A name that yields as far in worth to mine, It shall not be for here, great Jove, I swear, PARENTHETICAL ADDRESS, P. M. HALF STOLEN, WITH ACKNOWLEDGMENTS, TO BE SPOKEN IN AN INARTICULATE VOICE, BY MASTER OPENING OF THE NEXT NEW THEATRE. AT THE [Stolen parts marked with the inverted commas of quotation, thus, "-"] [From the same, Oct. 23.] "WHEN energizing objects men pursue," Then Lord knows what-is writ by Lord knows who; "A modest Monologue you here survey,' As if Sir Fretful wrote "the slumb'rous" verse, a 2 "Flame! "Flame! fire! and flame!" (words borrow'd from L cretius,) "Dread metaphors which open wounds" like issues! Lo! Hope, reviving, re-expands her wings," O British Poesy! whose powers inspire" My verse, (or I'm a fool, and Fame's a liar,) Thee we invoke-your sister arts implore,' With "smiles," and "lyres," and " more. pencils," and much "These if we win, the Graces too we gain ;" Disgraces too! "inseparable train!" "Three who have stolen their witching airs from Cupid," (You all know what I mean, unless you 're stupid ;) "Harmonious throng," that I have kept in petto, Now to produce in "a divine Sestetto!" "While Poesy," with these delightful doxies, "But hold, you say, this self-complacent Is this the poem which the public lost? boast ;" "True, true, that lowers at once our mounting pride," But lo! the papers print what you deride, "T is ours to look on you-you hold the prize," 'Tis twenty guineas, as they advertise! A double "A double blessing your rewards impart," "When in your fostering beams you bid us live," ELECTION HUM. [From the Public Ledger, Oct. 24.] MR. EDITOR, YOUR correspondent from Wood Street is right in conjecturing that I could be at no very great loss to account for the differences found between vivâ voce opinions and regular votes; and I am happy to find that the judgment of one, who seems himself to have been an attentive observer, coincides with mine. This is not the only instance in which those gentlemen who contend for parliamentary and other reforms and changes, prove decidedly that they rest for support, not upon their consituents, duly qualified, but upon mobs, either hired for the purpose, or attracted by that species of oratory which is most agreeable to men of irregular passions and weak understandings; and as, on such occasions, sufficient care is taken that no other speeches shall be heard, we are not to wonder that the tumultuous clamour of such auditors is palmed upon the world as the sense of the electors. The moment, however, a poll is resorted to, fenced by oaths, and those other restrictions mentioned by your correspondent, the bubble bursts, and the real sense of the constituents is taken, which, whether right or wrong, voluntary or influenced, is still the sense of that assembly, or body of electors; and it is an absolute insult to popular rights, to appeal from that to the sense of a minority; and boast of triumphs as ridiculous as those of the candidates for the borough of Garrat. a 3 It It is wonderful with what unblushing complacency our disappointed candidates contrive to frame excuses for their defeat. I have sometimes thought of compiling a set of rules, which may be suitable on all such occasions; and although I have not had leisure to putthem into the best possible form, and may probably omit some necessary particulars, yet as the late elections are pretty fresh in memory, I know not but I may be able to prescribe a little comfort to future disappointed gentlemen. In the first place then, on the first meeting, I would advise them to fill the hustings, whether in London, Brentford, Covent Garden, or any where else, with as many persons as can be collected, whose only qualification should be, that they have no business there. I should then advise them to make a long speech, abusing Ministers, whoever they may happen to be; and particularly deal out their personalities against the other candidates. By this means a show of hands, on the first day, will be the infallible consequence. Second day. You are, instead of the top, at the bottom of the list. This comes of these cursed oaths and polls. Well-be not disheartened, but flatly declare that your friends were obstructed in their way to the hustings, by an immense troop of ministerial constables, every man of whom has a guinea a day extraordinary for this service, and five shillings more for every punch in the guts which he bestows on one of your friends. Third day. Still lower. By way of variety, as you cannot touch upon the constables again, try the effect of a ministerial mob, armed with bludgeons, clasp-knives, and every other murderous weapon, and who are hired by "a weak and wicked Administration" to murder every honest and independent voter. A few affidavits on this score may not be amiss, and you may have them at little more than the price of the oath, which is twelve-pence. Fourth Fourth day. Still lower on the poll; and as no hope remains, declare that you have the most perfect confidence in your success; that five, six, or seven (you need not be particular as to the number) thousand voters have not yet polled, and beg they will come up tomorrow, and come early and breakfast with you, and go all in a body. A finer picture you cannot present to the imagination, than your five thousand unpolled voters swallowing tea and toast, and afterwardswhatever you may say to them-and digesting both alike. Fifth day. Not ten in your favour. Still, however, talk of the five thousand invisibles, and assure them and yourself of success, if they will but come! Sixth day.-Worse and worse. Now, as you have exhausted the ministerial constables and the ministerial mob, you must go to the never-failing topic, ministerial influence. Begin your speech, therefore, with the India House, a conversation you had with one of the warehouse porters, who told you a shocking story for the ears of your "worthy and independent hearers;' as how one of the Directors said to him, that, if he voted for you, the said Director would put him behind the fire, strip his wife and children naked, and turn them into the streets. From thence you may pass to the bloodthirsty Commissioners of Excise and Customs, all of whose officers and clerks, to be sure, must be electors, although you know that not one in twenty is then dash into the Bank, and give a melancholy picture of the clanking chains with which the Directors have tied their clerks neck and heels, for fear they should vote for you. After that step over to the Post Office, and declare that you know the man who knows the man, that saw the Secretary threatening a letter-carrier, that if he voted for you he would-and he swore "" by G he would," make him and his family feed upon dead and mis-sent letters for a month. Q 4 A speech |