progress of social intercourse, and his great house in Piccadilly. Where perverted to filthy slanders on reputawould he get those people if he were tion, male and female, which honest to go look for Whiggism as a sine qua
Thomas knew were not true. But non? Happy am I to say, nowhere. though this kind of assassin treachery Men and women of this caste are con- is a regular part of Whig tactique, yet sequently always mixing together, and few would wish it known that they it is almost impossible that something were engaged in such business. Acwould not casually fall from Tory gen- cordingly, though Perry was made the tlemen or their ladies which could be spitting-pot of their slaver, yet the turned to Whig account. There is in good folks had a shyness in commitreality at all times an infinity of infor- ting themselves to his successor. mation, valuable to newspapers, float- True it is, that the Morning Chroniing in that circle, which, of course, I cle is still the great Whig public organ. need not tell you, is quite inaccessible You see in it the indications of forthto the Knights of the Post, for such coming storms in Parliament and elsefellows could hardly expect to be let where against Ministers, to whom it into the kitchen. Here it was Perry consequently acts as a manometer. A shone. He had always a fancy for
week or so before rubbing his skirts to quality, and as he spent his very handsome income
Mr Tierney comes down like a wolf on the
fold, freely and genteelly, he moved in a very respectable circle, and had per- or Mr Tierney's ill-governed troops sonal access to the nobility and gen- make a sally, the Morning Chronicle try of his party. By this means ar- teems with paragraph and article tendticles appeared occasionally in his ing to pave the way for the attack. paper, which astonished the parties This shews, as I said before, that it is concerned, who could not conjecture still the public organ ; but the private how what they thought was a well-kept information is gone, and its place is Alled by blockhead correspondence cians in the last canto of Thalaba, Clés froin abroad, written by some atroci- ment made to them a short speech, ous garretteer.
enforced by that mighty figure of rhoThe paper, even before Perry went toric which lies in the breeches-pockthe way of all flesh, was feeling the et. “ Puff,” quoth Clement, and forth general calamity under which the Whig issued a volume of stinking breath. To press, from Jeffrey to Hunt, suffered, drop the allegory, which I am afraid in consequence of the failure of all I have hammered out too long, no extheir predictions, and the general prós- ertion in the puff-line was sparedperity of the country. But after his and puff the first was to inform the death, things, as was natural to expect, public, that the paper was sold for mended, as sour beer does in summer. forty thousand pounds — a circumA pánic seized on the proprietors, and stance which, if true, would insure to Perry's representatives determined on the purchaser a Christian burial when selling out. After some negotiations, he hanged himself, which it is proba. Clement of the Observer, a man per- ble he would have done before the end haps more extensively connected with of the year. No Coroner's Jury could the press than any other man in the hesitate to bring in a verdict of Lunacy world, an old routier de guerre, be on the strength of that one act. This came the purchaser. He imagined puff
outrageous was sent to all the prothat with his connections, experience, vincial papers of England, Scotland, &c. he would be able to infuse new and Ireland for insertion, without disspirit into the concern, and bring it tinction of their politics, with a bribe back again to its ancient palmy state. or advertisement fee, (never boggle at Accordingly he gave about L.15,000, a word,) varying from two to five -a very large sum, I think an absurdly guineas. Hazlitt then got employed large sum, but that is no concern of by Jeffrey, in return for having called mine-for it, and glad were the sellers. him the King of men, and he too touchClement, from his old experience on ed the coin to panegyrize the Morning the Observer, the great paper for ex- Chronicle, at the expense of all its hibiting Warren's jet blacking, Day brethren in arms, in the degraded and Martin, Tom Bish and brethren, pages of Blue and Yellow, Steers's Opodeldoc, Sir Robert Wilson's This was of course eagerly extracted begging box, Prince's Russia Oil, with and set in general circulation. Cobbett its extra valuable ingredient, &c. &c. was induced, I know not how, to deplaced a deep reliance on puffing, and vote some pages of his Register, which accordingly called an aggregate meet- is still published, to an enumeration ing of the bellows-blowers of London of the merits of the Morning ChroniTown. Thither came the gentlemen, cle, in most insulting comparison with descending like Mercury from the ce- his old and inveterate foe, Anna Brolestial regions of the garret, or break- die, alias base old Walter, alias the ing way like the earth-born Tityus Bloody old Times. In short, such from the subterranean bowels of the puffery never was heard of; and the cellar. Thither came they, redolent worst of all is, that it in all probabiof tobacco much adulterated with lity will not do. However, it is not brown paper, or the fumes of last night's easy to say, until the next Session of gin-grog, or this morning's gum-tick. Parliament is over, how it will turn ler taken in lieu of breakfast. Some out. Clement boasts that he has an perhaps