MUSIC AND LAW. ""TWAS IN TRAFALGAR"'S THEATRE. DURING a recent trial, Mr. EDWARD SOLOMON, the plaintiff testified that his work was worth to him about thirty-nine pounds As in the case of the old farcical play The Three Hunchbacks, per diem. "Why," exclaimed Mr. Justice LAWRANCE, "if you write on which an opéra bouffe was founded, and of all plays ancient and a good many (what ?) it is better than" Whereupon inter-modern depending for their success on the exact physical resemposed Mr. PAUL TAYLOR, Counsel for the plaintiff," Better than the blance existing between three distinct persons, directly the audience Bar, my lord." (Laughter.) Why, of course, Mr. PAUL TAYLOR! has grasped the fact, they enter heartily into the humour of the Was there no one in Court with knowledge of the simplest arith- complications. Now, in Tom, Dick and Harry, the audience, metic sufficient to inform you that to work at several bars must be having once mastered and allowed the given thesis, viz., that worth much more than to work at one Bar? Hasn't Sir ARTHUB SULLIVAN, by composing the lightest possible operas in the world, achieved that best of all "possible probable" tunes, a for-tune, that even a judge, whether of music or at law, might envy? Why, certainly. And the GILLIVAN-SULBERT Savoyards could, if they liked, tell Judge LAWRANCE that " thirty-nine pounds per diem is not an over-estimate of the share apportioned to each of the three leading scions of the House of the Savoy, composer, librettist, and manager, during the run of one of their real successes, such, for example, as was The Mikado. 'Tis a pity Composer SOLOMON did not call Composer SULLIVAN to testify to what might be the pecuniary value of a successful composition. We wish the deserving TAYLOR better luck with the next suit he takes in hand. OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. GOOD supply of all sorts of game at Christmas, and especially from the preserves of Messrs. DE LA RUE. Try "Animal Snap' and see how you like it. Thanks to DEAN AND SON-i.e., Senior DEAN and Junior DEAN-for their Golden Hours, The Prize, Peeps into Paradise, and The Venetian As we Sweep" is by that true Horse Marine (if there is anything in a name), yclept Dr. GORDON STABLES, R.N. The Baroness recommends The Rosebud Annual. A lovely posy of pictures and tales to be found on the shelf of JAMES CLARKE & Co., Publishers, and, the Baroness supposes, Nursery Gardeners. Natural this," quoth a Baronite, here is a Miss Parson's Adventures told by a Clark RUSSELL!" If you want it send to CHAPMAN AND HALL. And all the Baronites say many thanks to MACMILLAN & Co. for a delightful new edition of Miss MARY MITFORD RUSSELL'S Our Village. Our compliments to Mrs. LOVETT CAMERON on A Tragic Blunder. A blow given by mistake to the wrong person nearly ruins the entire happiness of several people, but it all comes right at the end of two vols. from Mrs. CAMERON's pen. It is a nice light entertainment with which to while away an hour or two. "I like Richard Escott," says the Baron, laying down the Macmillanitish one-volume novel of that name written by E. H. COOPER. **It is an interesting story, and might be the first of a series similar to the Rougon Macquart family, as, when this tale finishes, there are sufficient Escotts alive to carry on the story of their family through many generations, only, unfortunately, the date of this story cannot be taken further back than, say, about ten years ago, if that. To give the family breathing-time, we should require some stories about the Escorts under Queen ANNE and the GEORGES, and then we could return to the fortunes of the sons and daughters of the Richard Escott. Mr. CHARLES HAWTREY, Mr. ERNEST PERCY, and Mr. ARTHUR PLAYFAIR are 80 exactly alike that even their own wives and sweethearts are unable to distinguish one Antipholus from another Antipholus, and both or either from a third Antipholus, then the fun of the confusion gains upon them, and Mrs. R. PACHECO's three-act farce at the Trafalgar Square Theatre gives the spectators fits, which assume the proportion of convulsions of laughter absolutely dangerous to the safety of various individuals. For this deponent can testify to the effect of the fun of the farce on a small boy in a box, who literally jumped with joyquite a little Jack-in-theBox-and in his excitement would have precipitated himself into the stalls, but for the united energies of the family party, which retained him amongst them by sheer force. He had been less wildly enthusiastic about Pickwick, owing, perAn "Up to Date" Young Man. haps, to the restraining presence of Tommy Bardell, whose appearance on the stage the Boy in the Box might, perhaps, have been inclined to view with disfavour, though giving a rapturous welcome to Miss JESSIE BOND's charming impersonation of