On the contrary, such the chaste notions of food That dwell in each pale manufacturer's heart, 1han thou art! And, oh! for Monopoly what a blest day, nation, vation ! “In vain are laws pass'd, There's nothing holds you fast, At the smallest hint in life, You forsake your lawful wife, “I flirt with Silver, true But what can ladies do, And as to falsehood, stuff! I shall soon be false enough, The Sovereign, smiling on her, Now swore, upon his honour, But, within an hour or two, Why-I sold him to a Jew, AN EXPOSTULATION TO LORD KING. 1 "Quem das finem, Rex magne, laborum ?"--Virgil. DIALOGUE BETWEEN A SOVEREIGN AND A ONE POUND NOTE. How can you, my Lord, thus delight to torment all The Peers of the realm about cheapening their “() ego non felix, quam tu fugis, ut pavet acres corn, Agna lapos, capreæque leones. -Hor. When you know, if one hasn't a very high rental, 'T is hardly worth while being very high born! Said a Sovereign to a Note, In the pocket of my coat, Why bore them so rudely, each night of your life, Where they met, in a neat purse of leather, On a question, my Lord, there 's so much to abhor “How happens it, I prithee, in ? That though I'm wedded with thee, A question-like asking one, “How is your wife?"Fair Pound, we can never live together? At once so confounded domestic and foreign. “Like your sex, fond of change, As to weavers, no matter how poorly they feast, With silver you can range, But Peers, and such animals fed up for show, And of lots of young sixpences be mother; (Like the well-physick'd elephant, lately deceased,) While with me-on my word, Take a wonderful quantum of cramming, you know. Not my Lady and my Lord Of W-th see so little of each other!" You might see, my dear Baron, how bored and dis trest The indignant Note replied Were their high noble hearts by your merciless tale, (Lying crumpled by his side.) When the force of the agony wrung e'en a jest Shame, shame, it is yourself that roam, Sir From the frugal Scotch wit of my Lord 4d-le !? One cannot look askance, Bright Peer! to whom Nature and Berwickshire gave But, whip! you're off to France, A humour, endow'd with effects so provoking, Leaving nothing but old rags at home, Sir. That, when the whole House looks unusually grave, “ Your scampering began You may always conclude that Lord L-d-le's From the moment Parson Van, joking! Poor man, made us one in Love's fetter, And then, those unfortunate weavers of PerthFor better or for worse' Not to know the vast difference Providence dooms Is the usual marriage curse : Between weavers of Perth and Peers of high birth, But ours is all “worse' and no 'better.' 'Twixt those w have heir-looms, and those who've but looms! 1 " Road to Ruin." Dicta Fames Cereris (quamvis contraria semper 1 See the proceedings of the Lords, Wednesday, March 1 when Lord King was severely reproved by several of the . This is meant not so much for a pun, as in allusion to noble Peers, for making so many speeches against the Corn the natural history of the unicorn, which is supposed to be Laws. something between the Bus and the Asinus, and, as Rees's 2 This noble Earl said, that "when he heard the petition Cyclopædia tells us, has a particular liking for any thing came from ladies' boot and shoe-makers, he thought it must chaste. be against the corns which they inflicted on the fair sex 66 To talk now of starving, as great At-1 said-' When, some years ago, he and others had fed It follows from hence-and the Duke's words That weavers, once rescued from starving by Lords, When Rome was uproarious, her knowing patricians Long, dolefully long, seem'd the voyage we made;— At length, safe arrived, I went through "tare and Deliver'd my goods in the primest conditionAnd next morning read, in the Bridgetown Gazette, "Just arrived, by 'the Truth,' a new Moral Position; "The Captain". -here, startled to find myself named As "the Captain" (a thing which, I own it with pain, I, "No Bread and the Tread-mill's" the regimen now. So cease, my dear Baron of Ockham, your prose, MORAL POSITIONS. A DREAM. "His Lordship said that it took a long time for a moral position to find its way across the Atlantic. He was sorry that its voyage had been so long," etc.-Speech of Lord Dudley and Ward on Colonial Slavery, March 8. through life, have avoided,) I woke-look'd asham'd Found I wasn't a Captain, and dozed off again. MEMORABILIA OF LAST WEEK. MONDAY, MARCH 13. THE Budget-quite charming and witty-no hearing, For plaudits and laughs, the good things that were in it ; Great comfort to find, though the Speech is n't cheer. ing, That all its gay auditors were, every minute. What, still more prosperity!