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To talk now of starving, as great At-l said—' (And the nobles all cheer'd, and the bishops all wonder'd)

When, some years ago, he and others had fed

Of these same hungry devils about fifteen hundred!

It follows from hence-and the Duke's very words Should be publish'd wherever poor rogues of this craft are,

That weavers, once rescued from starving by Lords, Are bound to be starved by said Lords ever after.

When Rome was uproarious, her knowing patricians Made"Bread and the Circus" a cure for each row; But not so the plan of our noble physicians,

"No Bread and the Tread-mill 's" the regimen now.

So cease, my dear Baron of Ockham, your prose,
As I shall my poetry-neither convinces ;
And all we have spoken and written but shows,
When you tread on a nobleman's corn,2 how he
winces.

MORAL POSITIONS.

A DREAM.

"His Lordship said that it took a long time for a moral position to find its way across the Atlantic. He was sorry that its voyage had been so long," etc.-Speech of Lord Dudley and Ward on Colonial Slavery, March 8.

TOTHER night, after hearing Lord Dudley's oration

Long, dolefully long, seem'd the voyage we made ;—
For, "the Truth" at all times but a very slow sailer
By friends, near as much as by foes, is delay'd,
And few come aboard her, though so many bail
her.

At length, safe arrived, I went through "tare and tret"

Deliver'd my goods in the primest condition— And next morning read, in the Bridgetown Gazette, "Just arrived, by 'the Truth,' a new Moral Position; "The Captain"-here, startled to find myself named As "the Captain" (a thing which, I own it with pain,

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TUESDAY.

(A treat that comes once in the year, as May-day Much grave apprehension express'd by the Peers,

does,)

I dreamt that I saw-what a strange operation! A "moral position" shipp'd off for Barbadoes.

The whole Bench of Bishops stood by, in grave attitudes,

Packing the article tidy and neat ;

As their Rev'rences know, that in southerly latitudes "Moral positions" don't keep very sweet.

There was B-th-st arranging the custom-house pass;

And, to guard the frail package from tousing and routing,

There stood my Lord Eld-n, endorsing it "Glass," Though-as to which side should lie uppermost doubting.

The freight was, however, stow'd safe in the hold; The winds were polite, and the moon look'd ro

mantic,

While off in the good ship "the Truth" we were roll'd,

With our ethical cargo, across the Atlantic.

1 The Duke of Athol said, that "at a former period, when these weavers were in great distress, the landed interest of Perth had supported 1,500 of them. It was a poor return for these very men now to petition against the persons who had fed them."

2 An improvement, we flatter ourselves, on Lord L's. joke.

Lest-as in the times of the Peachums and Lock

itts

The large stock of gold we're to have in three years, Should all find its way into highwaymen's pockets!'

A Petition presented (well-timed, after this) Throwing out a sly hint to Grandees, who are hurl'd

In their coaches about, that 't would not be amiss
If they'd just throw a little more light on the world
A plan for transporting half Ireland to Canada,3

Which (briefly the clever transaction to state) is
Forcing John Bull to pay high for what, any day,

N-rb-ry, bless the old wag, would do gratis. Keeping always (said Mr. Sub. Horton) in mind, That while we thus draw off the claims on pota

toes,

We make it a point that the Pats, left behind,
Should get no new claimants to fill the hiatus."

1 "Another objection to a metallic currency was, that it produced a greater number of highway robberies."-Debats in the Lords.

2 Mr. Estcourt presented a petition, praying that all persons should be compelled to have lamps in their carriages. 3 Mr. W. Horton's motion on the subject of Emigration. 4 "The money expended in transporting the Irish te Canada would be judiciously laid out, provided measures were taken to prevent the gap they left in the population from being filled up again. Government had always made that a condition."—Mr. W. Horton's speech.

Sub. Horton then read a long letter, just come
From the Canada Paddies, to say that these elves
Have already grown "prosp'rous"-as we are, at
home-

And have e'en got "a surplus," poor devils, like ourselves!!

