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Dodona, 'mid her fanes and forests hoar,
Heard it with solemn glee:
Told it from sea to sea!
Broke forth in glorious song! Her classic streams that plough the headlong dales,
Thunder'd the notes along'
Now rise, or ever fall !
Better not fight at all!
In dismal symphony,
For both, strike harder ye!
Quoth Corn then, in answer to Cotton,
Perceiving he meant to make free,“Low fellow, you 've surely forgotten
The distance between you and me! “To expect that we, peers of high birth,
Should waste our illustrious acres For no other purpose on earth
Than to fatten curst calico-makers ! “That bishops to bobbins should bend, -
Should stoop from their bench's sublimity, Great dealers in lawn, to befriend
Your contemptible dealers in dimity!
A hope to be fed at our boards;
What claim canst thou have upon lords? “No--thanks to the taxes and debt,
And the triumph of paper o'er guineas, Our race of Lord Jemmys, as yet,
Many defy your whole rabble of Jennys !" So saying, whip, crack, and away
Went Corn in his cab through the throng, So madly, I heard them all say
Squire Corn would be down, before long.
Hark! how Cithæron with his earthquake voice
Calls to the utmost shores !
His adamantine doors !
Athene, tiptoe on her crumbling dome,
Cries—“Youth, ye must be men!" And Echo shouts within her rocky tomb,-
“Greeks, become Greeks again!"
Be wise, be firm, be cautious, yet be bold !
Be brother-true! be ONE!
Divide, and be undone!
Who for his country dies ;
O countrymen ! O countrymen! once more
By earth and seas--and skiesBy Heaven-by sacred Hades—I implore
Arise! arise! arise !
His owners and drivers stood round in amaze
What! Neddy, the patient, the prosperous Neddy So easy to drive through the dirtiest ways,
For every description of job-work so ready! One driver (whom Ned might have "hail'd" as a
" brother") Had just been proclaiming his donkey's renown, For vigour, for spirit, for one thing or other,
When, lo, 'mid his praises, the donkey came down! But, how to upraise him ?-one shouts, ť other whis
tles, While Jenky, the conjuror, wisest of all, Declared that an over-production" of thistles?
(Here Ned gave a stare)—was the cause of his fall Another wise Solomon cries, as he passes,
“There, let him alone, and the fit will soon cease
COTTON AND CORN.
As they met, and exchanged a salute(Squire Corn in his cabriolet,
Poor Cotton, half famish'd, on foot) “Great squire, if it is n't uncivil
To hint at starvation before you, Look down on a hungry poor devil,
And give him some bread, I implore you!"
1 Alluding to an early poem of Mr. Coleridge's addressed to an ass, and beginning, “I hail thee, brother!"
2 A coruuin country genileman baving said in the House, " that we must return at last to the food of our ancestors, somebody asked Mr. T." what food the gentleman meant to -"Thistles, I suppose," answered Mr. T
The beast has been fighting with other jack-asses,
CATHOLIC QUESTION. Pronounced that too long without shoes he had
Poor Catholics, bitter enough, gone "Let the blacksmith provide him a sound metal basis, Heaven knows, are the doses you've taken ; (The wiseacres said,) and he's sure to jog on." You've swallow'd down L-V-RP-L's stuff,
His nonsense of ether, “ well shaken;" But others who gabbled a jargon half Gaelic,
You've borne the mad slaver of LEES, Exclaim'd, “ Hoot awa, mon, you 're a' gane And the twaddle of saintly Lord L-RT-N; astray,”
But-worse, oh ye gods, than all theseAnd declared that," whoe'er might prefer the metallic, You've been lectured by Mr. Sec. H-RT-N! They'd shoe their own donkeys with papier mache."
Alas for six millions of men ! Meanwhile the poor Neddy, in torture and fear,
Fit subjects for nought but dissection, Lay under his panniers, scarce able to groan,
When H-RT-n himself takes the pen, And—what was still dolefuller-lending an ear
To tell them they 've lost his protection ! To advisers whose ears were a match for his own.
Ye sects, who monopolise bliss,
While your neighbours' damnation you sport on, At length, a plain rustic, whose wit went so far
Know ye any dainnation like this, As to see others' folly, roar'd out, as he pass'd
To be cut by the Under Sec. H-RT-x? " Quick-off with the panniers, all dolts as ye are, Or your prosperous Neddy will soon kick his last !"
THE GHOST OF MILTIADES.
Ab quoties dubius Scriptis exarsit amator - Ooid.
ODE TO THE SUBLIME PORTE.
And oh, above all, I admire that decree,
Shall forth with be strangled and cast in the sea.
A maid, who her faith in old JEREMY puts ;
Who tells you how clever one Mr. F-NBL-NQUE is,
How charming his Articles 'gainst the Nobility ;And assures you, that even a gentleman's rank is,
In Jeremy's school, of no sort of utility.
