they're muckle to blame, for naething can justify impudence and immodesty, and a man canna help haeing curious thochts about a woman whom he never saw atween the een afore, when she comes glowerin' up to his very nose, wi her handkerchief in her hand, just like a hizzie gaun to hang up a clout on a peg; and you hae to jump backwards to save yourselves frae rinniu' foul o' ane anither, like twa cutters o' Leith smacks in the Roads.

NORTH.

I am so seldom on the streets, that I am no judge of the charges you bring against my fair towns-women I love them with such a fatherly affection, that they may stare at me without offence; for I shall put it all down to the credit of my crutches.

MULLION.

I should like to have been t'other day at the shooting of the elephant.

TICKLER.

Well, I should not. The murder read hideously. His death was necessary-but it was bunglingly inflicted.

NORTH.

I could not but be amused with my friend Brookes' letter in the newspapers, assuring the public that he had not eat soup made of part of the putrid elephant. A surgeon may do anything of that sort with impunity-and Brookes is a first-rate surgeon.

TICKLER.

I had no idea he was so sensitive. Elephant-feet are excellent.-Experto crede Roberto.

SHEPHERD.

Tidbits! How are they dressed, Mr Tickler? Like sheep's-head and trotters, I presume. A capital dish for a Sabbath dinner, elephant-head and trotters. How mony could dine aff't?

What a prime MART, James?

TICKLER.

SHEPHERD

What black puddins! and oh! man, what tripe! Only think o' the leddy's hood and monyplies !-Then the marrow-banes! A fu', it seems, o' a sort o' fluid, doubtless strang, and sappy, and esculent, and to be eaten wi' bread and a spoon. I'm gettin hungry-I've a great likin for wild beasts. Oh man! gin we had but wolves in Scotland!

TICKLER.

Why, the would make you shepherds attend a little better to your own business. How could you visit Edinburgh and Ambrose, if there were wolves in the Forest?

SHEPHERD.

I wadna grudge a score o' lambs in the year-for the wolves wou'd only raise the price o' butcher's meat-they wou'd do nae harm to the kintra. What grand sport, houndin' the wolves in singles, or pairs, or flocks, up yonder about Loch Skene!

TICKLER.

What think you of a few tigers, James?

SHEPHERD.

The royal Bengal Teegger is no indigenous in Scotland, as the wolves was in ancient times; and that's ae reason against wushin' to hae him amang us. Let the Alien Act be held in operation against him, and may he never be naturaleezed!

TICKLER.

What, would you be afraid of a tiger, James?

SHEPHERD.

Would I be afraid o' a teegger, Timothy? No half as afeard as you wad be yoursel. Faith, I wadna grudge gien a jug o' toddy to see ane play spang upon you frae a distance o' twenty yards, and wi' a single pat o' his paw on that pow o' yours, that ye haud so heigh, fracture your skull, dislocate your neck,

crack your spine, and gar ye play tapsalteery ower a precipice into a jungle where the teegger had his bloody den.

TICKLER.

Would you give no assistance-lend no helping hand, James?

SHEPHERD.

Oo aye, me and some mair wad come to the place, in a week or twa, when we were sure the teegger had changed his feedin' grun', and wad collec the banes for Christian burial. But wad you be afraid o' teeggers, Timothy ?

NORTH.

I once did a very foolish thing in the East Indies to a tiger. I was out shooting snipes, when the biggest and brightest royal tiger I have ever faced before or since, rose up with a roar like thunder, eyeing me with fiery eyes, and tusks half a foot long, and a tail terrific to dwell upon, either in memory or imagination.

SHEPHERD.

I didna ken there had been snipes in the East Indies?

NORTH.