WEDNESDAY

Little doing-for sacred, oh Wednesday, thou art, To the seven o'clock joys of full many a table,When the Members all meet, to make much of the part,

With which they so rashly fell out, in the Fable.

It appear'd, though, to-night, that-as churchwardens, yearly,

Eat up a small baby-those cormorant sinners, The Bankrupt-Commissioners, bolt very nearly

A moderate-sized bankrupt, tout chaud, for their dinners!?

Nota bene-a rumour to-day, in the city,

"Mr. R-b-ns-n just has resign'd"--what a pity!
The Bulls and the Bears all fell a sobbing,
When they heard of the fate of poor Cock Robin,
While thus, to the nursery-tune, so pretty,
A murmuring Stock-dove breathed her ditty

Alas, poor Robin, he crow'd as long

And as sweet as a prosperous Cock could crow: But his note was small, and the gold-finch's song Was a pitch too high for poor Robin to go. Who 'll make his shroud?

"I," said the Bank, "though he play'd me a prank, While I have a rag poor Rob shall be roll'd in 't; With many a pound I'll paper him round,

Like a plump rouleau-without the gold in 't."

A HYMN OF WELCOME AFTER THE RECESS.

"Animas sapientiores fieri quiescendo."

AND now-cross-buns and pancakes o'er-
Hail, Lords and Gentlemen, once more!
Thrice hail and welcome, Houses Twain !
The short eclipse of April-day
Having (God grant it!) pass'd away,
Collective Wisdom, shine again!

Come, Ayes and Noes, through thick and thin,
With Paddy H-mes for whipper-in;
Whate'er the job, prepared to back it;
Come, voters of Supplies-bestowers
Of jackets upon trumpet-blowers,

At eighty mortal pounds the jacket !3

1 "The hon. gentleman then read a letter, which mentioned the prosperous condition of the writer; that he had on hand a considerable surplus of corn," etc.

2 Mr. Abercromby's statement of the enormous tavern bills of the Commissioners of Bankrupts.

3 An item of expense which Mr. Hume in vain endeavoured to get rid of-trumpeters, like the men of All-Souls, must be "bene vestiti."

Come-free, at length, from Joint-Stock caresYe Senators of many Shares,

Whose dreams of premium knew no bound'ry
So fond of aught like Company,
That you would e'en have taken tea

(Had you been ask'd) with Mr. Goundry!!
Come, matchless country-gentlemen;
Come-wise Sir Thomas-wisest then
When creeds and corn-laws are debated!
Come, rival e'en the Harlot Red,
And show how wholly into bread

A 'Squire is transubstantiated.
Come, Le, and tell the world,
That surely as thy scratch is curl'd.
As never scratch was curl'd before-
Cheap eating does more harm than good,
And working-people, spoil'd by food,

The less they eat, will work the more.

Come, G-lb-rn, with thy glib defence
(Which thou 'dst have made for Peter's Pence)
Of Church-Rates, worthy of a halter;-
Two pipes of port (old port 'twas said,
By honest Newport) bought and paid

By Papists for the Orange Altar!"
Come, H-rt-n, with thy plan so merry,
For peopling Canada from Kerry-

Not so much rendering Ireland quiet,
As grafting on the dull Canadians
That liveliest of earth's contagions,
The bull-pock of Hibernian riot!
Come all, in short, ye wond'rous men
Of wit and wisdom, come again;

Though short your absence, all deplore it—
Oh, come and show, whate'er men say,
That you can, after April-Day,
Be just as-sapient as before it.

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For bankrupts, since Adam, are cousins,
So it's all in the family way.

My Debt not a penny takes from me,
As sages the matter explain;-
Bob owes it to Tom, and then Tommy
Just owes it to Bob back again
Since all have thus taken to owing,
There's nobody left that can pay;
And this is the way to keep going,
All quite in the family way.

