"To whom no harlot comes amiss, "Save her of Babylon ;' "And when we're at a loss for words, "If laughing reasoners flout us, "For lack of sense we'll draw our swords"The sole thing sharp about us.""Dear bold dragoon," the bishop said, ""Tis true for war thou art meant ; "And reasoning-bless that dandy head! "Is not in thy department. "So leave the argument to me"And, when my holy labor "Hath lit the fires of bigotry, "Thou'lt poke them with thy sabre. "From pulpit and from sentry-box, "We'll make our joint attacks, "I at the head of my Cassocks, "And you of your Cossacks. "So here's your health, my brave hussar, "My exquisite old fighter"Success to bigotry and war, "The musket and the mitre !" Thus pray'd the minister of heaven While Y-k, just entering then, Snored out, (as if some Clerk had given Some settle your stomach, but this-bless your heart! It will settle, forever, your Catholic Question. Unlike, too, the potions in fashion at present, This Wellington nostrum, restoring by stealth, So purges the mem'ry of all that's unpleasant, That patients forget themselves into rude health. For instance, th' inventor-his having once said "He should think himself mad, if, at any one's call, "He became what he is"-is so purged from his head, That he now doesn't think he's a madman at all. Of course, for your mem'ries of very long standing Old chronic diseases, that date back, undaunted, To Brian Boroo and Fitz-Stephens' first landingA dev❜l of a dose of the Lethe is wanted. But ev'n Irish patients can hardly regret An oblivion, so much in their own native style, So conveniently plann'd, that, whate'er they forget, They may go on rememb'ring it still, all the while !2 1834. THE WELLINGTON SPA. T. B. "And drink oblivion to our woes."-ANNA MATILDA. 1829. TALK no more of your Cheltenham and Harrowgate springs, "Tis from Lethe we now our potations must draw; Your Lethe's a cure for-all possible things, And the doctors have named it the Wellington Spa. Other physical waters but cure you in part; A CHARACTER. HALF Whig, half Tory, like those midway things, By Mother Church, high-fed and haughty dame, On which the fate of unborn tithe-pigs hung. One cobbles your gout-t'other mends your di- When, shock'd, she heard him ape the rabble's tone, gestion 1 Cui nulla meretrix displicuit præter Babylonicam. And, in Old Sarum's fate, foredoom her own! Groaning she cried, while tears roll'd down her cheeks, "Poor, glib-tongued youth, he means not what he speaks. "Like oil at top, these Whig professions flow, "But, pure as lymph, runs Toryism below. "Alas, that tongue should start thus, in the race, "Ere mind can reach and regulate its pace!"For, once outstripp'd by tongue, poor, lagging mind, "At every step, still further limps behind. "But, bless the boy!-whate'er his wandering be, "Still turns his heart to Toryism and me. "Like those odd shapes, portray'd in Dante's lay,' "With heads fix'd on, the wrong and backward way, "His feet and eyes pursue a diverse track, But whither now, mix'd brood of modern light And never, till now, a movement made Robb'd of their roosts, shall still hoot o'er them! Nor mayors shall know where to seek a nest, Till Gally Knight shall find one for them ;- Must join their brother, Charles Dix, at Prague. Thus mused I, in my chair, alone, Was dancing the hays with Hume and Grote; While Stanley and Graham, as poissarde wenches, The Lord preserve us !—if dreams come true, What is this hapless realm to do? 1 A term formed on the model of the Mastodon, &c. Lest the savantes and dandies should think this all fable, Mr. Tomkins most kindly produced on the table, All products of earth, both gramineous, herbaceous, "By Providence shed on this much-favor'd nation, "In sweeping so ravenous a race from the earth, "That might else have occasion'd a general dearth "And thus burying 'em, deep as even Joe Hune would sink 'em, "With the Ichthyosaurus and Palæorynchum, 2 The zoological term for a tithe-eater. "And other queer ci-devant things, under ground— "Not forgetting that fossilized youth,' so renown'd, "Who lived just to witness the Deluge-was gratified "Much by the sight, and has since been found stratified!" This picturesque touch-quite in Tomkins's way- SONGS OF THE CHURCH. No. 1. LEAVE ME ALONE. A PASTORAL BALLAD. "We are ever standing on the defensive. All that we say to them is, leave us alone. The Established Church is part and parcel of the constitution of this country. You are bound to conform to this constitution. We ask of you nothing more; let us alone."-Letter in The Times, Nov. 1838. The "learn'd Theban's" discourse next as livelily COME, list to my pastoral tones, flow'd on, To sketch t'other wonder, th' Aristocratodon- Nor matter'd it, while this heir-loom was transmitted, How unfit were the heads, so the coronet fitted. He then mention'd a strange zoological fact, attract. In France, said the learned professor, this race Every one's question being, "What's to be done with 'em?" When, lo certain knowing ones-savans, mayhap, Who, like Buckland's deep followers, understood trap? Slyly hinted that naught upon earth was so good, Of th' effect that short commons will have upon lords; For this whole race of bipeds, one fine summer's morn, Shed their coronets, just as a deer sheds his horn, * 1 The man found by Scheuchzer, and supposed by him to have witnessed the Deluge, ("homo diluvii testis,") but who turned out, I am sorry to say, to be merely a great lizard. In clover my shepherds I keep; So they leave but the substance my own; 1838. And there's no saying when they'll have done;— Oh dear, how I wish Mr. Breeks Had left Mrs. Woolfrey alone! If any need pray for the dead, "Tis those to whom post-obits fall; Since wisely hath Solomon said, "Tis "money that answereth all." 2 Particularly the formation called Transition Trap. But ours be the patrons who live ; For, once in their glebe they are thrown, The dead have no living to give, And therefore we leave them alone. Though in morals we may not excel, But good living is also-not bad. "Pass, stranger, and-leave him alone." EPISTLE FROM HENRY OF EX-T-R TO JOHN OF TUAM. DEAR John, as I know, like our brother of London, You've sipp'd of all knowledge, both sacred and mundane, No doubt, in some ancient Joe Miller, you've read What Cato, that cunning old Roman, once said— That he ne'er saw two rev'rend soothsayers meet, Let it be where it might, in the shrine or the street, Without wondering the rogues, 'mid their solemn grimaces, Didn't burst out a laughing in each other's faces.' But this, by the way-my intention being chiefly We scarce could do better than form an alliance, Thus allied, I've no doubt we shall nicely agree, As no twins can be liker, in most points, than we; 1 Mirari se,si augur augurem aspiciens sibi temperaret a risu. 2 So spelled in those ancient versicles which John, we understand, frequently chants : "Had every one Suum, You wouldn't have Tuum, Both specimens choice of that mix'd sort of beast, (See Rev. xiii. 1.) a political priest; Both mettlesome chargers, both brisk pamphleteers, Ripe and ready for all that sets men by the ears; And I, at least one, who would scorn to stick longer By any giv'n cause than I found it the stronger,: And who, smooth in my turnings as if on a swivel, When the tone ecclesiastic wo'n't do, try the civil. In short (not to bore you, ev'n jure divino) And that vulgar surplus, whate'er it may be, to me. And so, without form-as the postman wo'n't tarry I'm, dear Jack of Tuam, Yours, EXETER HARRY. SONG OF OLD PUCK. "And those things do best please me, That befall preposterously." PUCK Junior, Midsummer Night's Dream. WHO wants old Puck? for here am I, As to my knowledge, there's no end to't, Puck found it handier to commence But I should have Meum, And sing Te Deum." 3 For his keeping the title he may quote classical authority, as Horace expressly says, "Poteris servare Tuam."De Art. Poet. v. 329.-Chronicle. |