"Now that's very odd indeed," said TOMLINSON. "Just as you came up PARKER SMITH said to me 'Here comes TOMMY BOWLES good fellow; means well; but don't you think he 's making himself something of a bore ?'"

66

So PARKER SMITH lost his chance, and perhaps will never know how or why. Thinking of these things 'tis quaint to find TOMMY turning and biting the hand which, so to speak, held for him the Parliamentary bottle. 'Et tu, Bowlsey!" GRANDOLPH sighed again, thinking of the days that are no more. "But I ought to have remembered that he who plays at BOWLES must expect rubbers." Business done.-TOMMY declines to make room for his Uncle GRANDOLPH; even rudely repulses avuncular advances.

Tuesday-SEXTON magnanimously relieved Mr. G., JOHN MORLEY, and, by implication, SQUIRE OF MALWOOD and other Members, from embarrassing imputation. Sometimes, when gentlemen in PRINCE ARTHUR'S suite have nothing nastier to say, they sketch lurid pictures of Mr. G. and the rest drawn at wheels of SEXTON'S chariot. All very well, they say, to talk of Cabinet Meetings, and statesmanship at Irish Office. The

real boss, as TIM would put it, the arbiter of situation, is SEX

TON. When these things are said, JOHN MORLEY smiles grimly; Mr. G. pretends not to hear; SQUIRE OF MALWOOD audibly raps fingers on his manly breast; Liberals cheer ironically; SEXTON blushes, and looks across to see if JOHN REDMOND is listening.

To-night he feels this thing has gone far enough. There may, perhaps, be some smat

another this year. Shall go away now for a bit of a holiday to
recruit."

Business done.-Got through Clauses Home-Rule Bill. Shall
begin now to pick up dropped threads.

金

Friday. Not heard much lately of HENNIKER-HEATON. Com-
pared with what my dear old friend RAIKES used to suffer from this
quarter, ARNOLD MORLEY'S withers are unwrung. "You've not
given up the crusade, have you?" I asked HENNIKER, meeting him
in the Lobby just now.
"No," he said; "I do not mean to rest till not only I get Ocean
Penny Postage, but have introduced at home a smaller but much-
needed reform. Custom here at Christmas is, as I daresay you
know, to give postman present.
That I hold to be a criminal
reversal of natural course of
events. It's the Post-Office
should give its customers a
Christmas box, as in some
places doth the grocer and eke
the milkman. This tax upon
the general public on behalf of
a department of the State is
another evidence of the grasping
disposition of St. Martin's-le-
Grand. I'll be up and at 'em
again soon. Fact is, of late
I've had my own troubles.
Have mentioned them in letter
to Times, so don't mind talking
to you on a subject that has
brought me from unknown
admirers many expressions of
sympathy, the comfort of which
has, it is true, been somewhat
lessened by the fact that post-
age was unpaid. It's this
Australian Bank business. You
know the proud motto of that
great Colony beyond the Sea,
Advance, Australia!' Well,

having lived there sometime, I thought it only polite to fall in
with the suggestion. I advanced Australia a good deal of money
in the way of purchase of bank stock, which has melted away like
snow on the river. CURRAN 's in the same box: but we shall get
over this, and you may bet a shilling postage-stamp to a half-
penny newspaper-cover we 'll Advance Australia no more.
Business done.-Entered last compartment Home-Rule Bill.

"He declared that there was no foundation for the imputation." tering of truth in it; but its disclosure cannot be pleasant to his right hon. friends on Treasury Bench. Accordingly SEXTON rose, and, taking Mr. G. by the hand, as it were, and giving a finger to JOHN MORLEY, declared that there was no foundation for the imputation. It was true he had from time to time offered suggestions, the appositeness and value of which it was not for him to determine. Occasionally they might have been accepted by the Government. That was due not to the pressure of dictation, but to the force of reason. Mr. MORLEY was a statesman not unacquainted with affairs, whilst Mr. G. had reached an age at which he might be trusted with some share in the conduct of a Bill. He could assure the House that

he was not, in this matter, dictator. Such a charge was, he added, in burst of uncompromising self-abnegation, "imbecile."

