Let's do what we can to appease So, Parson, you son of a punk, 'em : You must now try a something to please 'em, The Morning Post will spoil our fun ; Well-a-day, well-a-day. Prig. Reporters of the Morning Post, Before I quite give up the ghost, (Hiccups.) Stagger. The row which here has been, my boys, Of Newgate's pride don't make your game, (Reel- Nor ridicule my honest name. (Falls.) Pity my fall, Qui tam Lawyers all, Omnes. The row which here has been, my boys, The harmony of Nightingales. Pity our fall, Reformers all, Well-a-day, well-a-day. [Exeunt omnes. 4 INVASION. [From the Morning Herald, November 9.] THE French still confide in long nights to come over OR, THE LORD MAYOR'S DAY; CITY DEFENDED FROM THE ACCUSATION OF INEBRIETY BY THE TWO MEN AT ST. DUNSTAN'S. [From the General Evening Post, November 10.] First Man. "TIS said on this day that the Cits deeply drink. Second Man. (Chimes in.) Why, to tell you my mind, that's the fact as I think. First Man. (Furiose.) But 't is false, I declare, by this ponderous Club! Second Man. (Pianissimo.) Pray don't knock so hard, and make such a hubbub! First Man. My opinion is sound--I'm a character striking! Second Man. Let me hear, and I'll tell if it be to my liking. First Man. Why, I'll bet all the money that's over the way At Hoare's, where the guineas are chinking all day. That to Negus so simple this Feast they devote. Second Man. 'Egad, Brother Giant, thou ly'st in thy throat! First Man. I speak truth, and am grave as a Judge or a Vicar Is not Negus compos'd of a mixture of liquor? bine For at NOON they take Water-at NIGHT they take Wine! POLYPHEMUS AN EPIGRAMMATIC QUERE TO THE REELING MAN IN ARMOUR AT THE LATE LORD MAYOR'S FEAST. [From the Morning Herald, November 12.] THOU Knight in steel! thou man of spunk! Tell me by penny-post epistle, How thou contriv'dst to get dead drunk, When no one else could wet his whistle? NIM ANSWER TO THE EPIGRAMMATIC QUERE IN YESTERDAY'S HERALD. BY THE KNIGHT IN ARMOUR HIMSELF. [From the same, November 13.] JOKE-CRACKING Nim, of waggish line, My body took a fainting reel, For want of suction I declare it, Then fell because, though ribb'd in steel, AN APOLOGETICAL REPLY PARDON, Sir Knight, since you had not A boozing, reeling frolic; But from sheer emptiness had got We thought that wiser you, Sir Knight, NIM. POEM MADE BY THE MAN IN ARMOUR, DURING HIS PENANCE AT GUILDHALL, NOV. 9, 1911. [From the same, November 16.] (Patagonian Measure.) O! WHAT a cruel joke! O! what a cursed spite, That ever I should come to Guildhall to be a Knight! I have a good dinner at home; there I might eat like a farmer; But here, alas! I must roam, to starve as a Man in Armour! I like to live well myself; I like to see others a-munching; But such a fine feast as this would not serve our mess for a luncheon. I wish I was Gog, or Magog; I wish I was made of wood; Then I could stand, without grub, as long as those fellows have stood. I wish I was what I seem; I wish I was made of steel; I wish I was iron, or brass; I wish I was Hamlet's ghost; roast. My eyes begin to get dim; I look in vain for compassion; A scullion's not to be seen, and the cook 's * a man of fashion. If I ask a waiter for drink, he tells me to get an order; word; For where's the use of complaint to a man just turn❜d to a Lord? O! what a cruel joke! O! what a cursed spite, That ever I should come to Guildhall to be a Knight! We apprehend the Poet in armour would here have said Pastry Cook, if the necessities of the measure had not cramped his genius, as they have done many a genius before. D 5 THE THE CIVIC FEAST. [From the British Press, November 16.] THE Ne'er thought to save his wealth; For having last year lost the whole, He thought 't would do their stomachs good Lest, in endeav'ring to make up For all their last year's cheating, They 'd come with more than usual haste, And kill'd themselves with eating. FREDERIC. AN AN ODD CHOICE. [From the Morning Herald, November 2o.] November 9. THE RAREST THING! 'IPPONPHILOS. AND THE MOST PLENTIFUL ONE! WH HAT is the rarest thing we know? Since even Perceval will show The rarest thing's a Guinea. But if you wish to see a source More plentiful than vapour, And just as thin, observe the course Of Circulating Paper. BANK-NOTE. |