or could use it. This is the cause that, of all ill characters, the Rake has the best quarter in the world; for when he is himself, and unruffled with intemperance, you see his natural faculties exert themselves, and attract an eye of favour towards his infirmities. But if we look round us here, how many dull rogues are there, that would fain be what this poor man hates himself for? All the noise towards six in the evening is caused by his mimics and imitators. How ought men of sense to be careful of their actions, if it were merely from the indignation of seeing themselves illdrawn by such little pretenders! Not to say he that leads is guilty of all the actions of his followers; and a Rake has imitators whom you would never expect should prove so. Secondhand vice, sure, of all is the most nauseous. There is hardly a folly more absurd, or which seems less to be accounted for (though it is what we see every day,) than that grave and honest natures give into this way, and at the same time have good sense, if they thought fit to use it; but the fatality (under which most men labour) of desiring to be what they are not, makes them go out of a method in which they might be received with applause, and would certainly excel, into one, wherein they will all their lives have the air of strangers to what they aim at. For this reason, I have not lamented the metamorphosis of any one I know so much as of Nobilis, who was born with sweetness of temper, just apprehension, and every thing else that might make him a man fit for his order. But instead of the pursuit of sober studies and applications, in which he would certainly be capable of making a considerable figure in the noblest assembly of men in the world; I say, in spite of that good nature, which is his proper bent, he will say ill-natured things aloud, put such as he was and still should be out of countenance, and drown all the natural good in him, to receive an artificial ill character, in which he will never succeed; for Nobilis is no Rake. He may guzzle so much wine as he pleases, talk bawdy if he thinks fit; but he may as well drink water-gruel, and go twice a-day to church, for it will never do. I pronounce it again, Nobilis is no Rake. To be of that order, he must be vicious against his will, and not so by study or application. All Pretty Fellows' are also excluded to a man, as well as all inamoratoes, or persons of the epicene gender, who gaze at one another in the presence of ladies. This class, of which I am giving you an account, is pretended to also by men of strong abilities in drinking; though they are such whom the liquor, not the conversation, keeps together. But blockheads may roar, fight, and stab, and be never the nearer; their labour is also lost; they want sense: they are no Rakes. tends to a contrary effect. She has naturally a very agreeable voice and utterance, which she has changed for the prettiest lisp imaginable. She sees what she has a mind to see at half a mile distance; but poring with her eyes half shut at every one she passes by, she believes much more becoming. The Cupid on her fan and she have their eyes full on each other, all the time in which they are not both in motion. Whenever her eye is turned from that dear object, you may have a glance, and your bow, if she is in humour, returned as civilly as you make it; but that must not be in the presence of a man of greater quality: for Mrs. Toss is so thoroughly well-bred, that the chief person present has all her regards. And she who giggles at divine service, and laughs at her very mother, can compose herself at the approach of a man of a good estate. Will's Coffee-house, June 9. A fine lady showed a gentleman of this company, for an eternal answer to all his addresses, a paper of verses, with which she is so captivated, that she professed the author should be the happy man in spite of all other pretenders. It is ordinary for love to make men poetical, and it had that effect on this enamoured man: but he was resolved to try his vein upon some of her confidants or retinue, before he ventured upon so high a theme as herself. To do other. wise than so, would be like making an heroic poem a man's first attempt. Among the favour. ites to the fair one, he found her parrot not to be in the last degree: he saw Poll had her ear, when his sighs were neglected. To write against him had been a fruitless labour; there. fore he resolved to flatter him into his interest in the following manner : TO A LADY ON HER PARROT. It is indeed a very just proposition to give that honour rather to the parrot than the other volatile. The parrot represents us in the state of making love: the dove, in the possession of the object beloved. But, instead of turning the dove off, I fancy it would be better if the chaise of Venus had hereafter a parrot added (as we see sometimes a third horse to a coach,) which might intimate that to be a parrot, is the only way to succeed; and to be a dove, to preserve your conquests. If the swain would go on successfully, he must imitate the bird he As a Rake among men is the man who lives writes upon; for he who would be loved by in the constant abuse of his reason, so a Co-women, must never be silent before the favour, quette among women is one who live con- or open his lips after it. tinual misapplication of her beauty. The chief of all whom I have the honour to be acquainted with, is pretty Mrs. Toss: she is ever in prac. From my own Apartment, June 10. tice of something which disfigures her, and I have so many messages fuom young gen. takes from her charms, though all she does tlemen who expect preferment and distinction, THE TATLER. that I am wholly at a loss in what manner to (No. 28. their session; and that they have approved the resolution of the states-general, to publish a second edict to prohibit the sale of corn to the enemy. Many eminent persons in that assembly have declared that they are of opinion, that all commerce whatsoever with France should be wholly forbidden; which point is under present deliberation; but it is feared it will meet with 'To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq. Monitor General powerful opposition. Sheer-Lane, June 8. 