"BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY."

(Rudyard Kipling passim.) TOM's uncle by his will Left Toм in greatest glory. There was a codicil

"But that's another story." PHIL Wooed a fair one, KATE; She met him con amore. The damages were great"But that's another story." HUGH's rent (for an address!) Was far and wide in ore. His suite now costs him less"But that's another story." Of readers not a few

Deem RIDER HAGGARD gory. We have MACBETH, it's true "But that's another story." One JOSEPH was enrolledThough now a sort of ToryA Williamite of old

66

'But that's another story."

Some maids would make it known

[hoary,

They'll wait till locks are But wed for love alone"But that's another 'story.""

[Yet Particularly nice for evening. Black with white stitching most my fancy moves, And such were yours. never can forget That pair of gloves.

"

THE CABMAN'S GUIDE TO POLITENESS.-No. II.

Question. I think when you are out of temper, and have been asked by a Fare, who appears to know more (or less) about distances than you do, to stop, you pretend not to hear him? Answer. Yes; and I continue not to hear him until a policeman pulls me up.

Q. Quite so; and then you have a way of giving a jerk while your Fare is getting in which either covers a lady's dress with mud, or all but breaks the leg of a gentleman ?

A. Well, I have known such things to happen.

Q. And when you reach your destination, you carefully forget the number of the street or square, and are equally hard of hearing if your Fare attempts to direct you?

A. You have hit it, especially if it's raining.

Q. Of course. And when you get your money, you sneer and drive away, as if you were disgusted?

A. Yes. And as I go off I make as much splash as I can, in the hope of my late fare getting a dose of the mud.

Q. Exactly. Now, don't you think it would be better to come up cheerfully, drive carefully, and when you receive your money, observe, Well, Sir (or Madam), I know I have no right to more, but times are hard, and if you would spare an extra sixpence, I should consider it a real kindness?" Would not that mode be better than the other? Would it not be more profitable? A. It might, but I can't say, as I have never tried it.

FABIUS FIN-DE-SIÈCLE.

[The Fabian Society, in the Fortnightly Review, has launched a manifesto, which proposes that the Government shall be attacked by extreme Radicals because it has only met them half way."] STRANGE that "Fabian

8

policy," up-to-date,

Should be so obviously not to

wait!

RUPERT the title-rôle might fitlier fill.

The Fabian Manifesto frightens no man;

But just conceive the great, but cautious, Roman Heading a restive, Radical "Ugly Rush"!

Though Patience suffers in the
Modern Crush,
Perchance the Socialistic pero-
rator

Might learn a lesson from the great Cunctator!

to be your rights from a mother with two boxes and four small children?

A. Why I generally swear at the kids and sit on the boxes until I am paid what I ask, or get sent to the right-abouts by a policeman.

Q. No doubt; yet such a course seems both barbarous and inconvenient. Could you not improve upon it?

A. Not I. It is the right thing to do, and that is why I do it.

Q. And yet would it not be as easy for you to help the boxes down yourself, and then to make friends with the mother through her children? Could you not observe, "Bless their hearts, they are fine lads, or young ladies (as the case might be), and you should be proud of them, mum ?"

A. Yes, I might say that, but I don't think the mother would come down with the cash any quicker on account of it.

Q. But supposing, when you were offered less than you thought due to you, could you not observe, "I have children of my own, mum, and if you could spare a couple of shillings (or half-a-crown, or what you thought right) more, it would be a real kindness, and give my children something more than bread and water for dinner ?" Could you not say that?

A. I might, but I won't.

Q. But surely it would be pleasanter for you to be amiable and courteous instead of a bully and a brute? And would it not be easier, too?

A. Try for yourself. Just you drive a cab for a dozen hours in all weathers, and then you will learn what chances you have of

PREPARING FOR CHRISTMAS.

(4 Yule-tide Story told in
Advance.)

YES, SCROC GE was an altered man! He was genial and amiable, and altogether an estimable being. SCROOGE's nephew was delighted with the change. He could scarcely believe his ears and eyes.

"And don't you really interfere with the theatres, Sir?" asked SCROOGE's nephew. At one time you were always telling them to take down this, and put up that, and making the lives of the managers burdens to them. Don't you interfere any longer ?" "Of course not, my lad," replied SCROOGE, heartily. Why should I? This is the pleasant est world imaginable, and it would be less charming without its playhouses."

66

'Right you are, Sir," returned SCROOGE's nephew; "but I suppose you look in occasionally at the halls to supervise the entertainments ?"

"I look in to enjoy them, my boy!" cried SCROOGE, with a ringing laugh, that could be heard for furlongs. "What do they want with my supervision?"