Yes, and sepoys likewise. The tiger seemed, after the first blush of the business, to be somewhat disconcerted at the unexpected presence of the future Editor of Blackwood's Magazine; and, in a much more temperate growl, requested a parley. I hit him right in the left eye, with number 7, and the distance being little more than five paces, it acted like ball, and must have touched the brain-for never surely did Royal Tiger demean himself with less dignity or discretion. He threw about twenty somersets, one after the other, without intermission, just as you have seen a tumbler upon a spring-board. I thought I should have died with laughing. Meanwhile, I reloaded my barrel—and a wild peacock starting from cover, I could not resist the temptation, but gave away a chance against the tiger, by firing both barrels successfully against the Bird of Juno.

SHEPHERD.

I've heard you tell that story a thousan' times, Mr North; but ye'll pardon me for sayin' noo, what I only look'd before, that it's a downright lee, without ae word o' truth in't, na' even o' exaggeration. You never killed a teegger wi snipe-shot.

NORTH.

Never, James-but I rendered him an idiot or a madman for the rest of his life. But what do you think, James, about legislating for brute animals?

SHEPHERD.

That's out o' the range o' my abeelities. I ken naething about legislation. But I do ken something about humanity-and cruelty to the dumb creation is practical blasphemy, and will not go unpunished. Perhaps, now that you ax me, it's better to teach it down, and fleech it down, and preach it down, than fine it down, or imprison it down-and ae Chalmers is worth a thousan' Martins.

TICKLER.

Habits of cruelty terminate almost of necessity in atrocious crimes. The carter who brutally flogs his horse will beat his wife.

SHEPHERD.

What can ye say to a very puir blackguard, not worth ten shillings, who has coft the leevin' skeleton of a horse for half-a-crown, that he may get a week's wear and tear out o't? He maun thump it, or it winna gang. The chiel may be sellin' sawt or bread, or some ither lawful eatables, and tryin' to manteen a family. It's a sair sight to behold the raw and bloody skeleton, but what can ye do? Is your conscience perfectly secure, when you tak' the ragged deevil afore a magistrate, and fine him out o' his starvin' wife's and weans' support? Mind that I'm no arguin'-I'm only askin' a question-nor do I want ony answer. But when you see a weel-fed hulkin' fallow, savage for nae reason at a', against the beasts entrusted to him, knock him doon wi' a stick or a stane aff the causeway--and if you fractur' his skull, and he binna married, you've performed a good action, and by takin' the law into your ain hand, done the state some service.

NORTH.

Much evil is done the cause of humanity by indiscriminate and illogical abuse of pursuits or recreations totally dissimilar. I doubt if any person can be VOL. XIX. 3 S

they're muckle to blame, for naething can justify impudence and immodesty, and a man canna help haeing curious thochts about a woman whom he never saw atween the een afore, when she comes glowerin' up to his very nose, wi' her handkerchief in her hand, just like a hizzie gaun to hang up a clout on a peg; ; and you hae to jump backwards to save yourselves frae rinnin' foul o' ane anither, like twa cutters o' Leith smacks in the Roads.

NORTH.

I am so seldom on the streets, that I am no judge of the charges you bring against my fair towns-women I love them with such a fatherly affection, that they may stare at me without offence; for I shall put it all down to the credit of my crutches.

MULLION.

I should like to have been t'other day at the shooting of the elephant.

TICKLER.

Well, I should not. The murder read hideously. His death was necessary-but it was bunglingly inflicted.

NORTH.

I could not but be amused with my friend Brookes' letter in the newspapers, assuring the public that he had not eat soup made of part of the putrid elephant. A surgeon may do anything of that sort with impunity-and Brookes is a first-rate surgeon.

TICKLER.

I had no idea he was so sensitive. Elephant-feet are excellent.-Experto crede Roberto.

SHEPHERD.

Tidbits! How are they dressed, Mr Tickler? Like sheep's-head and trotters, I presume. A capital dish for a Sabbath dinner, elephant-head and trotters. How mony could dine aff't?

What a prime MART, James?

TICKLER.

SHEPHERD

What black puddins! and oh! man, what tripe! Only think o' the leddy's hood and monyplies!-Then the marrow-banes! A fu', it seems, o' a sort o' fluid, doubtless strang, and sappy, and esculent, and to be eaten wi' bread and a spoon. I'm gettin hungry-I've a great likin for wild beasts. Oh man! gin we had but wolves in Scotland!

