DROWN one half of an army, and give the AGUE to the other. He will, moreover, discover the exact price of any Member in company, which proves that there are possible means of discovering future events. He will also exhibit several very interesting ARITHMETICAL CALCULATIONS; he will give an exact estimate of the National Debt, reveal in how many centuries the Sinking Fund will operate its extinction, prophesy the eventual depreciation of the paper money, and change, by the power of his anti-constitutional wand, a thirty shilling note into a GUINEA. His chartomantic deceptions are too numerous to attempt to describe-suffice it to say, that most of them are the product of his own invention, and never attempted by any one but himself. In conclusion, he will also exhibit such an active art of GUNNERY, that it is useless for any man to attempt it but himself. Mr. C. may, if he thinks proper, mark a lead ball, LOAD the PISTOL, and fire at the FIRST Conjuror in the WORLD, and he will, positively without deception, catch the identical ball upon the point of a dilenima; with a variety of incontestable operations, too numerous to insert in the limits of a hand-bill. The Sieur Castleré, in addition to his sophistical and other diabolical performances, has engaged an ingenious artist of the name of Croker, who will finish the evening's entertainment with three select scenes from the OMBRES CHINOISES. FIRST SCENE. An American War; or, Arrogant Impolicy Rewarded. SECOND SCENE. The Genius of Great Britain, supported by Lord Wellington, his helmet surmounted by the Shamrock, the the emblem of his country, to which he has done such immortal credit, beating a drum in the ears of Spain, who is lying snoring in a recumbent posture, with the incubus of bigotry on her breast, a bag of relics on one side, and racks and fagots on the other. THIRD SCENE. Ireland, with her Catholic and Protestant sons joining hands under the influence of reason and unani. mity, in progress to the Temple of Emancipation. Grattan riding upon D-n, tame and muzzled at the head of the procession, and Gd and My drawing two jingles with six insides each-the Independent Jury who acquitted Dr. Sheridan, T. T. GENERAL ELECTION. [From the General Evening Post, Oct. 6.] MR. EDITOR, AS many of the worthy and independent Candidates for seats in Parliament profess that they "want words" to address their equally worthy and independent Constituents, I have sent you a model for compositions of this kind, which may be applied in all cases, without loss of time, or hinderance of business," they only altering the words "Freeholders," or "Electors," or "Livery," or by whatever other name the said constituents are known. I am, Sir, yours, A MODELLER. To the Worthy and Independent Electors of N GENTLEMEN, A Dissolution of Parliament having taken place, I beg leave to solicit your votes, being highly desirous of representing you in Parliament flatter myself, Gentlemen, that my conduct is fully known, known, and has been approved by you; and I assure you of my firm determination to support the line of conduct which shall be most agreeable to you, as soon as I know what that is, reserving only to myself the privilege of attending to my own interest in all cases where it may happen to clash with yours. GENTLEMEN, I have had the honour of cajoling you on former occasions with the watch-word of the day, whatever it may be-Parliamentary ReformCatholic Emancipation-No Popery-EconomyPeace, &c.; and I shall continue to do the same, because it is of more importance to me to keep you in good-humour, than to undeceive you in any of these points. A seat in Parliament is necessary to me on many accounts. Having long neglected my business to turn politician, I foresee the time at no great distance, when a snug security for my person will be an object of some importance. In order to obtain this, I shall pay no regard to your instructions, as you call them, farther than they may be agreeable to my interest, which is the only object I have in view. Should we agree in opinion, it will be very fortunate; but if we happen to differ, I must then insist on acting agreeably to the dictates of my conscience, and "seeing things in a different light." I acknowledge my obligations to the Gentlemen of my Committee. They are dupes as well as yourselves, and although not above eight or ten in number, their meetings amount to a most numerous and respectable assemblage; where, although few words pass, I shall put into the Papers some most animated, impressive, brilliant, and luminous harangues, with a suitable proportion of acclamations and bursts of universal applause. I have only to add, Gentlemen, that if I have the honour of being elected your Representative, I shall most faithfully fulfil your wishes-if consistent with my my own; and most carefully watch over your rights and privileges-as far as they are consistent with the object I have in view. I only ask, in return, that you will give me full credit for every mode of deception I may practise to gratify your prejudices and passions; and I shall, as in duty bound, laugh in my sleeve at your gullibility, and subscribe myself, Gentlemen, Your most devoted humble servant, HUMPHRY HUMBUG. ODE OF HORACE TRANSLATED. MR. EDITOR, IN consequence of the sensation produced by Lord Eld-n's translation from Horace (see p. 318), I am induced to send you another from the same AntiRomanist School-" Cedite Romani scriptores!" Yours, &c. BIBLIOP. TRYPHON. HORACE, ODE 20. LIB. 1. FREELY TRANSLATED BY THE RIGHT HON. DOCTOR IF Your Grace has a mind to be gay, *Vile potabis modicis Sabinum Cantharis. * Sweet Pea is the poetical term for whiskey in Ireland. I bought 1328 HORACE, ODE 20. LIB. I. TRANSLATED. I bought it of Judy Malone, (By my soul 't would n't sicken a midge,) For the lift side of Bally Bough Bridge." Och How the Romanists groan'd! To the Jacobin sounds! The murmur was heard over Dublin's sweet Bay ‡, Tho' so far from the Playhouse, were actually bother'd! But come, taste the whiskey f; So Popish and frisky, Och! faith 't is so tempting, whate'er you may think of it, Spite of the beads even Eldon would drink of it! + Græcâ quod ego ipse testâ Conditum levi, datos in theatro Cum t bi plausus, Care Mæcenas eques. The allusion here to "the lift side of Bally Bough Bridge," requires explanation. There is a little village so situated in the vicinity of Dublin, called RICHMOND; and the first time His Grace honoured the Theatre with his presence, after W. P-le's celebrated Crusade against the Catholic Committee, the galleries took this delicate method of intimating their displeasure, and "a groan for the lift side of Bally Bough Bridge" resounded through the house. The bubble on the surface of the whiskey, by which its strength is proved, is called the bead.—“ What would you do with a glass of whiskey, if you had it?" said an Englishman to a Dunleary boatman.→ "Faith, Sir, think 'd make a Protestant of it."-"How, pray?" "Why, I'd take the beads off it, your honour!" Claret's |