"If it be the undergraduate season at which this rabies religiosa is to be so fearful, what security has Mr. Goulburn against it at this moment, when his son is actually exposed to the full venom of an association with Dissenters?" -The Times, March 25.

How sad a case! —just think of it -
If Goulburn junior should be bit
By some insane Dissenter, roaming
Thro' Granta's halls, at large and foam-
ing,

And with that aspect ultra crabbed Which marks Dissenters when they 're rabid !

God only knows what mischiefs might
Result from this one single bite,
Or how the venom, once suckt in,
Might spread and rage thro' kith and kin.
Mad folks of all denominations
First turn upon their own relations:
So that one Goulburn, fairly bit,
Might end in maddening the whole kit,
Till ah! ye gods! we 'd have to rue
Our Goulburn senior bitten too;
The Hychurchphobia in those veins,
Where Tory blood now redly reigns;-
And that dear man who now perceives
Salvation only in lawn sleeves,
Might, tainted by such coarse infection,
Run mad in the opposite direction,
And think, poor man, 't is only given
To linsey-woolsey to reach Heaven!

Just fancy what a shock 't would be
Our Goulburn in his fits to see,
Tearing into a thousand particles
His once-loved Nine and Thirty Articles;
(Those Articles his friend, the Duke,2
For Gospel, t' other night, mistook;)
Cursing cathedrals, deans and singers
Wishing the ropes might hang the ring-

ers

1 But the wretch who can number his kisses, With few will be ever content.

2 The Duke of Wellington, who styled them "the Articles of Christianity."

Pelting the church with blasphemies,
Even worse than Parson Beverley's;-
And ripe for severing Church and State,
Like any creedless reprobate,

Or like that class of Methodists
Prince Waterloo styles "Atheists!"

But 't is too much -the Muse turns pale,
And o'er the picture drops a veil,
Praying, God save the Goulburns all
From mad Dissenters great and small!

A DREAM OF HINDOSTAN.
risum teneatis, amici.

"THE longer one lives, the more one learns,'

Said I, as off to sleep I went, Bemused with thinking of Tithe con

cerns,

And reading a book by the Bishop of FERNS, 8

On the Irish Church Establishment. But lo! in sleep not long I lay,

When Fancy her usual tricks began, And I found myself bewitched away To a goodly city in Hindostan A city where he who dares to dine On aught but rice is deemed a sinner; Where sheep and kine are held divine, And accordingly – drest for dinner.

never

THE BRUNSWICK CLUB.

A letter having been addressed to a very distinguished personage, requesting him to become the Patron of this Orange Club, a polite answer was forthwith returned, of which we have been fortunate enough to obtain a copy.

Brimstone-hall, September 1, 1828.
Private.-LORD BELZEBUB presents
To the Brunswick Club his compliments,
And much regrets to say that he
Can not at present their Patron be.
In stating this, Lord Belzebub
Assures on his honor the Brunswick
Club,

That 't is n't from any lukewarm lack
Of zeal or fire he thus holds back-
As even Lord Coal1 himself is not
For the Orange party more red-hot:
But the truth is, till their Club affords
A somewhat decenter show of Lords,

1 Usually written "Cole."

And on its list of members gets
A few less rubbishy Baronets,
Lord Belzebub must beg to be
Excused from keeping such company.

Who the devil, he humbly begs to know,

Are Lord Glandine, and Lord Dunlo? Or who, with a grain of sense, would go

To sit and be bored by Lord Mayo? What living creature-except his nurse — For Lord Mountcashel cares a curse,

Or thinks 't would matter if Lord Muskerry

Were t' other side of the Stygian ferry?

Breathes there a man in Dublin town,
Who 'd give but half of half-a-crown
To save from drowning my Lord Rath-
downe,

Or who would n't also gladly hustle in Lords Roden, Bandon, Cole, and Jocelyn?

In short, tho' from his tenderest years,
Accustomed to all sorts of Peers,
Lord Belzebub much questions whether
He ever yet saw mixt together
As 't were in one capacious tub,
Such a mess of noble silly-bub
As the twenty Peers of the Brunswick
Club.

'T is therefore impossible that Lord B. Could stoop to such society,

Thinking, he owns (tho' no great prig), For one in his station 't were infra dig. But he begs to propose, in the interim (Till they find some properer Peers for him),

His Highness of Cumberland, as Sub,
To take his place at the Brunswick
Club-

Begging, meanwhile, himself to dub
Their obedient servant,

BELZEBUB.

