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To talk now of starving, as great At-I said
Long, dolefully long, seem'd the voyage we made ;(And the nobles all cheer'd, and the bishops all For, "the Truth” at all times but a very slow sailer wonder'd)
By friends, near as much as by foes, is delay'd, When, some years ago, he and others had fed And few come aboard her, though so many bail Of these same hungry devils about fifteen hundred !
her. It follows from hence—and the Duke's very words At length, safe arrived, I went through " tare and Should be publish'd wherever poor rogues of this
Deliver'd my goods in the primest conditionThat weavers, once rescued from starving by Lords, And next morning read, in the Bridgetown Gazette, Are bound to be starved by said Lords ever after.
“Just arrived, by the Truth,' a new Moral Position;
“The Captain” -here, startled to find myself named When Rome was uproarious, her knowing patricians
As “the Captain" (a thing which, I own it with Made “Bread and the Circus"a cure for each row;
pain, But not so the plan of our noble physicians,
I, through life, have avoided.) I woke-look'd “No Bread and the Tread-mill's" the regimen now.
Found I wasn't a Captain, and dozed off again. So cease, my dear Baron of Ockham, your prose,
As I shall my poetry-neither convinces ;
MEMORABILIA OF LAST WEEK.
MONDAY, MARCH 13.
For plaudits and laughs, the good things that were
Great comfort to find, though the Speech is n't cheer.
That all its gay auditors were, every minute. “His Lordship said that it took a long time for a moral
What, still more prosperity !-mercy upon us, position to find its way across the Atlantic. He was sorry
“ This boy ’be the death of me"-oft as, already that its voyage had been so long," etc.-Speech of Lord Dudley and Ward on Colonial Slavery, March 8.
Such smooth Budgeteers have genteelly undone us,
For Ruin made easy there 's no one like Freddy. T'OTHER night, after hearing Lord Dudley's oration
TUESDAY. (A treat that comes once in the year, as May-day Much grave apprehension express'd by the Peers, does,)
Lest—as in the times of the Peachums and Lock I dreamt that I saw-what a strange operation !
ittsA“moral position" shipp'd off for Barbadoes.
The large stock of gold we're to have in three years,
Should all find its way into highwaymen's pockets!' The whole Bench of Bishops stood by, in grave attitudes,
A Petition presented (well-timed, after this) Packing the article tidy and neat ;
Throwing out a sly hint to Grandees, who are As their Rev'rences know, that in southerly latitudes
hurl's “Moral positions" don't keep very sweet. In their coaches about, that 't would not be amiss
If they'd just throw a little more light on the world There was B-th-st arranging the custom-house pass;
A plan for transporting half Ireland to Canada," And, to guard the frail package from tousing and Which (briefly the clever transaction to state) is routing,
Forcing John Bull to pay high for what, any day, There stood my Lord Eld—n, endorsing it “Glass,"
bless the old wag, would do gratis. Though—as to which side should lie uppermost- Keeping always (said Mr. Sub. Horton) in mind, doubting.
That while we thus draw off the claims on pota The freight was, however, stow'd safe in the hold;
toes, The winds were polite, and the moon look'd ro- We make it a point that the Pats, left behind, mantic,
Should get no new claimants to fill the hiatus.*' While off in the good ship “the Truth" we were rollid,
1 " Another objection to a metallic currency was, that it With our ethical cargo, across the Atlantic.
produced a greater number of highway robberies."—Debats in the Lords.
2 Mr. Estcourt presented a petition, praying that all per
sons should be compelled to have lamps in their carriages. 1 The Duke of Athol said, that "at a former period, when 3 Mr. W. Horton's motion on the subject of Emigration. these weavers were in great distress, the landed interest of 4." The money expended in transporting the Irish te Perth had supported 1,500 of them. It was a poor return Canada would be judiciously laid oui, provided measures for these very men now to petition against the persons who wore taken to prevent the gap they left in the population had fed them."
from being filled up again. Government had always made 2 An improvement, we flatter ourselves, on Lord L's. joke. Ithat a condition."-Mr. W. Horton's speech.
Sub. Horton then read a long letter, just come
From the Canada Paddies, to say that these elves Have already grown “prosp'rous”-as we are, at
homeAnd have e'en got a surplus," poor devils, like
WEDNESDAY Little doing—for sacred, oh Wednesday, thou art,
To the seven o'clock joys of full many a table,When the Members all meet, to make much of the
part, With which they so rashly fell out, in the Fable. It appear'd, though, to-night, that—as churchwar
dens, yearly, Eat up a small baby—those cormorant sinners, The Bankrupt-Commissioners, bolt very nearly A moderate-sized bankrupt, tout chaud, for their
dinners! Nota bene-a rumour to-day, in the city, “Mr. R-b-ns-n just has resign'd"-what a pity! The Bulls and the Bears all fell a sobbing, When they heard of the fate of poor Cock Robin, While thus, to the nursery-tune, so pretty, A murmuring Stock-dove breathed her ditty : Alas, poor Robin, he crow'd as long
And as sweet as a prosperous Cock could crow: But his note was small, and the gold-finch's song Was a pitch too high for poor Robin to go.