smelt only of beer, for all infinity of clever literary men in his mankind cannot expect to indulge in pay. I doubt the fact: I know he expensive luxuries. The principal turned off some half-dozen or so off feature of the general costume of the the old staff, thereby perhaps incurring company, was the coat closely button- no great loss; but i venture to say, ed to the throat, so as to prevent any that their place is filled up with rubo impertinent investigations as to the bish of no superior quality. state of the shirt. An intrepid assu- Meanwhile, the Old Times viewed rance distinguished every brow, a the whole concern with jealous leer dauntless contempt of principle shone malign. It was stung to its very core forth in every eye. They are, indeed, by the disparagement with which its men of liberal ideas, and, in general, name was mentioned by everybody, members of the Descamisadvi. When and determined to shew fight. The they met in conclave, like the magi- great occasion of a Whig dinner in Glasgow given to Brougham, was fix Chronicle people. Bravo! quoth the ed on as a crisis. Down to the mighty second ; clear as a column of double city of Saint Mungo, the metropolis of pica. Who is on the beat for that pacold punch, the pride of Scotland, and per? Which of their people is taking the western land, went the emissaries the airon the north road ? Dowling was of the rival prints, and the local ab- discovered to be the man, and they surdity of the press on the spot, was were determined to make a spectacle enlisted in their cause. The dinner of him. He was to be accused of coach came and went. Brougham was great; robbery. It was a touch worthy of the Mylne was great; Lawless was great; print which made the charge on John Pillans was great; the Duke was mag- Bull, which, if it had been done viva nificent. It was a great day for Europe. voce, and not in type, would have sent The French were driven out of Spain, the “gentleman" to decorate the front and the ministers out of the cabinet; of the Old Bailey, or to swell the list and The Liberty of the Press was of our countrymen in Australasia. given amid the usual lamentations How Dowling was arrested-brought over the inflictions they suffer by its up-let loose how he tossed up his hat, means, from our unrelenting strappa- and wrote letters to his employers does. Lord Archibald turned out the all that, and those, the details of the company at a seasonable hour, by affair, are they not written in the fodrinking, Good-night, much to the lios of the newspapers ? With them I discontent of the half dozen, or so, meddle not. As I said at the beginGlasgowians, who happened to be pre- ning of my letter, I know nothing of sent, and whose palates, annoyed by Dowling. I have a dim recollection of the unusual libations of the claret, his horse-whipping, or being horseyearned for the
revivifying smack of the whipped by, Orator Hunt, some years hot toddy, at the small hours of morn. ago; and a misty vision of seeing him The tongues of the eloquent weremute, in London, surrounded by a halo of and the pens of the erudite were let constables, to protect him from the valoose. Mr Prentice, of the Glasgow gabonds of that illustrious buffoon. Chronicle, outdid himself in the splen. But I write merely to expose a little dour of his description. He was awe
of the inside of the London press— struck at the exhibition, and every se- the shifts its people have recourse to, cond sentence of his exordium breathed the honourable methods in which they the very intensity of adoration. Nine carry on the war against one another, columns were dispatched by Dowling of the real value of the information they the Morning Chronicle-a goodly brin possess, and the vast importance things gade of the gormandizing oratory- are to them, which are but the laughwhile the poor Bloody Old Woman of ing-stock of the rest of mankind. ConPrinting-house Square had not a line. ceive a rational being with a soul to Coffee-house and coffee-shop, club- be sent some hundred miles, kept wriroom and ale-bench, wherever the ting at the rate of a forty-horse power Whigs congregate, rung with calls for steam-engine, obliged to squabble with the Morning Chronicle, while the mail-coachmen, coach proprietors, Times was left as unread as if it had clerks, boots, &c. &c., and, after all, been the last poem of Barry Cornwall. lugged up by the collar as a thief ; for This was a cut to the bone. A blankwhat? In order that the good folks of ness overspread all the countenances Cockaigne may be able to know what of the scribes of the Bloody Journal. it was Brougham, and Denman, and You would have thought that Barry Lawless, and MFaddel, said at a taO'Meara had been seen that morning vern in Glasgow! I weep for the debuying a new horse-whip. What was gradation of human nature. To listto be done! The Chronicle must been to these people is bad enough-to put down, and the only question that read what they have said, is sufficient remained to be settled was, how this to make a man sick in his stomach ; was to be effected. A bright thought but to report it to write it out, must struck some of the highly-principled be the devil itself. O dura missorum members of the conclave of gentlee ilia! Yet it is comical that the poor men. A packet has miscarried, said people so employed, are quite proud the first gentleman-or we imagine it of themselves. It is a kindly dispensahas miscarried. It must have been tion of Providence, after all. We see, stolen-ay, and stolen by some of the in the same way, men and women laVOL. XIV.
