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ments of which, we are told, “Fum, The Chinese Bird of Royalty," is a principal ornament

I am, Sir, yours, etc.


suosque tibi commendat Troja penates, Hos cape fatorum comites.-Virgil.

FUM AND HUM, 1813.

The two Birds of Royalty. As recruits in these times are not easily got, And the Marshal must have them-pray, why should Thus accosted our own Bird of Royalty, Hum,

One day the Chinese Bird of Royalty, Fum, we not, As the last and, I grant it, the worst of our loans to Where Fum had just come to pay Hum a short visit.

In that Palace or China-shop (Brighton-which is it?) him,

Near akin are these Birds, though they differ in nation; Ship off the Ministry, body and bones to him ?

(The breed of the Hums is as old as creation,) There's not in all England, I'd venture to swear,

Both full-craw'd Legitimates—both birds of prey, Any men we could half so conveniently spare; And, though they 've been helping the French for 'Twixt the goose and the vulture, like Lord C-s

Both cackling and ravenous creatures, half way years past,


may thus make them useful to England at last. C-ster-ghin our sieges might save some disgraces, Peers, Bishops, and Punch, Hum, are sacred to thee!

While Fum deals in Mandarins, Bonzes, BoheaBeing used to the taking and keeping of places ; And Volunteer C-NN-NG, still ready for joining,

So congenial their tastes, that, when Fum first did

light on Might show off his talent for sly undermining. Could the Household but spare us its glory and pride, The lanterns, and dragons, and things round the dome

The floor of that grand China-warehouse at Brighton, Old H-DF-at horn-works again might be tried, And the Ch-f J-st-ce make a bold charge at his

Were so like what he left, “Gad,” says Fum, "I'm

at home." side! While V-NS-TT-RT could victual the troops upon tick,

And when, turning, he saw Bishop L


“Zooks, it is," And the Doctor look after the baggage and sick.

Quoth the Bird, “yes I know him-a Bonze, by his Nay, I do not see why the great R-G-nt himself

phizShould, in times such as these, stay at home on the And that jolly old idol he kneels to so low shelf:

Can be none but our round-about godhead, fat Fo!" Though through narrow defiles he's not fitted to pass,

It chanced, at this moment, the Episcopal Prig Yet who could resist if he bore down en masse ?

Was imploring the P- -E to dispense with his And, though oft, of an evening, perhaps he might prove, which the Bird, overhearing, flew high o'er his head,

wig, Like our brave Spanish Allies, “unable to move ;''' Yet there's one thing in war, of advantage unbounded, And some Tobit-like marks of his patronage shed, Which is, that he could not with ease be surrounded! Which so dimm'd the poor Dandy's idolatrous eye,

That while Fum cried " Oh Fo!" all the Court cried In my next, I shall sing of their arms and equipment. “Oh fie!" At present no more but-good luck to the shipment !

But, a truce to digression. These Birds of a feather

Thus talk'd, t'other night, on State matters togetherLORD WELLINGTON AND THE MIN STERS. (The P- -E just in bed, or about to depart for 't,

His legs full of gout, and his arms full of - ;) 1813.

“I say, Hum," srys Fun-Fum, of course, spoke So, gently in peace Alcibiades smiled,

Chinese, While in baitle he shone forth so terribly grand,

But, bless you, that's nothing--at Brighton one sees That the emblem they graved on his seal was a child, Foreign lingoes and Bishops translated with ease, With a thunderbolt placed in its innocent hand.

" I say, Hum, how fares it with Royalty now? Oh, WELLINGTON! long as such Ministers wield

Is it up? is it prime? is it spooney or low ?" Your magnificent arm, the same emblem will do; (The Bird had just taken a Flashman's degree

-E, Y For, while they're in the Council and you in the Field, Under B

-T!!, and young Mas. We've the babies in them, and the thunder in you!

“ As for us in Pekin". here a devil of a din From the bed-chamber came, where that long Man

darin, To the Editor of the Morning Chronicle.

C-sti-R-G11 (whom Fum calls the Confucius of

prose) Sir,-In order to explain the following fragment, Was rehearsing a speech upon Europe's repose, it is necessary to refer your readers to a late florid To the deep, double-bass of the fat idol's nose ! description of the Pavilion at Brighton, in the apart

1 In consequence of an old promise that he should be 1 The character given to the Spanish soldier, in Sir Jobo allowed to wear his own hair, whenever he might be elo Murray's memorable despatch

vated to a bishoprick by his R-IH

ter I.

