They say that hasty words from wives
Set sober men to drinking.

Now is not that a great idea,

That men should take to sinning,
Because a weary, half-sick wife,
Can't always smile so winning?

When I was young I used to earn

My living without trouble,

Had clothes and pocket money, too,

And hours of leisure double.

I never dreamed of such a fate,

When I, a-lass! was courted

Wife, mother, nurse, seamstress, cook, housekeeper, chambermaid, laundress, dairywoman, and scrub generally, doing the work of six,

For the sake of being supported!

MRS. F. D. GAGE.

COLLUSION BETWEEN A ALEGAITER AND A WATER-SNAIK.

HERE is a niland on a river lying,

Which runs into Gautimaly, a warm country, Lying near the Tropicks, covered with sand; Hear and their a symptum of a Wilow, Hanging of its umberagious limbs & branches Over the clear streme meandering far below. This was the home of the now silent Alegaiter, When not in his other element confine'd: Here he wood set upon his eggs asleep Withey observant of flis and other passing Objects: a while it kept a going on so : Fereles of danger was the happy Alegaiter! But a las! in a nevil our he was fourced to Wake! that dreme of Blis was two sweet for him. I morning the sun arose with unusool splender Whitch allso did our Alegaiter, coming from the water, His scails a flinging of the rais of the son back, To the fountain-head which tha originly sprung from, But having not had nothing to eat for some time, he Was slepy and gap'd, in a short time, widely. Unfoalding soon a welth of perl-white teth, The rais of the son soon shet his sinister ey Because of their mutool splendor and warmth. The evil Our (which I sed) was now come; Evidently a good chans for a water-snaik Of the large specie, which soon appeared Into the horison, near the bank where reposed Calmly in slepe the Alegaiter before spoken of. About 60 feet was his Length (not the 'gaiter) And he was aperiently a well-proportioned snaik. When he was all ashore he glared upon The iland with approval, but was soon

Before the Alegaiter well could ope

His eye (in other words perceive his danger)
The Snaik had enveloped his body just 19
Times with 'foalds voluminous and vast' (from Milton)
And had tore off several scails in the confusion,
Besides squeazing him awfully into his stomoc.
Just then, by a fortinate turn in his affairs,
He ceazed into his mouth the careless tale
Of the unreflecting water snaik! Grown desperate
He, finding that his tale was fast squesed
Terrible while they roaled all over the iland.
It was a well-conduckted Affair; no noise
Disturbed the harmony of the seen, ecsept
Onct when a Willow was snaped into by the roaling.
Eeach of the combatence hadn't a minit for holering.
So the conflick was naterally tremenjous!
But soon by grate force the tail was bit complete-
Ly of; but the eggzeration was too much
For his delicate Constitootion; he felt a compres
sion

Onto his chest and generally over his body;
When he ecspressed his breathing, it was with
Grate difficulty that he felt inspired again onct more.
Of course this state must suffer a revolootion.
So the alegaiter give but one yel, and egspired.
The water-snaik realed hisself off, & survay'd
For say 10 minits, the condition of

His fo then wondering what made his tail hurt.
He slowly went off for to cool.

J. W. MORRIS.

A RECEIPT FOR COURTSHIP

WO or three dears, and two or three sweets; Two or three balls, and two or three treats Two or three serenades, given as a lure; Two or three oaths how much they endure, Two or three messages sent in one day; Two or three times led out from the play; Two or three soft speeches made by the way; Two or three tickets for two or three times; Two or three love-letters writ all in rhymes; Two or three months keeping strict to these rules Can never fail making a couple of fools.

As full of champagne as an egg's full o meat,

He waked in the bout, and to Charon he said,

Wats)

(For jest then he began to see the Alegaiter)

Being a nateral enemy of his'n, he worked hisself into a fury, also a ni position.

“Trim the boat, and sit quiet,” stern Charon replied: "You may have forgot; you were drunk when you

died."

MATTHEW PRIOR.

'ERE lies fast asleep-awake me who canThat medley of passions and follies, a Man, Who sometimes loved license, and sometimes restraint,

Too much of the sinner, too little of the saint;
From quarter to quarter I shifted my tack;
'Gainst the evils of life a most notable quack;
But, alas! I soon found the defects of my skill,
And my nostrums in practice proved treacherous
still;

From life's certain ills 'twas in vain to seek ease,
The remedy oft proved another disease;
What in rapture began often ended in sorrow,
And the pleasure to-day brought reflection to-mor-

row;

When each action was o'er, and its errors were seen, Then I viewed with surprise the strange thing I had been;

My body and mind were so oddly contrived,
That at each other's failing both parties connived;
Imprudence of mind brought on sickness and pain,
And body diseased paid the debt back again;
Thus coupled together life's journey they passed,
Till they wrangled and jangled, and parted at last;
Thus tired and weary, I've finished my course,
And glad it is bed-time, and things are no worse.