TICKLER.

Why, the would make you shepherds attend a little better to your own business. How could you visit Edinburgh and Ambrose, if there were wolves in the Forest?

SHEPHERD.

I wadna grudge a score o' lambs in the year-for the wolves wou'd only raise the price o' butcher's meat-they wou'd do nae harm to the kintra. What grand sport, houndin' the wolves in singles, or pairs, or flocks, up yonder about Loch Skene!

TICKLER.

What think you of a few tigers, James?

SHEPHERD.

The royal Bengal Teegger is no indigenous in Scotland, as the wolves was in ancient times; and that's ae reason against wushin' to hae him amang us. Let the Alien Act be held in operation against him, and may he never be naturaleezed!

TICKLER.

What, would you be afraid of a tiger, James?

SHEPHERD.

Would I be afraid o' a teegger, Timothy? No half as afeard as you wad be yoursel. Faith, I wadna grudge gien a jug o' toddy to see ane play spang upon you frae a distance o' twenty yards, and wi' a single pat o' his paw on that pow o' yours, that ye haud so heigh, fracture your skull, dislocate your neck, crack your spine, and gar ye play tapsalteery ower a precipice into a jungle where the teegger had his bloody den.

TICKLER.

Would you give no assistance-lend no helping hand, James?

Oo aye, me and some mair wad come to the place, in a week or twa, when we were sure the teegger had changed his feedin' grun', and wad collec the banes for Christian burial. But wad you be afraid o' teeggers, Timothy?

NORTH.

I once did a very foolish thing in the East Indies to a tiger. I was out shooting snipes, when the biggest and brightest royal tiger I have ever faced before or since, rose up with a roar like thunder, eyeing me with fiery eyes, and tusks half a foot long, and a tail terrific to dwell upon, either in memory or imagination.

SHEPHERD.

I didna ken there had been snipes in the East Indies ?

NORTH.

Yes, and sepoys likewise. The tiger seemed, after the first blush of the business, to be somewhat disconcerted at the unexpected presence of the future Editor of Blackwood's Magazine; and, in a much more temperate growl, requested a parley. I hit him right in the left eye, with number 7, and the distance being little more than five paces, it acted like ball, and must have touched the brain-for never surely did Royal Tiger demean himself with less dignity or discretion. He threw about twenty somersets, one after the other, without intermission, just as you have seen a tumbler upon a spring-board. I thought I should have died with laughing. Meanwhile, I reloaded my barrel-and a wild peacock starting from cover, I could not resist the temptation, but gave away a chance against the tiger, by firing both barrels successfully against the Bird of Juno.

SHEPHERD.

I've heard you tell that story a thousan' times, Mr North; but ye'll pardon me for sayin' noo, what I only look'd before, that it's a downright lee, without ae word o' truth in't, na' even o' exaggeration. You never killed a teegger wi' snipe-shot.

NORTH.

Never, James-but I rendered him an idiot or a madman for the rest of his life. But what do you think, James, about legislating for brute animals?

SHEPHERD.

That's out o' the range o' my abeelities. I ken naething about legislation. But I do ken something about humanity-and cruelty to the dumb creation is practical blasphemy, and will not go unpunished. Perhaps, now that you ax me, it's better to teach it down, and fleech it down, and preach it down, than fine it down, or imprison it down-and ae Chalmers is worth a thousan' Martins.

TICKLER.

Habits of cruelty terminate almost of necessity in atrocious crimes. The carter who brutally flogs his horse will beat his wife.

SHEPHERD.