"And they say," cried WEBSTER, for him unusually mixed,

"that Irishmen have no sense of humour."

Business done.-SEXTON generously puts Mr. G. right in eyes of Universe.

Thursday Night.-Been remarked of late, in quarter behind Front Opposition Bench, that THEOBALD has appeared preternaturally preoccupied. Thought he was brooding over the drought, or the prospects of Home Rule. Secret out to-night. Been concocting a joke; taken him some time; but, then, consider the quality. Some weeks ago order issued in Ireland prohibiting hoisting of flags on hotels, and other private buildings. THEOBALD diligently concentrating his thoughts upon this fresh iniquity, gradually worked out his joke. Appeared on paper to-night in shape of question addressed to JOHN MORLEY. Supposing (so it runs) HER MAJESTY should visit Ireland, and stay in an hotel, would the Government take measures to legalise the hoisting of the Royal Standard on the building? Delightful to watch THEOBALD when he had fired this bolt; fixed his eye attentively on Mr. G., to see how he took it, the paper in his hand trembling with excitement. Didn't often make joke; doesn't remember a former occasion. Work somewhat exhausting, especially in hot weather; but when he did take his coat off and set to it must be admitted he turned out a rare article. All very well for JOHN MORLEY to affect to make light of the business. Not very probable that when the QUEEN visited Ireland she would put up at an hotel; a hypothetical question; deal with the question when it arises, and all the rest of Ministerial commonplaces. THEOBALD's shaft had gone home, and when he saw Mr. G. wince, and SQUIRE OF MALWOOD grow pale, he felt that the continuous labour of nights and days was rewarded.

a

"Didn't think I could do it," he said when I warmly congratulated him. "Not used to that sort of thing, you know. Never know what you can do till you try. A little hard at first. The thing is to keep pegging away. Still, I'm glad it's over.

Shan't try

"VOCES STELLARUM."

A GREAT crowd of theatrical astronomers and star-gazers assembled at the Lyceum Observatory last Saturday night for the purpose of of the first magnitude, ELLEN TERRY one of the brightest of the astral watching the movements of the brilliant Lyceum group. HENRY IRVING all of whom we shall be unable to reckon as among the "Fixed bodies, and the Mars-like TERRIS, with the other lesser brilliancies, American tour. Enthusiastic reception from all parts of the House Stars" until next Spring, when they shall have returned from their of IRVING-BECKET's parting address, which he delivered, standing before the Curtain, in his monk's habit (one of the old Orders, "not admitted after seven "), and wearing the pallium, which is the special and peculiar "property" of the Lyceum See. Mr. Punch wishes them" Bon voyage," and many happy "returns" after every performance, ending with the happiest return of all, their reappearance at the Lyceum.

CONS. FOR THE CHAIR.
On very Old Models.

44

"?

keep his head cool. Q. When is a
Q. WHY should a MELLOR put on a "considering cap'
p"?-4. To
66 Chair "" not a "Chair"
4. When it is "sat upon." Q. When does the Closure a Premier
Noes" above the "Ayes."
surprise ?-A. When he finds the
Q. Where was PEEL when he put the SEXTON out P-4. In a passion.
Q. Why does an angry Party "cross" the House ?-A. To get on
the other side.

An Unpleasant Paradox.

THAT "great conflagration" at "Simmery Axe"
Brings woe to the burthened with Rate and Tax,
For it tells him that Rating must still go higher-
He must raise the Wind" to keep down the Fire!

66

GOOD LEGAL SECURITIES.-De-Benchers of Lincoln's Inn.

T

DESIGN FOR A STAINED-GLASS WINDOW FOR WESTMINSTER, BY W. E. G. ["Would his right hon. friend excuse his suggesting an aualogy of the character which he bore with that which was systematically assumed, he believed, under ancient rules, in the Court of Rome... when it was proposed, in consequence of the peculiar excellence of some happy human being who had departed this life, to raise him... to the order of the saints... there was always brought into the Court a gentleman who went... under the name of devil's advocate. His peculiar function was to go through the career of the proposed saint, to seize upon and magnify every human failing or error, to misconstrue everything that was capable of misconstruction. ... That was the case of his right hon. friend."-Mr. Gladstone on Mr. Chamberlain.

