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tunity of seeing all the maiden blossoms of the village collected together, and of selecting for myself the fairest flower. Dressed with the utmost care, and on that account somewhat late, I made my entrance. The tall figure of the master of the feast stood forth conspicuous amidst the glittering circle around him. With eager haste I pressed forward to his reverence, and manifested my respect with seemly words, and an humble obeisance. Thus far all was to my full contentment; but in effecting my retreat, I had the mishap to tread upon the gouty foot of the worthy justice. He groaned audibly. Turning suddenly round, I craved his worship's pardon, and bowed profoundly; but unfortunately in so doing, I encountered in the rear the portly stomach of the presiding burgomaster. Terrified, I sprang round, excused myself, and in the same moment, gave his honor the judge a similar shock. New alarms, new apologies, new offences! What I made good in front, I lost in the rear. Thus ever apologizing and dealing new concussions, I whirled about like a spinning-top. Finally, the host, taking me gently by the shoulder, drew me out from the crowded circle, and whispered in my ear: My good Dominie, the art of dancing, which you despised in your youth, is now taking its revenge.' I replied as we say from Tacitus; that is, I held my peace.

But the company followed not mine example. Their laughter, their obstreporous laughter, pursued me even to the corner whither I had fled to conceal my mortification. The Greek verses wherewith I had intended to address the festive group had flown like timid birds from the cage of my memory during those few moments of agony. Soon after, we took our seats at the table in alternate couples. The place to be occupied by each guest was determined according to his rank and dignity, and designated by a slip of paper. I found my billet between two young beauties. Politeness required that I should felicitate myself upon this arrangement in a formal speech. The little geese made a slight nod, turned half round, and giggled. They behaved likewise in the same silly manner, when, after enjoying our crab-soup in silence, I endeavored to entertain them with gallant conversation. The other young ladies followed this uncivil example; and wherever my eyes wandered they met contemptuous and jeering faces, to avoid which I concealed myself, to the best of mine endeavor, behind a large sugar-pyramid, which was planted directly before me.

But my evil star soon deprived me of this protecting bulwark. The lady consort of the presiding burgomaster, who sat diagonally opposite, beckoned me to reach her a small dish of comfits, at some distance from me. Doubly anxious to serve her, that I might in a measure atone for the damage I had unwittingly occasioned her spouse, I started hastily from my seat, seized the desired dish, and in my eagerness to present it, gave the sugar obelisk such a violent blow, that it fell into a thousand fragments. Heavens! what an uproar! The company laughed frightfully; clapped their hands, and stamped with their feet. Nothing better could be expected from the unmannerly society of Gimpelwald. Reproaches moreover were mingled with their laughter; and even the old dame, whose impatient appetite was the real cause of the catastrophe, had the impudence to bestow upon me a public reprimand.

VOL. XXIV.

15

I was now as it were regarded as an outlaw. No one defended me from the arrows of sarcasm which whizzed about my ears on all sides. My only resource was an honorable retreat; this I effected, covering my face with my handkerchief, as if suddenly attacked with bleeding at the nose. I thus without opposition escaped from the hall, rushed into the ante-room, snatched my hat from the mountain of fur, and fled like a thief into my own little study. There I bewailed my fate, that I must leave a delicious feast, such as a poor school-master is seldom invited to, with my hunger scarcely half-appeased; for when I was driven from the company the attendants were just bringing in the roast. There was a fine saddle of venison served up and carved, but not a morsel of it reached my mouth. Under such circumstances, who could refrain from tears?

There was however an apparent balsam for my wounds, though in the sequel it served only to aggravate them. I observed in my distress that Ulrica, the beautiful daughter of the collector of customs, cast a sympathizing glance toward me, and with severe words and looks reproved her wanton companions, who were freely indulging in their love of mischief. This generosity appeared to me to be the offspring of love, and as such I treated it. The next day I despatched a laboured epistle to the fair Ulrica, wherein I not only returned due thanks for her manifestations of sympathy, but artfully contrived to interweave the most delicate flatteries with facetious jokes about Cupid and Hymen. But I received no reply. Ulrica, the little sheep, did not understand my rhetorical declaration, and what was still worse, she rung it out on the townbell. This specimen of my chirography went the rounds of all the teatables in Gimpelwald; was read, be-criticised, and be-gabbled. These pitiful ignoramuses pronounced it a master-piece of pedantry. I a pedant! O ye dunces! The enlightened and unprejudiced public will pass a more just judgment on me and my style of composition.