Pigs, pippins, poultry all the while, And Easter offerings too!" "You're skilled in languages, I guess,”

Th' amazed diocesan cried;

"I know no language, more nor less," The surly clown replied:

"But Greek, I've heard the learned say, Surpasses all the rest;

And since 'tis for the best we pay,
We ought to have the best."

A PARSON'S FATE.

T blew a hard storm, and in utmost confusion,
The sailors all hurried to get absolution;
Which done, and the weight of the sins they con
fessed

Transferred, as they thought, from themselves to the priest,

To lighten the ship, and conclude their devotion, They tossed the poor parson souse into the ocean.

THE BALD-PATED WELSHMAN AND THE

a

FLY.

SQUIRE of Wales, whose blood ran higher
Than that of any other squire,

Hasty and hot; whose peevish honor Revenged each slight was put upon her; Upon a mountain's top one day,

Exposed to Sol's meridian ray,
He fumed, he raved, he cursed, he swore,
Exhaled a sea at every pore;
At last, such insults to evade,
Sought the next tree's protecting shade;
Where as he lay dissolved in sweat,
And wiped off many a rivulet,

Off in a pet the beaver flies,

And flaxen wig, time's best disguise,
By which folks of maturer ages

Vie with smooth beaux, and ladies' pages;
Though 't was a secret rarely known,
Ul-natured age had cropped his crown,
Grubbed all the covert up, and now
A large, smooth plain extends his brow.
Thus as he lay with numskull bare,
And courted the refreshing air,
New persecutions still appear;
A noisy fly offends his ear.
Alas! what man of parts and sense
Could bear such vile impertinence ?
Yet, so discourteous is our fate,
Fools always buzz about the great.
This insect now, whose active spite
Teased him with never-ceasing bite,
With so much judgment played his part,
He had him both in tierce and carte:

In vain with open hands he tries

To guard his ears, his nose his eyes;
For now at last, familiar grown,
He perched upon his worship's crown,
With teeth and claws his skin he tore,
And stuffed himself with human gore :
But now what rhetoric could assuage
The furious squire, stark mad with rage?
Impatient at the foul disgrace
From insect of so mean a race,
And plotting vengeance on his foe,
With double fist he aims a blow.

The nimble fly escaped by flight,
And skipped from this unequal fight.

Th' impending stroke with all its weight
Fell on his own beloved pate.

Thus much he gained by this adventurous deed;
He fouled his fingers and he broke his head.

MORAL.

Let senates hence learn to preserve their state,
And scorn the fool below their grave debate,
Who by the unequal strife grows popular and great.
Let him buzz on, with senseless rant defy
The wise, the good, yet still 't is but a fly.
With puny foes the toil's not worth the cost;
Where nothing can be gained, much may be lost:
Let cranes and pigmies in mock-war engage,
A prey beneath the gen'rous eagle's rage,
True honor o'er the clouds sublimely wings;
Young Ammon scorns to run with less than kings.
WILLIAM SOMERVILLE.

No wonder now I look so thin;

The tyrant stripped me to the skin ;
My skin he flayed, my hair he cropped;
At head and foot my body lopped;

And then, with heart more hard than stone,

He picked my marrow from the bone.

To vex me more, he took a freak

To slit my tongue, and make me speak :
But that which wonderful appears,

I speak to eyes, and not to ears.
He oft employs me in disguise,
And makes me tell a thousand lies:
To me he chiefly gives in trust
To please his malice or his lust:
From me no secret he can hide:

I see his vanity and pride:
And my delight is to expose
His follies to his greatest foes.

All languages I can command,
Yet not a word I understand.
Without my aid, the best divine
In learning would not know a line;
The lawyer must forget his pleading,
The scholar could not show his reading.

Nay, man, my master, is my slave;
I give command to kill or save;
Can grant ten thousand pounds a year,
And make a beggar's brat a peer.
But while I thus my life relate,

I only hasten on my fate.

My tongue is black, my mouth is furred,
I hardly now can force a word.

I die unpitied and forgot,
And on some dunghill left to rot.

ON GOLD.

ALL-RULING tyrant of the earth,
To vilest slaves I owe my birth.
How is the greatest monarch blessed,
When in my gaudy livery dressed!
No haughty nymph has power to run
From me. or my embraces shun.