-CONF-ROWING, ONE TIME!"

A TRIAL OF FAITH.
-WHAT THE- DO A LOT OF-
(Though angry blunderheads will twist it that
way)

Bertie (at intervals). "I USED TO-
"THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE."
Old Parliamentary Pictor soliloquiseth :-
"As when a painter, poring on a face,

Divinely thro' all hindrance finds the man
Behind it, and so paints him that his face,
The shape and colour of a mind and life,
Lives for his children, ever at its best
And fullest."

AYE, my ALFRED, there you hit
The portrait-painter's function to a hair;
And here I hit the essential inner JOE.

And so he'll live. But 66 ever at his best, And fullest ?" Humph! His Brummagem retinue

Some call

Will scarce acknowledge that.
him "JUDAS,"
But that is rude, and leads to shameful rows.
Chaff is one thing and insolence another;
E'en caricature may pass, so that it's impulse
Be humorous not malevolent; but coarse
spleen,

Taking crude shape in truthless graphic
slander,

Is boyish work,-bad manners and bad art!
And so TAY PAY transgressed the bounds of
taste,

And led to shameful shindy. HEROD?
Humph!

That flout "lacked finish," as great DIZZY
said,

He pricked, not stabbed, was fencer, not
brute-bruiser,

But he of Brummagem hath much to learn
In gentlemanly sword-play.
"Devil's Advocate !"
That hits him off, I think! Not Devil,-no!

But ruthless slater of the pseudo-saint!
The pseudo-saint, Iown, looks limp and floppy,
Half-fledged and awkward at the cherub role.
Poor saint! He's had much mauling, must
have more,

Ere he assumes the nimbus, and I would
That he looked less lop-sided. Yes, my JoE!
You'll spot some "human failings" I've no

doubt.

To exercise your "double million magnifyin'
Gas microscopes of hextra power" upon.
Your 'wision" is not "limited" by

66

doors"

deal

Or "flights o' stairs," or friends, or facts, or
fairness,

You hardly need suggestions diabolic
From that hook-nosed attorney at your elbow
To urge you to the attack; erect, alert,
Orchid-adorned, and eye-glass-armed, you
stand

The sharpest, shrewdest, most acidulous,
Dapper and dauntless "Devil's Advocate"
That ever blackened a poor "saint" all over
Othello-wise, or robbed a postulant
For canonisation of a hopeful chance
Of full apotheosis, and the right
Of putting on the nimbus.

There, 'tis finished;
And-on the whole 'twere well I had not
limned it!

'Twas tempting, yes, and pleasant in the
painting,

But well, I've paid for it, and much mis

doubt

If it was worth the price. Followers applaud,
I-suffer. Oh, that mob of scuffling men,
Clawing and cursing, while the gallery hissed!

Hissed-not a pothouse outpour in full fight,
Not clamorous larrikins, or rowdy roughs
By prize-ring or on race-course fired with
drink,

But England's Commons settling-with their
fists

A Constitutional Contest! Shame, O shame! And much I fear my Art must somewhat share the blame ! [Left lamenting.

FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

"Mrs. Tanqueray has left town."
THEY talk of ALEXANDER
And Mrs. Tanque-ray,
Now who would raise my dander
Will just abuse that play.
For few there are

That can compare
Well,-if so, give their names,-
With Mrs. Tanque-ray

Who has just gone away
From the Theatre of St. James.

MRS. R. says that of all SHAKSPEARE'S plays produced at the Lyceum, she liked Henry the Eighth the best, because of the character of Cardinal Bullseye, which Mr. IRVING played so sweetly.

STATUES OF THE TWO NEW PARLIAMENTARY GIANTS TO BE ERECTED AS GUARDING THE HOUSE OF COMMONS.-Gag and Maygag.

THEATRICAL PEDESTRIAN MATCH.-Match between two" Walking Gentlemen." Date not yet fixed. Stake-holder" Walker, London."