To wait till the Irish affairs were decided

(That is, till both Houses had prosed and divided, With all due appearance of thought and digestion,)

For, though Hertford House had long settled the question,

I thought it but decent, between me and you,
That the two other Houses should settle it too.

I need not remind you how cursedly bad

Our affairs were all looking, when Father went mad;2

A straight waistcoat on him and restrictions on

me,

A more limited Monarchy could not well be.

I was call'd upon then, in that moment of puzzle, To choose my own Minister-just as they muzzle A playful young bear, and then mock his disaster, By bidding him choose out his own dancing-master.

I thought the best way, as a dutiful son, Was to do as Old Royalty's self would have done. So I sent word to say, I would keep the whole batch in,

The same chest of tools, without cleansing or patching;

For tools of this kind, like Martinus's sconce ;*
Would lose all their Beauty, if purified once;
And think—only think—if our Father should find,
Upon graciously coming again to his mind,
That improvement had spoil'd any favorite adviser-
That Rose was grown honest, or Westmoreland
wiser-

Who threaten'd last year, in a superfine passion,
To cut me, and bring the old King into fashion.
This is all I can lay to my conscience at present;
When such is my temper, so neutral, so pleasant,
So royally free from all troublesome feelings,
So little encumber'd by faith in my dealings,
(And that I'm consistent the world will allow,
What I was at Newmarket the same I am now.)
When such are my merits, (you know I hate crack-
ing.)

I hope, like the Vender of Best Patent Blacking,
"To meet with the gen'rous and kind approbation
"Of a candid, enlighten'd, and liberal nation."

By the by, ere I close this magnificent Letter, (No man, except Pole, could have writ you a better,) "Twould please me if those, whom I've humbugg'd so long"

With the notion (good men!) that I knew right from wrong,

Would a few of them join me-mind, only a fewTo let too much light in on me never would do; But even Grey's brightness shan't make me afraid, While I've Camden and Eldon to fly to for shade; Nor will Holland's clear intellect do us much harm, While there's Westmoreland near him to weaken

the charm.

EXTRACTS

FROM THE DIARY OF A POLITICIAN.

Wednesday. THROUGH Manchester Square took a canter just

now

Met the old yellow chariot," and made a low bow.
This I did, of course, thinking 'twas loyal and civil,
But got such a look-oh 'twas black as the devil!
How unlucky!-incog. he was trav'ling about,
And I, like a noodle, must go find him out.

Mem.-when next by the old yellow chariot I ride, To remember there is nothing princely inside.

Thursday.

At Levee to-day made another sad blunder— What can be come over me lately, I wonder? The Prince was as cheerful, as if, all his life, He had never been troubled with Friends or a Wife"Fine weather," says he-to which I, who must prate,

Answer'd, “Yes, Sir, but changeable rather of late." He took it, I fear, for he look'd somewhat gruff, And handled his new pair of whiskers so rough, That before all the courtiers I fear'd they'd come off,

And then, Lord, how Geramb1 would triumphantly scoff!

Mem.-to buy for son Dicky some unguent or lotion To nourish his whiskers-sure road to promotion!1o

Saturday.

Last night a Concert-vastly gay—
Given by Lady Castlereagh.
My Lord loves music, and, we know,
Has "two strings always to his bow." 20
In choosing songs, the Regent named
"Had I a heart for falsehood framed."
While gentle Hertford begg'd and pray'd
For "Young I am, and sore afraid."

KING CRACK22 AND HIS IDOLS.

WRITTEN AFTER THE LATE NEGOTIATION FOR A NEW

MINISTRY.

KING CRACK was the best of all possible Kings, (At least, so his Courtiers would swear to you

gladly,)

But Crack now and then would do het'rodox things, And, at last, took to worshipping Images sadly.

Some broken-down Idols, that long had been placed. In his father's old Cabinet, pleased him so much, That he knelt down and worshipp'd, though-such was his taste

They were monstrous to look at, and rotten to touch.

And these were the beautiful Gods of King Crack!— But his People, disdaining to worship such things, Cried aloud, one and all, "Come, your Godships must pack

"You'll not do for us, though you may do for Kings."