Likewise the inhabitants of Gimpelwald find much to condemn in my figure. The silly girls, whose eyes have been spoiled by the heroic figures of the dragoon officers stationed there, nick-named me the blackdwarf, probably because they had heard in their spinning-rooms, oldworld stories of such a goblin. Now it is true, I might be an ell taller, and yet no giant. But nature has compensated me for want of height, by a comely plumpness and breadth. Stout, well-formed calves, a stomach somewhat prelatical, and a double-chin to match, are personal advantages which by no means set ill upon me. I dress likewise with the utmost care. My wig is, I may say it without boasting, the most becoming head-dress in the whole village; and I would wager a heavy ducat that when I appear in public, the most fastidious eye can detect no fibre of lint upon my black coat. But what avail all the excellencies of mind and person, when one dwells among those unable to appreciate them?

With intent to mortify the foolish girls of Gimpelwald, I determined after that unlucky day to carry my heart to another market, and fixed upon the approaching holidays for a bridal search. I neither could nor would any longer dispense in my house-keeping with the porcelain of humanity, as the English poet DRYDEN fancifully styles the fair sex.

A friend counselled me to go to the capital. You will find there,' says he, 'china figures of such wonderful beauty and delicacy, that the productions of Gimpelwald will seem in comparison, mere coarse earthen-ware.' I was the more readily inclined to this advice, as an old college-friend of mine dwelt in the city, upon whose hospitality I might safely rely.

The first step to be taken was to provide myself with a passport; for men by their misconduct have brought things to such a pass, that if one venture beyond the precincts of his own dwelling-place without sign and seal of his respectability, he is taken at once for a rogue. I betook myself therefore to the burgomaster, and asked respectfully for the necessary papers. The request was granted, but the implacable man had not forgotten the unlucky shock he received from me a few months before; and from a spirit of revenge, he secretly gave directions to his submissive servant, the town-clerk, to describe me in the passport as a real monster. I will here publicly expose this remarkable instance of official malice. This shameful description of my person runs as follows:

'Master POLYCARPUS GABRIEL ZIMPEL, according to his own statement thirty-two years of age, but apparently much older, is of a remarkably small stature, has a heavy pock-marked countenance, small gray eyes, a little pug nose, thick lips, reddish hair, concealed by a wig, and bow-legs. It may also be remarked, that he is particularly polite, and much in the habit of making low bows, to the imminent peril of those who may chance to stand behind him.'

What would a good-natured community say to such a pasquinade as that? A fine letter of recommendation for a bride-seeker! And yet for this base libel must I pay a hard imperial guilder! Verily, it cries to heaven!

Consulting my purse, I chose the public coach. As I was about entering, I observed upon the back seat a short thick man, whom I saluted very politely with raised hat. He on the contrary stirred neither hand nor foot; only replying to my civil salutation with a bearish growl. Unmannered clown!' thought I, and made an attempt to seat myself by his side, but he effectually prevented me, by raising one of his elephantine legs, and stretching it over the seat. I asked him boldly how that was to be understood? He gave me no answer, but the coachman explained to me, that the stout gentleman, from considerations of personal convenience, had booked himself for two. With a bitter smile I now betook myself to the front seat.

'You will have an agreeable neighbor there,' said the driver. 'She is already coming.' I peeped curiously out of the coach, and my heart grew warm as I saw the slender, blooming figure of a youthful creature come floating toward us. She greeted me with gentle sweetness, and took a seat by my side, as unhesitatingly and kindly as if she would have preferred it above all others, even had the barrier opposite been thrown down.·

This flattered me, and moreover stimulated me to maintain for her the coach-privileges usually conceded to ladies. But certainly, Sir,' began I, in a courageous tone, 'you will yield to this lady the place of honor which no well-bred man withholds from her sex.' "Foolish bab

ble!' said the coarse fellow; we sit here for our money, and first come first served.' Fie! that is despicable selfishness!' cried I. 'Be it what it may,' growled he, I choose to sit comfortably, and there the song ends.' I was minded in spite of his closing notes, to sing more of the same contentious song; but my fair neighbor besought me to be quiet, and added, with a bewitching air, the assurance that she was perfectly satisfied with her seat.

And now a fourth passenger appeared; a thin, slovenly-dressed man, who carried a pipe in his mouth, tablets in his hand, and a bundle under his arm. With little hesitation, he climbed up to the coachman, who, enthroned on a deceased stag, invited the new-comer to make himself a hare-cushion out of a couple of rabbits.