(Nota Bene.-His Lordship and L-Y-RP-L come, Look down upon Ben—see him dunghill all o'er,
In collateral lines, from the old Mo:her Hum,- Insult the fallen foe that can harm him no more.
C-STL-R-GH a Hum-bug-L-v-RP-L a Hum-drum.) Out, cowardly spooney!-again and again,
The speech being finish'd, out rush'd C-stL-R-GH, By the fist of my father, I blush for thee, Bex.
Saddled Hum in a hurry, and whip, spur, away! To show the white feather is many men's doom,
Through the regions of air, like a Snip on his hobby, But, what of one feather?-BEN shows a whole Plume
Ne'er paused till he lighted in St. Stephen's lobby.




On Napoleon's Legacy of a Snuff-bor. EPISTLE FROM TOM CRIB TO BIG BEN.

Gift of the Hero, on his dying day, Concerning some foul play in a late Transaction.'

To her, whose pity watch'd, for ever nigh;

Oh! could he see the proud, the happy ray,
Abi, mio Ben!"- Metastasio.2

This relic lights up on her generous eye,

Sighing, he'd feel how easy 't is to pay What! Ben, my old hero, is this your renown? A friendship all his kingdoms could not buy. Is this the new go?-kick a man when he's down! When the foe has knock'd under, to tread on him then

CORRESPONDENCE. By the fist of my father, I blush for thee, Ben! “ Foul! foul!" all the lads of the fancy exclaim

Between a Lady and a Gentleman, upon the AdvanCHARLEY Shock is electrified-BELCHER spits

tage of (what is called) having Law on one's flame

And MOLYNEUX-ay, even BLACKY, cries “Shame!"
Time was, when John Bull little difference spied

“ Legge aurea, "Twixt the foe at his feet and the friend at his side;

S' ei piace, ci lice." When he found (such his humour in fighting and eating,)

THE GENTLEMAN'S PROPOSAL. His foe, like his beef-steak, the sweeter for beating- Come, fly to these arms, nor let beauties so bloomy But this comes, Master Ben, of your cursed foreign To one frigid owner be tied; notions,

Your prudes may revile, and your old ones look Your trinkets, wigs, thingumbobs, gold lace, and lo


But, dearest! we've Law on our side.
Your noyaus, curacoas, and the devil knows what-
(One swig of Blue Ruin' is worth the whole lot !)– Oh! think the delight of two lovers congenial,
Your great and small crosses—(my cyes, what a

Whom no dull decorums divide;

Their error how sweet, and their raptures how venial, A cross-buttock from me would do some of them

When once they've got Law on their side ! good!)

"T' is a thing that in every King's reign has been done, Which have spoil'd you, till hardly a drop, my old porpoise,

Then why should it now be decried ?
Of pure English claret is left in your corpus ; If the Father has done it, why shouldn't the Son too?
And (as Jim says) the only one trick, good or bad,

For so argues Law on our side!
Of the fancy you 're up to, is fibbing, my lad!
Hence it comes,-Boxiana, disgrace to thy page ! - And, even should our sweet violation of duty
Having floor'd, by good luck, the first swell of the


By cold blooded jurors be tried, Having conquer'd the prime one, that mill'd us all They can but bring it in “a misfortune," my beauty ! round,

As long as we've Law on our side. You kick'd him, old Ben, as he gasp'd on the ground!

THE LADY'S ANSWER. Ay-just at the time to show spunk, if you'd got anyKick'd him, and jaw'd him, and lugg'd him to Hold, hold, my good Sir! go a little more slowly; Botany!

For, grant me so faithless a bride, Oh, shade of the Cheesemonger's you who, alas! Such sinners as we are a little too lowly, Doubled up, by the dozen, those Mounseers in brass, To hope to have Law on our side. On that great day of milling, when blood lay in lakes, Had you been a great Prince, to whose stau shining When Kings held the bottle and Europe the stakes,

cỏer 'em

The People should look for their guide, 1 Writteu soon after B-11-p-rte’s transportation to St. Then your Highness (and welcome !) might kick Helena. 2 Tom, I suppose, was "assisteil"' to this motto by Mr.

down decorumJackson, who, it is well known, keeps the most learned You'd always have Law on your side. company going. 4 Transported.

