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titled to walk before their works, I dio's tongues and hams, than with the shall begin with you.

beauties of his defunct namesake's The Society by which you seem to temples and palaces. I dare say you have been appointed to examine and might have been able to frame a tolecomment upon Mr Elliot’s plans, has rable enough report on the comparalong been regarded by me with great tive merits of draught or bottled

poraffection and some respect. I became a ter, hot or cold punch, Finnan or rizmember of it because I understood that zard haddies, or any thing in that way; there was an excellent hot supper in the but as to gothic architecture and St wind every Thursday evening, at the Giles' cathedral, do not be offended, moderate expense of one shilling a head; my dear Committee, if I assure you, that Bill Young keeps tolerable rum, that you are publicly esteemed to and very good Glenlivet whiskey; and have gone in this instance, to say the that the chair is usually filled by a cer- least of it, a little ultra crepidam. tain literary friend of ours, whose ta- Do not, however, be disconcerted or lents in that department are of the dissatisfied with yourselves.

You are very highest distinction. These were really, without Aattery, to use the my reasons for entering the Society of child-bed expression, " doing as well Dilettanti ; I did not at that period as could have been expected ;" your suspect the true nature of the honour first-born is certainly a poor creature, to which I had attained : I conceived and cannot survive long, but next time that your sole object in meeting toge- you may have better luck. ther was to drink a few sober tumblers as the saying goes,

was not built of hot toddy, and crack a few good in a day. In process of time, it is tempered jokes on each other, after the undoubtedly within the range of posfatigues of the easel or the writing- sibility, that the Dilettanti Society desk. I by no means knew that you may be converted from a drinking and considered yourselves as the arbitri smoking club into an academia dello elegantiarum to the Good Town ;" gusto. You have a longish walk beor that you were, in your official ca- fore you ; it would never do to lose pacity, to undertake the support of heart at the first galling of the heel. any such clever and reputable Miscel- But now for the Report itself ; and lany as that in which your Report has you will please to observe, I am not, been inserted. It is, however, a plea- like our good friend Mr George Thomsure to be disappointed on the favour- son, writing against it before seeing able side. I am delighted to find, it. I have really read it with my that your powers of taste are no long- own eyes, in No XVI. of Blacker confined, as of old, to deciding on wood's Magazine, and I honestly tell the merits of Davy Bridges' bowls of you, that I consider it by far the most punch, or Jamie Hogg's pitchers of trashy thing that has ever yet aptoddy. The proverb says, that “a peared in that publication. On lookwork begun is half done.' Go on, ing over the rest of the contents of dear Dilettanti, and there is no say- No XVI. I cannot help suspecting, ing but in time you may really come

that the other contributors will be to rival the architectural skill of Bai very little flattered with the introduclie Johnston himself, although, as yet, tion of the virtuoso stranger into their certainly you are not worthy to tie the company. To say nothing of the anolatchet of that accomplished magis- nymous authors, whose compositions trate's shoes. Go on, and prosper. are stitched up along with yours, I

“ Novus rerum incipit ordo." dare say Messrs Wastle, Tickler, and You may all be so many Palladios ere Lauerwinkel-above all, old wicked Tiyou die, although marty' of you, at the mothy, the executioner of your brother present stage of your progress, will Gray—will take your intrusion in high have need, I doubt not, like the be- dudgeon. For my own part, I should fore-mentioned Bailie, to turn up Lem- not wonder if Timothy should cut priere before you can form any guess the concern on the occasion, though what sort of compliment I am paying I make no doubt the Editor would you when I say so. At present, to tell willingly purchase the continuance of the plain truth, I fancy a great majo- his favours by a promise to sport oak rity of you are much better acquainted in future against the Dilettanti Com-. with the flavour of the modern Palla- mittee and all their works. The ab

and

“ Iron eye

surdity of your opinions is only to be much for your criticisms on the exterivalled by the solemn affectation of rior. your high-flown style. Your rumba With regard to the interior, I canling long-winded sentences, which look not but think you should have been a as if they had been measured off upon little more cautious, before you venthe ell-wand—your apparent happy tured to attack that part of Elliot's self-complacency — your polite con- design. You might at least have tried tempt of the labours of an accomplish- your hand, to begin with, on your ed artist, whose merits you are totally own hall of assembly in Young's incapable of appreciating-all are some- Tavern; the sky-blue ceiling, pink corwhat original in their way, and must nices, and transparent linen blinds, undoubtedly have struck with surprise of which do little credit either to the even the readers of Blackwood's Ma- Committee under whose inspection it gazine, well as they have been drilled was fitted up, or to Bill himself, who for these eight or ten months past not ought to be ashamed to have such a to start at trifles.