"I am sure I don't know, uncle; but I thought it was a way you had. And then you are going to strip the hoardings of the posters, aren't you?"

"I strip the hoardings of the posters! Why should I? The hoardings lock a precious sight better covered with pictures than left to dirt and decay. I interfere with the hoardings! I never heard of such a thing! What put that into your head?" "Well, it used to be an old way

THE DARK CONTINENT IN TWO LIGHTS.

ARGENTINA.'

[It is stated that JABEZ S. BALFOUR is living

Official. I congratulate you upon your success. The more especially as you have gained it without the assistance of the Imperial power. (The Colonists indulge in feeble cheers.) But now my turn has arrived. In the name of the SOVEREIGN I claim this land for England!

[Plants the British Flag. Curtain. SCENE-As before. TIME-The Present. Conquerors (colonists) smoking after the pleasant toil of mowing down the natives. Enter an Official. The Colonial Band (in its entirety) takes no notice. Official. I congratulate you upon success. The more especially as you have gained it without the assistance of the Imperial power. (The Colonists indulge in roars of laughter.) But now my turn has arrived. In the name of the SOVEREIGN I claim this land for England!

Your

Colonists. No you don't! Be off! We can get on without you!

[Turns Official and his Flag out of the Country. Curtain.

I

DREAMT that I dwelt in marble halls,
With orchids on every side,

A very long way from Old Bailey's walls,

Where NEWTON and HOBBS were tried.

I had riches too great to count; could boast
Of JABEZ, an elegant name;
And I also dreamt, which charmed me most,
Argentina loved me the same.
dreamt that my country let me go,

I

For Scotland Yard did not seem to know
In an indolent sort of way,
It would "want" me another day.
So they carefully closed the stable-door,

When I'd fled beyond reach of blame; And I also dreamt, which charmed me more, Argentina loved me the same.

I dreamt that detectives sought my hand,
But their warrants I could not see,
So their vows my swindler's heart could
withstand,

Buenos Ayres bold, brazen face,
Though they pledged their faith to me.

Though I should be lynched in a decent
Never glows with the blush of shame;
place,

.

Argentina loves me the same.

of yours,' returned SCROOGE'S nephew. "Why, uncle, don't you remember? You used to be interfering with and ordering about everything. Taking up the road and closing the thoroughfare. Bothering the costermongers and the retail. shopkeepers and the small householders. In fact, making yourself a general nuisance in all directions. Why, uncle, you have entirely changed your nature!"

Not at all," said SCROOGE. "I am not changed, but my office is. Do you not know that I have ceased to be a member of the London County Council ?"

"No. this is the first time I have heard of it! Why, that accounts for every thing! It explains why you are a pleasant, good-natured old gentleman in lieu of a curmudgeon and a brute. It explains everything." And it did!

NAME! NAME!-No name has been announced for the new daily paper projected by Mr. STEAD. In view of the plan frankly set forth in the prospectus, whereby one hundred thousand persons are to subscribe the capital, and if the venture proves a success the enterprising (ditor is to have the option of acquiring the property, a suitable title would be, Heads-I-Win - Tails-You-Lose. It is a little long, perhaps; but it precisely describes the relative positions, and you can't -at least some people can'thave everything.

DRAMATIC RECIPE (FROM THE QUEEN'S COOKERY BOOK).- First catch your HARF.

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Thursday, November 2. -Began work again to-day as if nothing had happened from February to September. Understood to have had a recess; so short hardly worth mentioning. Considering all circumstances, attendance marvellously large. crowding benches on Ministerial side. OppoMARJORIBANKS got his men together as usual, sition not in quite such a hurry to wash their spears; but muster creditable. Irish camp deserted. "You see," said JUSTIN MCCARTHY, "it isn't our funeral. But the bhoys are hanging round and will turn up if wanted."

HENRY FOWLER moved Second Reading Parish Councils Bill. Adroit and able speech; rather hard on WALTER LONG; to him deputed position of spokesman on Front Opposition bench. Brought down notes of convincing speech. FOWLER getting in first anticipated all his objections; met them with benevolent alacrity that disarmed hostility. What did statesmen opposite want? Anything in reason should be conceded. "Give room." your orders, gents, whilst the waiter's in the

This an admirable stroke of business, but a little depressing from spectacular point of view. No more pyrotechnics; no further meetings on the floor; no more grips at

A GREAT FIELD FOR HUMOURISTS AN- close quarters. HAYES FISHER looked on

NUALLY." Wit acres' Almanack."

moodily; LOGAN passed Front Opposition