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explicable smell of animal, vegetable, No, none can ever be accustomed to and mineral matter! It is at the worst that; yet good springs out of evil, for during the latter part of the forenoon, the live rats could not endure it, and when everything has been got into emigrated to a friend's house, about a preparation for cookery. There is mile off, who has never had a sound then nothing savoury about the smell, night's rest from that day. We have it is dull, dead, ---almost catacomb not re-visited our Cottage for several ish. A small back-kitchen has it in its years; but time does wonders, and we power to destroy the sweetness of any were lately told by a person of some veCottage. Add a scullery, and the three racity, that the smell was then nearly are omnipotent. Of the eternal clash- gone,--but our informant is a gentleing of pots, pans, plates, trenchers, man of blunted olfactory nerves, haand general crockery, we now say no- ving been engaged from seventeen to thing; indeed, the sound somewhat seventy in a soap-work. relieves the smell, and the ear comes Smoke too! More especially that occasionally in to the aid of the nose. mysterious and infernal sort, called Such noises are Godsends; but not so back-smoke! The old proverb, “ No. the scolding of cook and butler,--at smoke without fire,” is a base lie. We first low and tetchy, with pauses,
have seen smoke without fire in every then sharp, but still interrupted,-by room in a most delightful Cottage we and by loud and ready in reply,-fi- once inhabited during the dog-days. nally a discordant gabble of vulgar fu-'. The moment you rushed for refuge ry, like maniacs quarrelling in bedlam. even into a closet, you were blinded Hear it you must,--you and all the and stifled ; nor shall we ever forget strangers. To explain it away is im our horror on being within an ace of possible; and your fear is, that Alecto, smotheration in the cellar. At last, Tisiphone, or Megæra, will come fly we groped our way into the kitchen. ing into the parlour with a bloody Neither cook nor jack was visible. cleaver, dripping with the butler's.. We heard, indeed, a whirring and rebrains. During the time of the quar volving noise--and then suddenly Gir. rel, the spit has been standing still, zie swearing through the mist.' Yet. and a jigot of the five-year-old black all this while people were admiring our face burnt on one side to a cinder. Cottage from a distance, and especial“ To dinner with what appetite you ly this self-same accursed back-smoke, may.”
some portions of which had made an It would be quite unpardonable to excursion up the chimneys, and was forget one especial smell which irre wavering away in a spiral form to the trievably ruined our happiness during sky, in a style captivating to Mr Price a whole summer,--the smell of a dead on the Picturesque. rat. The accursed vermin died some No doubt, there are many things where in the Cottage ; but whether. very romantic about a Cottage. Creepbeneath a floor, within lath and plas ers, for example. Why, sir, these ter, or in roof, baffled the conjectures creepers are the most mischievous nuis of the most sagacious. The whole fa sance that can afflict a family. There mily used to walk about the Cottage is no occasion for mentioning names, for hours every day, snuffing on a tra but-devil take all parasites. Some of vel of discovery ; and we distinctly re the rogues will actually grow a couple member the face of one elderly maid of inches upon you in one day's time; en-lady at the moment she thought and when all other honest plants are she had traced the source of the fumée asleep, the creepers are hard at it all to the wall behind a window-shutter. night long, stretching out their toes But even at the very same instant we and their fingers, and catching an inourselves had proclaimed it with open extricable hold of every wall they can nostril from a press in an opposite reach, till, finally, you see them thruste corner. Terriers were procured, but ing their impudent heads through the the dog Billy himself would have been very slates. Then, like other lowat fault. To pull down the whole Cot- břed creatures, they are covered with tage would have been difficult,--at vermin. All manner of moths--the least to build it up again would have most grievous grubs-slimy slugsbeen so ; so we had to submit. Cus spiders spinning toils to ensnare the tom, they say, is second nature, but caterpillar-earwigs and slaters, that not when a dead rat is in the house, would raise the gorge of a country cu
rate-wood-lice-the slaver of gowk's bathe the walls with their various and spittle-midges-jocks-with-the-many- inimitable lustre. legs--in short, the whole plague of Everything is romantic that is pasinsects infest that-Virgin's bower. toral--and what more pastoral than Open the lattice for half-an-hour, and sheep? Accordingly, living in a Cotyou find yourself in an entymological tage, you kill your own mutton. Great museum. Then, there are no pins fix- lubberly Leicesters or South-Downs ing down the specimens. All these bee are not worth the mastication, so you tles are alive, more especially the enor- keep the small black-face. Stone-walls mous blackguard crawling behind your are ugly things, you think, near a Cot
A moth plumps into your tum tage, so you have rails or hurdles. bler of cold negus, and goes whirling Day and night are the small blackround in meal, till he makes absolute face, out of pure spite; bouncing porritch. As you open your mouth in through or over all impediments, after amazement, the large blue-bottle-fly, an adventurous leader, and despising having made his escape from the spin the daisied turf, keep nibbling away ders, and seeing that not a moment is at all your rare flowering shrubs, till to be lost, precipitates himself head- your avenue is a desolation. Every foremost down your throat, and is felt, twig has its little ball of wool, and after a few ineffectual struggles, set- it is a rare time for the nest-makers. tling in despair at the very bottom of You purchase a colley, but he comyour stomach. Still, no person will be promises the affair with the fleecy naso unreasonable as to deny that creep- tion, and contents himself with barkers on a Cottage are most beautiful. ing all night long at the moon, if there For the sake of their beauty, some lit- happen to be one, if not, at the firmatle sacrifices must be made of one's ment of his kennel. You are too hus comforts, especially as it is only for one inane to hang or drown Luath, so you half of the year, and last really was a give him to a friend. But Luath is in most delightful summer.
