But now he fierce and fractious grew, And swore his mates were cheating; And thrice he for the fight withdrew, And thrice he got a beating.

CANTO II.

One night, for all the world like one
Whose brains were on a ramble,
With speed he hied to Islington,

O'er brickfield, ditch, and bramble.

The paths were bad, the night was dark,
The rain in torrents pouring;
The watchful curs aloud did bark,

The watch aloud were SNORING.

The lamps had shed their last faint ray, Their food soon doom'd to fail 'em; But lovers never lose their way,

And robbers ne'er assail 'em.

And now he sees the taper bright,

And well-known chamber-window, Where, shelter'd from the stomy night, Dwelt cruel Blousalinda.

And wear the lattice stood the maid,

His anxious opties blessing;
Her Bowing garments loosely play'd,
In met she seem'd undressing.

Her kerchief thrown aside, disclos'd

To wanton eyes and breezes,
Those charms by modesty expos'd
To none-but whom she pleases.

And on her face a smile she wore,
Like one with joy transported;
Such had he often seen before,
When happily he courted.

Such and so beam'd each sparkling eye,
When first he came a wooing;
Such glances threw the fatal dye

That caused Tem Shuttle's ruin.

“O thou, whose eyes outshine each star, Whose cheeks outglow Aurora, Come down (he cried), the door unbar, And let in thy adorer.

For I have travelled far to-night, O'er fields and ditches dreary; Compassionate my wretched plight, All WET, and DRY, and weary.

"O place me near some cheering blaze, If not for love for pity;

And still shall Shuttle sing thy praise,
Though doleful be his ditty.

And gentle swains, and damsels fair,
Not by experience taught it,
Who've heard of such a thing as care,
But, haply, never bought it;

If you believed the tale you've read,
Erst told of times romantic,
How for Albracca's peerless maid
The Paladin grew frantic⚫

And in his madness roam'd about,

Outrageous feats committing; Then shall our hero's deeds, no doubt, From falsehood bear acquitting.

CANTO 111.

Now tell me, oh! instructive Muse,
Oh, tell me, I implore thee;
Did love or ale at first infuse

In Tommy's upper story

The thought transcendently sublime,
Orlando's feats excelling;
Maugre the pelting storm to climb
The maiden's lofty dwelling?

Love first the mighty thought conceiv'd,

And potent liquor arm'd him; So man when drunk hath oft achiev'd What sober hath alarm'd him.

Fast pour'd the rain, no cheering glean
The daring youth befriended:
The channel'd roof bestow'd its streams,
As silent he ascended.

Yet nought dismay'd, the clambring wight

Soon mounted to the casement; But there, alas! beheld a sight That fill'd him with amazement.

See Ariosto's "Orlando Furioso."

Scarce could his eyes the fact believe,
Although as plain as could be:
So apt are lovers to perceive
Things only as they should be ;—
There Blousalinda, full of joy,

Confess'd by am'rous titters,
Was sitting with a butcher's boy,
Drinking of GIN and BITTERS.

His wanton arm about her waist,

No coy resistance meeting,
Whilst she the greasy youth embrac'd,
His looks of love repeating.

With one rude dash each fragile pane
Is broken into shivers;
And staring wild, in doleful strain,

His thoughts he thus delivers :-
"Ah! is it thus, ungrateful fair,
My tender love's requited?
Have then my passion and despair
A rival's ear delighted?

"Have I for this so often come

O'er brickfields, ditches, brambles; And often, when fock'd out from home,

Lain down on bulks and shambles ?

« With naught but love to keep me warm,
By clothes not overloaded;
Nor would thy gentle heart alarm,
By telling thee I so did,

"Alas! for thee my web and loom

In sadness I've forsaken;
And, bow'd beneath thy cruel doom,
To idle ways have taken.

And canst thou all thy vows forget,
O heart than marble harder-
Vows oft repeated when we met
So happy-in the larder?

"No one could hold thy charms so dear,
No one could love thee stronger :
O perjur'd maid! though much I fear
Thou art a maid no longer.

"That scornful smile I cannot bear;
And since thy feelings such are,
I will not live to nurse despair,
But leave thee to the butcher,
"Hard-hearted maid, behold my wreck,
Then pity him you hated—”
He said, he fell, and, ah! his neck
Completely dislocated.

The jury found it lunacy,

For reasons shrewd and wary ; FELO DE SE it could not be,

He fell INTO THE AREA.

315

THE DULLEST OF WIVES. [The following Anecdotes are extracted from the "County Chronicle," of the 17th Sept. 1805.] DR. W----- of Camden Town, so well known for his researches into the original Greek Text of the Evangelists, and not more distinguished for his extensive learning, than for his propensity to those amusements which characterised Parson Adams, in Fielding's novel of Joseph Andrews, recently related the following anecdote of himself to a select circle of friends. The conversation happened to turn upon the folly of some men's wives; upon which, said the Doctor, I will give you an instance of the folly of mine, and, I am persuaded, you must acknowheard of. He thus proceeded :-" You ledge it exceeds every thing you ever must know, that some time ago, the Bishop of London was contemplating a translation of the Four Gospels, and it occurred to his Lordship that he probably might derive some advantage by consulting me upon the subject. I need not tell you how attached I am to my pipe, nor what irresitible charms I find in a game of skittles. Now I happened to be enjoying both my favourite amusements at the Wheat Sheaf, when his Lordship ordered his carriage, and repairing to my house, inquired whether I was at home. Mrs. W., instead of absolutely denying me, as a sensible woman ought to have done, immediately said I was at the Wheat Sheaf. The Bishop naturally thought the Wheaf Sheaf might be some corn chandler's, where I was disposing of my tithe corn, or the produce of my glebe land. He said to the coachman,