To see her, ye Gods, a new Number devouring
Art. 14" On the Needle's variations," by Snip :Art. 2-“On the Bondage of Greece," by John
B-R-NG (That eminent dealer in scribbling and scrip;)—
The ghost of Miltiades came at night,
Art. 3—“Upon Fallacies," JEREMY's own
(The chief fallacy being his hope to find readers ;) Art. 4"Upon Honesty," author unknown ;
Art. 5—(by the young Mr. M—) "Hints to Breed
Oh Sultan, oh Sultan, though oft for the bag
And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to callThough drowning's too good for each blue-stocking
hag, I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all!
Ay, and-- lest she should ever again lift her head
From the watery bottom, her clack to renew,-
They quote him the stock of various nations, Oft, too, the Corn grows animate,
And a whole crop of heads appears,
While, leaders of the wheat, a row
Of Poppies, gaudily declaiming,
Like Counsellor O'Bric and Co.,
Stand forth, somniferously flaming!
In short, their torments never cease;
And oft I wish myself transferr'd off The ghost of Miltiades came once more;
To some far, lonely land of peace, His brow, like the night, was lowering o'er,
Where Corn or Papist ne'er were heard of. And he said, with a look that flash'd dismay, Oh waft me, Parry, to the Pole ; “ Of Liberty's foes the worst are they
For-if my fate is to be chosen Who turn to a trade her cause divine,
'Twixt bores and ice-bergs--on my soul, And gamble for gold on Freedom's shrine!"
I'd rather, of the two, be frozen !
Mala vicini pecoris contagia lædunt.
-D, let the secret out,
Why thus your houses fall.-
Quoth he, “Since folks are not in town,
I find it better to pull down, What! still those two infernal questions,
Than have no pull at all." That with our meals, our slumbers mix
2. That spoil our tempers and digestionsEternal Corn and Catholics!
SEE, passenger, at C- D's high behest,
Red coats by black-legs ousted from their nest,Gods! were there ever two such bores ?
The arts of peace, o'ermatching reckless war,
And gallant Rouge undone by wily Noir !
3. Never was such a brace of pests
linpar congressusWhile Ministers, still worse than either, Fate gave the word—the King of dice and eards Skill'd but in feathering their nests,
In an unguarded moment took the Guards; Bore us with both, and settle neither.
Contrived his neighbours in a trice to drub,
And did the trick by-turning up a Club
4. Whether, this year, 't was bonded wheat,
Nullum sirnile est idem. Or bonded papists, they let out.
"T is strange how some will differ—some advance Here landlords, here polemics, nail you,
That the Guard's Club House was pull'd down by Arm'd with all rubbish they can rake up;
chance; Prices and texts at once assail you
While some, with juster notions in their mazard, From Daniel these, and those from Jacob.
Stoutly maintain the deed was done by hazard.
THE TWO BONDSMEN.
When Joseph, a Bondsman in Egypt, of old,
Shunn'd the wanton embraces of Potiphar's dame, Now Dantzic wheat before you floats
She offer'd him jewels, she offer'd him gold, Now, Jesuits from California
But more than all riches he valued his fame. Now Ceres, link'd with Titus Oats,
Oh Joseph ! thou Bondsman of Greece, can it be Comes dancing through the “ Porta Cornea."'
That the actions of namesakes so little agree? 1 The Horn Gate, through which the ancients supposed When with 13 per cent. she embellish'd her charms,
Greek Scrip is a Potiphar's lady to thee. all true dreams (such as those of the Popiah Plot, etc.) to
Didst thou fly, honest Joseph ? Yes-into her arms
Oh Joseph ! dear Joseph! bethink thee in time,
Of all the beasts that ever were born,
That he was the Christian, and thou wert the Jew.
THE PERIWINKLES AND THE LOCUSTS.
Nor this the worst, for direr still,
Alack, alack and a well-a-day !
Their Periwinkles,-once the stay And prop of the Salmagundian till For want of feeding, all fell ill!
And still, as they thinn'd and died away, The Locusts, ay, and the Locusts' Bill
Grew fatter and fatter every day!
A SALMAGUNDIAN HYMN.
"To Panurge was assigned the Lairdship of Salmagundi, which was yearly worth 6,789,106,789 ryals, besides the revenue of the Locusts and Periwinkles, amounting one yoar with another to the value of 2,425,768, etc. etc."Rabelais.
"HURRA! Hurra!" I heard them say,
5, 6, 7, 8, and 9, and 10,
And proved themselves most wealthy men ! So, on they went, a prosperous crew,
The people wise, the rulers clever,And God help those, like me and you, Who dared to doubt (as some now do) That the Periwinkle Revenue
Would thus go flourishing on for ever.
A CASE OF LIBEL.
('T were a libel, perhaps, to mention where) Came up incog., some winters ago,
To try for a change, the London air.
And hid his tail and his horns so handy,
From *****, or any other Dandy. (N.B.—His horns, they say, unscrew;
So, he has but to take them out of the socket, And—just as some fine husbands do
Conveniently clap them into his pocket.) In short, he look'd extremely natty,
And ev'n contrived—to his own great wonder By dint of sundry scents from Gattie,
To keep the sulphurous hogo under.