love with the cook, and pays her nightHow truly romantic is a thatch ly visits. Afraid of being entrapped, roof! The eaves how commodious for should he step into the kennel, he sparrows! What a paradise for rats takes
his station, after supper, on and mice! What a comfortable colony a knoll within ear-range, and pointof vermin! They all bore their own ing his snou to the stars, joins the tunnels in every direction, and the music of the spheres, and is himself a whole interior becomes a Cretan laby- perfect Sirius. The gardener at last riuth. Frush, frush becomes the whole gets orders to shoot him—and the gun cover in a few seasons; and not a bird being somewhat rusty, bursts and can open his wing, not a rat switch blows off his left hand so that Anhis tail, without scattering the straw drew Fairservice retires on a pension. Like chaff. Eternal repairs ! Look. Of all breeds of cattle we most ad. when you will, and half-a-dozen wire the Alderney. They are slim, thatchers are riding on the rigging : of delicate, wild-deer-looking creatures, all operatives they are most inoperative. that give an air to a Cottage. But Then there is always one of the num they are most capricious milkers. Of ber descending the ladder for a horn course you make your own butter; of ale! Without warning, the straw is that is to say, with the addition of all used up; and no more fit for the seven or eight purchased pounds weekpurpose can be got within twenty ly, you are not very often out of that miles. They hint heather—and you commodity. Then, once or twice in sigh for slate the beautiful sky-blue, a summer, they suddenly lose their sea-green, Ballahulish slate! But the temper, and chase the governess and summer is nearly over and gone, and your daughters over the edge of a grayou must be flitting back to the city vel-pit. Nothing they like so much so you let the job stand over to as the tender sprouts of cauliflower, spring, and the soaking rains and nor do they abhor green pease. The shows of a long winter search the garden-hedge is of privet, a pretty cottage to its heart's-core, and every fence, and fast growing, but not for floor is ere long laden with a crop of midable to a four-year-old. On going fungi—the bed-posts are ornamented to eat a few gooseberries by sunrise, curiously with lichens, and mosses you start a covey of cows, that in their
alarm plunge înto the hot-bed with a upright and erudite judges by bees, smash, as if all the glass in the island which stung him to death in a wood, had been broken-and rushing out at while he was going the circuit. About the gate at the critical instant little a year afterwards, we read in the same Tommy is tottering in, they leave the newspaper,
" We are afraid we have heir-apparent, scarcely deserving that lost another judge by bees ;” and then name, half hidden in the border. There followed a somewhat affrightful deis no sale for such outlandish animals scription of the assassination of anoin the home-market, and it is not Mar- ther American Blackstone by the same tinmas, so you must make a present of insects. We could not fail to sympathem to the president or five-silver-cup- thise with both sufferers, for in the man of an agricultural society, and re summer of 1811 (that of the famous ceive, in return, a sorry red-round, comet) we ourselves had nearly shared desperately salt-petred, at Christmas. the same fate. Our Newfoundlander
What is a Cottage in the country, upset a hive in his vagaries—and the unless “ your banks are all furnished whole swarm unjustly attacked us. with bees, whose murmurs invite one The buzz was an absolute roar-and to sleep?" There the hives stand, like for the first time in our lives we were four-and-twenty fiddlers all in a row. under a cloud. Such bizzing in our Not a more harmless insect in all this hair! and of what avail were fiftyworld than a bee. Wasps are devils times-washed nankeen breeches against incarnate, but bees are fleshly sprites, the Polish Lancers ? With our trusty as amiable as industrious. You are crutch we made thousands bite the strolling along, in delightful mental dust—but the wounded and dying vacuity, looking at a poem of Barry crawled up our legs, and stung us Cornwall's, when smack comes an in- cruelly over the lower regions. At furiated honey-maker against your last we took to flight, and found sheleye-lid, and plunges into