-mercy upon us, TUESDAY. T'OTHER night, after hearing Lord Dudley's oration (A treat that comes once in the year, as May-day Much grave apprehension express'd by the Peers, does,) I dreamt that I saw-what a strange operation! The whole Bench of Bishops stood by, in grave atti- Packing the article tidy and neat ;— As their Rev'rences know, that in southerly latitudes "Moral positions" don't keep very sweet. There was B-th-st arranging the custom-house pass; And, to guard the frail package from tousing and routing, There stood my Lord Eld-n, endorsing it "Glass," Lest-as in the times of the Peachums and Lock itts The large stock of gold we're to have in three years, A Petition presented (well-timed, after this) In their coaches about, that 't would not be amiss Though-as to which side should lie uppermost-Keeping always (said Mr. Sub. Horton) in mind, doubting. The freight was, however, stow'd safe in the hold; mantic, While off in the good ship "the Truth" we were roll'd, With our ethical cargo, across the Atlantic. 1 The Duke of Athol said, that "at a former period, when these weavers were in great distress, the landed interest of Perth had supported 1,500 of them. It was a poor return for these very men now to petition against the persons who had fed them." 2 An improvement, we flatter ourselves, on Lord L's. joke. That while we thus draw off the claims on pota- We make it a point that the Pats, left behind, 1 "Another objection to a metallic currency was, that it produced a greater number of highway robberies."-Debate in the Lords. 2 Mr. Estcourt presented a petition, praying that all persons should be compelled to have lamps in their carriages. 3 Mr. W. Horton's motion on the subject of Emigration. 4 "The money expended in transporting the Irish to Canada would be judiciously laid out, provided measures were taken to prevent the gap they left in the population from being filled up again. Government had always made that a condition."-Mr. W. Horton's speech. Sub. Horton then read a long letter, just come And have e'en got "a surplus," poor devils, like ourselves!! WEDNESDAY Little doing for sacred, oh Wednesday, thou art, To the seven o'clock joys of full many a table,When the Members all meet, to make much of the part, With which they so rashly fell out, in the Fable. It appear'd, though, to-night, that-as churchwardens, yearly, Eat up a small baby-those cormorant sinners, The Bankrupt-Commissioners, bolt very nearly A moderate-sized bankrupt, tout chaud, for their dinners !2 Nota bene-a rumour to-day, in the city, "Mr. R-b-ns-n just has resign'd"—what a pity! Alas, poor Robin, he crow'd as long And as sweet as a prosperous Cock could crow: But his note was small, and the gold-finch's song Was a pitch too high for poor Robin to go. Who 'll make his shroud? "I," said the Bank, "though he play'd me a prank, While I have a rag poor Rob shall be roll'd in 't; With many a pound I'll paper him round, Like a plump rouleau-without the gold in 't." * * A HYMN OF WELCOME AFTER THE RECESS. "Animas sapientiores fieri quiescendo." AND now-cross-buns and pancakes o'er- Thrice hail and welcome, Houses Twain! Collective Wisdom, shine again! Come, Ayes and Noes, through thick and thin, At eighty mortal pounds the jacket !3 1 "The hon. gentleman then read a letter, which mentioned the prosperous condition of the writer; that he had on hand a considerable surplus of corn," etc. 2 Mr. Abercromby's statement of the enormous tavern bills of the Commissioners of Bankrupts. 3 An item of expense which Mr. Hume in vain endeavoured to get rid of:-trumpeters, like the men of All-Souls, must be "bene vestiti." Come-free, at length, from Joint-Stock cares- Whose dreams of premium knew no bound'ry. That you would e'en have taken tea (Had you been ask'd) with Mr. Goundry!! Come, Le, and tell the world, The less they eat, will work the more. By Papists for the Orange Altar! 2 Not so much rendering Ireland quiet, Though short your absence, all deplore it- ALL IN THE FAMILY WAY. A NEW PASTORAL BALLAD. (Sung in the character of Britannia.) "The Public Debt was due from ourselves to ourselves, and resolved itself into a Family Account."