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Sometimes, following the brides-maids and groomsmen, the bride's mother comes to the altar on the arm of the bridegroom, followed by the bride supported by her father. In this case, during the ceremony the parents
stand near and a little back of the bride.
Whatever order of approach to the altar is selected, the ceremony at the altar can most appropriately follow the ritual of the Church where the ceremony is performed, or of the clergyman officiating. The wish of the bride is supreme in these matters.
In the ceremony, if the ring is used, at the proper time the bride gives her left hand to her first maid, who removes the glove. Meantime the bridegroom hands the ring (a plain gold ring) to the clergyman, who holds it till the bride's hand is uncovered, then the clergyman hands the ring to the bridegroom, who puts it upon the third finger of the bride's left hand. Then the ceremony proceeds according to the ritual.
It is proper, if the bride prefers, to have only ushers without brides-maids, or to have brides-maids ithout ushers or groomsmen.
The exquisite order changes with the fancy of each elegant couple.
When the ceremony is ended, the friends remain in their places till the bridal party has left the church. The bridal party, in retiring, reverses the order of their entrance; the groom always leads the way with his bride.
If the ceremony is performed in the house, when it is ended, the company present their congratulations—the clergyman first, then the mother and the father of the bride and the relatives, then the company; the groomsmen acting as masters of ceremonies, bringing forward and introducing the ladies, who wish the happy couple joy, happiness, prosperity.
The bridegroom takes an early occasion to thank the clergyman, and to put in his hand, at the same time, nicely enveloped, a piece of gold, according to his ability and generosity.
When any member of a family dies, it is customary to send information and invitation to all who have been connected with the deceased in business or friendship. No answer is required.
At an interment or funeral service, the members of the family have the first places. They are nearest to the coffin, whether in the procession or in the church. No mourning dresses are required.
In general, ministers ought not to be expected to go to the grave, unless it is near by. Others who are not relatives or intimate friends of the deceased are excused from accompanying the procession. The first carriage is for the officiating clergyman if he goes to the grave, then follow the pall-bearers, next the hearse, after that the mourners and friends.
IMPORTANT RULES OF CONDUCT.
Always be respectful and deferential to your parents and superiors. The fifth commandment has not been revoked.
Always be polite and courteous to your sisters and brothers.
Remember that the delicate attentions and tender expressions of the lover should not cease after marriage.
Mutual kindness and regard between employers and employed, besides being right, would promote the interests of both capital and labor.
IT IS POLITE:
To inquire courteously after the family and friends of those you meet, and to manifest an interest in them;
To devote a little space in every letter to "remembrances " for friends;
To conform your dress, and (in reason) your customs to the tastes and feelings of those whose guest or associate you may be;
To inquire after any one of whose acquaintance your friend may have reason to be proud;
To express felt interest in or admiration of those dear to him;
To avoid all remarks which tend to embarrass, vex, mortify, or in any way annoy the feelings of another;
To avoid combating another's religious opinions or politics;
To make ready sacrifices of comfort, as to escort a lady, or help a neighbor; To avoid all practical jokes;
To avoid noticing personal defects;
To attend closely when addressed in conversation;
To avoid contradicting flatly;
To acknowledge by word or manner all acts of kindness and courtesy even from relatives;
To apologize heartily when you have injured another, or hurt his feelings; To show the utmost kindness to those who have been reduced by adversity; To interpose and shield another from mortification and wounded selfrespect;
To do every thing for another which will gratify him and is not unreasonable.
Never look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing.
Never arrest the attention of an acquaintance by a touch. Speak to him.
Never, when traveling abroad, be over boastful in praise of your own country.
Never answer questions in general company that have been put to others. Never point at another.
Never call attention to the features or form of any one present.
Never call a new acquaintance by the Christian name unless requested to do so.
Never appear to notice a scar, deformity, or defect of any one present.
Never wantonly frighten others.
Never exhibit anger, impatience, or excitement when an accident happens. Never leave home with unkind words.
Never neglect to call upon your friends.
Never punish your child for a fault to which you are addicted yourself.
Never laugh at the misfortunes of others.
Never lend an article you have borrowed, unless you have permission to do so.
Never give a promise that you do not fulfill.
Never enter a room noisily; never fail to close the door after you, and never slam it.