Were you even an old Marquis, in mischief growa 5 A Life Guardsman, one of the Fancy, who distinguished himself, and was killed in the memorable set-to at

hoary, Waterloo.

Whose heart, though it long ago




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3 Gin.


To the pleasures of vice, is alive to its glory- While CHARLEY looks sulky and frowns at me, just You still would have Law on your side!

As the ghost in the pantomime frowns at Don

But for you, Sir, crim. con, is a path full of troubles;
By my advice therefore abide,

To crown us, Lord Warden!
And leave the pursuit to those Princes and Nobles

In C-MB-RL-ND's garden Who have such a Law on their side!

Grows plenty of monk's-hoods in venomous sprigs ;

While Otto of Roses,

Refreshing all noses,
Shall sweetly exhale from our whiskers and wigs.

2 What youth of the Household will cool our noyat HORACE, ODE XI. LIB. II.

In that streamlet delicious,
Freely Translated by G. R.'

That, down ʼmidst the dishes,

All full of good fishes *COME, Y-RM-TH, my boy, never trouble your brains About what your old croney,

Romantic doth flow ?

• Or who will repair The Emperor BONEY,

Unto M


Is doing or brewing on Muscovy's plains :
* Nor tremble, my lad, at the state of our granaries ;-

And see if the gentle Marchesa be there?
Should there come famine,

Go-bid her haste hither,

And let her bring with her
Still plenty to cram in
You always shall have, my dear Lord of the Stana-

The newest No-Popery Sermon that's goingries!

Oh! let her come with her dark tresses flowing, Brisk let us revel, while revel we may ;

All gentle and juvenile, curly and gay, * For the gay bloom of fifty soon passes away,

In the manner of ACKERMANN's Dresses for May! And then people get fat,

And infirm, and all that, "And a wig (I confess it) so clumsily sits,

HORACE, ODE XXII. LIB. I. That it frightens the little Loves out of their wits.

Freely translated by Lord Eldn. 6 Thy whiskers, too, Y-RM—TH!-alas, even they,

The man who keeps a conscience pure Though so rosy they burn,

(If not his own, at least his Prince's,) Too quickly must turn

Through toil and danger walks secure, (What a heart-breaking chance for thy whiskers !) to

Looks big, and black, and never winces !

No want has he of sword or dagger, "Then why, my Lord Warden! oh! why should you Cock'd hat or ringlets of GERAMB; fidget

Though Peers may laugh, and Papists swagger, Your mind about matters you don't understand ?

He does not care one single d-mn!
Or why should you write yourself down for an idiot,
Because “ you," forsooth, "have the pen in your

Whether 'midst Irish chairmen going,
hand !"

Or, through St. Giles's alleys dim, Think, think how much better

1 Than scribbling a letter

Canos odorati capillos (Which both you and I

Dum licet, Assyriaque nardo Should avoid, by the by) —

Potamus uncti. • How much pleasanter 't is to sit under the bust

Quis poer ocyus Of old Cuarly, my friend here, and drink like a

Restinguet ardentis Faleroi

Pocula præter cunte lympha? new one;

3 Quis

eliciet domo

Lyden ? 1 This and the following are extracted from a work


Eburna dic ago cum lyra (qu. liar-a) (which may some time or other meet the eye of the public)

Maturet. entitled, " Ódes of Horace, done into English by several per

5 Inromtum Lacana sogs of fashion."

More comam religata nodum.
2 Quid bellicosus Cantaber et Scytha,

6 Integer vitae scelerisque purus.
Hirpine Quincti, cogitet, Adria
Divisus objecto, remittas

7 Non eget Mauri jaculis neque arcu

Nec venenatis gravida sagittis
3 Nec trepides in usum

Fusce, pharetra.
Posventis Ivi pauca.

8 Sive per Syrteis iter estuosas,

Sive facturus per inhospitalem
Fugit retro

Caucasum, vel quæ loca fabulosus
Levis juventas et decor.

Lambit Hydaspes.
5 Pellente lascivos amores

The noble translator had, at first, laid the scene of these Canitie.

imagined dangers of his man of conscience among tho pa6 Neque uno Luna rubens nitet

pists of Spain, and had translated the words "quæ loca Vultu.

fabulosus lumbit Hydaspes' thus-“The fabling Spaniard

licks the French ;" but, recollecting that it is our interest 7 Quid æternis minorem Consiliis animum fatigas ?

just now to be respectful to Spanish catholics (though there

is certainly no earthly reason for our being oven commonly 8 Cur non sub alta vel platano, vel hac

civil to Irish ones, he altered the passage as it stands at Pinu jacentes sic temere





'Mid drunken Sheelahs, blasting, blowing, | Leave old Magna Charta to shift for itself, No matter-'t is all one to him.

