Who now sit in England's cabinet,
Waiting to be clothed in tabinet,
Or whatever choice étoffe is
Fit for Dowagers in office.
First, thy care, oh King, devote
To Dame Eldon's petticoat.
Make it of that silk, whose dye
Shifts for ever to the eye,
Just as if it hardly knew
Whether to be pink or blue.
Or-material fitter yet-
If thou couldst a remnant get
Of that stuff, with which, of old,
Sage Penelope, we're told,
Still by doing and undoing,
Kept her suitors always wooing—
That's the stuff which I pronounce, is
Fittest for Dame Eldon's flounces.
After this, we'll try thy hand,
Mantua-making Ferdinand,
For old goody Westmoreland;
One who loves, like Mother Cole,
Church and State with all her soul;
And has pass'd her life in frolics
Worthy of your Apostolics.
Choose, in dressing this old flirt,
Something that wo'n't show the dirt,
As, from habit, every minute
Goody Westmoreland is in it.
This is all I now shall ask,
Hie thee, monarch, to thy task;
Finish Eldon's frills and borders,
Then return for further orders.
Oh what progress for our sake,
Kings in millinery make!
Ribbons, garters, and such things,
Are supplied by other Kings,—
Ferdinand his rank denotes
By providing petticoats.
"At the interment of the Duke of York, Lord Eldon, in order to guard against the effects of the damp, stood upon his hat during the whole of the ceremony."
metus omnes et inexorabile fatum
Subjecit pedibus, strepitumque Acherontis avari.
"TWIXT Eldon's Hat and Eldon's Wig
There lately rose an altercation,
Each with its own importance big,
Disputing which most serves the nation.
So, on they went, a prosperous crew,
The people wise, the rulers clever— And God help those, like me and you, Who dared to doubt (as some now do) That the Periwinkle Revenue
Would thus go flourishing on for ever.
"Hurra! hurra!" I heard them say,
And they cheer'd and shouted all the way,
As the Great Panurge in glory went
To open his own dear Parliament.
But folks at length began to doubt
What all this conjuring was about;
For, every day, more deep in debt
They saw their wealthy rulers get :-
"Let's look (said they) the items through,
"And see if what we're told be true
"Of our Periwinkle Revenue."
But, Lord! they found there wasn't a tittle
Of truth in aught they heard before;
For, they gain'd by Periwinkles little,
And lost by Locusts ten times more!
These Locusts are a lordly breed
Some Salmagundians love to feed.
Of all the beasts that ever were born,
Your Locust most delights in corn;
And, though his body be but small,
To fatten him takes the devil and all!
"Oh fie! oh fie!" was now the cry,
As they saw the gaudy show go by,
And the Laird of Salmagundi went
To open his Locust Parliament!
"Sweet Doctor, we'll make a she Peer of thy No, heaven be my judge, were I dying to-day,
"Next to bearing a coronet on our own brows,
"Is to bask in its light from the brows of another;
And grandeur o'er thee shall reflect from thy
"As o'er Vesey Fitzgerald 'twill shine through his mother." 71
Ere I dropp'd in the grave, like a medlar that's mellow,
|