My senators vote away millions,

To put in Prosperity's budget;

And though I were billions or trillions,

The generous rogues would n't grudge it.

'Tis all but a family hop,

"T was Pitt began dancing the hay;

Hands round!-why the deuce should we stop? "T is all in the family way.

My labourers used to eat mutton,

As any great man of the state does;
And now the poor devils are put on

Small rations of tea and potatoes.
But cheer up, John, Sawney, and Paddy,
The King is your father, they say;
So, ev'n if you starve for your daddy,
'Tis all in the family way.

My rich manufacturers tumble,

My poor ones have little to chew; And, ev'n if themselves do not grumble, Their stomachs undoubtedly do.

But coolly to fast en famille

Is as good for the soul as to pray; And famine itself is genteel,

When one starves in a family way.

I have found out a secret for Freddy,
A secret for next Budget-day;
Though, perhaps, he may know it already;
As he, too, 's a sage in his way.
When next for the Treasury scene he
Announces "the Devil to pay,"
Let him write on the bills-" Nota bene,
"T is all in the family way."

THE CANONIZATION OF ST. B-TT-RW-RTH.

"A Christian of the best edition."-Rabelais.

CANONIZE him!-yea, verily, we 'll canonize him;
Though Cant is his hobby, and meddling his bliss,
Though sages may pity and wits may despise him,
He'll ne'er make a bit the worse Saint for all this.
Descend, all ye spirits that ever yet spread

The dominion of Humbug o'er land and o'er sea,
Descend on our B-tt-rw-rth's biblical head,
Thrice-Great, Bibliopolist, Saint, and M. P.

Come, shade of Joanna, come down from thy sphere,
And bring little Shiloh-if 't is n't too far-
Such a sight will to B-tt-rw-rth's bosom be dear,

His conceptions and thine being much on a par.

Nor blush, Saint Joanna, once more to behold

A world thou hast honour'd by cheating so many
Thou 'lt find still among us one Personage old,

Who also by tricks and the Seals' makes a penny.
Thou, too, of the Shakers, divine Mother Lee !2
Thy smiles to beatified B-tt-rw-rth deign;
Two "lights of the Gentiles" are thou, Anne, and he,
One hallowing Fleet-street, and t' other Toad-lane!'
The heathen, we know, made their gods out of wood,
And saints too, are framed of as handy mate.
rials;-

Old women and B-tt-rw-rths make just as good
As
any the Pope ever book'd, as Ethereals.

Stand forth, Man of Bibles-not Mahomet's pigeon,
When, perch'd on the Koran, he dropp'd there,
they say,

Strong marks of his faith, ever shed o'er religion
Such glory as B-tt-rw-rth sheds every day.

Great Galen of souls, with what vigour he crams
Down Erin's idolatrous throats, till they crack
again,

Bolus on bolus, good man!—and then damns
Both their stomachs and souls, if they dare cast
them back again.

Ah, well might his shop-as a type representing
The creed of himself and his sanctified clan-
On its counter exhibit "the Art of Tormenting,"
Bound neatly, and letter'd "Whole Duty of Man

As to politics--there, too, so strong his digestion,
Having learn'd from the law-books, by which he's
surrounded,

To cull all that's worst on all sides of the question,
His black dose of politics thus is compounded-

The rinsing of any old Tory's dull noddle,

Made radical-hot, and then mix'd with some grains
Of that gritty Scotch gabble, that virulent twaddle,
Which Murray's New Series of Blackwood con.
tains.

Canonize him!--by Judas, we will canonize him;
For Cant is his hobby and twaddling his bliss.
And, though wise men may pity and wits may des
pise him,

He'll make but the better shop-saint for all this.

Call quickly together the whole tribe of Canters,
Convoke all the serious Tag-rag of the nation;
Bring Shakers and Snufflers and Jumpers and Rant-

ers,

To witness their B-tt-rw-rth's Canonization!