'SIR,-I have been above six months from the university, of age these three months, and so long in town. I was recommended to one Charles Bubbleboy* near the temple, who has supplied me with all the furniture he says a gentleman ought to have. I desired a certificate thereof from him, which he said would require some time to consider of; and when I went yesterday morning for it, he tells me, upon due consideration, I still want some few odd things more, to the value of threescore or fourscore pounds, to make me complete. I have bespoke them; and the favour I beg of you is, to know, when I am equipped, in what part or class of men in this town you will place me. Pray send me word what I am, and you shall find me, sir, your most humble servant, JEFFRY NICKNACK.' I am very willing to encourage young beginners, but am extremely in the dark how to dispose of this gentleman. I cannot see either his person or habit in this letter; but I will call at Charles's and know the shape of his snuff box, by which I can settle his character. Though indeed, to know his full capacity, I ought to be informed whether he takes Spanish or Musty.† St. James's Coffee-house, June 10. 6 June 9, at night. question, whether calling a gentleman a Smart SIR, I desire the favour of you to decide this Fellow is an affront or not? A youth entering a certain coffee-house, with his cane tied to his your description, and could not forbear telling button, wearing red-heeled shoes, I thought of a friend of mine next to me, "There enters a Smart Fellow." The gentleman hearing it, had immediately a mind to pick a quarrel with me, and desired satisfaction; at which I was more puzzled than at the other, remembering what mention your familiar makes of those that had lost their lives on such occasions. The thing is referred to your judgment; and I expect you to be my second, since you have been the cause humble servant.' of our quarrel. I am, sir, your friend and praise, and is a man of double capacity. The true cast or mould in which you may be sure to know him is, when his livelihood or education is in the civil list, and you see him express a vivacity or mettle above the way he is in by a little jerk in his motion, short trip in his steps, well-fancied lining of his coat, or any other indications which may be given in a vigorous dress. Letters from the Low Countries of the seventeenth instant say, that the duke of Marlborough and the prince of Savoy intended to leave Ghent on that day, and join the army sion of offence given in this expression; for a I absolutely pronounce, that there is no occawhich lies between Pont d'Espiere and Cour-Smart Fellow' is always an appellation of tray, their head-quarters being at Helchin. The same day the Palatine foot were expected at Brussels. Lieutenant-general Dompre, with a body of eight thousand men, is posted at Alost, in order to cover Ghent and Brussels. The marshal de Villars was still on the plain of Lenz; and it is said the duke of Vendosme is appointed to command in conjunction with that general. Advices from Paris say, monsieur Voisin is made secretary of state, upon monsieur Chamillard's resignation of that employment. The want of money in that kingdom is so great, that the court has thought fit to command all the plate of private families to be brought into the mint. They write from the Hague of the eighteenth, that the states of Holland continue *Charles Mather, at that time an eminent toyman in Fleet-street. A great quantity of musty snuff was captured in the Spanish fleet which was taken or burnt at Vigo in 1703; it soon became fashionable to use no snuff but what had this musty flavour. Time, and the tricks of the tobacconists and perfumers, put an end at last to this absurd custom. there be, that it is a cause of quarrel for a man Now, what possible insinuation can to say, he allows a gentleman really to be, what his tailor, his hosier, and his milliner, have conspired to make him? who appeals to me had said, he was not a I confess, if this person Smart Fellow,' there had been cause for resentment; but if he stands to it that he is one, he ing. Indeed it is a most lamentable thing, that leaves no manner of ground for misunderstandthere should be a dispute raised upon a man's saying another is what he plainly takes pains to be thought. But this point cannot be so well adjusted, as by inquiring what are the sentiments of wise nations and communities, of the use of the | Otherwise, where would our liberties soon be, sword, and from thence conclude whether it if wealth and valour were suffered to exert is honourable to draw it so frequently or not? An illustrious commonwealth of Italy has preserved itself for many ages, without letting one of their subjects handle this destructive instrument; always leaving that work to such of mankind as understand the use of a whole skin so little, as to make a profession of exposing it to cuts and scars. But what need we run to such foreign instances? Our own ancient and well governed cities are conspicuous examples to all mankind in their regulation of military achievements. The chief citizens, like the noble Italians, hire mercenaries to carry arms in their stead; and you shall have