-Sir Robert Peel's Letter. TUNE-My banks are all furnish'd with bees. So thick-even Fred cannot thin 'em! I've torn up my old money-bags, 1 The gentleman lately before the public, who kept his Joint-Stock Tea Company all to himself, singing "Te so lum adoro." 2 This charge of two pipes of port for the sacramental wine is a precious specimen of the sort of rates levied upon their Catholic fellow-parishioners by the Irish Protestants "The thirst that from the soul doth rise Doth ask a drink divine." rials ; For bankrupts, since Adam, are cousins, Nor blush, Saint Joanna, once more to behold A world thou hast honour'd by cheating so many Thou 'lt find still among us one Personage old, My Debt not a penny takes from me, Who also by tricks and the Seals' makes a penny. As sages the matter explain ;Bob owes it to Tom, and then Tommy Thou, too, of the Shakers, divine Mother Lee !2 Just owes it to Bob back again Thy smiles to beatified B-tt-rw-rth deign; Since all have thus taken to owing, Two “lights of the Gentiles” are thou, Anne, and he, There's nobody left that can pay; One hallowing Fleet-street, and t other Toad-lane ! And this is the way to keep going, All quite in the family way. The heathen, we know, made their gods oat of wood, And saints too, are framed of as handy mate. My senators vote away millions, To put in Prosperity's budget; Old women and B-tt-rw-rths make just as good And though it were billions or trillions, As any the Pope ever book'd, as Ethereals. The generous rogues would n't grudge it. "Tis all but a family hop, Stand forth, Man of Bibles-not Mahomet's pigeon, 'T was Pitt began dancing the hay; When, perch'd on the Koran, he dropp'd there, Hands round !—why the deuce should we stop? they say, "T is all in the family way. Strong marks of his faith, ever shed o'er religion Such glory as B-tt-rw-rth sheds every day. My labourers used to eat mutton, Great Galen of souls, with what vigour he crams As any great man of the state does; Down Erin's idolatrous throats, till they crack And now the poor devils are put on Small rations of tea and potatoes. again, But cheer up, John, Sawney, and Paddy, Bolus on bolas, good man!—and then damns Both their stomachs and souls, if they dare cast The King is your father, they say ; them back again. So, ev'n if you starve for your daddy, "Tis all in the family way. Ah, well might his shop—as a type representing The creed of himself and his sanctified clanMy rich manufacturers tumble, On its counter exhibit “ the Art of Tormenting," My poor ones have little to chew; And, ev'n if themselves do not grumble, Bound neatly, and letter'd“ Whole Duty of Man. Their stomachs undoubtedly do. As to politics--there, too, so strong his digestion, But coolly to fast en famille Having learn'd from the law-books, by which he's Is as good for the soul as to pray; surrounded, And famine itself is genteel, To cull all that's worst on all sides of the question, When one starves in a family way. His black dose of politics'thus is compounded I have found out a secret for Freddy, The rinsing of any old Tory's dull noddle, Made radical-hot, and then mix'd with some grains Though, perhaps, he may know it already; Of that gritty Scotch gabble, that virulent twaddle, As he, too, 's a sage in his way. Which Murray's New Series of Blackwood conWhen next for the Treasury scene he tains. Announces “the Devil to pay,” Let him write on the bills—“Nota bene, Canonize him !--by Judas, we will canonize him; 'Tis all in the family way.”. For Cant is his hobby and twaddling his bliss. And, though wise men may pity and wits may des pise him, THE CANONIZATION OF ST. B-TT-RW-RTH. He 'll make but the better shop-saint for all this. Call quickly together the whole tribe of Canters, "A Christian of the best edition."-Rabelais. Convoke all the serious Tag-rag of the nation; Bring Shakers and Snuffers and Jumpers and RantCANONIZE him !