Billeder på siden
PDF
ePub

spirit to return to the bosom of its God! When, however, I came to reflect that I was specially charged by my physician to exercise but little, and called to remembrance the pressure that I felt at my lungs in the morning, I endeavoured to restrain my feelings: but O, it was all glory! Awhile after I prepared a little refreshment; and I shall never forget with what thankfulness I partook of it, mingling the whole with tears. I then lay down, but my soul was so joyful that I arose and made a brief memorandum of my exercises; and, feeling impressed to do so, sent it to brother Paddock at the close of the morning services. He afterward told me it was rendered a great blessing to him. The enemy of my soul soon tempted me to think I had exercised so much that I should not soon get over it: but, blessed be God, instead of losing, I find I have acquired strength, soul and body, and am determined, more than ever, to know nothing but Christ and him crucified. O the unfathomable depths of Jesus' love! Lord, ever keep me in this channel, and then I shall "rejoice evermore, pray without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks."

25th. I have had severe conflicts to-day, and have been more tempted to a light and trifling spirit than for weeks before, and feel sensible I have yielded too much. But I soon saw my error, cried to the Lord for deliverance, and hope I shall have grace to be more watchful in future.

May 4th. Rode out this morning, and am

but little fatigued. It has seemed to me, for several days, that perhaps my work is not yet done. Although feeble, I can with pleasure employ my pen a little occasionally; and what makes it a pleasure is, I feel it to be a duty. I now, more than ever, see the hand of God in my afflictions, feel that they have been sanctified to my good, and hope hereafter to make a right use of all I suffer or enjoy; so that I may glorify and enjoy God now and evermore. Amen.

CHAPTER X.

RETURNING HEALTH-VARIOUS EXERCISES AND INCIDENTS.

MAY 20th. My health continues to improve, and I have this day been permitted to visit my brother and sister at the old house. My feelings, on entering the various apartments, were singularly tender and pleasurable. I said to myself, Here is the place where I cried unto the Lord in my distress, when it seemed that the very pains of hell gat hold on me; and here is where my soul has often been comforted and blest; and here I have mournfully enjoyed communion with my Lord, while suffering severe bodily afflictions; and here I have enjoyed sweet fellowship with the saints. My heart was full. I fell upon my knees and craved a blessing, while I felt in my soul the warmest emotions of gratitude. And may the Lord

help me to spend the rest of my days in his service, and improve them to the best possible advantage!

29th. Blessed be God, I have this day enjoyed one more sabbath of rest in the temple of prayer! I sat under the droppings of the sanctuary, and was refreshed. In class I rejoiced that my brethren were standing fast, striving together for the faith of the gospel, though apparently not quite as zealous as they were the last time I met with them. O Lord, revive thy work both in their hearts and mine; so that we may be prepared to live or fitted to die!

June 12th. I have this day been blessed with an opportunity of hearing brother Paddock preach on "Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom." And O how did my heart expand with a desire for a more perfect knowledge and a deeper experience in the things of God! I see and feel my poverty, while I realize that "Wisdom is justified of her children:" but take encouragement when I reflect that the "only wise God our Saviour," "giveth liberally and upbraideth not." I feel the work of grace going on in my heart, and can truly say,

"None but Christ to me be given,

None but Christ in earth or heaven."

19th. For a few days past I have been led to examine my heart very closely, as I have had some trials from a near friend. These, however, serve only as a spur to drive me nearer the throne of grace. Last evening

three or four of us joined in solemn prayer, and the place was indeed a little bethel to our souls. Heaven seemed near while we poured out our souls for the salvation of poor perishing sinners. To-day (sabbath) I have not been permitted to meet with my brethren, but have not been deprived of the presence of God. No: glory to his holy name, in secret prayer I have enjoyed sweet communion with the adorable Jesus; and, while contemplating his charms, have anticipated the day when I shall be associated with his people in unbroken fellowship and unending praises. How then can I regret the speedy lapse of time?

July 21st. What shall I render unto the Lord for all his mercies bestowed upon one of the unworthiest of all his creatures? My health is greatly improved. Surely the least I can do is, to give him my whole heart. How far I come short in this, Lord, thou knowest : and it is a satisfaction to me that thou dost know; for "thou knowest that I love thee," and that it is my one desire to serve and glorify thee. And yet I often fear I shall not live answerably to the blessings I daily receive. God of love, help me!

Last week I visited my brethren at Sauquoit, and though they have their trials on account of the declension of religion in that place, yet the Lord manifested his presence to a few of us who joined in prayer at the house of brother Giles. It was indeed a season of refreshing to our souls.

Yesterday I went with cousin P., who has been much afflicted, to visit cousin E. I fear, however, that those afflictions have not had their designed effect. I found it a very easy matter to converse with them about any thing except religion: but as soon as I introduced this, or attempted to speak of our own or other's mortality, another subject was immediately and with singular dexterity substituted: an evidence this that their hopes and prospects are still earth-bound. O when will they learn to be wise, and seek a better good than this poor world can, by any possibility, afford!

August 1st. I have just returned from camp meeting, and though, humanly speaking, I have been much exposed, yet I am in better health than when I went. "Who shall harm us if we be followers of that which is good?" Though I did not enjoy as much as at some other times, it was a great and good meeting. To myself, indeed, it was profitable; for I was quickened, comforted, and encouraged to seek after more of the mind that was in Christ. There were not far from fifty conversions, and many left the ground sorrowing on account of their sins. This evening my soul has been wonderfully blessed in secret prayer. O God, I know that thou art mine, and I am thine, and believe I shall be to all eternity!

21st. Since I wrote last I have been closely pursued by the enemy of all righteousness, and have had sore trials to pass through; yet the Lord has mercifully appeared for my deliver

« ForrigeFortsæt »