a fellow of a desperate fortune, for the gain of one half crown, go through all the dangers of Tothill-Fields, or the ArtilleryGround, clap his right jaw within two inches of the touch-hole of a musquet, fire it off, and huzza, with as little concern as he tears a pullet. Thus you see, to what scorn of danger these mercenaries arrive, out of a mere love of sordid gain but methinks it should take off the strong prepossession men have in favour of bold actions, when they see upon what low motives men aspire to them. Do but observe the common practice in the government of those heroic bodies, our militia and lieutenancies, the most ancient corps of soldiers, perhaps, in the universe; I question, whether there is one instance of an animosity between any two of these illustrious sons of Mars since their institution, which was decided by combat? I remember indeed to have read the chronicle of an accident which had like to have occasioned bloodshed in the very field before all the general officers, though most of them were justices of the peace. Captain Crabtree of Birching-lane, haberdasher, had drawn a bill upon major-general Maggot, cheesemonger in Thames-street. Crabtree draws this upon Mr. William Maggot and company. A country lad received this bill, and not understanding the word company, used in drawing bills on men in partnership, carried it to Mr. Jeffrey Stitch of Crooked-lane (lieutenant of the major-general's company,) whom he had the day before seen march by the door in all the pomp of his commission. The lieutenant accepts it, for the honour of the company, since it had come to him. But repayment being asked from the major-general, he absolutely refuses. Upon this, the lieutenant thinks of nothing less than to bring this to a rupture, and takes for his second Tobias Armstrong of the Counter, and sends him with a challenge in a scrip of parchment, wherein was written Stitch contra Maggot, and all the fury vanished in a moment. The major-general gives satisfaction to the second, and all was well. Hence it is, that the bold spirits of our city are kept in such subjection to the civil power, themselves with their utmost force? If such officers as are employed in the terrible bands above-mentioned, were to draw bills as well as swords, these dangerous captains who could victual an army as well as lead it, would be too powerful for the state. But the point of honour justly gives way to that of gain; and, by long and wise regulation, the richest is the bravest man. I have known a captain rise to a colonel in two days by the fall of stocks; and a major, my good friend near the Monument, ascended to that honour by the fall of the price of spirits, and the rising of right Nantz. By this true sense of honour, that body of warriors are ever in good order and discipline, with their colours and coats all whole: as in other battalions (where their principles of action are less solid) you see the men of service look like spectres with long sides and lank cheeks. In this army you may measure a man's service by his waist, and the most prominent belly is certainly the man who has been most upon action. Besides all this, there is another excellent remark to be made in the discipline of these troops. It being of absolute necessity, that the people of England should see what they have for their money, and be eye-witnesses of the advantages they gain by it, all battles which are fought abroad are represented here. But, since one side must be beaten and the other conquer, which might create disputes, the eldest company is always to make the other run, and the younger retreats, according to the last news and best intelligence. I have myself seen prince Eugene make Catinat fly from the backside of Grays-inn-lane to Hockley in the Hole, and not give over the pursuit, until obliged to leave the Bear-garden on the right to avoid be. ing borne down by fences, wild bulls, and monsters, too terrible for the encounter of any heroes, but such whose lives are their livelihood. We have here seen, that wise nations do not admit of fighting, even in the defence of their country, as a laudable action; and they live within the walls of our own city in great honour and reputation without it. It would be very necessary to understand, by what force of the climate, food, education, or employment, one man's sense is brought to differ so essentially from that of another; that one is ridiculous and contemptible for forbearing a thing which makes his safety; and another applauded for consulting his ruin and destruction. It will therefore be necessary for us (to show our travelling) to examine this subject fully, and tell you how it comes to pass, that a man of honour in Spain, though you offend him never so gallantly, stabs you basely; in Eng. land, though you offend him never so basely, challenges fairly; the former kills you out of revenge, the latter out of good-breeding. But its utmost thoughts and recesses, I must wait to probe the heart of man in this particular to for the return of Pacolet, who is now attending visits the person by whose hands he received his a gentleman lately in a duel, and sometimes wounds. St. James's Coffee-house, June 13. pare the people to expect all events, attributing the confidence of the enemy to the goodness of their troops; but acknowledging, that his sole dependence is upon the intervention of provi No. 29.] Thursday, June 14, 1709. Quicquid agunt homines -nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, Our motley paper seizes for its theme. Letters from Vienna of the eighth instant say, there has been a journal of the marches and actions of the king of Sweden, from the begin-dence. ning of January to the