THE TWO PREACHERS:

A REAL OCCURRENCE.

[From the Times, March 3, 1811.3

NE day at church a worthy Rector praying,
His Clerk, as usual, the church-door
Wide open set, to let in more,

When in the church-yard they were tir'd of playing,
Or lounging in the street, or in the next field straying.

Something, ere long, aloft was heard to patter,
Which oft as Thomas cried, "Ah-men,"
Again repeated, and again;

Would answer him with "clatter, clatter, clatter,"
While all the people whisper'd, "What's the matter?”

To let you in the secret-there was swinging
Up in a cherry-tree sublime,

(For you must know, 't was cherry-time,)
A clapper-which at times so loud kept ringing,
It e'en out-nois'd the very Psalm-smith's singing.
In spite, however, of this constant clanging,
The Clergyman, though somewhat vext,
Contriv'd to thunder out his text;

Then louder and more loud went on haranguing,
While louder and more loud the clapper still kept banging.

VOL. XVI.

When

When all was o'er, one of his flock said, "Master!
I little thought our Reverend Teacher
Would be outdone by a field-preacher."

«Not so, friend," answer'd the good-humour'd Pastor,
"Though I admit, he louder talk'd, and faster.

4

I warn'd forbidden fruit' to shun,

He but enforc'd what I begun :
But he was mounted more on high,

And rather more in wind' than I."

MY

THE LIKENESS; OR, MY COUSIN.

WRITTEN BY MR. UPTON.

[From the Morning Post, April 3.]

Y Lord was all kind, and my Lady all fair, ́
And in conjugal fetters were link'd ;

Yet one thing was wanting, and that was an Heir,
That the title might not be extinct.

E'en this came at last, and a sweet rosy boy,

So like, but the truth we 'll record;

Like an angel it look'd, but, to lessen the joy,
It somehow was not like-My Lord.

The babe grew in beauty, the christening came,
And to it flock'd friends by the dozen :
When the likeness, O yes, ev'ry gossip could name,
'Twas so like Her Ladyship's cousin!

Then sure, at the moment her cousin came in,

The Captain, all pleasing and grace!

When his forehead, his nose, and his sweet dimpled chin,

All present could easily trace.

The Ladies sat smiling; the Captain smil'd too;

But vow'd he no likeness could see :

Which my Lord, nay my Lady, affirm'd to be true,
And must with the Captain agree.

The party, on this, would again view the child:
When each, looking wise, hemm'd and haw'd;
Then, blaming their folly, (by fancy beguil'd,)
Declar'd it was just like-my Lord!

The

The next day was fix'd to go down to the Grove ;
When my Lady, good-humour'd and kind,

Said, her grandfather's age might an hinderance prove,
So fain wish'd to leave him behind.

"Then, my Lord, all our friends are inclin❜d to be gay,
And we must not have more than a dozen."
"Why then," cried my Lord, "let your grandfather stay,
And, my dear, we 'll dispense with my cousin."

ON A LATE SUBSCRIPTION.

ISS T-yl-r (dear creature!) no longer need dread; Though her character's damag'd, she 'll never want bread:

For, like most ruin'd maids, she applied to the town, And by that means secur'd both White Bread and Brown,

APPOINTMENT DISAPPOINTED;

OR, VON SCHLEMMER and POT LUCK."

[From the British Press, July 11.]

N Englishman invited once

ΑΝ

A German friend to dine,

On plain pot luck-for such his phrase
And drink some good port wine.

Mein Herr repair'd at proper time,
With stomach for the treat;
The viands on the table plac'd,
Von Schlemmer took his seat.

Soup, turkey, beef, by turns were serv'd,
Mein Herr declin'd each one;

Fowls, turtle, sauce, they follow'd next

Von Schlemmer tasted none.

His Host at length, by kindness urg'd,
Press'd him to take some duck;

"Achmien !" with groans, Von Schlemmer said,
"I vait for de POT LUCK!"

82

QUIZ.

DISTANCE.

DISTANCE.

[From the Morning Chronicle, August 7.]

POMPOSO cried-" While you've existence, Son! keep plebeians at a distance."

This speech a Tailor overheard,

And quick replied-" I wish, my Lord,
You'd thus advis'd, before your son
So deeply in my debt had run."

THE MOVEABLE MOLE.

[From the same.]

THAT mole upon your cheek, dear Kitty, I own is beauteous, small, and pretty; But, O! if near your lips its place, How fair-how exquisite its grace!" Beneath her pouting lips, next day, A lovely patch enticing lay.

Lo

LOVE.

[From the same, August 27.]

OVE still commands my heart and purse,
For life with love is worth possessing;

Yet never let me make a curse

Of that intended for a blessing.

If faithless Chloe should deceive,
Am I to suffer death or anguish ?-
No, gentle Ladies, by your leave,
I wish to love, and not to languish.

PROFILES.

ON A LADY, WHO WITH THE QUICKNESS OF A GUILLOTINE TOOK OFF HEADS IN SHADE. [From the same.]

LET her abode your soul appal,

For no one there is safe a minute; You'll lose your head-but that's not all, For were that all, there's nothing in it.

No, shun the spot of Anna's art,
Where nature too conspires to bind you;
Or you will find, when you depart,

You've left both head and heart behind you

TANDEM DRIVING.

"Ad populum phaleras; ego te intus et in cute novi."*
[From the same.]

AT length Bill Puncheon sees his sire laid low;
At length Bill Puncheon means to be "the Go;"
At length he soars to manage whip and reins;
At length he's "all the kick" from Bow to Staines
At length he drives upon Newmarket sod;
At length he drives, until he drives to-quod.

THE FIRST OF SEPTEMBER ;

OR, THE CITY SPORTSMAN'S JOURNAL. "'T is falsely cheerful, barb'rous game of death."-THOMSON [From the Morning Herald, Sept. 2.].

SEPT.

EPT. 1.-According to our agreement made at the Hole-in-the-Wall, in Fleet Street, six of us met on Blackfriars Bridge, at half-past five o'clock, armed, and furnished with a large quantity of ammunition.

Squibbed our guns over the bridge, and got a volley of oaths from the men of a West-country barge, that was passing under the centre arch.

Loaded and primed; gave the dogs a bit of bread each the fox-dog would not eat his-took a dram apiece, and set forward, in high spirits, for the Circus-gate, on our way to Camberwell, where we were informed we should find several coveys.

Just at Christ Church, Blackfriars, Ned Simple shot at a rat, and missed it; but it gave us a fine hunt, the dogs barking all the way, until we drove it into the Thames.