Mrs. Bardell, to Mr. LITTLE'S life-like Pickwick, and to Mr. CHARLES HAWTREY'S sentimental towards Tommy by cordially applauding Mr. EDWARD SOLOMON'S but sulky Baker. However he made up for any show of envy catching melodies, which are not less humourously than skilfully orchestrated; and his (I am still speaking of the Boy in the the house, and was a real treat to witness, culminating as it did in a Box) genuine applause throughout the evening quite led that of volcanic eruption of irrepressible joy at the conclusion of the second act of Tom, Dick and Harry. Miss VANE FEATHERSTON, the Misses ESMOND and WILLIAMS, the ever-clever Miss SOPHIE LARKIN, in a specially good-and Mr. JOHN BEAUCHAMP, who quite revives the difficult part, Mr. W. F. HAWTREY as Dr. Wagner, the Specialistotherwise worn-out peppery stage-Indian General of old Haymarket and Adelphi farces, all do their very best, and, with Mr. C. HAWTREY,-make the piece what it is, a thorough-going success. At least such is the opinion of THE OTHER BOY. THE WESTMINSTER PLAY. FOR three or four centuries Westminster's taught us Alma Mater of Comedy truly's the "Dorter," "With fear and trembling, yet with a sensation of enjoying some secret wicked pleasure," quoth the Baron, confidentially, "I retired with Mr. ASHBY STERRY'S Naughty Girl into my sanctum, which, as its name implies, is just the very place to which I ought to retire with a young lady bearing such a character." A Naughty Girl is published in the "Modern Library Series" brought out by Messrs. BLISS, SANDS, AND FOSTER; and how happy would SANDS be-run out, of course-and where would FOSTER be unless foster'd by the other two-without BLISS, who makes quite a little 'eaven below of this Publishing Firm. Blissful must have been Mr. ASHBY STERRY's state when he wrote so excellent a Dickensian description, as he has done in the earlier part of this book, of Boxing Night at Drury Lane, and when he gave a finishing touch to this story in showing how Beryl and Jack were SEASONABLE DUETT FOR THE ZIERENBERGS (adapted for their use brought together in spite of a temporary misunderstanding and by Henry Labouchere, Esq., M.P.). Home, Home, Home, Sweet estrangement. "Bravo Pantalaureate of many a frilling poem! Home!" A Happy Christmas to you and your readers!" quoth the warmhearted and appreciative BARON DE BOOK-WORMS. 46 66 TOAST FOR THE INHOSPITABLE.-" Friends-at a distance. 99 "SO YOU AND GEORGE HAVE BEEN STAYING WITH MY DEAR OLD FRIENDS SIR ISAAC AND LADY LINCRUSTA WALTON! DIDN'T YOU FIND THEM VERY NICE TO YOU?" "YES; ESPECIALLY WHEN WE WERE LEAVING!" A MESSAGE FROM THE SEA. Father Neptune loquitur:JOHN BULL, my friend, if an ear you'll lend to your true old messmate Neptune, It may do you good. We are mates in mood, and our hearts have always kept tune. The Isle that's right, and extremely tightwhich I trust that mayn't mean groggy". Is our care, old chum! Well, the outlook's rum, and the prospect rather foggy! Oh! keep on your hair! There's no cause for Scare, though some party men, and papers, Do their best to raise a new Naval Craze. These be old, old party capers; For your angry Outs always swell with doubts, whilst the Cocksure Ins, complacent, Swear that cause for care may be foundNowhere, or the parts thereto adjacent. You are not so green that mere party spleen, and the bogus bosh of boobies, Can play the fool with your judgment cool; 'tis a richer dower than rubies. Still a Fleet, old boy, is no party toy, no theme for factious scoffing, And-well, JOHN, I spot a tremendous lot of "furrin'" ships in the offing! Keep a weather eye upon sea and sky, and I think JOHN, altogether, You will deem it right to get all things tight, and prepare for dirty weather. "Britons never, never," sounds bold and clever; Britannia won't act as "slavey," But if "Missus" would keep her "home on the deep," you must keep up a spanking Navy! Statistics fog, and there's no such bog as the brain of an average Briton When his Naval Nobs, and Finance Dry Bobs have got their fighting fit on. They talk great bosh, half their "facts" won't wash, and as to their figures endless, If A from stern to stem you could see through them you would have more, JOHN, and spend less! word in your lug! There is no Hum-bug like that of a Naval Oracle, When he's" out in the wet"; on that you may bet-ah! an ironclad to a coracle! He may mean well, but The Truth to tell in a fashion straight and steady, Without cavort" or a "list to port," is as hard-as song to a Neddy! JOHNNY, old boy, you must just employ your own wits on this business; Party debate will addle your pate, ex-parte facts" bring dizziness. Look for yourself, and you'll save much Squelch party fudge, be your own best judge, pelf, and good value get for your money, and you'll floor the croakers, JOHNNY! Still, JOHNNY mine, on my breadths of brine, you must keep first place, or perish. 