Who 'll make his shroud ? "]," said the Bank, “ though he play'd me a prank,
While I have a rag poor Rob shall be roll'd in 't; With many a pound I'll paper him round,
Like a plump rouleau-without the gold in 't."
Come-free, at length, from Joint-Stock cares, Ye Senators of many Shares,
Whose dreams of premium knew no bound'ry So fond of aught like Company, That you would e'en have taken tea
(Had you been ask'd) with Mr. Goundry!'
When creeds and corn-laws are debated !
A 'Squire is transubstantiated.
The less they eat, will work the more. Come, G–1b-rn, with thy glib defence (Which thou 'dst have made for Peter's Pence)
Of Church-Rates, worthy of a halter ;-
By Papists for the Orange Altar!?
Not so much rendering Ireland quiet,
The bull-pock of Hibernian riot!
Though short your absence, all deplore it-
Be just as-sapient as before it.
A HYMN OF WELCOME AFTER THE
ALL IN THE FAMILY WAY.
* Animas sapientiores fieri quiescendo."
A NEW PASTORAL BALLAD.
(Sung in the character o: Britannia.)
And now-cross-buns and pancakes o'er-
Thrice hail and welcome, Houses Twain!
Collective Wisdom, shine again!
Whate'er the job, prepared to back it;
At eighty mortal pounds the jacket !!
"The Public Debt was due from ourselves to ourselves, and resolved itself into a Family Account."-Sir Robert Peel's Letter.
TUNE— My banks are all furnish'd with beer.
So thick-even Fred cannot thin 'em!
Having nothing, worth while, to put in 'em.
But this is all no:hing, they say;
1 "The hon. gentleman then read a letter, which men
1 The gentleman lately before the public, who kept his tioned the prosperous condition of the writer; 'that he had Joint-Stock Tea Company all to himself, singing " Te so on hand a considerable surplus of coru," etc.
lum adoro." 2 Mr. Abercromby's statement of the enormous tavern
2 This charge of two pipes of port for the sacramental bills of the Commissioners of Bankrupts.
wine is a precious specimen of the sort of rates levied upoq 3 An item of expense which Mr. Hume in vain endea-their Catholic fellow-parishioners by the Irish Protestants voured to get rid of:-trumpeters, like the men of All-Souls, "The thirst that from the soul doth rise must be bene restiti."
Doth ask a drink divine."
For bankrupts, since Adam, are cousins, Nor blush, Saint Joanna, once more to behold
A world thou hast honour'd by cheating so many
Thou 'lt find still among us one Personage old, My Debt not a penny takes from me,
Who also by tricks and the Seals' makes a penny. As sages the matter explain ;Bob owes it to Tom, and then Tommy Thou, too, of the Shakers, divine Mother Lee !2 Just owes it to Bob back again
Thy smiles to beatified B-tt-rw-rth deign ; Since all have thus taken to owing,
Two “lights of the Gentiles" are thou, Anne, and he, There's nobody left that can pay;
One hallowing Fleet-street, and t other Toad-lane!? And this is the way to keep going, All quite in the family way.
The heathen, we know, made their gods out of wood,
And saints too, are framed of as handy male. My senators vote away millions, To put in Prosperity's budget;
Old women and B-tt-rw-rths make just as good And though it were billions or trillions,
As any the Pope ever book'd, as Ethereals. The generous rogues would n't grudge it. 'Tis all but a family hop,
Stand forth, Man of Bibles—not Mahomet's pigeon, "T was Pitt began dancing the hay;
When, perch'd on the Koran, he dropp'd there, Hands round !-why the deuce should we stop? Strong marks of his faith, ever shed o'er religion
they say, "T is all in the family way.
Such glory as B-tt-rw-rth sheds every day. My labourers used to eat mutton,
Great Galen of souls, with what vigour he crams As any great man of the state does;
Down Erin's idolatrous throats, till they crack And now the poor devils are put on Small rations of tea and potatoes.
Bolus on bolus, good man !—and then damns But cheer up, John, Sawney, and Paddy,
Both their stomachs and souls, if they dare cast The King is your father, they say;
them back again. So, ev'n if you starve for your daddy, "Tis all in the family way.
