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REINFORCEMEMTS FOR LORD WEL
ments of which, we are told, “Fum, The Chinese Bird of Royalty," is a principal ornament
I am, Sir, yours, etc.
suosque tibi commendat Troja penates, Hos cape fatorum comites.-Virgil.
FUM AND HUM, 1813.
The two Birds of Royalty. As recruits in these times are not easily got, And the Marshal must have them-pray, why should Thus accosted our own Bird of Royalty, Hum,
One day the Chinese Bird of Royalty, Fum, we not, As the last and, I grant it, the worst of our loans to Where Fum had just come to pay Hum a short visit.
In that Palace or China-shop (Brighton-which is it?) him,
Near akin are these Birds, though they differ in nation; Ship off the Ministry, body and bones to him ?
(The breed of the Hums is as old as creation,) There's not in all England, I'd venture to swear,
Both full-craw'd Legitimates—both birds of prey, Any men we could half so conveniently spare; And, though they 've been helping the French for 'Twixt the goose and the vulture, like Lord C-s
Both cackling and ravenous creatures, half way years past,
may thus make them useful to England at last. C-ster-ghin our sieges might save some disgraces, Peers, Bishops, and Punch, Hum, are sacred to thee!
While Fum deals in Mandarins, Bonzes, BoheaBeing used to the taking and keeping of places ; And Volunteer C-NN-NG, still ready for joining,
So congenial their tastes, that, when Fum first did
light on Might show off his talent for sly undermining. Could the Household but spare us its glory and pride, The lanterns, and dragons, and things round the dome
The floor of that grand China-warehouse at Brighton, Old H-DF-at horn-works again might be tried, And the Ch-f J-st-ce make a bold charge at his
Were so like what he left, “Gad,” says Fum, "I'm
at home." side! While V-NS-TT-RT could victual the troops upon tick,
And when, turning, he saw Bishop L
“Zooks, it is," And the Doctor look after the baggage and sick.
Quoth the Bird, “yes I know him-a Bonze, by his Nay, I do not see why the great R-G-nt himself
phizShould, in times such as these, stay at home on the And that jolly old idol he kneels to so low shelf:
Can be none but our round-about godhead, fat Fo!" Though through narrow defiles he's not fitted to pass,
It chanced, at this moment, the Episcopal Prig Yet who could resist if he bore down en masse ?
Was imploring the P- -E to dispense with his And, though oft, of an evening, perhaps he might prove, which the Bird, overhearing, flew high o'er his head,
wig, Like our brave Spanish Allies, “unable to move ;''' Yet there's one thing in war, of advantage unbounded, And some Tobit-like marks of his patronage shed, Which is, that he could not with ease be surrounded! Which so dimm'd the poor Dandy's idolatrous eye,
That while Fum cried " Oh Fo!" all the Court cried In my next, I shall sing of their arms and equipment. “Oh fie!" At present no more but-good luck to the shipment !
But, a truce to digression. These Birds of a feather
Thus talk'd, t'other night, on State matters togetherLORD WELLINGTON AND THE MIN STERS. (The P- -E just in bed, or about to depart for 't,
His legs full of gout, and his arms full of - ;) 1813.
“I say, Hum," srys Fun-Fum, of course, spoke So, gently in peace Alcibiades smiled,
Chinese, While in baitle he shone forth so terribly grand,
But, bless you, that's nothing--at Brighton one sees That the emblem they graved on his seal was a child, Foreign lingoes and Bishops translated with ease, With a thunderbolt placed in its innocent hand.
" I say, Hum, how fares it with Royalty now? Oh, WELLINGTON! long as such Ministers wield
Is it up? is it prime? is it spooney or low ?" Your magnificent arm, the same emblem will do; (The Bird had just taken a Flashman's degree
-E, Y For, while they're in the Council and you in the Field, Under B
-T!!, and young Mas. We've the babies in them, and the thunder in you!
“ As for us in Pekin". here a devil of a din From the bed-chamber came, where that long Man
darin, To the Editor of the Morning Chronicle.
C-sti-R-G11 (whom Fum calls the Confucius of
prose) Sir,-In order to explain the following fragment, Was rehearsing a speech upon Europe's repose, it is necessary to refer your readers to a late florid To the deep, double-bass of the fat idol's nose ! description of the Pavilion at Brighton, in the apart
1 In consequence of an old promise that he should be 1 The character given to the Spanish soldier, in Sir Jobo allowed to wear his own hair, whenever he might be elo Murray's memorable despatch
vated to a bishoprick by his R-IH
(Nota Bene.-His Lordship and L-Y-RP-L come, Look down upon Ben—see him dunghill all o'er,
TO LADY HOLLAND,
On Napoleon's Legacy of a Snuff-bor. EPISTLE FROM TOM CRIB TO BIG BEN.
