"Succeed an Emperor !" with wild surprise,
Exclaim'd the Minister, and rubb'd his eyes→→→→
"Sure the man's drunk,"

And in the bed he popp'd himself upright,
Then down again he sunk,

Astonish'd quite.

But soon once more the curtains backward flew,
And round the Peer his starting eyeballs threw.
"Succeed an Emperor !-did I hear aright?"
"An Emperor, oh! fie, Zur,—

No Emperor, Dick Gauge! why, Lord, you know
(And here Giles made a bow,

With most obsequious knee ;)

Your Worship knows right well that he
Was only Zupervizor."

The truth now flash'd-the bell the lordling rung
With fury, which beside his bedstead hung.
"Here Robert, Thomas !"-mad with rage
and shame,
He loudly call'd-the frighten'd servants came-
"Here, show this clown the outside of my door,
And never let me see his damn'd face more."
Next morn the great man hied to Downing Street,
But only fresh discomfiture to meet ;

For though the messenger, indeed, was come,
He found the news per telegraph a hum→

refus'd to ratify the treaty,

And Nap was still alive in Moscow's ancient city. 3d Nov. 1812.

L

THE RETORT COURTEOUS!

A RECENT ANECDOTE.

[From the British Press, Nov. 7.1

MUM

AST spring Mr. Skeffington called at a friend's house; and, notwithstanding he distinctly heard his voice within, was informed by the servant that' his master was out. On the following day, this gentleman went to pay a visit to Mr. Skeffington; who, when the door was opened, cried out himself, "I am not at home.". "What," said his friend,

"do

"do you think that I don't know your voice?""You are very deficient in correct breeding," replied Mr. Skeffington; "for when your servant said that you were not at home, I believed HIM; and now you will not believe ME, though I tell you so MYSELF.'

EPIGRAM.

[From the Morning Chronicle, Nov. 12.]
THE King of Rome can walk alone-
A Paragon of Kings !

How many tenants of a Throne
Are still in leading-strings!

THE

ADDRESS TO THE PUBLIC.

[From the same, Nov. 13.]

HE Committee for managing the affairs of St. St-ph-n, being desirous of signalizing the opening of the New House, on the 24th of this month, by the best of all possible Occasional Addresses, do hereby invite all the Poets of Great Britain (including those of the Treasury, Admiralty, &c. &c. &c. down to Rosa Matilda and Mr. Fitzgerald), to send in as soon as possible contributions of that nature; to the end, that the best and most appropriate may be selected from the number.

N. B. The Committee trust, that no Poets with a grain of sense will be taken in by the above invitation, which is merely meant as an innocent, and, they hope, even laudable hoax, to try the wits and tempers of such he and she Poets as the above-named; the Committee having already determined that the following Address shall be spoken :

OCCASIONAL

OCCASIONAL ADDRESS FOR THE OPENING OF THE NEW HOUSE, ON THE 24TH OF NOVEMBER, TO BE SPOKEN

BY THE PROPRIETOR IN FULL COSTUME.

THIS day a New House, for your edification,

We open, most thinking and right-headed nation!
Excuse the materials, the rotten and bad,

They're the best that for money just now could be had;
And if echo the charms of such houses should be,
You will find it shall echo my speech to a T.
As for actors, we've got the old Company yet,
The same motley, rum, tragi-comical set:
And consid'ring they all were but clerks t'other day,
It is truly surprising how well they can play :
Our Manager (he, who in Ulster was nurst,
And sung Erin go Bragh for the galleries first,
But, on finding Pitt-interest a much better thing,
Chang'd his note, of a sudden, to God save the King ;)
Still wise as he's blooming, and fat as he 's clever,
Himself and his speeches as lengthy as ever,
Here offers you still the full use of his breath,
Your devoted and long-winded proser till death!
You remember last season, when things went perverse on,
We had to engage (as a block to rehearse on,)
One Mr. V-ns-tt-t, a good sort of person,
Who's also employ'd for this season to play,

In "

Raising the Wind," and "the Devil to Pay." We expect, too-at least, we've been plotting and planning

To get that great actor from Liverpool, C-nn-ng;
And, as at the Circus there's nothing attracts,
Like a good single combat brought in 'twixt the acts,
If the Manager should, with the help of Sir P-ph-m,
Get up new diversions, and C-nn-ng should stop 'em,
Who knows but we 'll have to announce in the papers,
"Grand fight-second time-with additional capers?"

Be your taste for the ludicrous, humdrum, or sad,
There is plenty of each in this House to be had;
Where our Manager ruleth, there weeping will be,
For a dead hand at tragedy always was he;

And

And there never was dealer in dagger and cup,
Who so smilingly got all his tragedies up.
His powers poor Ireland will never forget,
And the widows of Walcheren weep o'er them yet.
So much for the actors-for secret machinery,
Traps, and deceptions, and shifting of scenery,
Y-rm-th and Cum are the best we can find,
To transact all that trickery business behind.

In taking my leave now, I've only to say,
A few Seats in the House, not as yet sold away,
May be had of the Manager, Pat C-stl-r-gh.

EPIGRAM.

THE EARL AND THE MARQUIS.

[From the same, Nov. 18.]

OUR Regent has been pleas'd of late,
For different service done the State,
To make the same requital;

Whilst Wellesley beats our foes in Spain,
Old H-rew-d trucks his votes-to gain
Addition to his Title!

L

Thus Venal wealth, and Honest fame,
Can each add lustre to a name,
And Rivalry should vanish!!
For both the Noble Lords may say,
They owe, [but in a different way,]
Their Honours-to the SPANISH !!!

VIGILANT MINISTERS.

[From the same, Nov. 19.]

ORD C-gh went post to Dover :
And thus being as 't were half seas over,
Up sprung beneath the Peer's inspection
A mushroom Paris insurrection.
Observe the sequel-such fatality
For ever marks his vigorous quality-
Paris and Walcheren still go round!
Generals are hang'd and armies drown'd

}

And,

And, were I sworn upon the matter,
I'd say, did he become a Hatter,
Such CURSE upon his measures treads,
Men would appear without their heads.

THE ART OF FORGETTING.
[From the same, Nov. 21.]

MR. EDITOR,

PROFESSOR Von Feinagle having entered upon a course of Lectures in Dublin on Mnemonics, or the art of remembering, you will much oblige me by giving insertion to a Prospectus of my intended series of Prelections on Anti-mnemonics, or the art of forgetting, by so doing you will much oblige your humble servant,

THE CHEVALIER DE SANS SOUVENIR, ci-devant Comte des Oubliettes, and successor to that celebrated Philosopher, Professor Von Stiflethinck'n.

Syllabus of the Public Experiments on the new System of Anti-mnemonics, to the perfectionation of which the Chevalier has devoted the last fifty years of a long life; fully verifying, from the toils he has encountered and surmounted in the pursuit, the assertion of Pope,

"Of all the lessons taught to mortals yet,
'Tis sure the hardest science-to FORGET.

EXPERIMENT 1.

The Chevalier will produce before the company one of the Members just returned to Parliament, and whom he shall have instructed not one quarter of an hour; he will present to him fifty of those Constituents, with whom but a week since he was on the most familiar terms; when, to the astonishment of all present, it will be found that he does not remember the face of one of them, nor retains the slightest remembrance of the pledges