Ah, well might his shop-as a type representing
The creed of himself and his sanctified clanMy rich manufacturers tumble,
On its counter exhibit “the Art of Tormenting," My poor ones have little to chew;
Bound neatly, and letter'd“ Whole Duty of Man And, ev'n if themselves do not grumble, Their stomachs undoubtedly do.
As to politics--there, too, so strong his digestion, But coolly to fast en famille
Having learn'd from the law-books, by which he's Is as good for the soul as to pray ;
surrounded, And famine itself is genteel,
To cull all that's worst on all sides of the question, When one starves in a family way.
His black dose of politics thus is compoundedI have found out a secret for Freddy,
The rinsing of any old Tory's dull noddle,
Made radical-hot, and then mix'd with some grains Though, perhaps, he may know it already;
Of that gritty Scotch gabble, that virulent twaddle, As he, too, 's a sage in his way.
Which Murray's New Series of Blackwood conWhen next for the Treasury scene he
tains. Announces "the Devil to pay,” Let him write on the bills—“ Nota bene, Canonize him !--by Judas, we will canonize him; "T is all in the family way."
For Cant is his hobby and twaddling his bliss. And, though wise men may pity and wits may des
pise him, THE CANONIZATION OF ST. B-TT-RW-RTH. He 'll make but the better shop-saint for all this.
Call quickly together the whole tribe of Canters, " A Christian of the best edition."-Rabelais.
Convoke all the serious Tag-rag of the nation;
Bring Shakers and Snufflers and Jumpers and RantCANONIZE him !-yea, verily, we'll canonize him;
Though Cant is his hobby, and meddling his bliss, To witness their B-tt-rw-rth's Canonization !
Yea, feebly have tried all his gifts to portray;
The dominion of Humbug o'er land and o'er sea, 1 A great part of the income of Joanna Southcott arose Descend on our B-tt-rw-rth’s biblical head,
froin the Seals of the Lord's protection which she sold to
her followers. Thrice-Great, Bibliopolist, Saint, and M. P.
2 Mrs. Ann Lee, the “chosen vessel" of the Shakers, and
"Mother of all the children of regeneration." Come, shade of Joanna, come down from thy sphere, 3 Toad-lane in Manchester, where Mother Lee was born. And bring little Shiloh-if 't is n't too far
In her " Address to Young Believers," she says, that "it is
a matter of no importance with them from whence thu Such a sight will to B-li-rw-rth’s bosom be dear,
means of their deliverance come, whether from a stable in His conceptions and thine being much on a par. Bethlehem, or from Toad-lane, Manchester"
And they form a sum-total for making a saint, And if young Master H-If-rd as yet is too small for't,
That the Devil's own Advocate could not gainsay. Sweet Doctor, we'll make a she Peer of thy wife. Jump high, all ye Jumpers ! ye Ranters, all roar! Next to bearing a coronet on our own brows While B-lt-rw-rth's spirit, sublimed from your Is to bask in its light from the brows of another; eyes,
And grandeur o'er thee shall reflect from thy spouse, Like a kite made of fools-cap, in glory shall soar, As o'er Vesey Fitzgerald 't will shine through his With a long tail of rubbish behind, to the skies !
mother." Thus ended the First Batch-and Jenky, much tired,
(It being no joke to make Lords by the heap,) NEW CREATION OF PEERS.
Took a large dram of ether—the same that inspired
His speech against Papists-and prosed off to sleep.
BATCH THE FIRST.
" His 'prentice han'
He tried on man,
CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY. * And now," quoth the Minister (eased of his panics,
UTRUM HORUM.-A CAMBRIDGE BALLAD. And ripe for each pastime the summer affords,) “Having had our full swing at destroying " I authorized my Committee to take the step which they chanics,
did, of proposing a fair comparison of strength, upon the By way of sel-off, let us make a few Lords. understanding that whichever of the two should prove to be
the weakest, should give way to the other.- Entract from “ 'Tis pleasant—while nothing but mercantile frac- Mr. W. J. Banker's Letter to Mr. Goulburn.
« Νικα μεν ουδ' αλλος, αν ΑΣΣατοι δ'εγένοντο." tures,
THEOCRITUS Some simple, some compound, is dinn'd in our To think that, though robb'd of all coarse manufac
B-NKES is weak, and G-1b-rn too,
No one e'er the fact denied :tures, We still keep our fine manufacture of Peers ;
Which is " weakest" of the two,
Cambridge can alone decide.
In engrossing the whole fabrication and trade of; Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.
G-b-rn of the Pope afraid is,
B-nkes, as much afraid as he ;
Never yet did two old ladies
On this point so well agree.
Each a different mode pursues,
Each the same conclusion reaches; Next came, with his ponchant for painting and pelf,
B-nkes is foolish in Reviews, The tasteful Sir Ch-rl-s, so renown'd, far and near,
G-1b-rn, foolish in his speeches. For purchasing pictures, and selling himself,
Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, And both (as the public well knows) very dear.
Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. Beside him comes 1-0-st-r, with equal eclat, in ;
Each a different foc doth damn, Stand forth, chosen pair, while for titles we mea
When his own affairs have gonc ill; sure ye ;
B-nkes he damneth Buckingham, Both connoisseur baronets, both fond of drawing,
G-1b-rn damneth Dan O'Connel. Sir John, after nature, Sir Charles, on the Treasury.
Choose between them, Carnbridge, pray, But, bless us !--behold a new candidate come
Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. In his hand he upholds a prescription, new written;
B-nkes, accustom'd much to roam, He poiseth a pill-box 't wixt finger and thumb,
Plays with truth a traveller's pranks ; As he asketh a seat 'mong the Peers of Great Bri
G-b-rn, though he stays at home, tain !
Travels thus as much as B-nkes.
Oh Rank, how thy glories would fall disenchanted, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.
Once, we know, a horse's neigh
Fix'd the election to a throne; planted! No--ask it not, ask it not, dear Doctor H-If-rd
1 Among the perrons mentioned as likely to be raised to If nought but a Peerage can gladden thy life, the Peerage are the mother of Mr. Vesey Fitzgerald, otc
So, which ever first shall bray,
The crowded hustings now engages
Their every hope and every fear.
Electors, rally to the poll,
And LdJ-n R-ss-Il never heed:
The best man's he who best can bleed.")
(By Bribery Statute held in awe,)
Fear not-there is a ready way
To serve yourself and cheat the law.
In times like these, when things are high,
And candidates must be well fed,
Your cabbages they 'll freely buy,
Kind souls ! at two pounds ten a-head."
Thus may we hope for many a law,
And many a measure most discreet,
When-pure as even the last we saw-
Britain's new Parliament shall meet.
Then haste, ye Candidates, and strive
An M. P. to your names to tack ;
And-after July twenty-five-
Collective wisdom-welcome back!
COPY OF AN INTERCEPTED DESPATCH. Dick M-r-n now no plan proposes
FROM HIS EXCELLENCY DON STREPITOSO DIABOLO To aid the brute part of the nation,
ENVOY EXTRAORDINARY TO HIS SATANIC MAJESTY While Members cough and blow their noses,
St. James's-Street, July 1. To drown his most humane oration.
GREAT Sir, having just had the good luck to catch Good Mr. B-gd-n where art thou,
An official young Demon, preparing to go, Most worthy Crm-n of C-mm-tees? Ready booted and spurr'd, with a black-leg despatch, To strip one laurel from thy brow
From the Hell here, at Cr-ckf-rd's, to our Hell Would surely be a thousand pities.
below"T was a good joke, forsooth, to think
I write these few lines to your Highness Satanic, Thou shouldst give up thy honest winnings, To say that, first having obey'd your directions, And thereby own that thou didst wink,
And done all the mischief I could in “the Panic," Pure soul! at other people's sinnings.?
My next special care was to help the Elections. Where's H-s, corruption's ready hack,
Well knowing how dear were those times to thy soul, Who life and credit both consumes
When every good Christian tormented his brother In whipping in the Treasury pack,
And caused, in thy realm, such a saving of coal, And jobbing in committee-rooms ?"
From their all coming down, ready grill'd by each
other; I look around—no well-known face Along the benches meets my eye
Remembering, besides, how it pain'd thee to part No Member “rises in his place,”
With the old Penal Code,—that chef-d'æuvre of For all have other fish to fry.
In which (though to own it too modest thou art) Not one is left of K-s and sages,
We could plainly perceive the fine touch of thy Who lately sat debating here;
I thought, as we ne'er can those good times revive 1 "Really the Hon. Member for M- -c should take a (Though Eld-n, with help from your Highness little breath; his objections are most unfair; and, what is
would try) worse, they are never-ending."-See the Ch-n-11-r of the Ex-4-r's speech in reply to Mr. A-e, Feb. 23, 1826.
2 "Mr. B--gd-n said he certainly should not refund the I A maxim which has been pretty well ac:ed on in the money, because, by so doing, he should convict himself."- present elections. See the Report of a Meeting of the Proprietors of the Arig- 2 "During the clection at Sudbury, four cabbages soldi na Mining Company.
for 101. and a plate of gooseberries fetched 251. the sellers, 3 The bare-faced system of voting at private bill commit- where these articles were so scarce, being voters."'--Se: tees, without having heard on iota of evidence for or against, The Times of Friday, June 20. forms a distinguished feature in the history of the late par- 3 The day on which the writs are returnable, and the now liament.
parliament is to meet pro forma.