Unknown to all but a chosen few
He had many post-obits falling due.
“Hurra! hurra!" I heard them say,
Of truth in aught they heard before ;
And lost by Locusts ten times more !
Alike a gamester and a wit,
At night he was seen with Crockford's crew, At morn with learned dames would sit
So pass'd his time 't wixt black and blue. Some wish'd to make him an M. P.,
But, finding W—lks was also one, he Was heard to say "he'd be d-d if he
Would ever sit in one house with Johnny." At length, as secrets travel fast,
And devils, whether he or she,
The affair got wind most rapidly.
Alike a fiend's or an angel's capers-
Fired off a squib in the morning papen i “We warn good men to keep aloof
From a grim old Dandy, seen about,
1 Remote posterity-a favourite word of the present Attorney-General's. 2 Accented as in Swift's line"Not so a nation's revenues are paid."
With a fire-proof wig, and a cloven hoof, | They may treat us, like Kelly, with old jeux-d'esprits, Through a neat-cut Hoby smoking out."
Like Reynolds, may boast of each mountebank
frolic, Now, the Devil being a gentleman,
Or kindly inform us, like Madame Genlis,' Who piques himself on his well-bred dealings,
That ginger-bread cakes always give them the coYou may guess, when o'er these lines he ran,
lick. How much they hurt and shock'd his feelings.
There's nothing, at present, so popular growing Away he posts to a man of law,
As your Autobiographers—fortunate elves, And oh, 't would make you laugh to 've seen Who manage to know all the best people going, 'em,
Without having ever been heard of themselves ! As paw shook hand, and hand shook paw, And 't was "hail, good fellow, well met," be. Wanted, also, new stock of Pamphlets on Corn, tween 'em.
By “Farmers” and “ Landholders"-(gemmen,
whose lands Straight an indictment was preferr'd
Enclosed all in bow-pots, their attics adorn, And much the Devil enjoy'd the jest,
Or, whose share of the soil may be seen on their When, looking among the judges, he heard
hands.) That, of all the batch, his own was Best.
No-Popery Sermons, in ever so dull a vein, In vain Defendant proffer'd proof
Sure of a market;-should they, too, who pen 'em, That Plaintiff's self was the Father of Evil
Be renegade Papists, like Murtagh O'S-ll-v-n,? Brought Hoby forth, to swear to the hoof,
Something extra allow'd for the additional venom And Stultz, to speak to the tail of the Devil.
Funds, Physic, Corn, Poetry, Boxing, Romance, The Jury-saints, all snug and rich,
All excellent subjects for turning a penny ;-And readers of virtuous Sunday papers, To write upon all is an author's sole chance Found for the Plaintiff-on hearing which
For attaining, at last, the least knowledge of any. The Devil gave one of his lofliest capers.
Nine times out of ten, if his title be good, For oh, it was nuts to the father of lies
His matter within of small consequence is ;(As this wily fiend is named, in the Bible, Let him only write fine, and, if not understood, To find it settled by laws so wise,
Why,—that's the concern of the reader, not his. That the greater the truth, the worse the libel!
N.B.-A learn'd Essay, now printing, to show,
That Horace (as clearly as words could express it
Was for taxing the Fund-holders, ages ago,
When he wrote thus" Quodcunque in Fund is WANTED—Authors of all-work, to job for the sea
son, No matter which party, so faithful to neither :Good hacks, who, if posed for a rhyme or a reason,
THE SLAVE Can manage, like *** to do without either. I HEARD, as I lay, a wailing sound,
“ He is dead-he is dead," the rumour flew; If in gaol, all the better for out o'-door topics ;
And I raised my chain, and turn'd me round, Your gaol is for trav’llers a charming retreat;
And ask'd, through the dungeon window," who 7" They can take a day's rule for a trip to the Tropics, And sail round the world, at their easc, in the Fleet. I saw my livid tormentors pass ;
Their grief 't was bliss to hear and see; For Dramatists, too, the most useful of schools
For never came joy to them, alas, They may study high life in the King's Bench
That did n't bring deadly bane to me. community : Aristotle could scarce keep them more within rules, Eager I look'd through the mist of night, And of place they're, at least, taught to stick to the And ask'd, “What foe of my race hath died ? unity.
Is it he-that Doubter of law and right,
Whom nothing but wrong could e'er decide
Hath never yet felt a qualm or doubt
1 This lady, in her Memoirs, also favours us with the ad
dress of those apothecaries who have, from time to time, No matter with what their remembrance is stock'd,
given her pills that agreed with her ;-always desiring thai
the pills should be ordered "comme pour elle." So they 'll only remember the quantum desired ;- 2 A gentleman, who distinguished himself by his evidence Enough to fill handsomely Two Volumes, oct.,
before the Irish Committees.
3 According to the common reading "quodcunque infun Price twenty-four shillings, is all that's required. dis, acercit."