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pened, that he had opportunity with some of them according to his desire.
Another thing that lay much on his heart, and that he spake of, from time to time, in these near approaches of death, was the spiritual prosperity of his own congregation of Christian Indians in New jersey · And when he spake of them, it was with peculiar tenderness ; so that his speech would be presently interrupted and drowned with tears.
He also expressed much satisfaction in the disposals of Providence, with regard to the circumstances of his death; particularly that God had before his death given him the opportunity he had had in Boston, with so many considerable persons, ministers and others, to give in his testimony for God, and against false religion, and many mistakes that lead to it and promote it; and there to lay before pious and charitable gentlemen, the state of the Indians and their necessities, to so good effect; and that God had since given him opportunity to write to them further concerning these affairs; and to write other letters of importance, that he hoped might be of good influence with regard to the state of religion among the Indians, and elsewhere, after his death. He expressed great thankfulness to God for his mercy in these things. He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful circumstance of his death, that he should die here. And speaking of these things, he said, God had granted him all his desire ; and signified, that now he could with the greater alacrity leave the world.]
Monday, September 28.....I was able to read, and make some few corrections in my private writings; but found I could not write, as I had done ; I found myself sensibly declined in all respects. It has been only from a little while before noon, until about one or two o'clock, that I have been able to do any thing for some time past : Yet this refreshed my heart, that I could do any thing, either public or private, that I hoped was for God.
[This evening he was supposed to be dying : He thought so himself, and was thought so by those who were about him.... He seemed glad at the appearance of the near approach of
death. He was almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move ; and one that sat very near him, heard him utter such expressions as these, Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. O, why is his chariot so long in coming! After he revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone. And in expressing what he found in the frame of his mind at that time, he said, he then found an inexpressibly sweet love to those that he looked upon as belonging to Christ, beyond almost all that ever he felt before ; so that it seemed, to use his own words, like a little piece of heaven to have one of them near him..... And being asked whether he heard the prayer that was, at his desire, made with him; he said, yes, he heard every word, and had an uncommon sense of the things that were uttered in that prayer, and that every
word reached his heart. On the evening of the next day, viz. Tuesday, September 29, as he lay in his bed, he seemed to be in an extraordinary frame ; his mind greatly engaged in sweet meditations concerning the prosperity of Zion : There being present here at that time two young gentlemen of his acquaintance, that were candidates for the ministry, he desired us all to unite in singing a psalm on that subject, even Zion's prosperity..... And on his desire we sung a part of the 102d Psalm. This seemed much to refresh and revive him, and gave him new strength ; so that, though before he could scarcely speak at all, now he proceeded, with some freedom of speech, to give his dying counsels to those two young gentlemen forementioned, relating to their preparation for, and prosecution of that great work of the ministry they were designed for; and in particular, earnestly recommending to them frequent secret fasting and prayer : And enforced his counsel with regard to this, from his own experience of the great comfort and benefit of it; which, said he, I should not mention, were it not that I am a dying person. And after he had finished his counsel, he made a prayer, in the audience of us all; wherein, besides praying for this family, for his brethren, and those candidates for the ministry, and for his own congregation, he earnestly prayed for the reviving and flourishing of religion in the world.
Until now he had every day sat up part of the day ; but al. ter this he never rose from his bed.]
Wednesday, September 30....I was obliged to keep my bed the whole day, through weakness. However redeemed a lite tle time, and with the help of my brother, read and corrected about a dozen pages in my M. S. giving an account of my conversion.
Thursday, October 1....I endeavored again to do something by way of writing, but soon found my powers of body and mind utterly fail. Felt not so sweetly as when I was able to do something that I hoped would do some good. In the evening, was discomposed and wholly delirious ; but it was not long before God was pleased to give me some sleep, and fully composed my mind." O, blessed be God for his great goodness to me, since I was so low at Mr. Broomfield's, on Thursday, June 18, last past. He has, except those few minutes, given me the clear exercise of my reason, and enabled me to labor much for him, in things both of a public and private nature ; and, perhaps, to do more good than I should have done if I had been well; besides the comfortable influences of his blessed Spirit, with which he has been pleased to refresh my soul.