Yea, humbly I've ventured his merits to paint,
Yea, feebly have tried all his gifts to portray;

1 A great part of the income of Joanna Southcott arose from the Seals of the Lord's protection which she sold to her followers.

2 Mrs. Ann Lee, the "chosen vessel" of the Shakers, and "Mother of all the children of regeneration."

3 Toad-lane in Manchester, where Mother Lee was born. In her "Address to Young Believers," she says, that "it is a matter of no importance with them from whence the means of their deliverance come, whether from a stable in Bethlehem, or from Toad-lane, Manchester "

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ears

To think that, though robb'd of all coarse manufactures,

We still keep our fine manufacture of Peers;

"Those Gobelin productions, which Kings take a pride In engrossing the whole fabrication and trade of; Choice tapestry things, very grand on one side, But showing, on t' other, what rags they are made of."

The plan being fix'd, raw material was sought,

No matter how middling, so Tory the creed be; And first-to begin with-Squire W-rt-y, 't was thought,

For a Lord was as raw a material as need be,

Next came, with his penchant for painting and pelf, The tasteful Sir Ch-rl-s, so renown'd, far and near, For purchasing pictures, and selling himself,

And both (as the public well knows) very dear. Beside him comes L-c-st-r, with equal eclat, in ;Stand forth, chosen pair, while for titles we mea

sure ye;

Both connoisseur baronets, both fond of drawing, Sir John, after nature, Sir Charles, on the Treasury.

But, bless us!-behold a new candidate come

In his hand he upholds a prescription, new written; He poiseth a pill-box 't wixt finger and thumb, As he asketh a seat 'mong the Peers of Great Britain!

"Forbid it," cried Jenky, "ye Viscounts, ye Earls!Oh Rank, how thy glories would fall disenchanted, If coronets glisten'd with pills 'stead of pearls,

And the strawberry-leaves were by rhubarb supplanted!

"No-ask it not, ask it not, dear Doctor H-lf-rd-If nought but a Peerage can gladden thy life,

CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY.

UTRUM HORUM.-A CAMBRIDGE BALLAD.

"I authorized my Committee to take the step which they did, of proposing a fair comparison of strength, upon the understanding that whichever of the two should prove to be the weakest, should give way to the other.-Extract from Mr. W. J. Banker's Letter to Mr. Goulburn.

σε Νίκα μεν ουδ' άλλος, αν ΑΣΣατοι δ' εγενοντο.” THEOCRITUS

B-NKES is weak, and G-lb-rn too,

No one e'er the fact denied :Which is "weakest" of the two,

Cambridge can alone decide. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.

G-lb-rn of the Pope afraid is,

B-nkes, as much afraid as he; Never yet did two old ladies

On this point so well agree. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.

Each a different mode pursues,

Each the same conclusion reaches; B-nkes is foolish in Reviews,

G-lb-rn, foolish in his speeches. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.

Each a different foe doth damn,

When his own affairs have gone ill; B-nkes he damneth Buckingham,

G-lb-rn damneth Dan O'Connel. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.

B-nkes, accustom'd much to roam,

Plays with truth a traveller's pranks; G-lb-rn, though he stays at home,

Travels thus as much as B-nkes. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say.

Once, we know, a horse's neigh

Fix'd the election to a throne;

1 Among the persons mentioned as likely to be raised to the Peerage are the mother of Mr. Vesey Fitzgerald, ete

So, which ever first shall bray,

Choose him, Cambridge, for thy own. Choose him, choose him by his bray, Thus elect him, Cambridge, pray.

LINES WRITTEN IN ST. STEPHEN'S CHAPEL, AFTER THE DISSOLUTION.

BY A MEMBER OF THE UPPER BENCHES.

THE King's speech toll'd the Commons' knell,
The House is clear'd, the chair vacated,
And gloom and loneliness now dwell
Where Britain's wise men congregated.

