to get rid of at least three hours out of the twenty-four, by the exquisite gratification of rubbing in lard and throwing dust upon his head; at least, this is the time, which a little short squat broad-faced man, opposite my sitting room window, consumes every day in adorning his cranium.

But

even to these people, the advantages are more than compensated by the inconveniences; the lady, not to mention the damage accruing to her silks and tabbies, by this filthy custom, is oftentimes prevented from the gratification of a salute, lest the officious daubing of her head betray the circumstance by some mark on the enamoured youth's lips, or eyes, or nose, or vestment. Were, then, the ancient gentlewomen to desist from this practice, their tabbies and their silks might last at least another year, before they are sent to be furnished up a-new by the dyer, and they might occasionally grant a tender kiss to a languishing lover without fear of detection. The worthy advocate must be well aware that he dirties his hands, and soils and wears his gown, by the playing of his powdered

curls; were he to discontinue this custom, he might the seldomer be obliged to purchase a new gown, and, what is of infinitely more consequence to a lawyer, keep his hands clean. The butterfly-fop should be informed, that the powdering of his pate exposes him to many grievances, and to numerous mortifications; a puff of wind, a shower of rain, or a rude push by a person rushing along the street, will disorganize a curl, shatter a fore-top, and disarrange the whole economy of his head; whence, for the remainder of the day, grief, and vexation, and anguish of spirit must be his portion; but were he to cease from this folly, he might brave the wind, despise the rain, and laugh at the push, nay, even venture to cross the kennel without doing violence to his nerves, or disordering his skull. If you were to tell a man of plain understanding, and strong sense, that it would be useful for him to besmear and to bedust his noddle, he would compassionate your condition, and wonder that your friends had permitted you to leave Bedlam before you were cured. Think you that my Lord Bacon had re

course to a tied periwig, in order to enable him to lay the foundation of that philosophy, which has been a foundation of perpetual light to all succeeding ages? or that Newton's head was powdered, that he might the more readily make those astonishing discoveries, which have raised unto his name a monument of eternal and ever-increasing glory? or that Milton put on a bag, and a toupee, when he wished to woo the Muse, who deigned to visit his slumbers nightly, or when morn purpled the east, and still governed his song, and who hath given him a perpetuity of fame, that shall survive the wreck of ages, and the dissolution of worlds? With regard to the ornament, I scarcely know what to say, since tastes differ so much. If I were to ask the Caffre why he bored his ears, the Esquimaux why he drilled a hole through his snout, the Calmuc Tartar why he flattened the skull and face of his child, the Otaheitan why he tattooed his posteriors, the Hottentot why he wrapped the reeking intestines of a hog round his loins, or the Courtier why he wore a bag wig and a

powdered pate; each would severally, and respectively answer, we do it for the sake of ornament but though the Courtier, the Hottentot, the Otaheitan, the Calmuc Tartar, the Esquimaux, and the Caffre, may be allowed to disfigure their visages, and pollute their bodies; yet it is neither to be allowed, nor to be tolerated, that they shall presume to impose on rational and intelligent beings a custom replete with folly and abounding in beastliness. We very rarely detect a sensible man with a whitened head; he knows that in youth, the greatest and most natural ornament is derived from

"Hyacinthine locks

"Round from his parted forelock manly hung

Clustering, but not beneath his shoulders broad:"

and that in advancing life" the hoary head is a crown of glory," not the artificial daubing of a senseless fashion, but locks silvered o'er with age, than which is there no sight more truly venerable, more unconditionally respectable. Hence we find, that in all countries, the men of intellect despise, while those of weak capacity follow this

custom; nay, not contented with heaping extraneous filth upon the head, they must also annex ready made and manufactured tails, to evince themselves the true disciples of the illustrious Monboddo, who gravely asserteth, that men originally had tails, and that when an infant is newly born, the tail mark can be readily perceived on its rump, but the wearing of breeches rubbeth out the sign thereof; and yet women in general wear not breeches, and I believe it would be difficult to prove the existence of Lord Monboddo's mark upon their bodies. But chiefly in courts and palaces hair powder reigns; and it would not be difficult to assign the reasons why the people belonging to these places begrime, and bedaub, and besmear, and load their skulls with grease, and with dirt. In the first place, it is a badge of slavery, which every courtier must wear, in like manner as the dog weareth a collar with the owner's name round his neck; and secondly, it reduceth all to the same level of insignificance, young and old, weak and intellectual, which is particularly proper, as no individuality of cha