involve so many and so great crosses that I could not bear them. Hitherto, however, I have been kept from yielding to the tempter, and still feel a desire to know and do the will of God.

20th. To-day I have now and then had a gleam of hope that deliverance is at hand; for the hymn beginning

"Give to the winds thy fears;

Hope, and be undismay'd,"

has been almost constantly running through my mind.

22d. Dear brother Jones is with us. While drinking tea, the subject of missions was casually introduced, when brother J. asked me if I should like to go on a mission to the Sandwich Islands? My mother replied, "She would much rather go to Canada." How she came to make this remark I cannot tell, unless it was because I had been somewhat active in forming a female missionary society, which specially contemplated aid to the Canada mission. Brother Jones then asked me, if I thought I could live among the natives? I told him, I did not know, but should try and see! As soon as I had uttered these words, I was astonished that I had thus committed myself, but dared not apologize. The conversation soon took a different turn, and there was no more said on the subject. I had often thought I would try to converse with my parents respecting it, but the cross was so heavy, my constitution so feeble, my sense of unworthiness so great, and my in

adequacy to the duties involved presenting itself in almost every possible point of view, I knew not how or where to begin. I now retired in secret, and with a broken heart besought the Lord to make my duty more fully known to me, and especially, if it were proper for me to converse with brother Jones, that he might question me in the presence of my parents respecting my exercises. One hour after another passed away, until I was sorely tempted because I had thus exposed myself, and nothing further was said on the subject; when, all of a sudden, brother Jones asked me, if I thought I could live as Miss Barnes* did? I told him, I did not know what I could do; and was then almost choked with irrepressible emotion. At first the cross was nearly insupportable; but, recovering myself a little, I proceeded to state some of my past and present exercises. Brother Jones told me if the way opened, I must be careful and not disobey the heavenly mandate. This, with the conversation that followed, afforded me some relief for a little season. But, alas! my distress soon returned: I could neither eat, nor sleep, nor work as formerly. I tried to pray, but my mind was beclouded, and a sort of impenetrable gloom seemed to hang upon the future. Still it appeared to me that I ought to be preparing, as if the whole question were settled, and yet I knew not that the way would ever

* Now the wife of the Rev. William Case, the intrepid and eminently successful missionary among the native tribes of Upper Canada.-ED.

open! Why it was that I should feel thus distressed, when I was willing the Lord should do what seemed him good, I could not tell. I, however, promised the Lord that I would advance when the way opened, and when it was closed, stand still; and thus found relief to my burdened mind.

Some time in March I went to Utica on an errand connected with my proposed devotion to the cause of missions, which led to another trial of my faith; for I took a violent cold, which settled upon my lungs, and caused considerable inflammation; so that for two or three weeks I was able to sit up but little. My dear father now took occasion to ask me, how I thought I could endure an expedition to Canada,* if I could not even go to Utica without being made sick? Nor was I at all surprised at this; for when I first opened my mind to him on the subject of going abroad, he said he could not think God would call one in my state to such a work. Without making any reply, I retired to my room, opened the book which I had so long found to be a light to my feet and a lamp to my path, and prayed for direction: that if I had been deceived in matters of so great importance, I might be undeceived: and if otherwise, that every remaining doubt might be removed from my mind. Upon opening the pre

* I never felt any particular conviction that it would be my duty to go to Canada more than elsewhere, but simply that I ought to hold myself in readiness to go wherever Providence might call me.-L. R.

cious volume, my eye at once fell upon Psalm xviii, 43,—" Thou hast delivered me from the people and thou hast made me the head of the heathen a people whom I have not known shall serve me: the strangers shall submit themselves unto me." Suffused with tears, I said, “It is enough, Lord; I will do as thou hast commanded, and leave the event to thine unerring hand." From this time my health improved rapidly.

April 18th. Have had another interview with brother Jones respecting my past exercises and present feelings, and it is but just to say, that his fatherly instructions and brotherly attentions have greatly endeared him to my heart. He will write to the superintendent of the Indian missions on my behalf: but what will be required of me I know not. The Lord has begun a good work among the Oneidas, and I must wait the openings of his providence. My greatest care is, and I trust ever will be, how I shall best please and glorify my heavenly Father. It is not so much where I am, what I endure, or how much I suffer, as it is to know, and do the divine will. I feel, however, my utter inability to do this, without assisting grace. To the Giver of every good and perfect gift, therefore, I look in the fulness of my 'soul.

CHAPTER XIII.

GOES AS A MISSIONARY SCHOOL TEACHER AMONG THE ONEIDAS.

MAY 11th, 1829. Have just returned from a quarterly meeting held at Utica, where I saw several Indian converts, belonging to three different tribes, namely, the Missisaugahs, the Mohawks, and the Oneidas, in company with brother Case, his wife, and Miss Barnes. It was indeed a very interesting sight, and their appearance as they entered the church affected me much.

Last evening, Peter Jones, a principal chief belonging to the Missisaugahs, preached in English, from Acts xiii, 41, "Behold, ye despisers, and wonder, and perish: for I work a work in your days, a work which ye shall in nowise believe, though a man declare it unto you.” While introducing himself to the congregation, and before he had mentioned his text, an alarm of fire was given a great part of the congregation rushed out; but soon returned, it being a false alarm. From this circumstance he took occasion to remind them of the judgment-day, when none could escape. In his remarks on the above singularly appropriate passage, he spoke of the work, the means, and the effects which the text brings to view. Pursuant to this general plan, he particularly noticed the work of the Spirit upon the human heart, enlightening, convincing, renovating, &c.; of missiona