Gift of the Hero, on his dying day, Concerning some foul play in a late Transaction.'
To her, whose pity watch'd, for ever nigh;
Oh! could he see the proud, the happy ray,
This relic lights up on her generous eye,
Sighing, he'd feel how easy 't is to pay What! Ben, my old hero, is this your renown? A friendship all his kingdoms could not buy. Is this the new go?-kick a man when he's down! When the foe has knock'd under, to tread on him then
CORRESPONDENCE. By the fist of my father, I blush for thee, Ben! “ Foul! foul!" all the lads of the fancy exclaim
Between a Lady and a Gentleman, upon the AdvanCHARLEY Shock is electrified-BELCHER spits
tage of (what is called) “having Law on one's flame
“ Legge aurea, "Twixt the foe at his feet and the friend at his side;
S' ei piace, ci lice." When he found (such his humour in fighting and eating,)
THE GENTLEMAN'S PROPOSAL. His foe, like his beef-steak, the sweeter for beating- Come, fly to these arms, nor let beauties so bloomy But this comes, Master Ben, of your cursed foreign To one frigid owner be tied; notions,
Your prudes may revile, and your old ones look Your trinkets, wigs, thingumbobs, gold lace, and lo
But, dearest! we've Law on our side.
Whom no dull decorums divide;
Their error how sweet, and their raptures how venial, A cross-buttock from me would do some of them
When once they've got Law on their side ! good!)
"T' is a thing that in every King's reign has been done, Which have spoil'd you, till hardly a drop, my old porpoise,
Then why should it now be decried ?
For so argues Law on our side!
By cold blooded jurors be tried, Having conquer'd the prime one, that mill'd us all They can but bring it in “a misfortune," my beauty ! round,
As long as we've Law on our side. You kick'd him, old Ben, as he gasp'd on the ground!
THE LADY'S ANSWER. Ay-just at the time to show spunk, if you'd got anyKick'd him, and jaw'd him, and lugg'd him to Hold, hold, my good Sir! go a little more slowly; Botany!
For, grant me so faithless a bride, Oh, shade of the Cheesemonger's you who, alas! Such sinners as we are a little too lowly, Doubled up, by the dozen, those Mounseers in brass, To hope to have Law on our side. On that great day of milling, when blood lay in lakes, Had you been a great Prince, to whose stau shining When Kings held the bottle and Europe the stakes,
The People should look for their guide, 1 Writteu soon after B-11-p-rte’s transportation to St. Then your Highness (and welcome !) might kick Helena. 2 Tom, I suppose, was "assisteil"' to this motto by Mr.
down decorumJackson, who, it is well known, keeps the most learned You'd always have Law on your side. company going. 4 Transported.
Were you even an old Marquis, in mischief growa 5 A Life Guardsman, one of the Fancy, who distinguished himself, and was killed in the memorable set-to at
Whose heart, though it long ago
To the pleasures of vice, is alive to its glory- While CHARLEY looks sulky and frowns at me, just You still would have Law on your side!
As the ghost in the pantomime frowns at Don
To crown us, Lord Warden!
In C-MB-RL-ND's garden Who have such a Law on their side!
Grows plenty of monk's-hoods in venomous sprigs ;
While Otto of Roses,
Refreshing all noses,
2 What youth of the Household will cool our noyat HORACE, ODE XI. LIB. II.
In that streamlet delicious,
That, down ʼmidst the dishes,
All full of good fishes *COME, Y-RM-TH, my boy, never trouble your brains About what your old croney,
Romantic doth flow ?
• Or who will repair The Emperor BONEY,
And see if the gentle Marchesa be there?
Go-bid her haste hither,
And let her bring with her
The newest No-Popery Sermon that's goingries!
Oh! let her come with her dark tresses flowing, Brisk let us revel, while revel we may ;
All gentle and juvenile, curly and gay, * For the gay bloom of fifty soon passes away,
In the manner of ACKERMANN's Dresses for May! And then people get fat,
And infirm, and all that, "And a wig (I confess it) so clumsily sits,
HORACE, ODE XXII. LIB. I. That it frightens the little Loves out of their wits.
Freely translated by Lord Eld—n. 6 Thy whiskers, too, Y-RM—TH!-alas, even they,
The man who keeps a conscience pure Though so rosy they burn,
(If not his own, at least his Prince's,) Too quickly must turn
Through toil and danger walks secure, (What a heart-breaking chance for thy whiskers !) to
Looks big, and black, and never winces !