eleventh of April, N. S. communicated by the Swedish ministers to that court. These advices inform, that his Swedish majesty entered the territories of Muscovy in February last, with the main body of his army, in order to oblige the enemy to a general engagement; but that the Muscovites declining a battle, and an universal thaw having rendered the rivers unpassable, the king returned into Ukrania. There are mentioned several rencounters between considerable detachments of the Swedish and Russian armies. Marshal Heister intended to take his leave of court on the day after the date of these letters, and put himself at the head of the army in Hungary. The mal-contents had attempted to send in a supply of provision into Newhausel; but their design was disappointed by the Germans. Advices from Berlin of the fifteenth instant, N. S. say, that his Danish majesty having received an invitation from the king of Prussia to an interview, designed to come to Potsdam within a few days, and that king Augustus resolved to accompany him thither. To avoid all difficulties in ceremony, the three kings, and all the company who shall have the honour to sit with them at table, are to draw lots, and take precedence accordingly. They write from Hamburgh of the eighteenth instant, N. S. that some particular letters from Dantzic speak of a late action between the Swedes and Muscovites near Jerislaw; but that engagement being mentioned from no other place, there is not much credit given to this intelligence. White's Chocolate-house, June 14. P. HAVING a very solid respect for human nature, however it is distorted from its natural make, by affectation, humour, custom, misfortune, or vice, I do apply myself to my friends to help me in raising arguments for preserving it in all its individuals, as long as it is permitted. To one of my letters on this subject, I have received the following answer: 'SIR,-In answer to your question, why men of sense, virtue, and experience, are seen still to comply with that ridiculous custom of duelling? I must desire you to reflect, that custom has dished up in ruffs the wisest heads of our ancestors, and put the best of the present age into huge falbala periwigs.* Men of sense would not impose such encumbrances on themselves, but be glad they might show their faces decently in public upon easier terms. If then such men appear reasonably slaves to the fashion, in what regards the figure of their persons, we ought not to wonder, that they are at least so in what seems to touch their reputations. Besides, you cannot be ignorant, that dress and chivalry have We hear from Brussels, by letters dated the been always encouraged by the ladies, as the twentieth, that on the fourteenth, in the evening, two principal branches of gallantry. It is to the duke of Marlborough and prince Eugene avoid being sneered at for his singularity, and arrived at Courtray, with a design to proceed from a desire to appear more agreeable to his the day following to Lisle, in the neighbourhood mistress, that a wise, experienced, and polite of which city, the confederate army was to ren- man, complies with the dress commonly redezvous the same day. Advices from Paris in-ceived; and is prevailed upon to violate his form us, that the marshal de Bezons is appointed to command in Dauphiné, and that the duke of Berwick is set out for Spain, with a design to follow the fortunes of the duke of Anjou, in case the French king should comply with the late demands of the allies. The court of France has sent a circular letter to all the governors of the provinces, to recommend to their consideration his majesty's late conduct in the affair of peace. It is thought fit, in that epistle, to condescend to a certain appeal to the people, whether it is consistent with the dignity of the crown, or the French name, to submit to the preliminaries demanded by the confederates? That letter dwells upon the unreasonableness of the allies, in requiring his majesty's assistance in dethroning his grandson; and treats this particular in language more suitable to it, as it is a topic of oratory, than a real circumstance on which the interests of nations, and reasons of state, which affect all Europe, are concerned. The close of this memorial seems to pre reason and principles, in hazarding his life and estate by a tilt, as well as suffering his pleasures to be constrained and soured by the constant apprehension of a quarrel. This is the more surprising, because men of the most delicate sense and principles have naturally in other cases a particular repugnance in accommodating themselves to the maxims of the world but one may casily distinguish the man that is affected with beauty, and the reputation of a tilt, from him who complies with both, merely as they are imposed upon him by custom; for, in the former, you will remark an air of vanity and triumph; whereas, when the latter appears in a long duvilliert full of powder, or has decided a quarrel by the sword, you may perceive in his face, that he appeals to custom for an excuse. I think it may not be improper to inquire into the genealogy of this chimerical monster called a Duel, which I take to be an illegitimate *Tatler, No. 26. A kind of a wig so called. dies for you, I will make his words good, for I will kill him. I am, madam, your most obedient humble servant.' From my own Apartment, June 14. species of the ancient knight-errantry. By the laws of this whim, the heroic person, or man of gallantry, was indispensably obliged to starve in armour a certain number of years in the chase of monsters, encounter them at the peril of his life, and suffer great hardships, in order to gain the affection of the fair lady, and qualify