glory. The Bishop stared at the appearance of the place, as well he might. However he alighted, and asked the landlord whether one Dr. W- was there? Always at this hour,' returned Bonnyface, you'll find him in the skittle-ground.The skittleground!' muttered his Lordship as he advanced, what can he be doing there?' He soon discovered me, in the midst of the PROFANUM VULGUS, who were attending minutely to the gymnastic game. I was the hero of the contest, and was unluckily, at that precise moment, in the very act of endeavouring to tip all nine. I was stooping down, with my pipe in my mouth, the skirts of my coat tucked under my left arm, and the bowl in my right hand; my wig a little awry. I exclaimed, Well, here goes at the Head of the Church. Before the bowl had well quitted my grasp, the Bishop tapped me on the shoulder, saying, What, Doctor, is it you?' I looked round, and became petrified as if I had seen the Gorgon's Head. I could not speak for some time, but at last I stammered out, Yes, my Lord, it is me. I am surprised to see you in such a place, added his Lordship. And I am equally astonished at seeing your Lordship; but you must know, my Lord, that I am afflicted with a pain in the chest, attended, at times, with a difficulty of utterance. Your Lordship may easily perceive how I am affected at this moment. I do perceive it indeed,' rejoined the Church Dignitary. I continued, for this complaint my physicians order me to use the exercise in which you see me employed, and they tell me I shall derive great benefit, from it.' The Bishop turned upon his heel, and left me with this remark, Proceed, good Doctor, with your game, and I wish you all the BENEFIT from it your physicians have promised you, but I am afraid it will never procure you a BENEFICE.'

Now, my friends, I ask you, whether you ever heard of any woman committing an act half so silly, as a clergyman's wife sending a bishop to a skittle-ground in search of her husband?" The company admitted the

application of the story, and Mrs. W. was, by common consent, admitted to have, in this instance, exceeded the folly of all their wives.

AMERICAN JUSTICE.

A LUDICROUS occurrence took place some time since at Philadelphia, shewing, in one striking instance at least, the good effects of the American Code.

A young Irishman, of respectable family and connexions in his own country, but bred up to no useful pursuit, habits of idleness, naturally followed by extravagance and dissipation, led him into some FAUX-PAS in his own country, which rendered his personal safety rather precarious. A lieutenancy was obtained for him by his friends in a regiment going to the West Indies, where, however, rooted habits were not abandoned; and, after evincing but very loose and confused notions of the difference between MEUM and TUUM, he was at length obliged, by the contempt and detestation shewn by his brother of ficers, to sell out, when he retired to America, where he hoped for a wider field for the exercise of his talents.

A trival mistake, in writing the name of a friend, instead of his own to a bill of exchange, soon involved him in the labyrinth of a Philadelphian prison. Such ingenious expedients not being tolerated by the American laws, he was convicted, and sentenced to two years imprisonment, and must of course undergo some practical lectures for the improvement of his manners. On entering the prison, he was asked, as usual, by the Governor, what trade he was bred to? Astonished at the vulgar impertinence of such a question, he answered, he was a JONTLEMAN, and scorned the meanness of a mechanical trade...

The Governor told him the indispensible necessity of learning a trade, as he could not be supported there in idleness, at the expense of the honest and industrious: he therefore must either earn his food or starve. The JONTLEMAN answered, he scorned to depend upon their support, he did not wish to learn a trade; and the best

way to settle the difference was to enlarge him. The Governor, however, differed in opinion, and told him, since he declined a choice, one must be made for him, which, after trial, he might change if he thought fit. The novice was accordingly stript, placed in a cistern on the Dutch principle, into which water flowed on all sides, and soon steeped him up to the chin, and his only alternative from drowning was to work constantly at a pump, which enabled him to keep the inundation an inch or two below his mouth; and thus, reversing the fate of TANTLUS, he remained for eight hours, when his first day's work • ended. He was then taken out, and asked if he liked his occupation, and wished to keep to it for two years? Heartily sick of the first lesson, the hero answered, " By Jasus, my dear, you may put me to any trade AT ALL, AT ALL, but that; for if I work TWO YEARS at it, I shall die in a FORTNIGHT." The experiment having thus succeeded in regulating his taste, he was by choice enrolled among the corps of shoemakers, became in a short time an expert workman, returned to his native country on the termination of his imprisonment, and is now an eminent shoemaker at Cork.

4

WASTE PAPER.
MR. EDITOR,

On Monday last, whilst quietly enjoying my breakfast, I was (not quite unexpectedly) annoyed by the voice of my landlady, Mrs. Maggs, who loudly demanded her rent, which I had neglected to pay for three weeks; I endeavoured to sooth her, by promising her payment in a few days, but to no purpose ;-" she'd have her 'money, or she'd have valee." Unfortunately, I had neither to give her ; but a friend happening to call upon me, kindly consented to become secu rity for the payment of 4s. 6d. in the course of a week, on condition of my seeking another apartment. This was agreed to; and I then walked down Tottenham Court Road, where seeing a bill in a butter-shop window, inti

mating that "A Gentil hairy Attick," was to let on reasonable terms, I inquired the rent, and finding it to suit my pocket, I took the room forthwith. Now, Mr. Editor, to the subject;my new landlord, on condition of my well and truly paying my weekly rent, has given me the privilege of searching any WASTE PAPER he may buy in the way of business, for the amusement of myself and (if you, Mr. Editor, have no objection) your readers. Doubtless what with old newspapers, ladies' albums (purloined by some mischevious abigail for the sake of four-pence a pound, and condemned to the waste paper drawer), old magazines, Jest-books, &c. &c. I shall be able to furnish you from time to time with many interesting and amusing morsels.

I send herewith my first selection as a specimen of those to come.

Your constant Correspondent
And well wisher,