'Tis with that thought you have paid and fought, and that thought you still must cherish. Better plank down your last half-crown, than lose the Crown I gave you, Let gold and blood flow in full flood, than let the foe enslave you! A rhyme, a rhyme for the Christmas time! It may not, JOHN, sound jolly, But to pipe and dance whilst your foes advance, were the maddest sort of folly. With pockets full Peace's pipe to pull, or to sip your grog and slumber, nice; but you'll wake to a huge mistake if your foes your Feet outnumber! Get your Fleet, old man, cheap if you can, but at all costs get your Fleet, JOHN! Ships, guns and crew more than any two of the foes you are like to meet JOHN! Is Take your old friend's tip, let no chance slip, and be foiled by no pretence, JOHN ; Keep eye on the foe, build all you know, and big big D the expense, JOHN ! OUR BARTERERS. BICYCLE.-Thoroughly heavy, lumbering, out-of-date machine, recently doctored up to look like new, for sale. Cost, secondhand, six years ago, £4. Will take £12 for it. Bargain. Would suit a dyspeptic giant, or a professional Strong Man in want of violent exercise. SAFETY CYCLE.-Pneumatic tyres. A real beauty. Makers well known in Bankruptcy Court. Owner giving up riding in consequence of the frame being thoroughly Would exchange for one of BROADWOOD'S unsafe, and the tyres constantly bursting. grand pianos or a freehold house in the country. TURKEY CARPET.-Never used, as seller is not an absolute fool. Wretched condition guaranteed. As it has been kept for a year or two in a mouldy attic at a second-hand furniture shop, it is simply teeming with moths, but it is confidently anticipated that it will not fall to pieces in time for a purchaser to detect the fraud. Price, only double that of a first-rate new carpet of same kind. RARE OPPORTUNITY.-A ten-pound note will buy my genuine Spiderette Arabesque Dunmow Beestof a Patent Safety Tricycle. Weighs only sixteen ounces. Seventy-four championships won on it, including that of Sierra Leone. Runs away up-hill. Impossible to stop it down-hill. Folds into a small biscuit tin. Every part equally fragile. A collar-bone and six ribs broken off it in ought to be sent there. First applicant one week's practise. Made at Coventry, and has it. "A MESSAGE FROM THE SEA." FATHER NEPTUNE. "LOOK HERE, JOHN, THERE'S A JOLLY SIGHT O' THEM FURRIN' CRAFT ABOUT, TAKE A TIP FROM YOUR OLD FRIEND-BUILD ALL YOU KNOW-AND DASH THE EXPENSE!" SEASONABLE REFLECTION. (By an Old Fogey.) WE are hearing a lot of "the Faith! it comes to us all- When from gout, and the pretty .. "FOR THIS RELIEF-MUCH THANKS." Shakspeare. -A correspondent in the Pall Mall Gazette recently complained of the disappearance of "Thank you, "and the substitution of Thanks" and "Thanks awfully." Why not? It is but a revival of the ancient Latin form" gratias," and surely plural Thanks indicates indefinitely more thankfulness than an uneffusive, frigid, singular "Thank you," signifying "I thank you." Let us be Shakspearianly classical, as in the quotation above given, and say "Much thanks." again, "I am poor in thanksbut I thank you." Here the relative value of the plural and the singular in thanks is well brought out. So india-rubber, with a hole in the centre, "AFTER THE BALL" IN PARIS. (By an Impressionist.) OLD lady first, with hair like winter snows, Makes moan. And struggles. Then, with cheeks too richly nose; teeth, white powder on her All bone "Ancient Mystery," like And skin; an And yet one more suggestion. But this But permit me, I would propose these rules shall not be a rule but only an offering. I in the cause of humanity, for the sake of make you a present of the idea-so charming civilisation. I give them below. They are-as a compliment of the season. Let the not many :goals be made of Christmas-trees, let the "kickers" be covered with holly and mistletoe (like your Jack-in-the-Green"), and The neat cloth gown instead of a brutal, rough, hard, uncomfortable globe of leather, let the "kic bal" be a veritable plum pudding! Proposed Rules for "le jeu de kic bal" 2. The scrimmage to be interdicted. Sergent de ville to be on guard on the ground to prevent assaults even of the most trifling character. 3. Boots not to be worn, but dancingpumps. 4. The players to wear fur-lined coats, and to take arm-chairs on the ground for their comfort. 5. The "kic bal" to be made of inflated Your hand! I wish you "Joking Christ- (Signed) JULES. NEWS FROM MONTE CARLO.-Mr. J-HN M-RL-Y is, we are glad to hear, much better. Rouge gagne. In lines of beauty. A luckless lout, Of HONE. sweet face that freshly Last, in graceless pose, knows I laugh at him, and His tone straight as fly crows, Has flown. Hi! By Jove, My own! MOTTO FOR LADY CHAMPAGNE DRINKERS. -"Sweetness and light!" |