The Life of Mrs. MARY CHURCHMAN; containing an account of her conversion, and the difficulties the underwent from her own family, until the Lord appeared in her favour, and turned every one of them to himself.

GREEABLE to what my parents educated me in, I was

AGREE for the etablished church, and thought all fanatics who diffented from it. I had much prejudice against diffenters, and a great inclination to perfecute them. There lay a way through my father's yard, for Mrs. M. a pious woman, to go to the meeting, which he did every Lord's-day. I really thought it my duty to fet my father's dog to moleft her; and used sometimes to encou rage him for half a mile together, with the moft bitter invectives, as faying, "My dog would smell the blood of a fanatic, &c.” The cur, though curfed to others, yet fuch was the preventing providence of God, that he never once faftened upon this gracious perfon; notwithstanding, for fome time, I conftantly made it my bufinefs to fet him upon her.

When I was about eighteen years of age, it pleased the Lord to lay on me a languifhing fit of fickness, which raifed in me fome promises of a new life; and when recovered, at the persuasion of a neighbour, who had been very useful to me in my illness, I went with her to hear that great man of God Mr. Holcroft.* He preached powerfully of hell and judgment, which made me tremble, and fecretly wish I had never came there. Every time he named the name of Christ, it was terrible as the thunder and lightening upon Mount Sinai. I wished myself covered with the mountains, and looked upon Chrift as my terrible judge and ene◄ my. This trouble I vented in floods of tears, and many wishes that I had never been born, and that I had never came there; for now, thought I, they will think me one of them felves, which I at that time was fully refolved againft. I feemed now to like their perfons worse than ever. Satan alfo fuggefted, what would my relations fay? they must never know that I had been at a meeting, and the like.

Thus in great hurry and confufion I fat till fervice was ended. After fermon, ftaying for my neighbour, the minifter came to me, and afked, Where I lived? who I was ? and whether I knew any thing of the Lord Jefus Chrift, &c. ? But fuch was my ignorance, and fuch the hurry and confufion of my mind, that dark was my anfwer; I told him, I believed the world was at an end. Home I came, and not one word did I fpeak to my neighbour, but was very angry in my mind, that the fhould ever afk me to come among ft the diffenters. I grew worfe and worfe, infomuch that my mother fent for a doctor, fearing that I fhould be melancholy, which indeed greatly increafed upon me. This was in the reign

* Mr. Holcroft was one of the ejected minifters, and afterwards paftor of a congregation in Cambridgefhire; in which county, as well as in feveral other places, he was remarkably useful, both for the converfion and comfort of many.

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of king Charles II. at which time they were bringing in Popery at a great pace.

The next opportunity which presented, I had an inclination to go to the meeting again, which I did, but very privately. My mother began to miftruft me, and repeated her charge, warning me not to go among fuch fort of creatures as fanatics; for I believe, faid the, they bewitch people into their perfuafions. However I went on a week day, and the fame minifter preached. He was a good Samaritan to me that day. The Spirit of the Lord fhone round about me. O then I faw the Lord Jefus become my husband! He was to me a hiding-place from the form and tempeft, to which I faw my guilty and polluted nature had expofed me. O happy day indeed! I found him, who a little before appeared as a terrible judge, was become my beloved, and I knew that I was his. O inexpreffible joy! he was as a bundle of myrrh foul. I had not only here a little and there a little, but I had every where much. I had every thing I wanted to my depressed fpirits. I well knew I fhould meet hard things from my relations, but could now pray," Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

to my

As foon as my father and mother knew that I went to the meeting, fatan was in a great rage. My father was then high conftable, and had an order from the juftices to return all the names of those who frequented the meetings. This made it an hard thing for his own daughter to be a fanatic, which was what he could not bear. And this alfo increafed my difficulty in getting out on the Lord'sday; which notwithstanding I fometimes did, and have walked eight, ten, yea, twelve miles to a meeting. If my father at any time understood where I was gone, he spent the day in nothing but oaths and curfes, and refolves to murder me. My mother, though an enemy to fanatics, would frequently fend a fervant to meet me before I could reach home, to tell me not to appear till my father was gone to bed; and I often hid myfelf in a wood-ftack, where I have seen him pafs by, with a naked knife in his hand, declaring he would kill me before he flept.

