fering them to get much beyond the age of childhood; and this seems to account for what I never well understood before-the extraordinary number of deaths in childhood. The practice to which I allude, I shall call by the general name of STUFFING, because that, I hope, will be more easily understood than if I were to make a fine-sounding compound out of two or three Greek words, in imitation of our show-men. This art of stuffing is practised, on the large scale, twice a year, namely, at Christmas, and about Midsummer, when the schools break up, and when the young folks are in the best possible train for the operation. Some likewise contrive to add lesser seasons of stuffing, as Easter and Michaeimas; but it is generally carried to the highest perfection at the times first mentioned. I have called it an art, but it is really neither an art nor a mystery, and may be put in practice, as I see every day, by the most ignorant and illiterate persons. The whole, indeed, may be reduced to this simple mode-" Let your children eat of whatever they please; as much as they please; when they please; and where they please; whether at the pastrycook's shop in the morning, or at table at home, when they are called in to display their beauties and their tastes, before the guests, who, in compliment to the happy parents of such pretty dears, must assist in the stuffing, by giving them off their plates all manner of fruit, sweetmeats, and a proportional quantity of wine." All this, you perceive, Sir, is so simple and easily practised, that it would be superfluous to be more particular in a lesson so generally understood; and I should not have penned the above rule, if I had not meant it rather as a sketch of how things are done, than as a direction how they ought to be done. But it is the effect of the stuffing system which I wish to point out, and the very direct tendency it has to produce nausea, sickness, and fever. These, Sir, are the principal instruments on which we can depend to keep down our population; and I have so rarely found. ¡ them to fail, that I am not surprised they should be: resorted to, and form one of the chief employments of a " merry Christmas." It is my lot, as a professional man, to be frequently called in on such occasions-a thing, by the by, very absurd, because, if I could prescribe with effect, I should only be adding to, instead of diminishing, our population. But such is the fact, and it is not my fault that parents are inconsistent, and perform to-day what they choose to repent of to-morrow. In this line of practice, however, I have but little trouble. All that it is necessary for me to know, is, that the children have been three or four days from school; I ask no more-the usual questions in sick rooms are superfluous; and almost without seeing my patient, I know its case, and the supposed remedies. I say supposed remedies, for I am seldom called in before the stuffing system has laid hold of the circulation, and precipitated it to a degree far out of my reach. Considerable as my practice is in these cases, I have not been able to ascertain, with arithmetical precision, how many superfluous lives may be taken in this way; that perhaps would require the combined accounts of Warwick Lane and Blackfriars; and I have no doubt that if the friends to a diminished population will consult the members of these two great Halls, they may ascertain the point with tolerable correctness, and the parish-clerks may be enabled next Christmas to make a regular entry in their list of "Died by stuffing," which, I trust, will be as edifying and satisfactory as certain other items in that annual publication. In the mean time, until some abler pen shall favour the the Public with a suitable encomium on a practice se likely to keep population within due bounds, I have ventured to offer you the above remarks, as the experience of an individual. And, in allusion to the subject which has for some time so deeply engaged the public attention, I shall conclude with observing, what I know to be a certain and indisputable fact, namely, that there may be kind, as well as cruel, murders. From my Laboratory, I am, Sir, yours, J. JALAP. ADVERTISEMENT EXTRAORDINARY. IF any of the relations, or next of kin, of one Mr. Guinea, who, about the year 1800, was much seen in England, and is believed to have been an Englishman, will give information where he may now be met with, they will be handsomely rewarded for their trouble, on applying to Mr. John Bull, Growling Lane, Blowbladder Street.-N.B. A proportionate reward will be given for information relative to his son, Mr. Half-Guinea, or his nephew, Master Seven-ShilLing-Piece. SONG. [From the Morning Chronicle, Jan. 6.] LOVE and the Toothache, mortal foes, To To evil spirits thy relief Comes, like a thief, to catch a thief. ORESTES. ON DEATH. [From the British Press, Jan. 7.] N Tuesday night last, about twelve o'clock, died of a gradual decline, Mr. Anno Domini 1811. He was a tender father, a sincere Christian, and a benevolent friend; and his departure is universally deplored!"-This is the common cant of our periodical obituaries; and why may we not besmear the character of the departed year with the same fulsome panegyric, as is so liberally bestowed upon the mes mory of those individuals who are now to the grave gone down?" De mortuis nil nisi bonum. Otherwise we should state that Mr. A. D. was the parent of war, pestilence, and famine; that his Christianity was a system of bigotry and proscription; and that his friendship was a mask for purposes of fraud and piracy. 98 ANSWER TO advertisement EXTRAORDINARY. He is succeeded in all his vices by his son, Mr. A. D. 1812, from whom we expect but little, and therefore may probably not be disappointed. ANSWER TO AN ADVERTISEMENT IN THE GENERAL EVENING POST OF THURSDAY LAST. I [From the General Evening Post, Jan. 7.] MR. EDITOR, WAS very sorry to see an advertisement in your Paper of Thursday last, inviting the relations or the next of kin to give an account of my old friend Mr. Guinea. I do not think it fair that so respectable a gentleman's name should have been made the subject of a public advertisement, unless it could be proved that all other methods of finding out his residence had failed. But as I am not acquainted with the author of the advertisement, I am under the necessity of answering it through the same channel. The fact is, Sir, that Mr. Guinea, a few years ago, finding that there was a run upon him, was obliged to retire to the continent for a while, and principally in order to prosecute a suit at law with one Mr. Exchange; and should this be decided in his favour, there can be no doubt of his appearing again in this country. As for his son, Mr. Half-Guinea, and his nephew, Mr. Seven-Shilling- Piece, the former went into the paper-making line a few years ago; and in partnership with Mr. Shilling, a round, smooth-faced gentleman, endeavoured to carry on his father's business, and has been pretty successful in it, notwithstanding the strange conduct of one King *, an Irishman, who, on being introduced to him by a tenant, took the latter by the throat, and swore he would turn him out of AL-d so called. house |