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STRAIGHT.

Huntsman (to Boy, who is riding his Second Horse). "HI, THERE! WHAT THE DOOSE ARE YER DOIN' OF WITH THAT SECOND 'Oss?" Boy (Irish, and only just come to the Hunt Stables from a Racing Establishment). "ARRAH THIN, IF OI ROIDES OI ROIDES TO WIN! AND DIVIL A SECOND IS HE GOIN' TO BE AT ALL, AT ALL!!"

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OLD PODLER'S PREDICTIONS FOR 1894.

HIS NINETY-SEVENTH ANNUAL ADDRESS.

YET once more, Reader, doth OLD PODLER assume his prophetic pen and essay to probe the unfathomable veil of Futurity! He is not so young as he used to be, and the early date at which this Almanack goes to press renders his task more arduous than what it has been in the habit of being in days of yore. Consequently, this year he will not attempt to forecast coming events for the entire Universe as on previous occasions, but intends to restrict his vision entirely to the destinies of the great Metropolis in which he pursues his scientific avocations. Readers are kindly requested not to call upon OLD PODLER at the Punch office, as he does not reside there, and it only worries the Proprietors, and might terminate in his services being abruptly dispensed with. But to our task.

January.-At the period of Lunation Jupiter will be setting in the middle of Scorpio, the end of which will be rising, when Jupiter will be himself in the ascendant, which OLD PODLER very much fears presignifies grave internal complications in the mechanism of the Automatic Sweetmeat Machines at one or more of the principal Underground Railway Stations. Uranus, in a quartile aspect with the Sun and Moon, now plagues Piccadilly and afflicts the Beadle of a well-known Arcade with chickenpox. Jupiter approaching Taurus is fraught with evil for the Clown at Drury Lane Pantomime and the Archbishop of CANTERBURY, who are warned to abstain from acidulated drops. Male persons whose birth occurred between ten and seventeen years ago may expect towards the end of the month a complete change in their habits and surroundings, and-unless OLD PODLER is greatly deceivedthe change will not be for the better.

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Stage Manager at Amateur Rehearsal (interrupting). "STOP A MINUTE THAT WON'T DO AT ALL! THIS IS OUR LAST REHEARSAL, YU KNOW, AND WE MUST GET IT RIGHT. WHEN SIR HILARY ENTERS, AND SAYS, SURRENDER YOUR LOVELY BURDEN, MY LORD!' ARAMINTA HAS FAINTED, AND LORD SANSFOY IS CARRYING HER IN HIS ARMS INTO THE COTTAGE. NOW THEN, AGAIN, PLEASE!"

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OLD PODLER'S PREDICTIONS FOR 1894. February.--The Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Herschel will all be in the 5th house together, which being so fully occupied, we may expect grave scandals affecting a certain institution which OLD PODLER does not feel himself at liberty to particularise more fully. Venus in the 3rd will trouble the Shaftesbury Memorial Fountain, which will be the object of anonymous letters attacking its respectability. About the middle of the month there will be an epidemic of swine fever in the Lowther Arcade. Parliament will re-assemble, and the neighbourhood of Westminster will be startled by some serious escapes of gas in the immediate vicinity. The passage of Uranus through Leo convulses Clapham to its foundations.

Weather sultry, with frosts (locally).

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