In this bondage I lived for one year, but the Lord carried on his work with much power, and enabled me to declare in Zion what he had done for my foul, which I did on a Lord's-day, as the manner then was. I had fome fear indeed left my parents should hear of it, which they did within a fortnight after, by means of a basket woman, who asked my mother, if she had not a daughter? fhe answered, Yes, "O, faid the woman, I heard her preach fuch a fermon at Mildred *, as raised the admiration of all who heard her." This my mother obliged her to atteft before my father and me; who no fooner heard of it, but he immediately turned me out of doors, not fuffering me to carry any thing with me, except the clothes on my back.

*Near Melbourn, in Cambridgeshire, where her experience was given in, and which the woman meant by her preaching a fermon.

I went to a pious gentleman's about four miles diftant from my father's, who had often told me I fhould be welcome to his house, where my employ fhould be to be the governess to his children. But there the Lord was pleafed to try me greatly at my fetting out. My miftrefs, though a good woman, foon became uneasy, thinking her husband fhewed me too much favour. She was fuffered to carry it very cruelly towards me, ordering my lodging with the meaneft of the fervants, and my diet likewife as coarse as theirs. It being a time of fcarcity of provifions, we under fervants lived chiefly upon barley bread. I was obliged to borrow for necessary change of linen, nor did I know, for months together, what it was to have one penny in my pocket.

This great change of living, together with the grief of being banished from my father's houfe, brought me fo low, that a fore fit of fickness enfued. My life not being long expected, the gentleman fent a meffenger to acquaint my mother that I had a great defire to see her; but as foon as the messenger informed my father, he replied, if he did not immediately get out of his yard he would fhoot him dead. However, about a fortnight after my mother fent me a box of wearing apparel, which I received with thefe words on my thoughts, Matt. vi. 32, "For your heavenly Father know. eth that ye have need of all these things.'

I lived in this place with difficulty three years, but in all that time never knew what it was to have one barren Tabbath. I thought my mercies equal to the children of Ifrael's. I gathered my manna on the fabbath, and it always lafted fweet and good: it never cloyed, and I was always hungry; infomuch that I thought, if seeing and hearing the faints fome times here was so pleasant, what must it be to dwell for ever with them above! I was placed among thofe, where indeed I had frequent opportunities of being convin ced, that good men are fubject to like paffions with others. This grieved me, but God did me good by fuch disappointments, for hereby he brought me more off from the creature to the Creator.

The year following, providence placed me twenty miles another way, where I obtained Jofeph's character, and a Jofeph's promotion, being greatly valued by many noble families, and especially the lady M, who told me she loved me years before she was perfonally acquainted with me. She gave me of her liberality, and maintained chriftian communion with me. One remark this lady made I very well remember, fpeaking of the suitableness of the Spirit's applying the word to all ranks and conditions, "It is well faid, faith the, in holy writ," not many noble are called;" had it been expreffed not any noble, what a condition must I have been

in! "

Perfecution now came on apace; the diffenters could have no meetings but in woods and corners. I myself have seen our companies often alarmed with drums and foldiers; every one was fined. five pounds a month for being in their company. Here God left me to ftagger; fatan fuggefted, if you give your body to be burned,

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and have not charity, it is nothing. But the greater the temptation the greater was the deliverance, from thofe words, Rev. vii. 14. "These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have wafhed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb." Alfo chap. vi. 11. "And white robes were given to every one of them," &c. Bleffed be God, fatan by his affaults only bruifed my heel, my head remained whole.

While I was in this family, the commiffioners came and searched for minifters. Mr. B. the gentleman of the house, and Mr. Holcroft, were asleep in a private arbour. I ran with fome difficulty and awoke them, and they made their efcape through the hedge: but as I returned the officers furprised me. They went and found fome flips of their clothes on the hedges, which made them roar like blood-hounds; after which they came and feized a whole house of goods. Thefe men were major T. and colonel C.