After this little piece of pleasantry, we set off. The huge machine gave us many hard jolts, which nevertheless were advantageous to me, inasmuch as they promoted a more intimate acquaintance with my charming neighbor. We knocked against each other, begged each other's pardon, and joked about the itinerant earthquake beneath us. In this manner a familiar conversation arose, the threads of which were never broken. The double passenger slept, but the withered man on the hare-cushion was the more wakeful, and seemed occupied in taking down our conversation in his note-book. Altogether, he was a remarkably close observer. He counted all the chimneys in the villages; he counted all the grazing herds; extracted much valuable statistical information from the coachman, and recorded the whole in his tablets. I concluded therefore that he must be an author, who purposed to pay the expenses of his journey by a description thereof. This disturbed me, since in that case it was to be feared that he might make use of my person to embellish his book. Therefore I resolved upon the spot to make use of an alexipharmic; namely, to write the history of my own journey to the end, that the world might at least learn the unsophisticated truth of the matter.

I thirsted as it were to know the name and rank of my fair companion, and the postillion was athirst in the literal sense of the word. He satisfied himself by stopping at a village ale-house, and satisfied me at the same time, as it gave me an opportunity of speaking with him alone. To obtain his favor, I treated him from the choicest flask; took him aside, questioned him concerning my unknown charmer, and learned that she was the widow of a country parson named Ferber, who died about a twelve-month before. Death, so to say, snatched him from his bridal bed, and tore him from the arms of his young wife, even in the very honey-moon.

I must candidly confess that I did not mourn the early entrance of this pious soul upon the beatific state. I was the rather anxious to inherit the connubial treasure he had left behind. Ah!' thought I, 'could I but have the good fortune to enter Gimpelwald in triumph, with such a charming bride! How would the proud creatures who once despised me, cast down their eyes, and from vexation become still more ugly than before!'

The contents of the flask which the coachman was industriously emptying at my expense, agreeably excited my olfactories; moreover

it is my wont in travelling to take a cup by way of antifogmatic. But I denied myself this enjoyment, lest the gentle being whom I wished to inspire with affection should mistake the sincere emotions of my heart for a bacchic passion. For her sake therefore I relinquished this glass, and for her sake too had recourse to another in the cover of my snuff. box; righted my wig, and by means of a little brush which I always carry with me, freed my garments from the hay and straw which they had gathered in the coach. The driver contemplated me with a smile, and said: 'You have something in your eye, dominie.. Well! I wish you good luck.'

I feigned myself deaf, and with my toes turned out like a dancingmaster, I returned to the coach, which Madame Ferber had not left. She was sitting, as I observed from a distance, with her dove-like eyes bent down, her countenance retaining no trace of her former cheerfulness, but it cleared up like a spring heaven, as I again took my place by her side. We grew constantly more familiar. For a whole hour I was a very happy man; but then, as Bürger says:

'A sans façon came trotting up,

And did the coach detain."

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It was a police-officer, who demanded our passports. Old puff-cheek upon the double seat put his hand leisurely into his pocket. Don't trouble yourself, Sir; it is very evident you are no suspicious person,' said the policeman, after the manner of the multitude, who always entertain an especial respect for obesity. But who is that above there?' continued he, pointing to the little shrivelled man on the box. I am a scholar,' was the reply. 'Oh ho! a Latin animal! Out with your passport!' He looked it hastily over, turned up his nose, and threw it contemptuously back to its owner. Hereupon he turned to Madame Ferber, and when he had learned from her own lips that she was the widow of a clergyman, the rude fellow said: 'Well, since he is taken away, choose you again; there is another black-coat by your side, if he is not already provided with a treasure.' I was confounded at this piece of rudeness, but the ill-bred match-maker laughed insolently, and heightened my distress still more, by desiring to see my passport. With a trembling hand, I extended to him the official libel. He perused it diligently, comparing trait by trait the copy he held in his hand with the original before him, snapping his fingers the while with malicious delight, and when he came to the closing remark, namely, that I was 'given to butting,' he broke out into a wild laugh, flung the scandalous paper toward me, which, alas! failed of its destination, and gallopped off.

That man is demented!' stammered I; and I ordered the coachman to halt, and recover my passport. He dismounted, leaving his beasts to proceed at a slow trot, and returned toward the spot where that accursed document had alighted. Anxious to know the issue of the search, I thrust forth my head from the coach window, when suddenly the branch of a tree struck off my hat, and while I was in the very act of giving the alarm, another deprived me of my wig, and decked itself with the spoil. Imagine if thou canst, O compassionate reader! my distress at that moment, when the fatal secret of my red hair was thus abruptly

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