LETTER VII. Page 133. The Manuscript, which I found in the Bookseller's Letter, is a Melo-Drama, in two Acts, entitled «THE Book, of which the Theatres, of course, had had the refusal, before it was presented to Messrs. L-ck-ng1-n and Co.-This rejected Drama, however, possesses considerable merit, and I shall take the liberty of laying a sketch of it before my Readers. The first Act opens in a very awful manner:-) -Time, three o'clock in the morning-Scene, the Bourbon Chamber in C-r-lt-n House-Enter the P--E R-G-T solus. After a few broken sentences, he thus exclaims: Away-away Thou haunt'st my fancy so, thou devilish Book! I see thy foolscap on my H-RTF-D's Spouse- And all thy blank-leaves stare from R-D-R's face! Thy List of dire Errata in myself. [Walks the stage in considerable agitation.] Delicious drams! why have you not the art He is here interrupted in his Soliloquy by perceiving some scribbled fragments of paper on the ground, which he collects, and << by the light of two magnificent candelabras discovers the following unconnected words -a Wife neglected»-« the Book»-« Wrong Measures» - the Queen»-« Mr Lambert»-« the R-G-T.» Ha! treason in my House!-Curst words, that wither " to maintain the becoming splendour of his office.» The R-G-T produces the appalling fragments, upon which the CH-NC-LL-R breaks out into exclamations of loyalty and tenderness, and relates the following portentous dream: T is scarcely two hours since I had a fearful dream of thee, my P--- But bent and worshipp'd the Illustrious Pair Of a Whiskers! whiskers!» shook the echoing skies!- The wounding hint, the current lies that pass [Weeps.] Heavens, how it blazed!-I'd ask no livelier fire My wife!»-« the Book,» too!-stay-a nearer look-Ah! where was then the Sylphid, that unfurls Death and destruction! He here rings all the bells, and a whole legion of Valets enter-A scene of cursing and swearing (very much in the German style) ensues, in the course of which messengers are dispatched, in different directions, for the L-RD CH-NC-LL-R, the D-E of C-B-L-D, etc. etc.-The intermediate time is filled up by another Soliloquy, at the conclusion of which the aforesaid Personages rush on alarmed-the D-E with his stays only half-laced, and the CB-NC-LLOR with his wig thrown hastily over an old red night-cap, There was a mysterious Book, in the 16th Century, which employed all the anxious curiosity of the Learned of that day-Every one spoke of it, many wrote against it; though it does not appear that any body had ever seen it; and indeed Grotius is of opinion that no such book ever existed. It was entitled Liber de tribus impostoribus. (See Morhof. Cap. de Libris damnatis.)-Our more modera mystery of the Book resembles this is many particulars; and, if the number of Lawyers employed in drawing it up be stated correctly, a slight alteration of the title into a tribas impostoribus would produce a coincidence altogether very remarkable. * The Chamber, I suppose, which was prepared for the reception of the Bourbons at the first Grand Fète, and which was ornamented (all . for the Deliverance of Europe) with fleurs de lys. Her fairy standard in defence of curls? Here his Lordship weeps more profusely than ever, and the R-G-T (who has been very much agitated during the recital of the dream), by a movement as characteristic as that of Charles XII. when he was shot, claps his hands to his whiskers to feel if all be really safe. A Privy Council is held-all the Servants, etc. are examined, and it appears that a Tailor, who had come to measure the R-G-T for a Dress (which takes three whole pages of the best superfine clinquant in describing), was the only person who had been in the Bourbon Chamber during the day. It is, accordingly, determined to seize the Tailor, and the Council breaks up with a unanimous resolution to be vigorous. The commencement of the Second Act turns chiefly upon the Trial and Imprisonment of two Brothers--but as this forms the under plot of the Drama, I shall content myself with extracting from it the following speech, 1. To enable the individual, who holds the office of Chancellor, to maintain it in becoming splendour. (1 loud laugh.) Lord Castlereagh's Speech upon the Vice-Chancellor's Bill. which is addressed to the two brothers, as they «exeunt Look through all Europe's Kings—at least, those who go severally» to Prison: Go to your prisons-though the air of Spring With the few loved-ones Heaven has placed it near, The Scene next changes to a Tailor's Work-shop, and a fancifully-arranged group of these Artists is discovered upon the Shop-board-Their task evidently of a royal nature, from the profusion of gold-lace, frogs, etc. that lie about-They all rise and come forward, while one of them sings the following Stanzas, to the tune of << Derry Down.»