house and hold, if he did not produce the old gentleman. This so frightened our young paper-maker, that he immediately applied to the Justices in Westminster, and obtained a passport, without which he would have been afraid to carry on his trade. As to the nephew, Master Seven-Shilling-Piece, I have not seen him for some time. I have been told, indeed, that he was addicted to bad women, and other evil courses; and some think that he went abroad after his uncle. He was always, however, a poor puny thing, and many, who wished to have a little of his company, complained that he slipt through their fingers they knew not how.

In the mean time, I have no doubt that we shall one day see our old friend Mr. Guinea among us, and learn to value his worth a little more than we did; and, although I do not directly allude to your correspondent and his advertisement, I must say, that since my old friend's absence, some very strange Reports have been circulated, which I believe he will soon be able to refute.

THE DESTINIES OF OLD IRELAND.

[From the Morning Chronicle, Jan. 7.]

UEEN Bess made us subjects, Queen Anne made us
slaves,

And the Third of the Georges, in spite of the knaves,
Relax'd some of the laws whelp'd in Tyranny's den,
And in Manhood's true spirit acknowledg'd us MEN.
But still we were crippled, embarrass'd, dismay'd,
Till Grattan arose, and with Grattan Free Trade-
And with Grattan a host of those brave Volunteers
Who protected old Erin and scar'd the Mounseers.
But what speck in th' horizon is dimly descried?
'Tis Pitt, in the dark thunder-cloud of his pride;

-UNITED.

He hover'd for years o'er our country benighted,
And at last shot the bolt that gleam'd on us-
Then what follow'd Pitt?-Why, his pigmy in sense, Sir-
In proportion the same as surtout to a Spencer-
While the man that was Fostered in Erin's green vale,
Left her bosom to hold up this same Spencer's tail.
Then began the Finances of Chancellor Foster,

With his drawbacks and bounties, and plans work'd in

His draining of bogs, and his grand distillation,
Which shook every mercantile house in the nation.

T

On his plans of the bogs we know vain is complaining,
In Ireland, a country predestin'd' to draining;
But the e tax upon windows with sorrow we mark,
Encore fifty per cent, and we 're all in the dark.
But the tax at willc
Irishmen chiefly repine,
Is that so abortive he laid upon wine.-

1

Ah! sad is my soul when I touch upon this key,
In port to be starv'd-while we 're delug'd with whiskey.
But poor Foster is now to the hospital borne,

An incurable pensioner, crippled and worn;

While Pole on his place has accomplish'd a seizure,
And is going to press us with his lemon-squeezer.

But in what shape, O Pole, can you lay a new tax?

In our bellies we 're pinch d, and stark naked our backs!
Our trade at a stand-manufacturers idle!
And poor Erin, mumchance, doom'd to bite on the bridle.
On our incomes at you must pounce with your claw,
And, with rigour within or perhaps beyond law,
Proceed to the task of distress and distraction,
And close all accounts-with a decimal fraction.

T

r

Then prepare, O ye Lawyers, who briefs never see,nub.
And ye Doctors whose palms never greeted a fee,
Ye keepers of shops, whose whole capital's spent, A
And ye Brewers of Porter-who can't find a vent,
And ye placemen and pensioners, generous band !
And ye gentle Attornies, advance hand in hand,

ching in to buolo-obami do was gi

And

And Divines of all sects, those who damn us and bless us,
And ye LL. D.'s, A. M,'s, and A. double S. S.'s.
Bring your books and accounts, unfold all your affairs,
Your entries of fees, Treasury warrants, and pray'rs,
Bills of Costs, Bills of Lading, Hops, Barley, and Coals;
And who thinks of Hops without thinking of Poles?