glaring specimen of vulgar taste in his The subject upon which you have well-frequented house. You are for been pleased to make your critical de- having two churches in the nave"but, is one of some little importance there is nothing very new in that, to those who set any value on the ap

a hall for music, sculpture, and pearance of Edinburgh, otherwise I painting, in the transept!” O most rare should not have bothered myself with Committee of Dilettanti ! is it possible taking any notice of your fine flights. that you are the same persons who The external part of the church of apostrophise in such moving terms the St Giles is supposed, by all men of bones of John Knox, Andrew Melville, sense who have ever seen it, to be a- and the Covenanters, about two pages bout the poorest piece of patchwork before? How would the extant in this land of “shabby kirks.” It is a disgrace to so fine a city as

That saw fair Mary weep in vain," Edinburgh, and the sooner it be got have scowled upon a Committee from rid of the better. Mr Elliot's plan, a tavern club, who should have waited which I could almost suspect you upon the Bailies of that day with any have never seen, preserves every thing similar proposal. " Music !” that I that is worth preserving in the old ex- can understand vocal, I suppose, like terior, with the exception of one or that of St George's Church, or the two little niches; and it gives to the psalm concerts. But painting and city a beautiful gothic church, in place statuary!” Why, the very mention of of a vile ricklety of jails, police offices, this is horror to any Presbyterian ears. shops, and kirks, all jumbled together, Granting, however, that you had the with a degree of bold barbarity only to hall, to do as you please with, let me be paralleled by the late and present ask you wherewithal you propose to alterations, on the sister pile of the adorn it? Which of the Edinburgh Parliament House over the way. But artists do you mean to employ? I the Dilettanti have some fine ideas in observe Allan's name among your their heads about the impropriety of number. Does that elegant artist altering ancient buildings any other mean to cover the house of God with way than after the Westminster and luxurious representations of Circassian York method of refacciamento-tak- beauties? Does Mr Schetky propose ing out the old stone, and putting in a to furnish its walls with effects from the new one exactly like it. Truly, operæ Pyrenees? Will Williams convert the pretium foret, to take out the old stones whole circumference into a panorama of of St Giles and put in new ones. The Rome or Athens ? Or, will Peter Gibstones so removed and replaced on son vouchsafe to occupy a compartment, the buttresses of Henry the Seventh's with a distant view of the rising acachapel, are elaborately and exquisitely demy of Dollar?-Or, do you rather carved, and therefore worthy of so wish to fill St Giles with the work of much trouble. Those of St Giles are the old masters? You expect, no only plain black stones, which never doubt, that the whole country is to be saw carving, and therefore, if you have laid under contribution—that the Colnothing better to propose, you had bet- lege of Glasgow are to send you their ter let them stay as they are. So famous picture of Leda and the Swan

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LETTERS OF TIMOTHY TICKLER TO
EMINENT LITERARY CHARACTERS.

—that Mr John Clerk will give you be serious, you had better have a meethis Europa riding upon the Bull- ing with Bailie Johnston and Sir WilMr Gordon his Danae-Mr Crawford liam Rae, at Bill Young's, burn the his Potiphar's Wife—and the Duke Report, and get tipsey as you used to of Hamilton his Magdalene. I won- do, without troubling your heads any der whether Dr Ritchie and Prin- farther about matters you don't undercipal Baird will approve of all this, stand. Farewell. Your affectionate as likely to edify the younger part Brother, of their congregation, particularly MORDECAI MULLion, F.D.S.E. the ladies, who, I regret to say, oc- From the Sign of the Hen-Coop, cupy so disproportionate a part in all Candlemaker's Row, Edinburgh. other Edinburgh congregations, as well as in theirs. As to sculpture! I am really quite at a loss to understand what you mean.

There is no statuary here that ever I heard of, and very few any where else, worthy of being LETTER V.To the Editor of Blackknown either to you or me. Plaster

wood's Magazine. of-Paris casts, however, are probably all you

look to; and I dare say, by MY DEAR EDITOR, means of proper interest, you may get Will you allow me to write a very tolerable copies of the Venus, the An- short article (two pages at the most) tinous, the Hermaphrodite, &c. at a on a pamphlet published t'other day very reasonable expense. Do so. I in Glasgow, against my friend Dr give you fair warning, gentlemen, that Chalmers, by a raffish sort of a fellow I am a ruling elder of the kirk, and calling himself Menippus ? I hope you that I will certainly bring in an over- will. It is a perfect specimen of that ture against you and all your doings, low ribaldry which men of power, if I be spared till next meeting of the genius, and virtue, like Dr Chalmers, General Assembly.