Then, trampling these images under their feet, They sent Crack a petition, beginning "Great

Cæsar!

"We're willing to worship; but only entreat

"That you'll find us some decenter Godheads than these are."

"I'll try," says King Crack-so they furnish'd him models

Of better-shaped Gods, but he sent them all back, Some were chisell'd too fine, some had heads 'stead of noddles,

In short, they were all much too godlike for Crack.

So he took to his darling old Idols again,

And, just mending their legs and new bronzing their faces,

In open defiance of Gods and of man, Set the monsters up grinning once more in their places.

EPIGRAM.

WHAT news to-day?-Oh! worse and worse-
"Mac" is the Prince's Privy Purse!"—
The Prince's Purse! no, no, you fool,
You mean the Prince's Ridicule.

WHAT'S MY THOUGHT LIKE?

Quest. WHY is a Pump like Viscount Castlereagh?
Answ. Because it is a slender thing of wood,
That up and down its awkward arm doth sway,
And coolly spout and spout and spout away,
In one weak, washy, everlasting flood!

"Then why, my Lord Warden, oh! why should you fidget

Your mind about matters you don't understand?

Or why should you write yourself down for an idiot,

Because" you," forsooth, "have the pen in your hand!"

Think, think how much better

Than scribbling a letter,

(Which both you and I

Should avoid by the by,)

"How much pleasanter 'tis to sit under the bust Of old Charley," my friend here, and drink like a new one;

While Charley looks sulky and frowns at me, just As the Ghost in the Pantomime frowns at Don Juan.

" To crown us, Lord Warden,

In Cumberland's garden

Grows plenty of monk's hood in venomous sprigs!
While Otto of Roses
Refreshing all noses

Shall sweetly exhale from our whiskers and wigs.

"What youth of the Household will cool our Noyau
In that streamlet delicious,
That down 'midst the dishes,
All full of gold fishes,

Romantic doth flow?

38 Or who will repair

Unto Manchester Square,

And see if the gentle Marchesa be there?

Go-bid her haste hither,

* And let her bring with her

The newest No-Popery Sermon that's goingOh! let her come, with her dark tresses flowing, All gentle and juvenile, curly and gay,

43 Whether midst Irish chairmen going, Or through St. Giles's alleys dim,

'Mid drunken Sheelahs, blasting, blowing, No matter, 'tis all one to him.

"For instance, I, one evening late,

Upon a gay vacation sally,

Singing the praise of Church and State,
Got (God knows how) to Cranbourne Alley

When lo! an Irish Papist darted

Across my path, gaunt, grim, and big— I did but frown, and off he started, Scared at me, even without my wig.

45 Yet a more fierce and raw-boned dog
Goes not to mass in Dublin City,
Nor shakes his brogue o'er Allen's Bog,
Nor spouts in Catholic Committee.

46 Oh! place me midst O'Rourkes, O'Tooles,
The ragged royal-blood of Tara;
Or place me where Dick Martin rules
The houseless wilds of Connemara ;

47 Of Church and State I'll warble still

Though ev'n Dick Martin's self should grumble;

Sweet Church and State, like Jack and Jill, 49 So lovingly upon a hill

Ah! ne'er like Jack and Jill to tumble!

THE NEW COSTUME OF THE MINISTERS.

Nova monstra creavit.

OVID. Metamorph. 1. i. v. 437. HAVING sent off the troops of brave Major Camac,

HORACE, ODE XXII. LIB. I.

FREELY TRANSLATED BY LORD ELDON.

"THE man who keeps a conscience pure,

(If not his own, at least his Prince's,) Through toil and danger walks secure,

Looks big and black, and never winces.

"No want has he of sword or dagger,

Cock'd hat or ringlets of Geramb; Though Peers may laugh, and Papists swagger, He doesn't care one single d-mn. VOL. II.-29

And such helmets, God bless us! as never deck'd any

Male creature before, except Signor Giovanni"Let's see," said the Regent, (like Titus, perplex'd With the duties of empire,) "whom shall I dress next?"