6 which we are not able to enforce. It is told us in the Acts, that forty of the Jews bound themselves under a curse, that they would neither eat nor drink till they had killed Paul.' We hear no more of those Jews, though the apostle survived their menaces. I flatter myself that I have no less zeal for the abolishing folly and false taste; yet I am so far from uttering any such threats, that I very frankly confess I intend to eat and drink as heartily as if there was no such thing as folly remaining in the world. My enemies indeed have been pleased to throw out that it is owing to my desire of continuing to gratify those appetites, that I have not long ago entirely suppressed all folly whatsoever. They make no scruple of asserting, that there would not have been so much as a patch, pompoon, or Chinese rail, remaining amongst us, if I had not thought proper to borrow a piece of policy from the rat-catchers, who suffer a small part of the vermin to escape, that their trade may not be at an end. But I must take the liberty of acquainting these gentlemen, that they know as little of me as of human nature, the chase after folly being like hunting a witch; if you run her down in one shape, she starts up in another, so that there is no manner of danger that the game will be destroyed. And I most solemnly declare, that wherever I have seen a beautiful face, or a fine garden, very grossly deformed by injudicious attempts at amendment, I have laboured with the greatest earnestness to effect a reformation. But where the conduct of my pupils, though sometimes faulty in itself, has been harmless in its consequences, I have constantly forborne, and will as constantly forbear, an officious reprehension of it, however disagreeable such forbearance may appear in the eyes of these gentlemen. It is upon this plan that I have suppressed innu merable complaints from splenetic and ill-humoured correspondents: as a specimen of which complaints I shall lay before my readers the beginnings of some of their letters. 'SIR, 'I am greatly offended at the inconsistent behaviour of a lady of my acquaintance. You see her in a morning at St. James's church, and in the evening at the playhouse in Drury-lane. One would think that either religion should drive plays out of her head, or plays religion. Pray, Mr. Fitz-Adam, tell her how absurd 'SIR, 'I trouble you with this letter to make my complaints of a very great evil, and to desire your animadversions upon it. I returned yesterday from a month's visit to a family in the country, where, in every particular but one, we passed our time as became reasonable beings. When the weather was good, we walked abroad; when bad, we amused ourselves within doors, either with entertaining conversation, or instructive books. But it was the custom of the family (though in other respects very worthy people) constantly to play at cards for a whole hour before supper. Surely, Mr. Fitz-Adam, this method of killing time 6 SIR, 'I am shocked at the indecency of the modern head-dress. Do the ladies intend to lay aside all modesty, and go naked?' This is the manner in which undistinguishing zeal treats things that are in themselves indifferent: for is it not matter of absolute indifference whether a lady wears on her head a becoming ornament of clean 6 which we are not able to enforce. It is told us in the Acts, that forty of the Jews bound themselves under a curse, that they would neither eat nor drink till they had killed Paul.' We hear no more of those Jews, though the apostle survived their menaces. I flatter myself that I have no less zeal for the abolishing folly and false taste; yet I am so far from uttering any such threats, that I very frankly confess I intend to eat and drink as heartily as if there was no such thing as folly remaining in the world. My enemies indeed have been pleased to throw out that it is owing to my desire of continuing to gratify those appetites, that I have not long ago entirely suppressed all folly whatsoever. They make no scruple of asserting, that there would not have been so much as a patch, pompoon, or Chinese rail, remaining amongst us, if I had not thought proper to borrow a piece of policy from the rat-catchers, who suffer a small part of the vermin to escape, that their trade may not be at an end. But I must take the liberty of acquainting these gentlemen, that they know as little of me as of human nature, the chase after folly being like hunting a witch; if you run her down in one shape, she starts up in another, so that there is no manner of danger that the game will be destroyed. And I most solemnly declare, that wherever I have seen a beautiful face, or a fine garden, very grossly deformed by injudicious attempts at amendment, I have laboured with the greatest earnestness to effect a reformation. But where the conduct of my pupils, though sometimes faulty in itself, has been harmless in its consequences, I have constantly forborne, and will as constantly forbear, an officious reprehension of it, however disagreeable such forbearance may appear in the eyes of these gentlemen. It is upon this plan that I have suppressed innu merable complaints from splenetic and ill-humoured correspondents: as a specimen of which complaints I shall lay before my readers the beginnings of some of their letters. 'SIR, I am greatly offended at the inconsistent behaviour of a lady of my acquaintance. You see her in a morning at St. James's church, and in the evening at the playhouse in Drury-lane. One would think that either religion should drive plays out of her head, or plays religion. Pray, Mr. Fitz-Adam, tell her how absurd SIR, I trouble you with this letter to make my complaints of a very great evil, and to desire your animadversions upon it. I returned yesterday from a month's visit to a family in the country, where, in every particular but one, we passed our time as became reasonable beings. When the weather was good, we walked abroad; when bad, we amused ourselves within doors, either with entertaining conversation, or instructive books. But it was the custom of the family (though in other respects very worthy people) constantly to play at cards for a whole hour before supper. Surely, Mr. Fitz-Adam, this method of killing time SIR, 'I am shocked at the indecency of the modern head-dress. Do the ladies intend to lay aside all modesty, and go naked? This is the manner in which undistinguishing zeal treats things that are in themselves indifferent: for is it not matter of absolute indifference whether a lady wears on her head a becoming ornament of clean rence, would it not be shewn both from nature and experience to be on the side of the hair? Num tu, quæ tenuit dives Achæmenes, Horace, we see, prefers a beautiful head of hair to the riches of a king. But I cannot help giving it as my opinion, that Licinia's hair flowed in natural ringlets, without being tortured by irons, or confined by innumerable pins. Yet though I have seen with patience the cap diminishing to the size of a patch, I have not with the same unconcern observed the patch enlarging itself to the size of a cap. It is with great sorrow that I already see it in possession of that beautiful mass of blood which borders upon the eye. Should it increase on the side of that exqusite feature, what an eclipse have we to dread! But surely it is to be hoped the ladies will not give up that place to a plaster, which the brightest jewel in the universe would want lustre to supply. I find that I am almost insensibly got upon the only subject which is likely to move my indignation, and carry me beyond the bounds of that moderation which I have boasted of above. I shall therefore conclude this paper with offering terms of composition to those of my fair readers who are willing to treat with me. The first is, that all those young ladies, who find it difficult to wean themselves from patches all at once, shall be allowed to wear them, in what number, size, and figure, they please, on such parts of the body as are, or should be, most covered from sight. The second (and I shall offer no more) is, that any lady, who happens to prefer the simplicity of such ornaments to the glare of her jewels, hall, upon disposing of the said jewels for the beit of the Foundling or any other hospital, be pered to wear (by way of publishing her good deeds |