are at all times sure to meet with The last of your proposed improve- from half-witted and uneducated ments tickles me mightily. You can't dunces. On the first hasty glance, it sit in pews like other Christians, for- looked sorely like a composition of the sooth, -you would have St Giles fur- Bagman, whose marriage with Miss nished with “ sofas screwed to the Spence is, I understand, now quite a floor.” I wonder you omitted to men- settled thing, unless, to use a common tion an ottoman or two for the Dilet- but forcible phrase,

they split upon tanti Society in the midst, or perhaps settlements." The strain of its wit rean easy fauteuil for the spokesman of minded me of that sort of talk which the Architectural Committee. You is heard from literary travellers at the are too fine by half for your age and ordinary of a commercial inn, and may country. We plain Scots true-blues be described somewhat generally by a are still contented to sit on wooden word well understood in Lancashire, benches, and hear the gospel just as and which has, I believe, been lately our forefathers used to do; but you introduced into my native city of can't think of going to church unless Glasgow, though I am sure it never you have velvet cushions to loll upon, can become naturalized in so intellecand pictures and statues to stare at in tual a place,—TROTTING. The merit the intervals of the discourse. In your of this practice consists in turning into next Report, I expect to see you drop- the ridicule of a set of vulgar fools, ping hints that you mean to bring some person whose good sense and your pipes and tumblers with you, good manners preserve him from susand sit on your ottoman, like so many pecting the brutal blackguardism of captains of Knocktarlitie, puffing to- the rude knave who is playing off bacco and swigging gin-twist, as if you upon him. Menippus, accordingly, were still at Young's tavern. There would fain TROT Dr Chalmers. But is no saying what fine things the unluckily there is something about world might come to, if the Dilettanti the Doctor that all at once converts Society had the inspection

of all the TROTTER INTO THE TROTTEE; churches and chapels consigned to so that when Menippus eyes the comtheir care by an act of parliament. To pany assembled to witness this refined VOL. III.

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and enlightened entertainment, and is himself so much out of his ordinary expecting their bland and laudatory way on such groundless suspicion of smiles, he is a good deal alarmed to meditated injury. descry on every countenance the most In a pastoral country, on a hot day, unequivocal symptoms of mingled one often sees a great fat lazy bullock scorn, derision, and disgust.

rise suddenly up from his lair, and set We have all of us seen something off, to use a homely and familiar exlike this happen to professed wags. pression, as if the devil were chasing The face of blank discomfiture worn him. Some insect has probably stung on such critical occasions outlistons him in a tender part. There he goes, Liston. The chuckling, crowing, walloping along with his huge head wing-clapping bird of game, is at once lumbering about in all directions, changed into a screeching fugitive bellowing in the most unseemly and dunghill fowl. He bolts out of the unbecoming manner-and his long pit—his steel-heels are taken off–he tufted tail either brandished about is set loose among the adjacent poul- like a fiail, or fixed in a line perpenditry, and cock, hen, and chicken, pur- cular to the horizon. Meanwhile, all sue him en masse through all the lanes the other beasts of the field remain blind and clear, till he hides himself stock still—till he has circled and inin a dunghill, from which, when all tersected the pasture into every posis still, and nothing at hand but some sible figure, with every eye fixed upon pacific female earock, (a year-old fowl him. It soon appears, that all this disscottice) he comes stealing out again turbance is solely owing to the miwith the feathers all standing on end nister of the parish having come sudat the back of his head, and after look- denly upon the vision of the bullock, ing pretty cautiously around him for a who suspects him for an enemy, and few minutes, he at last ventures to gazes with consternation on the honest crow, in a rough, hoarse, agitated man's cocked hat.

By degrees the scraugh, ludicrously expressive at one bullock becomes familiarised with the and the same time, of courage and of clerical dress, and lays himself down, cowardice. So is it with Menippus. with a lengthening groan, once more

The simile is a figure of speech of into his tallowy laziness, and then bewhich I am very fond, and in which I gins chewing his cud with a face of am much mistaken if I do not excel. calm heavy stupidity, altogether irreHere then is another. Whoever has concilable with the idea of his former strolled much about, either in town or unweildy gambols. Menippus is that country, may have seen a pig feeding bullock,--and Dr Chalmers is that dion offal, filth, and garbage. Such vine. pig no sooner beholds you, even I ought, however, to beg the Bagthough you be moving quite out of man's pardon for supposing him to be his orbit, than off he sets as if you Menippus. It is not so. were chasing him, grunting and man has lately been too much employsqueaking, it would be hard to say ed, along with his elegant coadjutors whether in fear, in sorrow, or in an- of the Glasgow Chronicle, with politiger. But however that may be, grunt- cal and literary speculations, to have ing and squeaking long and loudly; any leisure time for theology. BeHe then wheels suddenly round, and sides, the prospect of his marriage comes cantering along as if he was go- must keep him busy, I am this moing to charge, using towards you every ment informed by our minister that insult that his imagination (which is Menippus is a Clergyman. vivid) can suggest. Menippus is just Tantæne animis celestibus iræ ? such a pig, and happening to meet Dr I confess that this intelligence distresse Chalmers, he must needs be grunting,