> My brave brother Tailors, come, straighten your knees, Derry down, down, down derry down. While our R-G-r's finds room in a laced button-hole! loose Not a King of them all's such a friend to the Goose. During the « Derry down» of this last verse, a messenger from the S-c-t-y of S-e's Office rushes on, and the singer (who, luckily for the effect of the scene, is the very Tailor suspected of the mysterious fragments) is interrupted in the midst of his laudatory exertions, and hurried away, to the no small surprise and consternation of his comrades. The Plot now hastens rapidly in its development-the management of ! the Tailor's examination is highly skilful, and the alarm which he is made to betray is natural without being ludicrous. The explanation, too, which he finally gives, is not more simple than satisfactory. It appears that the said fragments formed part of a self-exculpatory note, which he had intended to send to Colonel MM- upon subjects purely professional, and the corresponding duced, and skilfully laid beside the others, the following bits (which still lie luckily in his pocket) being probillet-doux is the satisfactory result of their juxta posi- | tion: Honour'd Colonel-my WIFE, who's the QUEEN of all NEGLECTED to put up THE BOOK of new Patterns. This fully explains the whole mystery-the R-G-T resumes his wonted smiles, and the Drama terminates, | as usual, to the satisfaction of all parties. PREFACE. S-DM-TH, in his wisdom and benevolence, has orga nized. Whether Mr FUDGE, himself, has yet made any dis coveries, does not appear from the following pages:but much may be expected from a person of his zeal and sagacity, and, indeed, to him, Lord S-DM-TH, and the Greenland-bound ships, the eyes of all lovers of discoveries are now most anxiously directed. In what manner the following Epistles came into my hands, it is not necessary for the public to know. It will be seen by Mr FUDGE's Second Letter, that he is one of those gentlemen whose Secret Services in Ireland, under the mild ministry of my Lord C-GH, have been so amply and gratefully remunerated. Like his friend and I regret that I have been obliged to omit Mr Bot associate, THOMAS REYNOLDS, Esq. he had retired upon FUDGE's Third Letter, concluding the adventures of his the reward of his honest industry; but has lately been Day, with the Dinner, Opera, etc, etc,—but, in cons induced to appear again in active life, and superintend|quence of some remarks upon Marinette's thin drapery. the training of that Delatorian Cohort, which Lord which, it was thought, might give offence to certain well-meaning persons, the manuscript was sent back to Paris for his revision, and had not returned when the last sheet was put to press. At the sight of that spot, where our darling" It will not, I hope, be thought presumptuous, if I take Εγω δ' Ὁ ΜΩΡΟΣ αρας I can only add, that if any lady or gentleman, curious | in such matters, will take the trouble of calling at my lodgings, 245, Piccadilly, I shall have the honour of assuring them, in propria persona, that I am-his, or her, Very obedient and very humble servant, April, 17, 1818. THE FUDGE FAMILY IN PARIS. LETTER I. FROM MISS RIDDY FUDGE TO MISS DOROTHY, Amiens. DEAR Doll, while the tails of our horses are plaiting, By the bye, though, at Calais, Papa had a touch Who disturb one's romance with pecuniary views, To recal the good days of the ancien régime, All as ragged and brisk, you'll be happy to learn, Our party consists, in a neat Calais job, In short, dear, « a Dandy» describes what I mean, An improving young man, foud of learning, ambitious, They inflict on potatoes? oh! maitre d'hôtel— I assure you, dear DOLLY, he knows them as well As to Pa, what d'ye think?