But the great trial now came on, they found and feized my beloved paftor Mr. Holcroft, and carried him to Cambridge-caftle; yet even there the Lord appeared wonderfully for him; he preached, and many fouls were converted in that place. Now God was with us much: he was indeed as a pillar of fire by night, and a cloud by day. And, O! how do I remember his loving kindness to me the leaft of all faints! He not only delivered me from all my fears, but even death itfelf; nay, the very flames with which we were threatened were made familiar to me. I was enabled to fay," O death, where is thy fting ?" The Lord was a covert from that ftorm and tempeft, and a strong rock in that day of trouble.

Mr. B. with whom I lived, had a call to Holland; and as the perfecution was very threatening in England, he thought it his duty to accept the call. He gave me an invitation to go with him, affuring me that all things fhould be in common. As I well knew my circumstances were very precarious, not having any where to hide my head, when this worthy family was gone, this drew me into great ftraits. I fought the Lord time after time on this account, and it seemed as if he was providing for me in another land. Grace taught me my duty to my parents, though they were enemies to the cross of Chrift. Accordingly I acquainted them with this invitation, and that I fhould comply with it, unless their commands were to the contrary. I added in my letter, I fhould be all obedient to them, faving in matters relating to my God: and though I had not been permitted to fee them for seven years paft, yet could affure them, my affections for them were the fame as ever. I begged they would confider of it, and let me know in eight days time, for all things were ready to embark in a fortnight.

Not hearing from them in the time I fet, I took thair filence for a confent, and fo prepared all things ready for my journey, and fet out with my kind friends. Juft before we reached Harwich, where we were to take fhipping, a messenger from my father overtook me with a letter; the contents of which were as follows: VOL. XIX. Sept. 1796.

"That

"That if I would come home, I fhould have my liberty to worfhip God in my own way; but as to my leaving the land, this was what they could not bear; therefore without fail I must come back with the meffenger;" Which I did. Great was the forrow of parting with my friends, but my duty to my parents furmounted all."

I no fooner entered my father's houfe, but my mother, in receiving me, fainted away. My father alfo, though a man of great fpirits, offered to fall on his knees, to afk my pardon for his former cruelty. O amazing work of fovereign grace! When our ways pleafe the Lord, he makes our enemies to be at peace with us. My father immediately told me, I fhould have my liberty in matters relating to my God. I then offered my obedience to them both on my knees. At fupper there was not a mouthful eaten but with tears. I well knew that my God had appeared to my father in my behalf, as he did to Laban of old, and applied Jacob's promife to myfelf, Gen. xxxiii. 12, "Thou faidft, I will furely do thee good." The next fabbath my father came into my chamber by break of day, and told me I should have a horse and a man to wait on me to the meeting.

There now appeared a great reformation in the whole family. My father feared to fin for fear of grieving his daughter, and in a little time left off drinking, which was the fore-runner of all other evils. Now I thought I could give my very body to be burned for the fouls of my dear relations. The Lord granted my requeft on their behalf. In a few years I had not only the pleafure of feeing the converfion of my three brothers, but of feeing them alfo eminently useful. I found my God referved his greatest mercies for my greatest trials, for at the death of my dear filler, I had not only the comfort of witneffing her converfion, but the great fatisfaction of feeing my dear father and mother alfo converted to the faith of Jefus. Yea, fuch was the power and goodness of God, that he left not so much as a hoof behind in the whole family.

Surely now I may fay, that nothing but goodness and mercy. hath followed me all the days of my life. When we had free liberty from popery and flavery under our great deliverer King William III. many were the favours which I enjoyed. God gave me the beft and tendereft of husbands; a prophet of the Lord indeed, whose good inftructions abide with my children to this day. fhort, the Lord has fan&tified every trial to me, and followed me with pleasure and comfort in my old age.

In

MARY CHURCHMAN. This excellent chriftian was fubject to much affliction of body in the latter part of her life, but in the general fhe was very lively in her foul. At the age of feventy-four fhe had fome near views of her approaching diffolution; and the last time he came down stairs which was four days before her death, the faid, that for months paft, fhe had converfed with the Lord, as it were, face to face, in her pri vate retirement; yea, faid the, fuch hath been my near communion with my God, that he hath already given me the white robe, as an earnest of my standing before his throne.

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