The gallery is dark and lone,

No longer throng'd with curious folk, Happy to pay their good half-crown

To hear bad speeches badly spoke.

The Treasury seats no placemen show,
Clear'd is each Opposition bench;
And even never-ending Joe

No longer cries-" Retrench! retrench!"'!

Fred. R-b-ns-n no more his skill
Employs in weaving speeches fair,
The country gentlemen to fill
With promises as thin as air.

Dick M-rt-n now no plan proposes
To aid the brute part of the nation,
While Members cough and blow their noses,
To drown his most humane oration.

Good Mr. B-gd-n where art thou,

Most worthy C-rm-n of C-mm-tees ? To strip one laurel from thy brow

Would surely be a thousand pities.

"T was a good joke, forsooth, to think

Thou shouldst give up thy honest winnings, And thereby own that thou didst wink,

Pure soul! at other people's sinnings.2
Where's H-s, corruption's ready hack,
Who life and credit both consumes
In whipping in the Treasury pack,
And jobbing in committee-rooms?'

I look around-no well-known face
Along the benches meets my eye-
No Member "rises in his place,"
For all have other fish to fry.

Not one is left of K-s and sages,
Who lately sat debating here;

1 "Really the Hon. Member for M- e should take a little breath; his objections are most unfair; and, what is worse, they are never ending."-See the Ch-n-11-r of the Ex-q-r's speech in reply to Mr. H-e, Feb. 23, 1826.

2 "Mr. B-gd-n said he certainly should not refund the money, because, by so doing, he should convict himself.”See the Report of a Meeting of the Proprietors of the Arigna Mining Company.

3 The bare-faced system of voting at private bill committees, without having heard an iota of evidence for or against, forms a distinguished feature in the history of the late parliament.

The crowded hustings now engages
Their every hope and every fear.

Electors, rally to the poll,

And L-d J-n R-ss-ll never heed: Let gold alone your choice control,

The best man's he who best can bleed."

But if, too timid, you delay,

(By Bribery Statute held in awe,) Fear not-there is a ready way

To serve yourself and cheat the law.

In times like these, when things are high, And candidates must be well fed, Your cabbages they 'll freely buy,

Kind souls! at two pounds ten a-head."

Thus may we hope for many a law,

And many a measure most discreet, When-pure as even the last we saw

Britain's new Parliament shall meet.

Then haste, ye Candidates, and strive An M. P. to your names to tack; And-after July twenty-five-3

Collective wisdom-welcome back!

COPY OF AN INTERCEPTED DESPATCH.
FROM HIS EXCELLENCY DON STREPITOSO DIABOLO
ENVOY EXTRAORDINARY TO HIS SATANIC MAJESTY
St. James's-Street, July 1.
GREAT Sir, having just had the good luck to catch
An official young Demon, preparing to go,
Ready booted and spurr'd, with a black-leg despatch,
From the Hell here, at Cr-ckf-rd's, to our Hell
below-

I write these few lines to your Highness Satanic,
To say that, first having obey'd your directions,
And done all the mischief I could in "the Panic,"
My next special care was to help the Elections.
Well knowing how dear were those times to thy soul,
When every good Christian tormented his brother
And caused, in thy realm, such a saving of coal,
From their all coming down, ready grill'd by each
other;

Remembering, besides, how it pain'd thee to part
With the old Penal Code,-that chef-d'œuvre of
Law,

In which (though to own it too modest thou art) We could plainly perceive the fine touch of thy claw;

I thought, as we ne'er can those good times revive (Though Eld-n, with help from your Highness would try)

1 A maxim which has been pretty well ac:ed on in the present elections.

2 "During the election at Sudbury, four cabbages sold for 101. and a plate of gooseberries fetched 251. the sellers, where these articles were so scarce, being voters."-Se The Times of Friday, June 20.

3 The day on which the writs are returnable, and the now parliament is to meet pro forma.

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