May his name have all the glory forever and ever. Amen.
Friday, October 2.... My soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on God : I longed to be with him, that I might behold his glory. I felt sweetly disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends, my dearest flock, and my absent brother and all my concerns for time and eternity. O that his kingdom might come in the world ; that they might all love and glorify him, for what he is in himself; and that the blessed Redeemer might see of the travail of his soul and, be satisfied. O, come Lord Jesus, come quickly.t Amen.
From this time forward, he had the free use of his reason until the day before his death ; excepting that at some times he appeared a little loft for a moment, at first waking out of sleep.
+ Here ends his Diary : These are the last words that are written in it, either by his own hand, or by any other from his mouth.
[The next evening, we very much expected his brother John from Newjersey; it being about a week after the time that he proposed for his return when he went away. And though our expectations were still disappointed, yet Mr. Brainerd seemed to continue unmoved, in the same calm and peaceful frame, that he had before manifested ; as having resigned all to God, and having done with his friends, and with all things below.
On the morning of the next day, being Lord's day, October 4, as my daughter Jerusha, who chiefly tended him, came into the room, he looked on her very pleasantly, and said, dear Jerusha, are you willing to part with me? I am quite willing to part with you : I am willing to part with all my friends ; I am willing to part with my dear brother John, although I love him the best of any creature living . I have committed him and all my friends to God, and can leave them with God. Though if I thought I should not sce you, and be happy with you in another world, I could not bear to part with you. But we shall spend an happy eternity together!
In the evening, as one came into the room with a Bible in her hand, he expressed himself thus ; O, that dear book! That lovely book! I shall soon see it opened! The mysteries that are in it, and the mysteries of God's providence, will be all unfolded !
His distemper now very apparently preyed on his vitals in an extraordinary manner : Not by a sudden breaking of ulcers in his lungs, as at Boston, but by a constant discharge of purulent matter, in great quantities : So that what he brought up by expectoration, seemed to be as it were mouthfuls of almost clear pus; which was attended with very great inward pain and distress.
On Tuesday, October 6, he lay for a considerable time, as if he were dying. At which time, he was hcard to utter, in broken whispers, such expressions as these : He will conic, he will not tarry. I shall soon be in glory. I shall soon glorify God with the angels. But after some time he revived.
The next day, viz. Wednesday, October 7, his brother John arrived, being returned from Ncwjersey ; where he had been
detained much longer than he intended, by a mortal sickness prevailing among the Christian Indians, and by some other things in their circumstances that made his stay with them necessary. Mr. Brainerd was affected and refreshed with seeing him, and appeared fully satisfied with the reasons of his delay ; seeing the interest of religion and of the souls of his people required it.
The next day, Thursday, October 8, he was in great distress and agonies of body; and for the bigger part of the day, was much disordered as to the exercise of his reason. In the evening he was more composed, and had the use of his reason well ; but the pain of his body continued and increased. He told me it was impossible for any to conceive of the distress he felt in his breast. He manifested much concern lest he should dishonor God, by impatience under his extreme ag. ony ; which was such, that he said, the thought of enduring it one minute longer was almost insupportable. He desired that others would be much in lifting up their hearts continually to God for him, that God would support him, and give him patience. He signified that he expected to die that night ; but seemed to fear a longer delay : And the disposition of his mind with regard to death appeared still the same that it had been all along. And notwithstanding his bodily agonies, yet the interest of Zion lay still with great weight on his mind; as appeared by some considerable discourse he had that evening with the Rev. Mr. Billing, one of the neigh. boring ministers, who was then present, concerning the great importance of the work of the ministry, &c. And afterwards, when it was very late in the night, he had much very proper and profitable discourse with his brother John, concerning his congregation in Newjersey, and the interest of religion among the Indians. In the latter part of the night, his bodily distress seemed to rise to a greater height than ever; and he said to those then about him, that it was another thing to die, than people imagined ; explaining himself to mean that they were not aware what bodily pain and anguish is undergone before death. Towards day, his eyes fixed : and he continued lying immoveable, until about six o'clock in the morning, and