To talk now of starving, as great At-l said—' (And the nobles all cheer'd, and the bishops all wonder'd) When, some years ago, he and others had fed Of these same hungry devils about fifteen hundred! It follows from hence-and the Duke's very words Should be publish'd wherever poor rogues of this craft are, That weavers, once rescued from starving by Lords, Are bound to be starved by said Lords ever after. When Rome was uproarious, her knowing patricians Made"Bread and the Circus" a cure for each row; But not so the plan of our noble physicians, "No Bread and the Tread-mill 's" the regimen now. So cease, my dear Baron of Ockham, your prose, MORAL POSITIONS. A DREAM. "His Lordship said that it took a long time for a moral position to find its way across the Atlantic. He was sorry that its voyage had been so long," etc.-Speech of Lord Dudley and Ward on Colonial Slavery, March 8. TOTHER night, after hearing Lord Dudley's oration Long, dolefully long, seem'd the voyage we made ;— At length, safe arrived, I went through "tare and tret" Deliver'd my goods in the primest condition— And next morning read, in the Bridgetown Gazette, "Just arrived, by 'the Truth,' a new Moral Position; "The Captain"-here, startled to find myself named As "the Captain" (a thing which, I own it with pain, TUESDAY. (A treat that comes once in the year, as May-day Much grave apprehension express'd by the Peers, does,) I dreamt that I saw-what a strange operation! A "moral position" shipp'd off for Barbadoes. The whole Bench of Bishops stood by, in grave attitudes, Packing the article tidy and neat ; As their Rev'rences know, that in southerly latitudes "Moral positions" don't keep very sweet. There was B-th-st arranging the custom-house pass; And, to guard the frail package from tousing and routing, There stood my Lord Eld-n, endorsing it "Glass," Though-as to which side should lie uppermost doubting. The freight was, however, stow'd safe in the hold; The winds were polite, and the moon look'd ro mantic, While off in the good ship "the Truth" we were roll'd, With our ethical cargo, across the Atlantic. 1 The Duke of Athol said, that "at a former period, when these weavers were in great distress, the landed interest of Perth had supported 1,500 of them. It was a poor return for these very men now to petition against the persons who had fed them." 2 An improvement, we flatter ourselves, on Lord L's. joke. Lest-as in the times of the Peachums and Lock itts The large stock of gold we're to have in three years, Should all find its way into highwaymen's pockets!' A Petition presented (well-timed, after this) Throwing out a sly hint to Grandees, who are hurl'd In their coaches about, that 't would not be amiss Which (briefly the clever transaction to state) is N-rb-ry, bless the old wag, would do gratis. Keeping always (said Mr. Sub. Horton) in mind, That while we thus draw off the claims on pota toes, We make it a point that the Pats, left behind, 1 "Another objection to a metallic currency was, that it produced a greater number of highway robberies."-Debats in the Lords. 2 Mr. Estcourt presented a petition, praying that all persons should be compelled to have lamps in their carriages. 3 Mr. W. Horton's motion on the subject of Emigration. 4 "The money expended in transporting the Irish te Canada would be judiciously laid out, provided measures were taken to prevent the gap they left in the population from being filled up again. Government had always made that a condition."—Mr. W. Horton's speech. Sub. Horton then read a long letter, just come And have e'en got "a surplus," poor devils, like ourselves!! WEDNESDAY Little doing-for sacred, oh Wednesday, thou art, To the seven o'clock joys of full many a table,When the Members all meet, to make much of the part, With which they so rashly fell out, in the Fable. It appear'd, though, to-night, that-as churchwardens, yearly, Eat up a small baby-those cormorant sinners, The Bankrupt-Commissioners, bolt very nearly A moderate-sized bankrupt, tout chaud, for their dinners!? Nota bene-a rumour to-day, in the city, "Mr. R-b-ns-n just has resign'd"--what a pity! Alas, poor Robin, he crow'd as long And as sweet as a prosperous Cock could crow: But his note was small, and the gold-finch's song Was a pitch too high for poor Robin to go. Who 'll make his shroud? "I," said the Bank, "though he play'd me a prank, While I have a rag poor Rob shall be roll'd in 't; With many a pound I'll paper him round, Like a plump rouleau-without the gold in 't." A HYMN OF WELCOME AFTER THE RECESS. "Animas sapientiores fieri quiescendo." AND now-cross-buns and pancakes o'er- Come, Ayes and Noes, through thick and thin, At eighty mortal pounds the jacket !3 1 "The hon. gentleman then read a letter, which mentioned the prosperous condition of the writer; that he had on hand a considerable surplus of corn," etc. 2 Mr. Abercromby's statement of the enormous tavern bills of the Commissioners of Bankrupts. 