the for ter in the ice-house. But it seemed tieth part of an inch of sting saturated as if a new hive had been disturbed in venom. The wretch clings to your in that cool grotto. Again we sallied lid like a burr, and it feels as if he out, stripping off garment after garhad a million claws to hold him on ment, till, in puris naturalibus, we while he is darting his weapon into leaped into a window, which happenyour eye-ball. Your banks are indeed ed to be that of the drawing-room, well furnished with bees, but their where a large party of ladies and murmurs do not invite you to sleep; gentlemen were awaiting the dinneron the contrary, away you fly, like a bell—but fancy must dream the rest. madman, bolt into your wife's room, We now offer a Set of the Magazine and roar out for the recipe. The whole to any scientific character who will of one side of your face is most ab answer this seemingly simple question surdly swollen, while the other is in what is Damp? Quicksilver is a statu quo. One eye is dwindled away joke to it, for getting into or out of to almost nothing, and is peering forth any place. Capricious as damp is, it is from its rainbow-coloured envelope, faithful in its affection to all Cottages while the other is open as day to ornées. What more pleasant than a melting charity, and shining over a bow-window? You had better, howcheek of the purest crimson. Infatu ever, not sit with your back against ated man! Why could you not pure the wall, for it is as blue and ropey as chase your honey? Jemmy Thomson, that of a charnel-house. Probably the poet, would have let you have it, the wall is tastily papered-a vine-leaf from Habbie's-Howe, the true Penta pattern perhaps-or something spriggy land elixir, for five shillings the pint; -or in the aviary line-or, mayhap, , for during this season both the hea- hay-makers, or shepherds piping in ther and the clover were prolific of the the dale. But all distinctions are levelhoney-dew, and the Skeps rejoiced led in the mould-Phyllis has a black over all Scotland on a thousand hills. patch over her eye, and Strephon
We could tell many stories about seems to be playing on a pair of belbees, but that would be leading us lows. Damp delights to descend chimaway from the main argument. We neys, and is one of "smoke's most remember reading in an American powerful auxiliaries. It is a thousand newspaper, some years ago, that the pities you hung up-just in that unUnited States lost one of their most luckyspot-Grecian Williams's Thebes
-for now one of the finest water-co. mitted half a dozen more patients. The Jour paintings in the world is not visitors politely request to be favoured worth six-and-eightpence. There is with a plan of so very commodious a no living in the country without a Cottage, but silently swear never again library. Take down, with all due to sleep in a house of one story, till caution, that enormous tome, the Ex life's brief tale be told. cursion, and let us hear something of But not one half the comforts of a the Pedlar. There is an end to the Cottage have yet been enumerated invention of printing: Lo and behold, nor shall they be by us at the present blank verse indeed! You cannot help juncture. Suffice it to add, that the turning over twenty leaves at once, strange coachman had been persuaded for they are all amalgamated in must to put up his horses in the outhouses, and mouldiness. Lord Byron himself instead of taking them to an excellent is no better than an Egyptian mum inn about two miles off. The old my; and the Great Unknown ad. black, long-tailed steeds, . that had dresses you in hieroglyphics.
dragged the vehicle for nearly twenty We have heard different opinions years, had been lodged in what was maintained on the subject of damp called the Stable, and
the horse behind sheets. For our own part, we always had been introduced into the byre. wish to feel the difference between As bad luck would have it, a small,sheets and cearments. We hate every sick, and surly shelty was in his stall; thing clammy. It is awkward, on leap- and without the slightest provocation, ing out of bed to admire the moon, to
to he had, during the night-watches, so drag along with you, glued round the handled his heels against Mr Fox, that body and members, the whole para he had not left the senior a leg to phernalia of the couch. It can never stand
while he had bit a lump be good for rheumatism-problema- out of the buttocks of Mr Pitt little tical even for fever. Now, be can less than an orange. A cow,
afraid of did–Did you ever sleep in perfectly her calf, had committed an assault on dry sheets in a Cottage ornée ? You the roadster, and tore up his flank would not like to say “ No, never,
with her crooked horn as clean as if it in the morning-privately, to host or had been a ripping chisel. The party hostess. But confess. publicly, and had to proceed with post-horses; and trace your approaching retirement from although Mr Gray be at once one of all the troubles of this life, to the di. the most skilful and most modest of mity-curtained cubiculum on Tweed veterinary surgeons, his bill was nearside.