And, like G-DW-N, write books for young masters

and misses, 'For instance, I, one evening late,

Oh! it is not high rank that can make the heart Upon a gay vacation sally,

merry, Singing the praise of Church and State,

Even monarchs themselves are not free from mis Got (God knows how) to Cranbourne-Alley When lo! an Irish Papist darted

Though the Lords of Westphalia must quake before Across my path, gaunt, grim, and big

I did but frown, and off he started,

Poor Jerry himself has to quake before Nap
Scared at me without my wig !
? Yet a more fierce and raw-boned dog
Goes not to mass in Dublin City,

Nor shakes his brogue o'er Allen's Bog,
Nor spouts in Catholic Committee !


Translated by a Treasury Clerk, while waiting Din» Oh! place me 'midst O’ROURKES, O'TOOLES, The ragged royal blood of TARA;

ner for the Right Hon. Grge R-se. Or place me where Dick M-RT-N rules,

Persicog odi, paer, apraratus: The houseless wilds of CONNEMARA ;

Displicent nexe philyra coronæ. * Of Church and State I'll warble still,

Mitte sectari Rosa quo locoruir

Sera morctur.
Though even Dick M-RT-n's selfshould grumble;
Sweet Church and state, like Jack and Jill,
"So lovingly upon a hill-

Boy, tell the Cook that I hate all nick-nackeries,
Ah! ne'er like Jack and Jill to tumble ! Fricassees, vol-au-vents, puffs, and gim-crackeries -

Six by the Horse-Guards !-old Georgy is late

But come-lay the table-cloth—zounds ! do not wait,

Nor stop to inquire, while the dinner is staying, HORACE, ODE I. LIB. III.

At which of his places Old R-SE is delaying ! A FRAGMENT.

Odi profanum vulgus et arceo.
Favele linguis: carmina non prius

Audita, Musarum sacerdos,
Virginibus, puerisque canto.

Moria pur quando vuol, non è bisogna mutar ni faccia ni
Regum tremendorum in proprios greges,

voce per esser un Angelo. 2 Reges in ipsos imperium est Jovis.


Die when you will, you need not wear I HATE thee, oh Mob! as my lady hates delf ;

At heaven's court a form more fair
To Sir Francis I'll give up thy claps and thy hisses,

Than Beauty here on earth has given;
I Namque me sylva lupus in Sabina,

the inseparability of Church and State, and their (what is
Dum meam canto Lalagen, et ultra
Terminum curis vagor expeditus,

called) "standing and falling together," than this ancient

a pologue of Jack and JILL. Jack, of course, represents Fugit inermem.

the State in this ingenious little allegory, I cannot help calling the reader's attention to the peculiar

Jack fell down, ingenuity with which these lines are paraphrased. "Not to

Aud broke his Crown, mention the happy conversion of the wolf into a papist

And Jill came tumbling after. (seeing that Romulus was suckled by a wolf, that Rome was 1 The literal closeness of the version here cannot but be founded by Romulus, and that the P'ope has always reigned admired. The translator has added a long, erudite, and at Rome, there is somothing particularly neat insupposing flowery note upon Roses, of which I can merely give a spe "ultra terminum" to mean vacation-time; and then the cimen at present. In the first place, he ransacks the Rosemodest consciousness with which the noble and learned rium Politicum of the Persian poet Sadi, with the hope of translator has avoided touching upon the words "curis er- finding some Political Roses, to match the gentleman in the peditus(or, as it has been otherwise read, causis expedi-text-but in vain: he then tells us that Cicero accused Ver. tus") and the felicitous idea of his being "inermis” when res of reposing upon a cushion Melitensi rosa furtum," " without his wig," are altogether the most delectable spe- which, from the odd mixture of words, he supposes to be a cimens of paraphrase in our language.

kind of Irish Bed of Roses, like Lord Castlereagh's. The 2 Quale portentum neque militaris

learned clerk next favours us with some remarks upon a Daunia in latis alit esculetis,

well-known punning epitaph on fair Rosamond, and exe Nec Jubæ tellus generat, leonum

presses a most loyal hope, that, if" Rosa inunda" mean "a Arida nutrix.