3 An item of expense which Mr. Hume in vain endeavoured to get rid of-trumpeters, like the men of All-Souls, must be "bene vestiti." Come-free, at length, from Joint-Stock caresYe Senators of many Shares, Whose dreams of premium knew no bound'ry (Had you been ask'd) with Mr. Goundry!! A 'Squire is transubstantiated. The less they eat, will work the more. Come, G-lb-rn, with thy glib defence By Papists for the Orange Altar!" Not so much rendering Ireland quiet, Though short your absence, all deplore it— For bankrupts, since Adam, are cousins, My Debt not a penny takes from me, My senators vote away millions, To put in Prosperity's budget; And though I were billions or trillions, The generous rogues would n't grudge it. 'Tis all but a family hop, "T was Pitt began dancing the hay; Hands round!-why the deuce should we stop? "T is all in the family way. My labourers used to eat mutton, As any great man of the state does; Small rations of tea and potatoes. My rich manufacturers tumble, My poor ones have little to chew; And, ev'n if themselves do not grumble, Their stomachs undoubtedly do. But coolly to fast en famille Is as good for the soul as to pray; And famine itself is genteel, When one starves in a family way. I have found out a secret for Freddy, THE CANONIZATION OF ST. B-TT-RW-RTH. "A Christian of the best edition."-Rabelais. CANONIZE him!-yea, verily, we 'll canonize him; The dominion of Humbug o'er land and o'er sea, Come, shade of Joanna, come down from thy sphere, His conceptions and thine being much on a par. Nor blush, Saint Joanna, once more to behold A world thou hast honour'd by cheating so many Who also by tricks and the Seals' makes a penny. Old women and B-tt-rw-rths make just as good Stand forth, Man of Bibles-not Mahomet's pigeon, Strong marks of his faith, ever shed o'er religion Great Galen of souls, with what vigour he crams Bolus on bolus, good man!—and then damns Ah, well might his shop-as a type representing As to politics--there, too, so strong his digestion, To cull all that's worst on all sides of the question, The rinsing of any old Tory's dull noddle, Made radical-hot, and then mix'd with some grains Canonize him!--by Judas, we will canonize him; He'll make but the better shop-saint for all this. Call quickly together the whole tribe of Canters, ers, To witness their B-tt-rw-rth's Canonization! Yea, humbly I've ventured his merits to paint, 1 A great part of the income of Joanna Southcott arose from the Seals of the Lord's protection which she sold to her followers. 2 Mrs. Ann Lee, the "chosen vessel" of the Shakers, and "Mother of all the children of regeneration." 3 Toad-lane in Manchester, where Mother Lee was born. In her "Address to Young Believers," she says, that "it is a matter of no importance with them from whence the means of their deliverance come, whether from a stable in Bethlehem, or from Toad-lane, Manchester " ears To think that, though robb'd of all coarse manufactures, We still keep our fine manufacture of Peers; "Those Gobelin productions, which Kings take a pride In engrossing the whole fabrication and trade of; Choice tapestry things, very grand on one side, But showing, on t' other, what rags they are made of." The plan being fix'd, raw material was sought, No matter how middling, so Tory the creed be; And first-to begin with-Squire W-rt-y, 't was thought, For a Lord was as raw a material as need be, Next came, with his penchant for painting and pelf, The tasteful Sir Ch-rl-s, so renown'd, far and near, For purchasing pictures, and selling himself, And both (as the public well knows) very dear. Beside him comes L-c-st-r, with equal eclat, in ;Stand forth, chosen pair, while for titles we mea sure ye; Both connoisseur baronets, both fond of drawing, Sir John, after nature, Sir Charles, on the Treasury. But, bless us!-behold a new candidate come In his hand he upholds a prescription, new written; He poiseth a pill-box 't wixt finger and thumb, As he asketh a seat 'mong the Peers of Great Britain! "Forbid it," cried Jenky, "ye Viscounts, ye Earls!Oh Rank, how thy glories would fall disenchanted, If coronets glisten'd with pills 'stead of pearls, And the strawberry-leaves were by rhubarb supplanted! "No-ask it not, ask it not, dear Doctor H-lf-rd-If nought but a Peerage can gladden thy life, CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY. UTRUM HORUM.