ly as long as that of a proctor. Mr Fox We know of few events so restorative gave up the ghost-Mr Pitt was put as the arrival of a coachful of one's on the superannuated list-and Joseph friends, if the house be roomy. But Hume, the hack, was sent to the dogs. if everything there be on a small scale, To this condition then we must how tremendous a sudden importation come at last, that if you build at all of live cattle! The children are all in the country, it must be a mansion trundled away out of the Cottage, and three stories high, at the lowesttheir room given up to the young la large airy rooms-roof of slates and dies, with all its enigmatical and em lead-and walls of the free-stone or blematical wall-tracery. The captain the Roman cement. No small blackis billetted in the boudoir, on a shake- faces, no Alderneys, no bee-hives. down. My lady's maid must posi- Buy all your vivers, and live like a tively pass the night in the butler's gentleman. Seldom or never be withpantry, and the valet makes a dormia out a houseful of company. If you tory of the store-room. Where the manage your family matters properly, old gentleman and his spouse have you may have your time nearly as been disposed of, remains as contro- much at your own disposal, as if you versial a point as the authorship of were the greatest of hunkses, and neJunius; but next morning at the ver gave but unavoidable dinners. Let breakfast-table, it appears that all the breakfast-gong sound at ten o'clock have survived the night, and the hospi- -quite soon enough. The young peotable hostess remarks, with a self-com- ple will have been romping about the placent smile, that small as the Cote parlours or the purlieus for a couple tage appears, it has wonderful accom of hours and will all make their apmodation, and could have easily ada pearance in the beauty of high health
and high spirits. Chat away as long becoming drowsily unanimous. Withas need be, after muffins and mutton out the fillup of a little scandal, hoham, in small groups on sofas and nest people would fall asleep; and settees—and then slip you away to surely it is far preferable to that to. your library, to add a chapter to your abuse one's friends with moderation. novel, or your history, or to any other Even Literature and the Belles Let-, task that is to make you immortal. tres are not entirely useless ; and our Let gigs and curricles draw up in the human life would be as dull as that of circle, and the wooing and betrothed Mr Rogers, without a few occasional wheel away across a few parishes. Let Noctes Ambrosianæ. the pedestrians saunter off into the But the title of our article recalls our woods or to the hill-side—the anglers wandering thoughts, and our talk must be off to loch or river. No great harm be of Cottages. Now, think not, bea; even in a game or two at billiards--if loved reader, that we care not for Cotsuch be of any the cue-sagacious tages, for that would indeed be a gross spinsters of a certain age, staid dowa- mistake. But our very affections are gers, and bachelors of sedentary habits, philosophical ; our sympathies have all may have recourse, without blame, to their source in reason; and our adthe chess or back-gammon board. At miration always built on the foun. two the lunch-and at six the dinner. dation of truth. Taste, and feeling, gong will bring the whole flock toge- and thought, and experience, and ther, all dressed-mind that all dress- knowledge of this life's concerns, are ed, for slovenliness is an abomination. all indispensable to the true delights Let no elderly gentleman, however the imagination experiences in beholdbilious and rich, seek to monopolize a ing a beautiful bona fide Cottage. It young lady—but study the nature of must be the dwelling of the poor ; and things. Champaigne, of course, and it is that which gives it its whole chaif not all the delicacies, at least all the racter. By the poor, we mean not substantialities, of the season. Join paupers, beggars; but families who, the ladies in about two hours—a little to eat, must work, and who, by works, elevated or so-almost imperceptibly ing, may still be able to eat. Plain, but still a little elevated or so--then coarse, not scanty, but unsuperfluous music-whispering in corners--if fare is theirs from year's-end to year'smoonlight and stars, then an hour'sout- end, excepting some decent and grateof-door study of astronomy-no very ful change on chance holidays of naa. regular supper-but an appearance of ture's own appointment, a wedding, plates and tumblers, and to bed, to or a christening, or a funeral. Yes, happy dreams and slumbers light, at a funeral; for when this mortal coil the witching hour. Let no gentleman has been shuffled off, why should the or lady snore, if it can be avoided, lest hundreds of people that come trooping they annoy the crickets; and if you over muirs and mosses to see the body hear any extraordinary noise round deposited, walk so many miles, and and round about the mansion, be not lose a whole day's work, without a alarmed, for why should not the owls dinner? And, if there be a dinner, choose their own hour of revelry ? should it not be a good one? And if
Fond as we are of the country, we a good one, will the company not be would not, had we our option, live social ? But this is a subject for a fue there all the year round. We should ture article, nor need such article be just wish to linger into the winter of other than of a cheerful character. about as far as the middle of Decem- Poverty then is the builder and beau. ber-then to a city-say at once Edin- tifier of all huts and cottages. But burgh. There is as good skating- the views of honest poverty are always ground, and as good curling-ground, at hopeful and prospective. Strength of Lochend and Duddingstone, as any- muscle and strength of mind form a where in all Scotland-nor is there truly Holy Alliance; and the future anywhere else better beef and greens. brightens before the stedfast.eyes of There is no perfection anywhere, but contentment. Therefore, when a house Edinburgh society is excellent. We is built in the valley, or on the hillside, are certainly agreeable citizens; with - be it that of the poorest cottar,– just a sufficient spice of party spirit to there is some little room, or nook, or season the feast of reason and the flow spare place, which hope consecrates to of soul, and to prevent society from the future. Better times may come,