Never send a present, hoping for one in return.
Never pick the teeth or clean the nails in company.
Never be guilty of the contemptible meanness of opening a private letter addressed to another.
Never question a servant or child about family matters.
Never associate with bad company. Have good company or none.
Never will a gentleman allude to conquests which he may have made with ladies.
Never present a gift, saying that is of no use to yourself.
Never fail, if a gentleman, of being civil and polite to ladies.
Never refer to a gift you have made or favor you have rendered.
Never fail to give a polite answer to a civil question.
Never read letters which you may find addressed to others.
Never betray a confidence.
Never attempt to draw the attention of the company constantly upon yourself.
Never pass between two persons who are talking together, without an apology.
Never forget that, if you are faithful in a few things, you may be ruler over many.
Never exhibit too great familiarity with the new acquaintance; you may give offense.
Never fail to offer the easiest and best seat in the room to an invalid, an elderly person, or a lady.
Never neglect to perform the commission which the friend intrusted to you. You must not forget.
Never send your guest, who is accustomed to a warm room, off into a cold, damp, spare bed, to sleep.
Never enter a room filled with people, without a slight bow to the general company when first entering.
Never leave a room with your back to the company.
Never fail to answer an invitation, either personally or by letter, within a week after the invitation is received.
Never accept of favors and hospitalities without rendering an exchange of civilities when opportunity offers.
Never cross the leg and put out one foot in the street-car, or places where it will trouble others when passing by.
Never fail to tell the truth. If truthful, you get your reward. You will get your punishment if you deceive.
Never borrow money and neglect to pay. If you do, you will soon be known as a person of no business integrity.
Never write to another asking for information, or a favor of any kind, without inclosing a postage stamp for the reply.
Never fail to say kind and encouraging words to those whom you meet in distress. Your kindness may lift them out of their despair.
Never refuse to receive an apology. You may not revive friendship, but courtesy will require, when an apology is offered, that you accept it.
Never examine the cards in the card-basket. While they may be exposed in the drawing-room, you are not expected to turn them over unless invited to do so.
Never, when walking arm and arm with a lady, be continually changing and going to the other side, because of change of corners. It shows too
much attention to form.
Never should the lady accept of expensive gifts at the hand of a gentleman not engaged to her. Gifts of flowers, books, music or confectionery may be accepted.
Never insult another by harsh words when applied to for a favor. Kind words do not cost much, and yet they may carry untold happiness to the one or whom they are spoken.
Never fail to speak kindly. If a merchant, and you address your clerk; if an overseer, and you address your workmen; if in any position where you exercise authority, you show yourself to be a gentleman by your pleasant mode of address.
Never attempt to convey the impression that you are a genius by imi
tating the faults of distinguished men. Because certain great men were poor penmen, wore long hair, or had other peculiarities, it does not follow that you will be great by imitating their eccentricities.
Never give all your pleasant words and smiles to strangers. The kindest words and the sweetest smiles should be reserved for home. Home should be our heaven.
AMUSEMENTS. THEIR IMPORTANCE.
The way to keep the enemy out of the fort is to occupy it yourself. If the street and the grocery are not to occupy the time and attention of your boys, the home must. There have been too many children in the world to leave it an open question that they must have some amusement. It is now simply a question as to what amusements are most suitable. Even if authority keeps the children in-doors, something more subtle must keep evil thoughts from rioting in their minds. Cheerfulness in the home makes it attractive, and gives its ideas great advantage in the strife for control.
When amusements become sinful. When they fail to prepare body or mind for the better discharge of duties.
When they interfere with duties or employments.
When they produce excessive fatigue, weary the mind, or deprive of necessary sleep.
When they tend to injure the health or physical constitution.
When they tend to weaken the intellectual powers.
When they give a distaste for moral and religious truth.
When they turn on an element of chance.
When they require public patronage for their maintenance.
When they cause fright or vexation to people or animals.
When they endanger life.
When by their exciting nature, or their connection with temptation, they tend to harm the individual or community.
Provide in the home not only instructive, but also entertaining reading. The philosophers in the family are not the difficult questions. They care for themselves. You must arrange to entertain those who will not grapple with hard reading or dry books. A good story may induce them to read, and, reading, they can be led to better books. While it is true that any good author will awaken inquiries which can be satisfied only by research,