No want has he of sword or dagger, "Then why, my Lord Warden! oh! why should you Cock'd hat or ringlets of GERAMB; fidget
Though Peers may laugh, and Papists swagger, Your mind about matters you don't understand ?
He does not care one single d-mn!
Whether 'midst Irish chairmen going,
Or, through St. Giles's alleys dim, Think, think how much better
1 Than scribbling a letter
Canos odorati capillos (Which both you and I
Dum licet, Assyriaque nardo Should avoid, by the by) —
Potamus uncti. • How much pleasanter 't is to sit under the bust
Quis poer ocyus Of old Cuarly, my friend here, and drink like a
Restinguet ardentis Faleroi
Pocula præter cunte lympha? new one;
Lyden ? 1 This and the following are extracted from a work
Eburna dic ago cum lyra (qu. liar-a) (which may some time or other meet the eye of the public)
Maturet. entitled, " Ódes of Horace, done into English by several per
5 Inromtum Lacana sogs of fashion."
More comam religata nodum.
6 Integer vitae scelerisque purus.
7 Non eget Mauri jaculis neque arcu
Nec venenatis gravida sagittis
8 Sive per Syrteis iter estuosas,
Sive facturus per inhospitalem
Caucasum, vel quæ loca fabulosus
The noble translator had, at first, laid the scene of these Canitie.
imagined dangers of his man of conscience among tho pa6 Neque uno Luna rubens nitet
pists of Spain, and had translated the words "quæ loca Vultu.
fabulosus lumbit Hydaspes' thus-“The fabling Spaniard
licks the French ;" but, recollecting that it is our interest 7 Quid æternis minorem Consiliis animum fatigas ?
just now to be respectful to Spanish catholics (though there
is certainly no earthly reason for our being oven commonly 8 Cur non sub alta vel platano, vel hac
civil to Irish ones, he altered the passage as it stands at Pinu jacentes sic temere
'Mid drunken Sheelahs, blasting, blowing, | Leave old Magna Charta to shift for itself, No matter-'t is all one to him.
And, like G-DW-N, write books for young masters
and misses, 'For instance, I, one evening late,
Oh! it is not high rank that can make the heart Upon a gay vacation sally,
merry, Singing the praise of Church and State,
Even monarchs themselves are not free from mis Got (God knows how) to Cranbourne-Alley When lo! an Irish Papist darted
Though the Lords of Westphalia must quake before Across my path, gaunt, grim, and big
Poor Jerry himself has to quake before Nap
HORACE, ODE XXXVIII. LIB. I.
Translated by a Treasury Clerk, while waiting Din» Oh! place me 'midst O’ROURKES, O'TOOLES, The ragged royal blood of TARA;
ner for the Right Hon. Grge R-se. Or place me where Dick M-RT-N rules,
Persicog odi, paer, apraratus: The houseless wilds of CONNEMARA ;
Displicent nexe philyra coronæ. * Of Church and State I'll warble still,
Mitte sectari Rosa quo locoruir
Boy, tell the Cook that I hate all nick-nackeries,
Six by the Horse-Guards !-old Georgy is late
But come-lay the table-cloth—zounds ! do not wait,
Nor stop to inquire, while the dinner is staying, HORACE, ODE I. LIB. III.
At which of his places Old R-SE is delaying ! A FRAGMENT.
Odi profanum vulgus et arceo.
Moria pur quando vuol, non è bisogna mutar ni faccia ni
voce per esser un Angelo. 2 Reges in ipsos imperium est Jovis.
Die when you will, you need not wear I HATE thee, oh Mob! as my lady hates delf ;
At heaven's court a form more fair
Than Beauty here on earth has given;
the inseparability of Church and State, and their (what is
called) "standing and falling together," than this ancient
a pologue of Jack and JILL. Jack, of course, represents Fugit inermem.
the State in this ingenious little allegory, I cannot help calling the reader's attention to the peculiar
Jack fell down, ingenuity with which these lines are paraphrased. "Not to
Aud broke his Crown, mention the happy conversion of the wolf into a papist
And Jill came tumbling after. (seeing that Romulus was suckled by a wolf, that Rome was 1 The literal closeness of the version here cannot but be founded by Romulus, and that the P'ope has always reigned admired. The translator has added a long, erudite, and at Rome, there is somothing particularly neat insupposing flowery note upon Roses, of which I can merely give a spe "ultra terminum" to mean vacation-time; and then the cimen at present. In the first place, he ransacks the Rosemodest consciousness with which the noble and learned rium Politicum of the Persian poet Sadi, with the hope of translator has avoided touching upon the words "curis er- finding some Political Roses, to match the gentleman in the peditus” (or, as it has been otherwise read, causis expedi-text-but in vain: he then tells us that Cicero accused Ver. tus") and the felicitous idea of his being "inermis” when res of reposing upon a cushion Melitensi rosa furtum," " without his wig," are altogether the most delectable spe- which, from the odd mixture of words, he supposes to be a cimens of paraphrase in our language.