What can ye say to a very puir blackguard, not worth ten shillings, who has coft the leevin' skeleton of a horse for half-a-crown, that he may get a week's wear and tear out o't? He maun thump it, or it winna gang. The chiel may be sellin' sawt or bread, or some ither lawful eatables, and tryin' to manteen a family. It's a sair sight to behold the raw and bloody skeleton, but what can ye do? Is your conscience perfectly secure, when you tak' the ragged deevil afore a magistrate, and fine him out o' his starvin' wife's and weans' support? Mind that I'm no arguin'-I'm only askin' a question-nor do I want ony answer. But when you see a weel-fed hulkin' fallow, savage for nae reason at a', against the beasts entrusted to him, knock him doon wi' a stick or a stane aff the causeway-and if you fractur' his skull, and he binna married, you've performed a good action, and by takin' the law into your ain hand, done the state some service.

NORTH.

Much evil is done the cause of humanity by indiscriminate and illogical abuse of pursuits or recreations totally dissimilar. I doubt if any person can be VOL. XIX.

3 S

really humane in heart, unless really sound in head. You hear people talk of angling as cruel.

SHEPHERD.

Fools-fools-waur than fools. It's a maist innocent, poetical, moral, and religious amusement. Gin I saw a fisher gruppin' creelfu' after creelfu' o' trouts, and then flingin' them a' awa amang the heather and the brackens on his way hame, I micht begin to suspec' that the idiot was by nature rather savage. But, as for me, I send presents to my freen's, and devour dizzens on dizzens every week in the family-maistly dune in the pan, wi' plenty o' fresh-butter and roun' meal-sae that prevents the possibility o' cruelty in my fishin', and in the fishin' o' a' reasonabie creatures.

NORTH.

It seems fox-hunting, too, is cruel.

SHEPHERD.

To wham? Is't cruel to dowgs, to feed fifty or sixty o' them on crackers and ither sorts o' food, in a kennel like a Christian house, wi' a clear burn flowin' through't, and to gie them twice a-week, or aftner, during the season, a brattlin' rin o' thretty miles after a fox? Is that cruelty to dowgs?

But the fox, James?

NORTH.

SHEPHERD.

We'll come to the fox by and by. Is't cruel to horses, to buy a hundred o' them for ae Hunt, rarely for less than a hundred pounds each, and aften for five hundred, to feed them on five or sax feeds o' corn per diem-and to gie them skins as sleek as satin-and to gar them nicher wi' fu'ness o' bluid, sae that every vein in their bodies starts like sinnies-and to gallop them like deevils in a hurricane, up hill and down brae, and loup or soom canals and rivers, and flee ower hedges, and dykes, and palings, like birds, and drive crashin' through woods like elephants or rhinoceroses-a' the while every coorser flingin' fire-flaughts frae his een, and whitenin' the sweat o' speed wi' the foam o' fury-I say, ca' you that cruelty tae horses, whan the Hunt charge with all their chivalry, and plain, mountain, or forest, are shook by the qua drupedal thunder?

But the fox, James?

NORTH.

SHEPHERD.

We'll come to the fox by and by. Is't cruel to men to inspirit wi' a rampagin' happiness five score o' the flower o' England or Scotland's youth, a' wi caps and red coats, and whups in their haun's-a troop of lauchin', tearin', tallyhoin', "wild and wayward humourists," as the Doctor ca'd them the tither Sunday?

I like the expression, James.

NORTH.

SHEPHERD.

So do I-or I would not have quoted it. But it's just as applicable to a set o' outrageous ministers, eatin' and drinkin', and guffawin', at a Presbytery denner.

But the fox, James?

NORTH.

SHEPHERD.

We'll come to the fox by and by. Is't cruel to the lambs, and leverets, and geese, and turkeys, and dyucks, and patricks, and wee birds, and ither animal eatables, to kill the fox that devoors them, and keeps them in perpetual het water?

But the fox, James?

NORTH.

SHEPHERD.

Deevil take baith you and the fox-I said that we would come to the fox by and by. Weel, then, wha kens that the fox is na away snorin' happy afore the houn's? I hae nae doubt he is, for a fox's no sae complete a coward as to think huntin' cruel, and his hail nature is then on the alert, which in itsel is happiness. Huntin' him prevents him fa'en into languor and ennui, and growin' ower fat on how-towdics. He's no killed every time he's hunted.