It luckily happens, the Royal Duke
Resembles so much, in air and look,
The head of the Belzebub family,
That few can any difference see;
Which makes him of course the better

suit

To serve as Lord B.'s substitute.

PROPOSALS FOR A GYNECOC

RACY.

ADDRESSED TO

A LATE RADICAL MEETING.

66 quas ipsa decus sibi dia Camilla delegit pacisque bonas bellique ministras.” Vergil.

As Whig Reform has had its range,
And none of us are yet content,
Suppose, my friends, by way of change,
We try a Female Parliament;
And since of late with he M.P.'s
We 've fared so badly, take to she's -
Petticoat patriots, flounced John Rus-
sells,

Burdetts in blonde and Broughams in bustles.

The plan is startling, I confess
But 'tis but an affair of dress;

Nor see I much there is to choose
'Twixt Ladies (so they're thorough-
bred ones)

In ribands of all sorts of hues,

Or Lords in only blue or red ones.

If Vestris to oblige the nation
Her own Olympus will abandon
And help to prop the Administration,
It can't have better legs to stand on.
The famed Macaulay (Miss) shall show
Each evening, forth in learned ora-
tion;
Shall move (midst general cries of
"Oh!")

For full returns of population:
And finally to crown the whole,
The Princess Olive,1 Royal soul,
Shall from her bower in Banco Regis,
Descend to bless her faithful lieges,
And mid our Union's loyal chorus
Reign jollily for ever o'er us.

Having heard some rumors respecting the strange and awful visitation under which Lord Henley has for some time past been suffering, in consequence of his declared hostility to "anthems, solos, duets," 2 etc., I took the liberty of making inquiries at his Lordship's house this morning, and lose no time in transmitting to you such particulars as I could collect. It is said that the screams of his Lordship, under the operation of this nightly concert, (which is no doubt some trick of the Radicals), may be heard all over the neighborhood. The female who personates St. Cecilia is supposed to be the same that last year appeared in the character of Isis at the Rotunda. How the cherubs are managed, I have not yet ascertained.

Yours, etc.

P. P. LORD HENLEY AND ST. CECILIA. in Metii descendat Judicis aures.

HORAT.

As snug in his bed Lord Henley lay,

Revolving much his own renown, And hoping to add thereto a ray

By putting duets and anthems down,

Sudden a strain of choral sounds

Mellifluous o'er his senses stole; Whereat the Reformer muttered "Zounds!"

For he loathed sweet music with all his soul.

1 A personage, so styling herself, who attained considerable notoriety at that period.

2 In a work, on Church Reform, published by his Lordship in 1832.

He shall have a ride on the whitest hack1 That's left in old King George's stable.

MISSING.

Carlton Terrace, 1832. WHEREAS, Lord ****** de ******* Left his home last Saturday, And, tho' inquired for round and round Thro' certain purlieus, can't be found; And whereas, none can solve our queries As to where this virtuous Peer is, Notice is hereby given that all May forthwith to inquiring fall, As, once the thing 's well set about, No doubt but we shall hunt him out.

His Lordship's mind, of late, they say,
Hath been in an uneasy way.
Himself and colleagues not being let
To climb into the Cabinet,
To settle England's state affairs,
Hath much, it seems, unsettled theirs;
And chief to this stray Plenipo
Hath been a most distressing blow.
Already, certain to receive a
Well-paid mission to the Neva,
And be the bearer of kind words
To tyrant Nick from Tory Lords,
To fit himself for free discussion,
His Lordship had been learning Russian;
And all so natural to him were
The accents of the Northern bear,
That while his tones were in your ear, you
Might swear you were in sweet Siberia.
And still, poor Peer, to old and young,
He goes on raving in that tongue;
Tells you how much you would enjoy a
Trip to Dalnodubrovskoya;2
Talks of such places by the score on
As Oulisflirmchinagoboron,3

And swears (for he at nothing sticks)
That Russia swarms with Raskol-niks,1

1 Among other remarkable attributes by which Sir Claudius distinguished himself, the dazzling whiteness of his favorite steed was not the least conspicuous.

2 In the Government of Perm.

3 Territory belonging to the mines of Kolivano-Kosskressense.

4 The Russian name of religious dissenters or heretics. "Il existe en Russie plusieurs sectes; la plus nombreuse est celle des Raskolniks, ou vrai-croyants." - GAMBA, Voyage dans la Russie Méridionale."