Expose to your Chancellor profits and gains,
And then give a Tenth, and what balance remains ?
"By my shoul," exclaims Paddy, "the ballinsh is small
It falls short, just a trifle of—nothing at all!”
Believe me, great Pole, till our freedom revives,
And our bees are permitted to toil in their hives,
Of Industry's honey you 'll not taste a bit,
For ex nihilo, Wellesley, you know nihil fit.
Then your Circulars burn-and let Liberty wave
Her banner triumphant o'er Bigotry's grave-
Unbind every fetter that conscience enchains,

And PROCLAIM the free use of our hands and our brains.
But, hark! 't is accomplish'd!-Record it, my pen→→→
We are sav'd by the Verdict of twelve honest men.
She rights, my brave boys-all our perils are past-
Our ship can't be wreck'd while we 've one JURY MAST!
Och, long life to that Carr-be was knighted one day
By a Viceroy of ours, in a jocular way;

Then set out with this passport, quite fearless of danger,
Taken in by all nations-as being a Stranger

They told him such marvellous tales !—let it pass-
And he register'd all on the skin of an ass ;-

Not like Musgrave's big book-the Lord bless it and save. it!

Every story in that is a big affidavit

"

So why should not I, in the Traveller's way,
(Though I don't mean to swear to whatever I say,)
Set down my remarks-to Posterity hand 'em,
And in foolscap embalm my sublime memorandum?-

I have frequently smil'd at the girls with their mops,
A-washing their stones in the front of their shops--

I

In Ireland we'd laugh at their water and tub;

What each day must be dirtied, 't is useless to scrub.

I have blush'd to myself, when, sometimes in the street,
Genteel Ladies in pattens I happen'd to meet-

Now in Dublin's sweet town, be the sky foul or fair,
Every Lady with us-walks about in her chair.-

Mem. 2.

I must tell my lov'd Dinah, to-morrow, I think,
No longer to write with invisible inkj

I pore o'er soft nonsense, and twist it and turn it,
And can't read a line of the note till I burn it.—
She wants me, I know, to tell where I have been,
But invisible ink has been never yet seen :

She says, in her postscript, that heat will unfold it;
So, by scorching her meaning, at length I am told it.-
Why, then, not to detain my account till it cools,
I cut nice rump-steaks from the loins of Air bulls;
Astride on a crocodile, posting away,

In search of the Nile, which has long gone astray.
Bruce, you know, says he found it 't is all a mistake,
He miss'd it, as sure as I eat a beef-steak :—

Like Wordsworth, I measur'd the source, top and side,
And found it exact-two feet long, three feet wide-
This same Nile's secret spring is much like, in my mind,
A thing call'd Prerogative, quite undefin'd;

It widens and deepens, like Nile in its course,
But we cannot or dure not discover its source.-

Mem. 3.

To ask Lord Valentia, the next time I see him,
Would the Pyramids fit in the British Museum.
Buonaparte will have them, if we don't make haste,
Which would grieve my Lord Elgin and all men of taste.
By the by, the same Pyramids puzzle my brain-
They were built to hold something, yet nothing contain;
Like some Treasury sculls of inordinate mass,

Which contain of pure nous somewhat less than an ass.

F.

FASHIONABLE

FASHIONABLE RUNNERS.
[From the Morning Herald, Jan. 7.]

MR. EDITOR,

WHATEVER regulations may be made in the state of our Police establishments, I hope there will be no thought of diverting the attention of some of the fashionable Runners from the duty of calling upon people of quality upon their arrival in town, telling them the latest anecdotes of the low world, and putting them up to the newest slang!

In writing this, Sir, I have not a direct personal interest; for, being only a younger brother, I can seldom obtain more notice than a slight nod and a short answer from any of the truly fashionable runners; but my brother, Sir, my brother Lord Know'em, has the honour of being a particular friend of Mr. Slangum, the most fashionable of them; and, if you were to know the benefits his Lordship receives from his conversation, you would not think it unreasonable that these people should have time to bestow upon persons of fashion. I have known my brother, Sir, after he has been well primed in a morning by Mr. Slangum, "with queer English and rum tales, occupy the whole attention of a dinner party for two hours, though, at another time, he could hardly get his nearest guest to listen to him for five minutes, upon the state of the nation. You should hear him describe how the pickpockets grow into house-breakers -how the runners know where to prick for themand how the masters of the boozing kens help them to a little knowledge. Then, Sir, there are half a dozen Dowagers of my acquaintance, who never think themselves safe, unless Mr. Slangum calls once a week, and, after a dish of chocolate with their butlers, comes in person to their dressing-rooms, and promises to keep a twinkler upon them. Such satisfac

F 4

tions,