-A CAMBRIDGE BALLAD. "I authorized my Committee to take the step which they did, of proposing a fair comparison of strength, upon the understanding that whichever of the two should prove to be the weakest, should give way to the other.-Extract from Mr. W. J. Banker's Letter to Mr. Goulburn. σε Νίκα μεν ουδ' άλλος, αν ΑΣΣατοι δ' εγενοντο.” THEOCRITUS B-NKES is weak, and G-lb-rn too, No one e'er the fact denied :Which is "weakest" of the two, Cambridge can alone decide. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. G-lb-rn of the Pope afraid is, B-nkes, as much afraid as he; Never yet did two old ladies On this point so well agree. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. Each a different mode pursues, Each the same conclusion reaches; B-nkes is foolish in Reviews, G-lb-rn, foolish in his speeches. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. Each a different foe doth damn, When his own affairs have gone ill; B-nkes he damneth Buckingham, G-lb-rn damneth Dan O'Connel. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. B-nkes, accustom'd much to roam, Plays with truth a traveller's pranks; G-lb-rn, though he stays at home, Travels thus as much as B-nkes. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. Once, we know, a horse's neigh Fix'd the election to a throne; 1 Among the persons mentioned as likely to be raised to the Peerage are the mother of Mr. Vesey Fitzgerald, ete So, which ever first shall bray, Choose him, Cambridge, for thy own. Choose him, choose him by his bray, Thus elect him, Cambridge, pray. LINES WRITTEN IN ST. STEPHEN'S CHAPEL, AFTER THE DISSOLUTION. BY A MEMBER OF THE UPPER BENCHES. THE King's speech toll'd the Commons' knell, The gallery is dark and lone, No longer throng'd with curious folk, Happy to pay their good half-crown To hear bad speeches badly spoke. The Treasury seats no placemen show, No longer cries-" Retrench! retrench!"'! Fred. R-b-ns-n no more his skill Dick M-rt-n now no plan proposes Good Mr. B-gd-n where art thou, Most worthy C-rm-n of C-mm-tees ? To strip one laurel from thy brow Would surely be a thousand pities. "T was a good joke, forsooth, to think Thou shouldst give up thy honest winnings, And thereby own that thou didst wink, Pure soul! at other people's sinnings.2 I look around-no well-known face Not one is left of K-s and sages, 1 "Really the Hon. Member for M- e should take a little breath; his objections are most unfair; and, what is worse, they are never ending."-See the Ch-n-11-r of the Ex-q-r's speech in reply to Mr. H-e, Feb. 23, 1826. 2 "Mr. B-gd-n said he certainly should not refund the money, because, by so doing, he should convict himself.”See the Report of a Meeting of the Proprietors of the Arigna Mining Company. 3 The bare-faced system of voting at private bill committees, without having heard an iota of evidence for or against, forms a distinguished feature in the history of the late parliament. The crowded hustings now engages Electors, rally to the poll, And L-d J-n R-ss-ll never heed: Let gold alone your choice control, The best man's he who best can bleed." But if, too timid, you delay, (By Bribery Statute held in awe,) Fear not-there is a ready way To serve yourself and cheat the law. In times like these, when things are high, And candidates must be well fed, Your cabbages they 'll freely buy, Kind souls! at two pounds ten a-head." Thus may we hope for many a law, And many a measure most discreet, When-pure as even the last we saw Britain's new Parliament shall meet. Then haste, ye Candidates, and strive An M. P. to your names to tack; And-after July twenty-five-3 Collective wisdom-welcome back! COPY OF AN INTERCEPTED DESPATCH. I write these few lines to your Highness Satanic, Remembering, besides, how it pain'd thee to part In which (though to own it too modest thou art) We could plainly perceive the fine touch of thy claw; I thought, as we ne'er can those good times revive (Though Eld-n, with help from your Highness would try) 1 A maxim which has been pretty well ac:ed on in the present elections. 2 "During the election at Sudbury, four cabbages sold for 101. and a plate of gooseberries fetched 251. the sellers, where these articles were so scarce, being voters."-Se The Times of Friday, June 20. 3 The day on which the writs are returnable, and the now parliament is to meet pro forma. |