kind of Irish Bed of Roses, like Lord Castlereagh's. The 2 Quale portentum neque militaris
learned clerk next favours us with some remarks upon a Daunia in latis alit esculetis,
well-known punning epitaph on fair Rosamond, and exe Nec Jubæ tellus generat, leonum
presses a most loyal hope, that, if" Rosa inunda" mean "a Arida nutrix.
Rose with clean hands," it may be found applicable to the 3 Pone me pigris ubi nulla campis
Right Honourable Rose in question. He then dwells at Arbor petiva recreatur aura :
some length upon the “Rosa aurea," which though de: Quod latus mundi, nebulæ, malusque
scriptive, in one sense, of the old Treasury Statesman, yer, Jupiter urget.
as being consecrated and worn by the Pope, must, of course, I must here remark, that the said Dick M-RT-N being a pot be brought into the same atmosphere with him. Lastly, very good fellow, it was not at all fair to make a "malus in reference to the words "old Rose," he winds up with Jupiter" of bim.
the pathetic lamentation of the poet, “consenuisse Rosas.' 4 Dulce ridentem Lalagon amabo,
The whole note, indeed, shows a knowledge of Roses that Dulce loquentem.
is quite ediiving
2 The words addreesed by Lord Herbert of Cherbory, to 5 There cannot bo imagined a more happy illustration of the heautiful nun at Murano. --Soe his Life.
Keep but the lovely looks we seeThe voice we hear-and you will be
An angel ready-made for heaven!
ON A SQUINTING POETESS. To no one Muse does she her glance confine, But has an eye, at once, to all the nine!
IMPROMPTU. Upon being obliged to leave a pleasant party, from the want of a pair Breeches to dress for Dinner in.
1810. BETWEEN Adam and me the great difference is,
Though a paradise each has been forced to resign, That he never wore breeches till turn'd out of his, While, for want of my breeches, I'm banish'd from
WHAT'S MY THOUGHT LIKE? Quest.—Why is a Pump like Viscount C-stL-R-GU?
Answ.— Because it is a slender thing of wood, That
and down its awkward arm doth sway, And coolly spout, and spout, and spout away,
In one weak, washy, everlasting flood !
EPIGRAM. “What news to-day ?”—“Oh! worse and worseM-c is the PR-E's Privy Purse!". The PR-E's Purse! no, no, you fool, You mean the PR- -E's Ridicule!
EPIGRAM. Dialogue between a Catholic Delegate and his R-y-1
H-ghn-es the D-ke of C-b-rl-nd. Said his Highness to NED, with that grim face of his,
“Why refuse us the Veto, dear Catholic NEDDY?"“Because, Sir," said Ned, looking full in his phiz, " You 're forbidding enough, in all conscience, al
THE TORCH OF LIBERTY. I saw it all in Fancy's glass
Herself the fair, the wild magician, That bid this splendid day-dream pass,
And named each gliding apparition. "T was like a torch race-such as they
of Greece perform’d, in ages gone, When the fleet youths in long array,
Pass'd the bright torch triumphant on I saw the expectant nations stand
To catch the coming flame in turnI saw, from ready hand to hand,
The clear but struggling glory burn. And, oh! their joy, as it came near,
"T was in itself a joy to seeWhile Fancy whisper'd in my ear
“That torch they pass is Liberty !”. And each, as she received the flame,
Lighted her altar with its ray,
Speeded it on its sparkling way.
Was furnish'd with the fire already,
And lit a flame like Albion's-steady The splendid gift then Gallia took,
And, like a wild Bacchante, raising The brand aloft, its sparkles shook,
As she would set the world a-blazing.
It flash'd into the redd'ning air
Shrunk, almost blinded by the glare!
Leap'd at the torch; but, ere the spark She flung upon her shrine could stir,
"T was quench'd and all again was dark Yet no--not quench'd-a treasure worth
So much to mortals rarely dies.Again her living light look'd forth,
And shone, a beacon, in all eyes. Who next received the flame? --Alas!
Unworthy Naples-shame of shames That ever through such hands should pass
That brightest of all earthly flames !
When, frighted by the sparks it shed,
and fled. And fallen it might have long remain'd,
But GREECE, who saw her moment now,