bouring under severe personal defects At what price did the clairvoyant clerk quite ignorant of their existence, and value this glorious cargo?--Its weight Aattering themselves that they are in diamonds, at least ? --No-Well, beauties, in the style of Adonis and Ve then, in gold ?-Ah, no-At what, nus.
then? Why, said the inexorable conThe most sensible remark made du troller of coachmen, “ It is not worth ring the whole business, was by a wit- TWOPENCE.” Not more than the sixth ness, a coach-clerk, I believe, who was part of the price an Edinburgh jury examined before the magistrates. He fixed on the character of my Lord was asked, What was the value of the Archibald ! parcel alleged to be stolen ? Now, Kit, The Whig dinner, the Whig elothe parcel contained the collected quence, the Whig wit, the Whig prinWhig wisdom of the West-the pae ciples of Glasgow, not worth twotriotism of the noble House of Hamil- pence! ton--the high principles of Brougham 0, 'tis so moving, I can write no --the decorous eloquence of Mr Nero Denman--the imported sagacity of the Yours, therefore, without well-stuffed Irishman-theprofessorial
further delay, Dear N. dieta of a Mylne--and the well-weighed
TIMOTHY TICKLER. political intelligence of a M‘Gregor. Southside, Nov. 1.
P.S. I forgot to ask you whether you are sure that Lawless played so distinguished a knife and fork as your Whig friend described. If everybody else at the dinner were equally active, my fragment in your last is, I imas gine, the only one preserved of that great constitutional banquet.
PUBLIC CREDIT-PROJECT IN AID OF IT.
I confess I don't exactly remem- does not so contend, I am prepared to ber any instance, Mr Editor, in which contend for him, that the latter of your work has puffed forthcoming these classes ought to live at the cost publications; but I have a matter, and charge of the former. nevertheless, so important in hand, That this is law, I have precethat I shall give it the chance of a line dent; for, from time immemorial, in your Niagazine.
vast numbers of those who have, espeMy design, sir, is for a book (with- cially " Fashion Mongers" of all dein reasonable price) to be entitled, scriptions, have been treated by com“ HINTS TO GENTLEMEN or Slená mon consent as the feræ naturæ of soDER INCOMES ;" and these Hints, ciety ;--that this is law, I declare upproceeding (I should tell you) from a on principle, for, answer me who gentleman of no Income' at 'all, will can, -If those who “ have not" are amount to a Treatise upon the readi- not to live upon those who “ have,” est methods of getting into Debt, and in what other manner are they to live? also upon the eftest management, ge
--It would be a pretty excuse truly, for nerally, of Creditors ; enriched with a a gentleman who was found naked in running Commentary upon the avoid the street, to say that he went about ance of bailiffs; rules and expedi- without breeches, because he had no ents for getting rid of duns; and a money to pay for them. few arguments (supplementary) for The press, Mr Editor, in this age, the repeal of the Ìnsolvent Act. aids pursuits of every description. One
It is laid down in I don't recollect writer counsels the cutters of their which of the books of Don Quixote, acquaintance.” Another assists “ the. by that admirable moralist and phi- bearers of walking-sticks and umbrellosopher, Sancho Panza, that there are las." A third ingenious person offers but two sorts of people in the world “a shilling's worth of advice to any those who have money, and those who gentleman who happens to be looking are without it; and, if he (Sancho) for a horse ;" and a friend of mine (a