the arguments and statements of Dr. Duigenan,—not at all the less vivacious or less serviceable to their fabricators, for having been refuted and disproved a thousand times over. They are brought forward again, as good as new, whenever malice or stupidity may be in want of them; and are quite as useful as the old broken lantern, in Fielding's Amelia, which the watchman always keeps ready by him, to produce, in proof of riotous conduct, against his victims. I shall therefore give up the fruitless toil of vindication, and would even draw my pen over what I have already written, had I not promised to furnish my publisher with a Preface, and know not how else I could contrive to eke it out. I have added two or three more trifles to this edition, which I found in the Morning Chronicle, and knew to be from the pen of my friend. The rest of the volume remains* in its original state. April 20, 1814. LETTER I. FROM THE PRINCESS CHARLOTTE OF WALES TO THE LADY BARBARA ASHLEY.† No nags ever made such a stir in the State! Lord Eldon first heard-and as instantly prayed he To God and his King-that a Popish young lady (For though you've bright eyes and twelve thousand a year, It is still but too true you're a Papist, my dear) Had insidiously sent, by a tall Irish groom, Two priest-ridden Ponies, just landed from Rome, And so full, little rogues, of pontifical tricks, That the dome of St. Paul's was scarce safe from their kicks. Off at once to Papa, in a flurry, he flies- For Papa always does what these statesmen advise, On condition that they'll be, in turn, so polite As, in no case whate'er, to advise him too right Pretty doings are here, sir," he angrily cries, While by dint of dark eyebrows he strives to look wise, * A new reading has been suggested in the original of the Ode of Horace, freely translated by Lord Eldon, page 570. In the line "Sive per Syrteis iter æstuosas," it is proposed, by a very trifling alteration, to read Surtees," instead of "Syrteis," which brings the Ode, it is said, more home to the noble translator, and gives a peculiar force and aptness to the epithet "æstuosas." I merely throw out this emendation for the learned, being unable myself to decide upon its merits. This young lady, who is a Roman Catholic, has lately made a present of some beautiful Ponies to the Princess. Quick a Council is called-the whole Cabinet sits- "If the Princess will keep them," says Lord Castlereagh, This (he knew by experience) would soon draw it out." A pretty contrivance, made out of old chains, Which appears to indulge, while it doubly restrains; Which, however high-mettled, their gamesomeness checks," Adds his Lordship, humanely, "or else break their necks!" This proposal received pretty general applause From the Statesmen around-and the neck-breaking clause Had a vigour about it, which soon reconciled Even Eldon himself to a measure so mild. So the snaffles, my dear, were agreed to, nem. con. I shall drive to your door in these Vetos some day; CHARLOTTE. LETTER II. FROM COLONEL M'MAHON TO G. FRANCIS LECKIE, ESQ. * See the last number of the Edinburgh Review. Wherein -as plain as man can speak All that can well be understood But-to your work's immortal credit- Which he has read since Mrs. Clarke's.) Last Levee-morn he looked it through, During that awful hour or two Of grave tonsorial preparation, Which, to a fond, admiring nation, Sends forth, announced by trump and drum, The best-wigged Prince in Christendom! He thinks with you, the imagination But now, he trusts, we're coming near a When England's monarch need but say, 66 Whip me those scoundrels, Castlereagh! Or-"Hang me up those Papists, Eldon!" And 'twill be done-aye, faith, and well done. With view to which I've his command Compiled and chosen, as best you can, And quite upturning, branch and root, But, pray, whate'er you may impart, write Else, though the Prince be long in rigging, Before he well could get through half. You'll send it also speedily As, truth to say, 'twixt you and me, When (on his Lordship's entering puffed) he The tailors, too, have got commands All sorts of dulimans and pouches, With sashes, turbans, and paboutches (While Yarmouth's sketching out a plan You, therefore, have no time to waste- Yours, in haste. POSTSCRIPT. Before I send this scrawl away, I seize a moment, just to say There's some parts of the Turkish system Your Turk, whom girlish fondness flatters, With tittering, red-cheeked things from school: But here (as in that fairy land Where Love and Age went hand in hand;* Where lips, till sixty, shed no honey, And grandams were worth any money) The learned Colonel must allude here to a description of the Mysterious Isle, in the History of Abdalla, son of Hanif, where such inversions of the order of nature are said to have taken place:-"A score of old women and the same number of old men played here and there in the court, some at chuck-farthing, others at tip-cat, or at cockles.", And again :-"There is nothing, believe me, more engaging than those lovely wrinkles," &c., &c.-See Tales of the East, vol. iii. pp. 607, 608. This rule's for favourites-nothing more- Need never care one curse about them! LETTER III. FROM GEORGE PRINCE REGENT TO THE EARL OF YARMOUTH. WE missed you last night at the "hoary old sinner's," And exclaimed, between mouthfuls, " a He-Cook of course!- The dinner, you know, was in gay celebration Of my brilliant triumph and Hunt's condemnation; A compliment, too, to his Lordship the Judge For his speech to the Jury-and zounds! who would grudge We were all in high gig-Roman punch and Tokay More good things were eaten than said-but Tom Tyrrhit Say-sated with turtle-"I'll now try the beef"- And the dish set before him-oh, dish well-devised!— But, of late, they had lain so long soaking in wine That, however, we still might, in courtesy, call Them a fine dish of brains, they were no brains at all. When the dinner was over, we drank, every one In a bumper, "the venial delights of Crim. Con." This letter, as the reader will perceive, was written the day after a dinner given by the Marquis of H-d-t |