himself for I am just come hither at ten at night, and assuming the belle air; that is, of a Pretty have ever since six, been in the most celebrated, Fellow, or man of honour, according to the though most nauseous company in town: the fashion: but, since the publishing of Don Quix- two leaders of the society were a Critic and a ote, and extinction of the race of dragons, which | Wit. These two gentlemen are great oppoSuetonius says happened in that of Wantley,* nents on all occasions, not discerning that they the gallant and heroic spirits of these latter times are the nearest each other, in temper and talhave been under the necessity of creating new ents, of any two classes of men in the world; chimerical monsters to entertain themselves for to profess judgment, and to profess wit, with, by way of single combat, as the only proofs both arise from the same failure, which is want they are able to give their own sex, and the la- of judgment. The poverty of the Critic this dies, that they are in all points men of nice way proceeds from the abuse of this faculty; honour. But, to do justice to the ancient and that of the Wit, from the neglect of it. It is a real monsters, I must observe, that they never particular observation I have always made, that molested those who were not of a humour to of all mortals a Critic is the silliest; for, by hunt for them in woods and deserts; whereas, enuring himself to examine all things, whether on the contrary, our modern monsters are so they are of consequence or not, he never looks familiarly admitted and entertained in all the upon any thing but with a design of passing sencourts and cities of Europe (except France,) tence upon it; by which means he is never a comthat one can scarce be in the most humanized panion, but always a censor. This makes him society without risking one's life; the peo- earnest upon trifles, and dispute on the most inple of the best sort, and the fine gentlemen different occasions with vehemence. If he offers of the age, being so fond of them, that they sel- to speak or write, that talent, which should apdom appear in any public place without one. I prove the work of the other faculties, prevents have some further considerations upon this sub- their operation. He comes upon action in ject, which, as you encourage me, shall be com- armour, but without weapons; he stands in municated to you by, sir, a cousin but one re- safety, but can gain no glory. The Wit, on the move from the best family of the Staffs, namely, other hand, has been hurried so long away by sir, your humble servant, kinsman, and friend, imagination only, that judgment seems not to have ever been one of his natural faculties. This gentleman takes himself to be as much obliged to be merry, as the other to be grave. A thorough Critic is a sort of Puritan in the polite world. As an enthusiast in religion stumbles at the ordinary occurrences of life, if he cannot quote scripture examples on the occasion; so the Critic is never safe in his speech or writing, without he has, among the celebrated writers, an authority, for the truth of his sentence. You will believe we had a very good time with these brethren, who were so far out of the dress of their native country, and so lost in its dialect, that they were as much strangers to themselves, as to their relation to each other. They took up the whole discourse; sometimes the Critic grew passionate, and when reprimanded by the Wit for any trip or hesitation in his voice, he would answer, Mr. Dryden makes such a character, on such an occasion, break off in the same manner; so that the stop was according to nature, and as a man in a passion should do.' The Wit who is as far gone in letters as himself, seems to be at a loss to answer such an apology; and concludes only, that though his anger is justly vented, it wants fire in the utterance. If wit is to be measured by the circumstances of time and place, there is no man has generally so little of that talent as he who is a Wit by profession. What he says, instead of arising from the occasion, has an occasion invented to bring it in. Thus, he is new for no other reason, but that he talks like nobody else; quotations nowhere to be found in the authors referred but has taken up a method of his own, without to, as appears from this passage. commerce of dialogue with other people. The TIM SWITCH.' It is certain that Mr. Switch has hit upon the true source of this evil; and that it proceeds only from the force of custom, that we contradict ourselves in half the particulars and occurrences of life. But such a tyranny in love, which the fair impose upon us, is a little too severe; that we must demonstrate our affection for them by no certain proof but hatred to one another, or come at them (only as one does at an estate) by survivorship. This way of application to gain a lady's heart is taking her as we do towns and castles, by distressing the place, and letting none come near them without our pass. Were such a lover once to write the truth of his heart, and let her know his whole thoughts, he would appear indeed to have a passion for her; but it would hardly be called love. The billet-doux would run to this purpose: MADAM,—I have so tender a regard for you, and your interests, that I will knock any man on the head whom I observe to be of my mind, and like you. Mr. Truman, the other day, looked at you in so languishing a manner, that I am resolved to run him through to-morrow morning. This, I think, he deserves for his guilt in admiring you; than which I cannot have a greater reason for murdering him, except it be that you also approve him. Whoever says he In humorous writings, one may be led to search for |