HAS BEEN SAID!"

"RULE, BRITANNIA!" (?) ["Her Majesty's Government are perfectly satisfied as to the adequacy and capacity of the British Navy to perform all the purposes for which it exists."-Mr. Gladstone, in House of Commons, November 7, 1893.

"Everybody knows, Liberals as well as Tories, that it is indispensable that we should have not only a powerful Navy, but I may say an allpowerful Navy."-Mr. Morley at Manchester, November 8, 1893.]

SINCE "Britain First!" is Fate's command,
And History bids us sway the main,
We feel this charter of our land

All guardian statesmen must maintain. Rule, BRITANNIA! BRITANNIA rule the waves!

Out on the Chief who only shirks and

saves!

[Conversation languishes after this.

MARCH IN NOVEMBER.

"BLOW, blow, thou winter wind,"
In verse some call thee wind.
Though Thursday's crowd was thinned
By blasts so unrefined,
And men in armour, tinned

Like lobsters, mutely pined-
They, later, "wined" and "ginned,"
Whilst guests superbly dined
On turtle, fish (that's finned),
Joints, game of matchless kind,
And wines, rare, old, long-binned.
Blow clear, before, behind,
The streets where lately dinned
The band-each man, defined,
Of Vaterland the kind-

And sightless singers whined
Not much like JENNY LIND;
Would they were dumb, not blind!
Whilst grinders grimly grinned,
And ground their graceless grind.
I swore; perhaps I sinned.

But now they seem to find
Their rags, just tied and pinned,
Let in thy blast unkind,
By which they're almost skinned.
Then blow, I do not mind,
Thou rough November wind-
Pronounced by many, wind.

Seasonable.

WHEN garden lawns are a green bog,
And shrubbery vistas veiled in fog,
Reload revolvers, let dogs run!
The Burglar Season has begun!

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

MR. FISHER UNWIN is, my Baronite writes, still engaged in the important work, some time ago undertaken by his house, of publishing The Story of the Nations. The last volume issued is the thirty-fifth, in which Mr. GREVILLE TREGARTHEN deals with the History of the Australian Commonwealth. Australasia is a mere chit among the nations of the world, and story, God bless you, it has hardly any to tell. It has never been at war except with the aboriginal settlers, who were, at the outset, so lost to all proper feeling as to resent the incursion of the white man, occasionally carrying their prejudice to the absurd extent of eating him. But this is ancient history in a record which, beginning a little more than a hundred years ago with a convict settlement - it was January 26, 1788. the British flag was for the first time unfurled in Sydney Bay - has already spread out lusty limbs over a vast Continent. The Story of the Nations forms a library of itself, and this last volume is not the least fascinating of the series.

on

The Baron, while greatly admiring and certainly grateful for the Diamond editions of all the best works, and Diamond editions should reproduce only those that can be classed among the "brilliants," of which two or three specimens at a time can be carried easily in the pocket of an ulster, begs to remind

Q. Will you have any difficulty in securing a theatre ?

A. Not at all. You will always find someone willing to accept you as a lessee without making any inquiry as to your antecedents.

Q. Having obtained a theatre, what is your next step?

A. To get together a company. This is easily managed, as the dramatic trade-journals give every week a long list of actors and actresses who are "resting."

Q. What do you understand by such a word ?

A. That the advertiser is much in need of an engagement, but is too proud to acknowledge it.

Q. Such a frame of mind is, I suppose, favourable to hurried and unconsidered engagements?

4. Quite so. It is an easy matter to get an entire company on excellent terms. Not that money is of any importance; for you may as well promise five pounds a week as five shillings, if you do not intend to pay. Q. Having secured your company, what is the next step?

4. To make them rehearse three weeks or a month without a salary.

Q. I suppose you have no trouble about obtaining a piece on advantageous terms? A. None whatever. If you are lucky you will get some conceited noodle to pay |

Messrs. ROUTLEDGE, the republishers of DICKENS's works in a very pocketable form, that much of our journeying is done by such gaslight as railway companies supply, and therefore, as this is not always of the most powerful kind, a book in small type, however clear the type may be, is unreadable. That is what the publishers have to consider. This excellent little pocket volume of, for example, The Cricket on the Hearth, is of no use to the Baron when once out of the pocket. True, the publishers may say "it is intended for the pocket only"; but if this be the case, then the pockets that would suffer would be those of the publishers, not those of the reading public. The Baron's hints are well worth consideration. For travelling, the publishers might provide and sell a small case containing the Diamond edition and a portable candle-lamp by which to read it. Only this would rather add to the expense, and with every volume one does not wish to be obliged to carry a candlelamp. Therefore, bigger and clearer type. That's all. Try it, and if it does not succeed, tlame the hitherto blameless

BARON DE B.-W.

MRS. R. saw a heading in a newspaper. "Board of Trade Returns." Whereupon she exclaimed, "Where's the Board of Trade been to? I suppose for a holiday, and we shall have to pay!"

you for producing his play; and if you are not so fortunate, why at least you will get a drama, comedy, or burlesque for nothing.

Q. Say that you are ready to begin, will you have any difficulty in obtaining the preliminary announcements ?

A. No. For having been trusted by the proprietor of the theatre, the advertisement agents will follow suit, and you will obtain sufficient publicity to balance your requirements.

Q. And what will take place on and after the opening of the playhouse under your management P

A. You will get more or less ready money taken at the doors during five days of the week, with which you can safely decamp without paying anybody on or before the sixth.

Q. Will not your sudden departure cause some inconvenience to a large number of persons connected with the enterprise? A. Assuredly. Many of the company you have engaged will starve, and the other parties to the proceedings will use strong language as they wipe off your liability as a bad debt.

Q. Is it possible that you will be made a bankrupt?
A. Not only possible, but probable.

Q. And will this end your theatrical career?

A. Why, of course not. All you will have to do is to take a little holiday.

Q. And after the holiday, what next? A. Why, then you can secure another theatre and repeat the proceedings with exactly similar results.

THE GINGHAM-GRABBER.

SOMEONE wrote, "Killing's no Murder."
Nothing well could be absurder!
But to many in our time

Stealing (umbrellas) seems no crime.

Therefore, to a frank plain dealer,

Killing-an umbrella-stealer

Might be called-by Justice tried-
Justifiable Snobicide!