I will not review the pamphand exposing himself with his little let. It is not the first time that I red bleared eyes, and twisted tail, and have heard clergymen express a mean cloven trotters, and pendulous ears, and foolish jealousy of Dr Chalmers's and snivelling snout, in all the offenda splendid reputation. But I did ed majesty of bristle and squeak, be- not think that there existed one so fore that worthy divine, who really has base and so blind, as to have been cano intention of disturbing him, and is pable of the self-degradation of this even sorry to see the animal putting pamphlet. Menippus in a manse!

The BagThersites in a pulpit! Punchinello at a of his gray-headed benefactor, lower sacramental table !

es me.

he cannot sink in shame and in sin. But, after all, Mr- (I know But, my dear Editor, this is not at his name, but I will not expose him) all the style in which I usually write, is an object rather of pity than of an- and in good truth it is not like me thus ger. He has a good manse a good to lose my temper, although perhaps stipend—what more would he have? I do well to be angry. The creature and yet he cannot be happy. His has moved my spleen; the fit, howbroth is poisoned by the consciousness ever, has gone by, and that Menippus of his own utter insignificance, and may have no cause to complain of my when he sees a great and a good man over-severity (you may show him this serving his Maker on earth, like Dr letter), I will take leave of him in one Chalmers, with evangelical singleness more simile. of heart—and attracting towards him, Some years ago when I visited Leyin his worship of the Creator, the in- den, I called one beautiful star-light voluntary love and admiration of his evening on Professor Klopius, who, creatures-his heart fills with gall, like Dr Chalmers, loves and excels in and he can have no rest till he dis- the science of astronomy. His fine charges it towards that splendid and large telescope was pitched on a small victorious preacher. Pitiable, indeed, mound in his garden, and directed tois such a man—and truly would I pity wards the Evening Star, which the ashim did his offences stop here. But sisted eye beheld shining in steadfast the wretched thing is not satisfied with splendour and startling magnitude. the abuse of the living-he must in- The professor, myself, and a friend, sult the dead. He tries to turn into alternately enjoyed through his gloriridicule the late good, learned, and ous instrument, the divine face of the pious Dr Findlay, professor of divinity heavens,—and when we had all feastin the university of Glasgow. He ed our souls, we stood together talkstands scoffing beside the grave of him ing of the wonders of the modern aswhom all hearts loved. The sanctity tronomy. At that moment a tame of death, and the stillness of its narrow monkey, which the good professor, house, cannot touch the shrivelled who is somewhat of a humourist, is heart of this senseless buffoon, and very fond of, came hurkling along, that his guilt may want no aggravation, with long arms, bent knees, and poshe tells us, while the slaver of his im- teriors almost touching the ground, potent malignity is yet drivelling from and clapt his little grim absurd face, his lips, that he knew the good old with its bleared watering eyes, close man well, and was under many obli- to the wrong end of the telescope, and gations to him! Know him well he holding up one of his paws to his could not. For what can ignorance right ear, as if he was listening to know of learning-craft of simplicity something, there he stood in a truly -folly of wisdom-vice of virtue? philosophical attitude,-just such anGrant, that while a greasy student of other sort of an astronomer as Menipdivinity, he might have been once in a pus. He then withdrew himself from session admitted to the tea-table of the contemplation with an air of profound reverend old man? What could a rude abstraction, and joining the party with and indecent clown like him know of a a face of the most original solemnity learned divine ? But “ something too I ever beheld, began chattering away, much of this.” The creature who for any thing I know to the contrary, once, and once only, had sat at the about that beautiful Evening Star. We table of Professor Findlay, and could could not chuse but burst into laughyet vent brutal jests over his grave, ter, except the professor, who looked must be lost indeed to every sacred at him with primitive simplicity, and feeling of humanity. One word of only exclaimed, “ Ah, Tom, Tom, so disrespect from a young to an old man, you are pleased to be a wit !" has something shocking in it, but I am yours truly, when a young man insults the ashes

TIMOTHY TICKLER. Southside, Aug. 8, 1818.

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