TW

EPIGRAM.

[From the same, March 24.]

WAS ask'd t' other day of an eminent sage, What less deserves trust in a dissolute age, Than a dog in a larder, or cat in a cage.

The Scholar said, having a moment reflected,

I

}

Why, nothing on earth,-royal friendship excepted."

M.F..

PROJECT FOR A CHANGE OF COUNCILS. [From the same, March 27.]

MR. EDITOR,

WAS conversing with a friend of mine yesterday upon the alarming appearances of the times, and the very little prospect we have of any alteration for the better; when, after some deliberation, he proposed the following remedy, as the only means of arriving at the bottom of the evil, and producing a fundamental change in the councils of the Empire. He proposed to engage some personable elderly lady, who will suffer herself to be cooped up and fattened, till she outweighs every other by a stone or two: "we must then," says he, " give her full powers and proper instructions; and this is the only chance we have of saving the country!"-Philosophers state it to be one of the great laws of gravitation, "that the attraction of bodies is in proportion to the quantity of matter which they contain ;" and as the attraction of female bodies seems very much regulated by the same law at present, my friend's reliance upon the effects of an increase of matter does not appear to be at all chimerical or ill-founded. I therefore submit his proposal through the medium of your patriotic paper; and, requesting a few hints with respect to the shortest fattening process, from any of the noble feeders of (what is called) new light mutton,

I am, Sir, yours, &c.

Q.

P. S. It ought to be mentioned, that one lady has been tried in the balance against the Favourite, and has been found wanting." The following is a pretty accurate account of the experiment :

"Let us see," said the Rt, "which heaviest weighs, Britannia or -, and, lo! he displays

The balance to try them, high hanging in air,

With the Goddess plac'd here, and her Ladyship there.
They were, both of them, ladies of pretty good weight,
But Britannia had been rather sickly of late;
For she'd got in the hands of a d-mn-ble quack,
Who had very near laid the poor Dame on her back;
And, in spite of her vigour and proud resolution,
Had almost destroy'd her good old constitution;
Besides, too, 't was rumour'd, to add to her fright,
That the Doctor was coming to finish her quite!
Then, no wonder, alas! the poor Lady was thin,
And unable to weigh down the scale she was in:
For the Dame on the other side sitting, God bless us !
Was equal at least to three whole Marchionesses;
Accordingly, scarce had her Most Noble r-mp
Been plac'd in the balance, than down it came plump;
And the Rt exclaim'd, while he view'd them together,
"Poh! weigh'd against
Britannia's a feather!"

EPIGRAM

UPON A LATE SPEECH MADE IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS WHEN THE PAYMASTERSHIP OF WIDOWS'

WAS ABOLISHED.

[From the same, March 28.]

MAC Mahon arose,

(When Bankes did propose

Of the Paymaster's Pension to rid us,
And said, with long face,

'T was no sinecure place,

To satisfy so many widows.

PENSIONS

NEW

NEW PUBLICATIONS.

[From the British Press, March 30.]

WE have read an old work, entitled, An Account

of Royal, Noble, and Illustrious Authors. It is but a small volume, and comprises the literary history of many centuries. Now-a-days so high does the furor scribendi rage, that to frame a bare list of our Illustrious Authors would require the space of folios; and among no particular class of men has the mania of authorship been more prevalent than among our Senators. Not to mention the many weighty pamphlets on the Bullion Question, and the long and tedious dissertations on the Orders in Council-not to mention political tracts and party disputation-lots of our Senators have of late been subject to the awful visitation which prompts unlucky wights to rhyme. All Bedlam or Parnassus is broke loose, and the effu-' sions anti-jacobinical of Canning and Ellis, have been succeeded by the heroic Talaveras of the heroic Croker, the Roncesvalles of Wharton-(there are Secretaries for ye!!) But these are nothing to the works in preparation, for "In the press, and shortly to be published," the following are a few of the most interesting:

Delicate Investigation, a Romance, by S. Perceval: to which is added, a legal Disquisition on the Art of Shifting. The niotto

Can such things be,
And overcome us like a summer cloud,
Without our special wonder?"

The Complete Letter Writer, by W. W. Pole. Hoyle upon Games improved, by Lord Yarmouth. With an introductory Essay in praise of Vices.

A Dissertation on Poles, by the Right Honourable G. Ponsonby, in which the tendency to injury in carriage and Secretary Poles is fully demonstrated.

Essay

Essay on Order, by C. Abbott.

Disappointment, an Elegy, by G. Canning; and Small-beer, a Sonnet, by Sturges Bourne.

Nautica, or Walcheren, an heroic Poem, by Sir W. Curtis, splendidly printed, and embellished with a frontispiece of the author in a Shell with a seanymph, drawn by turtles instead of tritons. Notes, illustrations, and designs, by Lord Castlereagh.

An Essay on the Breach of Privilege and the Privi lege of Breech, addressed to the sitting MembersG. Eden.

Purity, a Poem; with a Peep at a Peerage, a Farce; by George Rose.

Sternhold and Hopkins, a New Edition with addi tions, by Hawkins Browne.

Thespisiana, or Theatrical Anecdotes, and a Squint into the Green-Room-S. Whitbread.

Analysis of Bristol Hot Wells, or the good Effects of getting into Hot Water, by Bragge Bathurst.-The Experiments by the Doctor.

Dialogues of the Dead, by Secretary Ryder; to which is subjoined, a new method of preserving what has been destroyed.

Duigenan, or Toleration.

The Necessity of extending the Benefits of Martial Law to Ireland-M. Sutton.

Finance, a Fable-by the Right Honourable John Foster.

Cleomphus, a Tragedy-by J. Faller.

An Essay to prove and demonstrate the Purity of the Scots, and the Possibility of managing Matters without having recourse to Flogging-by Sir F. Bur. ...dett.

The Sea of Politics, an Allegory-Lord Cochrane. The Liberty of the Press-gang, maintained by Sir V. Gibbs.

The Piety of Resignation; author, C. Yorke.

3

Hints

Hints on National Monuments, by C. Long; proving, that when the House of Commons resolve to make good the same," they are not bound to see make the same good."

૬ ૧૦

There are many other equally new and desirable Publications preparing in the upper part of the Chapel, of which a list may hereafter be given.

SHIP NEWS EXTRAORDINARY.
(Continued from the Morning Chronicle !-See Page 188.)

THE

[From the Morning Herald, April 1.]

HE Five Friends, Captain A, by lowering her masts, has arrived safely off Savoy stairs, with a cargo of paragraphs.

The George Turn-ye, blown from her moorings off Democracy stairs in the Borough, has arrived at a port in Ireland. This ship made many attempts to fetch St. James's Bay, but could not. She has now a heavy cargo of slang on board for a market. The master may be spoke with on board.

The Francis the First slipped her cable off Tower stairs, and proceeded to sea, without a manifest; her destination is unknown, but she is supposed to be bound for a harbour in the Bight of Despotism, the new land lately discovered by the French, at the end of Strait Reform. She has on board an assortment of Liberty beads and Good-of-the-People trinkets, suitable for the trade there.-N. B. This vessel has lately lost her Master, who steered her so well through the difficult passage called Letter-of-the-Law.

The Hope-Ill, Captain John Placeless, has arrived off Newport. This vessel, in attempting to run down the Duke of Brunswick, a distressed galliot from Germany, received some shots from the Perceval, 74, so close that they went through both her sides. Afterwards, in showing wrong fires off the Irish coast,

the