Rose with clean hands," it may be found applicable to the 3 Pone me pigris ubi nulla campis

Right Honourable Rose in question. He then dwells at Arbor petiva recreatur aura :

some length upon the “Rosa aurea," which though de: Quod latus mundi, nebulæ, malusque

scriptive, in one sense, of the old Treasury Statesman, yer, Jupiter urget.

as being consecrated and worn by the Pope, must, of course, I must here remark, that the said Dick M-RT-N being a pot be brought into the same atmosphere with him. Lastly, very good fellow, it was not at all fair to make a "malus in reference to the words "old Rose," he winds up with Jupiter" of bim.

the pathetic lamentation of the poet, “consenuisse Rosas.' 4 Dulce ridentem Lalagon amabo,

The whole note, indeed, shows a knowledge of Roses that Dulce loquentem.

is quite ediiving

2 The words addreesed by Lord Herbert of Cherbory, to 5 There cannot bo imagined a more happy illustration of the heautiful nun at Murano. --Soe his Life.

Keep but the lovely looks we seeThe voice we hear-and you will be

An angel ready-made for heaven!

ON A SQUINTING POETESS. To no one Muse does she her glance confine, But has an eye, at once, to all the nine!

IMPROMPTU. Upon being obliged to leave a pleasant party, from the want of a pair Breeches to dress for Dinner in.

1810. BETWEEN Adam and me the great difference is,

Though a paradise each has been forced to resign, That he never wore breeches till turn'd out of his, While, for want of my breeches, I'm banish'd from


WHAT'S MY THOUGHT LIKE? Quest.—Why is a Pump like Viscount C-stL-R-GU?

Answ.— Because it is a slender thing of wood, That


and down its awkward arm doth sway, And coolly spout, and spout, and spout away,

In one weak, washy, everlasting flood !

EPIGRAM. “What news to-day ?”—“Oh! worse and worseM-c is the PR-E's Privy Purse!". The PR-E's Purse! no, no, you fool, You mean the PR- -E's Ridicule!

EPIGRAM. Dialogue between a Catholic Delegate and his R-y-1

H-ghn-es the D-ke of C-b-rl-nd. Said his Highness to NED, with that grim face of his,

“Why refuse us the Veto, dear Catholic NEDDY?"“Because, Sir," said Ned, looking full in his phiz, " You 're forbidding enough, in all conscience, al

ready !"

THE TORCH OF LIBERTY. I saw it all in Fancy's glass

Herself the fair, the wild magician, That bid this splendid day-dream pass,

And named each gliding apparition. "T was like a torch race-such as they

of Greece perform’d, in ages gone, When the fleet youths in long array,

Pass'd the bright torch triumphant on I saw the expectant nations stand

To catch the coming flame in turnI saw, from ready hand to hand,

The clear but struggling glory burn. And, oh! their joy, as it came near,

"T was in itself a joy to seeWhile Fancy whisper'd in my ear

“That torch they pass is Liberty !”. And each, as she received the flame,

Lighted her altar with its ray,
Then, smiling to the next who came,

Speeded it on its sparkling way.
From ALBION first, whose ancient shrine

Was furnish'd with the fire already,
COLUMBIA caught the spark divine,

And lit a flame like Albion's-steady The splendid gift then Gallia took,

And, like a wild Bacchante, raising The brand aloft, its sparkles shook,

As she would set the world a-blazing.
And, when she fired her altar, nigh

It flash'd into the redd'ning air
So fierce, that Albion, who stood high,

Shrunk, almost blinded by the glare!
Next, SPAIN-so new was light to her-

Leap'd at the torch; but, ere the spark She flung upon her shrine could stir,

"T was quench'd and all again was dark Yet no--not quench'd-a treasure worth

So much to mortals rarely dies.Again her living light look'd forth,

And shone, a beacon, in all eyes. Who next received the flame? --Alas!

Unworthy Naples-shame of shames That ever through such hands should pass

That brightest of all earthly flames !
Scarce had her fingers touch'd the torch,

When, frighted by the sparks it shed,
Nor waiting e'en to feel the scorch,
She dropp'd it to the earth

and fled. And fallen it might have long remain'd,

But GREECE, who saw her moment now,

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