-mind it's all entre nous, words, And, it's strange, no one ever remembers my Lord's; Found out by the-what's-its-name-Holy A*****ce, To commemorate the landing of ***** ** ******* from England, the impression of his foot is marked on the pier at Calais, and a pillar with an inscription raised opposite to the spot. -C-git la jambe de, etc, etc. And prove to mankind that their rights are but folly, phrases Where the poor palace changes masters While ****''s, borne on shoulders in: How oft, dear Viscount C-▬▬ ———GH, « SCOTT's Visit,» of course-in short, every thing he has I've thought of thee upon the way, An author can want, except words and ideas:- But, bless me, my paper 's near out, so I'd better a Which BOBBY would have, and is hard at it yet.— May think, in their fright, of suppressing poor CONNOR'S? P. S. As in my job (what place could be And spread, beyond man's usual share, Like Major SEMPLE, every where! There's one thou shouldst be chiefly pleased atThat Ireland gives her snuff thy name, And C――――Gn's the thing now sneezed at! But hold, my pen!—a truce to praising- But time and ink run short, and now I must embark into the feature On which this letter chiefly hinges ;—1 And bayonets, and the Duke commanding- That Fce prefers her go-cart To such a coward scamp as Though round, with each a leading-string, The title of the chief magistrate of Belfast, before whom his Lordship (with the stud um immane loquendi attributed by Ovid to ite chattering and rapacious class of birds, the pies) delivered sundry les Continent. 2 This excellent imitation of the noble Lord's style shows how deeply and sell-gratulatory orations, on his return from the was at one of these Irish dinners that his gallant brother Lord S. pn- Verbation from one of the noble Viscount's speeches. And as Sir, I must embark into the feature on which this question cod hinges. For fear the chubby, tottering thing Remember when by thee reign'd over, Upon the side-board, snug reposes; Transferr'd by contract, bless the clods! If half were strangled-Spaniards, Poles, And Frenchmen-'t would n't make much odds, So Europe's goodly Royal ones And G-GE the R-G-T (who'd forget For dragons, after Chinese models, Might come and nine times knock their noddles!— All this my Quarto 'll prove-much more Than Quarto ever proved before- My Journal, penn'd by fits and starts, On BIDDY'S back or BOBBY's shoulder (My son, my Lord, a youth of parts, Who longs to be a small place-holder), Is-though I say't that should n't sayExtremely good; and, by the way, One extract from it-only oneTo shew its spirit, and I 've done. «Jul. thirty-first. Went, after snack, To the cathedral of St. Denny; Sigh'd o'er the kings of ages back, And-gave the old concierge a penny! (Mem.-Must see Rheims, much famed, tis said, For making kings and gingerbread.) Was shown the tomb where lay, so stately, Can boast such high and puissant sway, O Dick! you may talk of your writing and reading, By the bye, Dick, I fatten—but n'importe for that, Dick, Dick, what a place is this Paris!-but stayAs my raptures may bore you, I'll just sketch a day, As we pass it, myself and some comrades I've got, All thorough-bred Gnostics, who know what is what. After dreaming some hours of the land of Cocaigne,4 1 See the Quarterly Review for May, 1816, where Mr Hobhouse is accused of having written his book in a back street of the French capital.. 2 The bill of Fare.-Véry, a well-known Restaurateur. 3 Mr Bob alludes particularly, I presume, to the famous Jury Dé, us tateur, which used to assemble at the Hotel of M. Grimod de la Reyniere, and of which this modern Archistratus has given an account in his Almanach des Gourmands, cinquième année, p. 78. 4 The fairy-land of cookery and gourmandise; Pays, où le ciel offre les viandes toutes cuites, et où, comme on parle, les alouettes tombent toutes roties. Du Latin, coquere.-Dacast. The process by which the liver of the unfortunate goose is enlarged, in order to produce that richest of all dainties, the foie gras, of which such renowned pátes are made at Strasbourg and Toulouse, is thus |