-yea, verily, we'll canonize him; ers, Yea, feebly have tried all his gifts to portray ; Descend, all ye spirits that ever yet spread The dominion of Humbug o'er land and o'er sea, 1 A great part of the income of Joanna Southcott arose Descend on our B-tt-rw-rth's biblical head, from the Seals of the Lord's protection wbich she sold to her followers. Thrice-Great, Bibliopolist, Saint, and M. P. 2 Mrs. Ann Lee, the “chosen vessel" of the Shakers, and “Mother of all the children of regeneration." Come, shade of Joanna, come down from thy sphere, 3 Toad-lane in Manchester, where Mother Lee was born. And bring little Shiloh-if 't is n't too far In her “ Address to Young Believers," she says, that "it is Such a sight will to B-tt-rw-rth's bosom be dear, a matter of no inportance with them from whence the means of their deliverance come, whether from a stable in His conceptions and thine being much on a par. | Bethlehem, from Toad-lane, Manchester " And they form a sum-total for making a saint, Jump high, all ye Jumpers! ye Ranters, all roar! eyes, Like a kite made of fools-cap, in glory shall soar, With a long tail of rubbish behind, to the skies! NEW CREATION OF PEERS. BATCH THE FIRST. "His 'prentice han' He tried on man, And then he made the lasses." "AND now," quoth the Minister (eased of his panics, And ripe for each pastime the summer affords,) "Having had our full swing at destroying mechanics, By way of set-off, let us make a few Lords. ""Tis pleasant-while nothing but mercantile frac tures, Some simple, some compound, is dinn'd in our ears To think that, though robb'd of all coarse manufactures, We still keep our fine manufacture of Peers ; "Those Gobelin productions, which Kings take a pride In engrossing the whole fabrication and trade of; Choice tapestry things, very grand on one side, But showing, on t' other, what rags they are made of." The plan being fix'd, raw material was sought, No matter how middling, so Tory the creed be; And first to begin with-Squire W-rt-y, 't was thought, For a Lord was as raw a material as need be, Next came, with his penchant for painting and pelf, The tasteful Sir Ch-rl-s, so renown'd, far and near, For purchasing pictures, and selling himself,- And both (as the public well knows) very dear. Beside him comes L-c-st-r, with equal eclat, in ;— Stand forth, chosen pair, while for titles we mea sure ye; Both connoisseur baronets, both fond of drawing, Sir John, after nature, Sir Charles, on the Treasury. But, bless us!-behold a new candidate come In his hand he upholds a prescription, new written; He poiseth a pill-box 't wixt finger and thumb, As he asketh a seat 'mong the Peers of Great Britain ! "Forbid it," cried Jenky, "ye Viscounts, ye Earls!Oh Rank, how thy glories would fall disenchanted, If coronets glisten'd with pills 'stead of pearls, And the strawberry-leaves were by rhubarb supplanted! "No-ask it not, ask it not, dear Doctor H-lf-rdIf nought but a Peerage can gladden thy life, And if young Master H-lf-rd as yet is too small for 't, Sweet Doctor, we'll make a she Peer of thy wife. Next to bearing a coronet on our own brows Is to bask in its light from the brows of another; And grandeur o'er thee shall reflect from thy spouse, As o'er Vesey Fitzgerald 't will shine through his mother." Thus ended the First Batch-and Jenky, much tired, (It being no joke to make Lords by the heap,) Took a large dram of ether-the same that inspired His speech against Papists-and prosed off to sleep. CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY. UTRUM HORUM.-A CAMBRIDGE BALLAD. . "I authorized my Committee to take the step which they did, of proposing a fair comparison of strength, upon the understanding that whichever of the two should prove to be the weakest, should give way to the other.-Extract from Mr. W. J. Banker's Letter to Mr. Goulburn. σε Νίκα μεν ουδ' άλλος, αν ΑΣΣατοι δ' εγενοντο.” THEOCRITUS B-NKES is weak, and G-lb-rn too, No one e'er the fact denied :Which is "weakest" of the two, Cambridge can alone decide. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. G-lb-rn of the Pope afraid is, B-nkes, as much afraid as he; Never yet did two old ladies On this point so well agree. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. Each a different mode pursues, Each the same conclusion reaches; B-nkes is foolish in Reviews, G-lb-rn, foolish in his speeches. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say. Each a different foe doth damn, When his own affairs have gone ill; B-nkes he damneth Buckingham, G-lb-rn damneth Dan O'Connel. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say, B-nkes, accustom'd much to roam, Plays with truth a traveller's pranks; G-lb-rn, though he stays at home, Travels thus as much as B-nkes. Choose between them, Cambridge, pray, Which is weakest, Cambridge, say, Once, we know, a horse's neigh Fix'd the election to a throne; 1 Among the persons mentioned as likely to be raised to the Peerage are the mother of Mr. Vesey Fitzgerald, etc |