Stabbed to the heart, condemned to flame,
My constancy is still the same.

The favorite messenger of Jove,

The Lemnian god, consulting, strove

To make me glorious to the sight
Of mortals, and the god's delight.
Soon would their altars' flame expire
If I refused to lend them fire.

ON THE FIVE SENSES.

ALL of us in one you'll find, Brethren of a wondrous kind; Yet, among us all, no brother Knows one tittle of the other. We in frequent councils are, And our marks of things declare; Where, to us unknown, a clerk Sits, and takes them in the dark.

(Have you not read the Rights of Man, by Tom Paine?)

Drops of compassion tremble on my eyelids,
Ready to fall as soon as you have told your

Pitiful story.

KNIFE-GRINDER.

Story! God bless you! I have none to tell, sir;
Only, last night, a-drinking at the Chequers,
This poor old hat and breeches, as you see, were
Torn in a scuffle.

Constables came up for to take me into
Custody; they took me before the justice;
Justice Oldmixon put me in the parish-stocks

For a vagrant.

I should be glad to drink your honor's health in
A pot of beer, if you will give me sixpence ;
But for my part, I never love to meddle

With politics, sir.

FRIEND OF HUMANITY.

I give thee sixpence ! I will see thee dead first— Wretch ! whom no sense of wrong can rouse to ven

geance

Sordid, unfeeling, reprobate, degraded,

Spiritless outcast!

[Kicks the knife-grinder, overturns his wheel, and exit in a transport of republican enthusiasm and universal philanthropy.]

W

GEORGE CANNING.

DER DRUMMER.

HO puts oup at der pest hotel,
Und dakes his oysders on der shell,
Und mit der frauleins cuts a schwell?
Der drummer.

Who vas it gomes indo mine schtore,
Drows down his pundles on der vloor,
Und nefer schtops to shut der door?
Der drummer.

Who dakes me py der handt, und say,
"Hans Pfeiffer, how you vas to-day?"
Und goes vor peeseness righdt avay?
Der drummer.

Who shpreads his zamples in a trice,
Und dells me, "Look, und see how nice?"
Und says I gets "der bottom price ?"
Der drummer.

Who dells how sheap der goods vas bought,
Mooch less as vot I gould imbort,
But lets them go as he vas short?"
Der drummer.

46

Who says der tings vas eggstra vine"Vrom Sharmany, ubon der Rhine,"Und sheats me den dimes oudt off nine? Der drummer.

Who varrants all der goods to suit
Der gustomers ubon his route,
Und ven dey gomes dey vas no goot?
Der drummer.

Who gomes aroundt ven I been oudt,
Drinks oup mine bier, und eats mine kraut,
Und kiss Katrina in der mout'?
Der drummer.

Who, ven he gomes again dis vay, Vill hear vot Pfeiffer has to say, Und mit a plack eye goes avay? Der drummer.

CHARLES F. ADAMS.

THE BUTTERFLY'S BALL.

OME take up your hats, and away let us haste To the Butterfly's ball and the Grasshopper's feast.

The trumpeter, Gad-fly, has summoned the

crew,

And the revels are now only waiting for you.

So said little Robert, and, pacing along,
His merry companions came forth in a throng.
And on the smooth grass, by the side of a wood,
Beneath a broad oak that for ages had stood,
Saw the children of earth, and the tenants of air,
For an evening's amusement together repair.
And there came the Beetle, so blind and so black,
Who carried the Emmet, his friend, on his back.
And there was the Gnat, and the Dragon-fly too,
With all their relations, green, orange, and blue.
And there came the Moth, with his plumage of down,
And the Hornet in jacket of yellow and brown;
Who with him the Wasp, his companion, did bring,
But they promised that evening to lay by their sting.
And the sly little Dormouse crept out of his hole,
And brought to the feast his blind brother, the Mole.
And the Snail, with his horns peeping out of his shell,
Came from a great distance, the length of an ell,
A mushroom their table, and on it was laid
A water-dock leaf, which a table-cloth made.
The viands were various, to each of their taste,
And the Bee brought her honey to crown the repast.
Then close on his haunches, so solemn and wise,
The Frog from a corner looked up to the skies.
And the Squirrel, well pleased such diversions to seɛ
Mounted high overhead, and looked down from a tree
Then out came the Spider, with finger so fine,
To show his dexterity on the tight line.

From one branch to another, his cobwebs he slung,
Then quick as an arrow he darted along.
But, just in the middle-Oh! shocking to tell-
From his rope, in an instant, poor harlequin fell.